endy Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 But what is getting her back going to accomplish? Codependency is not a form of love. Codependency is putting someone before yourself constantly. It's a need to care constantly and it causes you to feel victimized all the time. Like you give and give and get nothing in return. You will never be in a thriving relationship until you work through your own issues. The BEST thing to do is to concentrate on all of that and not the relationship. Just because my ex went back to a relationship that was broken doesn't mean it's thriving or healthy. I have no idea if she's still with him or not. I know that he worked on himself and supposedly "found god" through a book that quotes the bible out of context. What he did was move on. She contacted him initially I think. I don't think he truly got over the relationship. Basically when she broke down and told him she still had feelings they were back together a week later. I'm pretty sure he manipulated me and her. Either way it's in the past. I forgave all of that. That doesn't mean I forgot who she was... that she was broken, added the breakup to their relationship and the misscarriage and went to work it out. Does that sound like something you would want to work through? Start working on your issues every day. Go to the gym or do something creative to express yourself. Write, journal, start reading. Read on codependency. Read on your issues and educate your mind. Link to comment
MK9 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 and go to the strip clubs once in a while. Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 and go to the strip clubs once in a while. lol that's not going to help. Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 Almost done the 9th day of full NC and after 1 day and a bit of feeling better, I'm back to feeling really down and depressed. I guess it doesn't help that I've sat around all day and have done nothing. I've had to fight off really strong urges of checking her facebook profile picture just to get a glimpse of what she's up to and I also want to contact her. I'm a huge proponent of reason and logic but everything is so illogical now. I can reason that she's no good for me, it didn't work for 2 years, she won't change, and most of all, because there was such a breach in trust by her actions, any reconciliation would never work but I don't seem to care. I just want it back. I'm letting this consume me from the inside. I don't know how much longer I can fight. Link to comment
MK9 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 try eat more blue berries and apples, they're contain anti-depressant agents. Foods matter... Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 Prescription sleep pills are kicking in making it hard to type. Anther day closer to the potential return of my love. I hope you dont haunt my dreams my love. I offered you all you needed but you said no. 10 years from now you'll look back one at this junction in your life that will shape everything. I could have guided you and given you the steps on how you could reach the goals you told me you wanted to reach. But without me, you're going to spiral out of control with no shoulder to cry on. This is on you. Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 wow didn't even remember writing that last post. The 10th day of full NC. It has been super tough so far. The urge to check her facebook profile picture is growing by the minute and I fear the strength of the urge will break down my defenses. I also want to contact her and tell her that I love her and want to do everything to make it work. Clearly doing either of these things will be detrimental to my healing. I just keep hoping she'll come back. Link to comment
MK9 Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 you definitely need to go to the strip club... Link to comment
somethngwrng Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 you definitely need to go to the strip club... lol Sorrow, hope you're feeling better. Hopefully this full NC now that you don't have the option to facebook stalk will work out better for you. Try to keep busy. Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 Almost done the 10th day of full NC. Went swimming today and went over to a friend's place to have dinner with him and his gf while watching the Sunday night football game. Was in bad spirits this morning but it really helps to be around people instead of sulking at home. Also helps to hear my friends list out so many legit reasons as to why I shouldn't want her back. They say that I would be absolutely insane to take her back if she comes back. They are right and for the moment I can kind of see that but who knows how I'll feel tomorrow. Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 Another sleep closer to the reunion of our love. I will continue to wait for you. I hope you realize what you lost. It had a lot of problems but this time around, I've realized that problems exist and I'm 100% willing to work on them. See you soon my love. Link to comment
endy Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Another sleep closer to the reunion of our love. I will continue to wait for you. I hope you realize what you lost. It had a lot of problems but this time around, I've realized that problems exist and I'm 100% willing to work on them. See you soon my love. You need to stop posting these damn messages. For one it does you no good to look at it. For two you need to get it out of your mind that she is coming back. She's not anytime soon. You need to move on because it's the healthy thing to do. All that keeping this idea and hope in your head and things like this is going to do is cause yourself more pain. You already knew problems existed, and you didn't want to work on them then. So now she's gone and you're in pain... that's what makes you want to work on them? You're looking at this as getting her back would solve the pain and the suffering and it really won't. You've been there and done that multiple times. Even to the point you tried to force her to change who she was so YOU could stay in the relationship. What you need to do is get healthy in mind, body, and spirit. Because there's blockages created by unhealthy thinking and behavior right now. YOU are creating more right now by not accepting the flow of life, and by trying to fight the situation in your mind. What you had was a very unhealthy relationship, with two people that were unhealthy and STILL ARE. What you need to do is get healthy, and not worry if she does or not. We are beating a dead horse here over and over again. Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 My only excuse for those past 2 messages is I was pretty inebriated on sleeping pills while posting them and I didn't even remember posting them until seeing them in the morning. Everyone keeps telling me I need to move on, I need to stop hoping that she'll come back, I need to realize that she's bad for me etc etc but HOW?? I can't just turn off a switch in my brain and not make myself want her or not make myself believe that she will come back. It's so frustrating because I don't want to feel the way I feel anymore. I don't want hurt everyday. I don't want to feel like there's no light at the end of the tunnel if I don't get her back. Link to comment
endy Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 It takes time to move on. Start reading. Google stuff like how to get over a breakup. There's a bookthread on here by me. All you have to do is search end and book. It offers all sorts of help. I always recommend buddhism because it opens your mind a lot to things most people don't think about. By the way why are you on all of this medication? Depression is caused by keeping your thoughts and feelings inside, in other words repressing them. I think your problem is you are fighting for the feelings to go away. They aren't going to go away until you start dealing with them. REALLY feel them. I mean soak in them. We can't help the way our mind operates right away after a breakup. After we get a grip though you can. How long has it been now since you have been NC? The first few months are usually hell. It took me 4 weeks or so to be able to eat properly again. Even then there were days where I would barely eat anything. It's normal, but you need to start working through your thoughts and feelings. Don't say go away. Say, oh hello, I recognize you, then bathe yourself in them. Really get emotional, really "feel" them. Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 I've had issues with depression for a long time now. Going off of the SSRIs now would be a very bad idea because of the rebound effect. Just realized that today is the day we designated as our anniversary day even though we had been seeing each other for a few months before that. I'm really * * * * ing broken up inside today. Felt better last night but I just got back from work and I'm in a really bad place mentally. It's day 11 of full NC which means no facebook spying, no email spying, nothing. I am not feeling any better. I really want to contact her or at least take a look at her facebok profile picture. I know I need to internalize the fact that she isn't good for me, she won't come back and the relationship is dead but I can't. I can reason all that out but it's not computing in my mind. I'm not religious but I have a good analogy. My situation is similar to an atheist on his death bed and a Christian priest tells him that he must convert to Christianity and believe in Jesus with all his heart otherwise he'll go to hell. Since the atheist is dying, there's no drawback to believing in Jesus. However, the atheist can't just turn a switch on in his mind and say "oh ok I believe in Jesus now." He knows that there's no drawback to believing in Christ at this point but he just can't truly believe. This is like my situation. I can't get out of this. I fear it's the end of the road. Link to comment
endy Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Stop fearing it. Fear creates blocks in your mind, body, and soul. That's why you can't deal with it. Fear is resistance. Saying I can't get out of this... is resistance. You need to start thinking positively. You can control your thoughts. Throw out the negative and start thinking positively. Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted October 4, 2011 Author Share Posted October 4, 2011 Stop fearing it. Fear creates blocks in your mind, body, and soul. That's why you can't deal with it. Fear is resistance. Saying I can't get out of this... is resistance. You need to start thinking positively. You can control your thoughts. Throw out the negative and start thinking positively. Endy, I don't fear it's the road for me and her. I fear it's the end of the road for me. I'm sick of living this way. It's not living. I have gone through bouts of usually minor depression for the longest time now with some really depressed episodes sprinkled in. Right now I am super depressed. I'm going to try my hardest to stick this through for a full month of NC. If by that time things haven't improved, well... I'm not going to say anything that will come back to haunt me but I think you know what I mean. Link to comment
endy Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 You've got a problem, and it's the depression. Medicine isn't the fix. Loving yourself is. You need to start reading on how to take care of yourself with your mind. Look up my book thread. I've been where you're at. Had all the same issues. Trust me, you're going to make it through it. I know what you are talking about the end of the road. The road doesn't end there and it's not ever meant to end in that way. You need to start looking at this as a learning experience both for you and her. It was never going to work with the state of mental health either of you were in. A month is nothing. I still think about my ex from time to time after 6 months. I don't want her back, but she still crosses my mind. Start putting yourself first man. No person, no matter what they do to you is worth taking your life over ever. Think about people that have it worse than you. Think about a man who has 5 kids and comes home to find a cheating wife. Think about that situation. Now think about your situation. Put yourself in my position six months ago. A girl you love dearly, and did anything for you, had a misscarriage and then left you. Just out of the blue. It's pain and suffering, but that pain and suffering is supposed to teach you something. That's why it is there. Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted October 4, 2011 Author Share Posted October 4, 2011 Popped 7.5mg of zoplicone (aka imovane) to go to bed. I don't really need it because I have no trouble falling asleep and I feel super groggy the next day but the period of 15 min or so from when the drug kicks in to when I pass out is the only time I have any peace in the day. If there was a god, the merciful thing to do is to put me out of my misery while I'm asleep. I know a ton of people have it worse than me especially when it comes to relationship heartbreak but that does little to console me. I really wish it did help me but it doesn't. I am stuck in the past, engulfed in memories of the time we spent together. Each recollected memory drives me deeper and deeper into this hole I'm currently trapped in. God please have mercy on me. Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted October 4, 2011 Author Share Posted October 4, 2011 lol so I have been getting a lot worse. Don't know what else to say. I have fought off the strong urges to contact her/look at her facebook profile picture but I'm not sure how much longer I can hold off. Running out of options and willpower. Link to comment
Hastyhand Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Comeon dude, keep your chin up.. You need to get motivated somehow.. Set yourself goals..there was a thread about it somewhere here. I did it and it helps a lot. I watch the "Friends" TV-show for example..every night..since..july, when the break from us that grew into BU started..its the only time in my day that I can laugh in a real way..and feel like in another world. Usually I watch 2 episodes..so thats 2 x 20 minutes. From one hand..I keep myself in the past with it (cause we started watching Friends again together..the first season) and some of the places and moments in the series remind me of her.. but..now I am finishing the 8th season.. and from the other hand it gives me so much joy and I`ve made myself a promise..that when I reach to the end of the final 10th season.. I will me a lot more healed. There were times in August..when watching the 2-3 episodes of Friends before asleeping was the only part of the day I was looking forward to..and the rest of it was just sheer misery. Also I had to limit myself the ammount of episodes watched in row, cause else I would have watched ..the whole thing in matter of days..just to get out..to escape the reality into the world of laughter and great acting. Now it is a lot better already. Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 Today is the 12th day of full NC. It feels like I'm about to burst. I almost can't control my urges to contact her or at least look at her facebook profile picture. I'm about to give in. My longest full NC (meaning I didn't access her FB) was 15 days followed by 6 days. During that time, even if I was accessing her FB, I didn't contact her for about 1.5 months prior to breaking down. I know it will do me no good to contact her. It will regress my recovery and it will drive her away. I guess there's a one in a million shot she'd take me back if I contact her and as unlikely as that is, I feel it's the only thing I have left. I don't know what I can do. Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 There's really nothing left to be said by anyone. My family, friends, therapist, everyone on ENA have been saying the same thing for the past 2 months. There's is nothing anyone can do for me at this point. I'm upping the SSRIs AGAIN and if this doesn't work, I don't know what's left. I sit here with obsessive thoughts of checking her facebook profile picture. I obsess over wanting to contact her. I feel like an alcoholic who is having alcohol waved in front of his face. I can't stop the thoughts. I have spent all night refraining from breaking NC and I am mentally drained yet I still want to contact her. I can't stop thinking about all the time we spent together. I keep having flashbacks of almost every single moment we spent together. The thoughts don't stop. What the hell can I do? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I sit here with obsessive thoughts of checking her facebook profile picture. I obsess over wanting to contact her. Well, if you do contact her, what will that achieve? Ask yourself if it will make any difference or if it will just leave you back at square one. Link to comment
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