How can someone just leave you for dead when you've been there for them so many

[SorrowandPain]

At the end of day 34 of full NC.

 

Chi,

 

I could probably download an app for my phone to block her number but I don’t think I’m ready to do that yet for the reasons mentioned above.

 

The high and anger I felt after receiving her texts is slowly dissipating. I really really really hope that I don’t start pining for her again. I feel like it’s already starting. I hope I have the strength to move on. I felt so good for 2 days and now it’s coming down. I knew this would happen. I even worked out this evening too. I do NOT want to fall back into the darkness. I thought the two texts would lift me up but it might not be the case.

[chitown9]

I just can't get what you miss about her now that you see her as she really is. I think it must be the dream of what you thought she was that you miss, and since that never really existed, why do you still pine for her? I just don't understand.....

[Airbag]

I feel you Sorrow, as I'm in the same mess as you are right now. Only exception is that I'm still in the darkness. After a full month of NC, I thought I was doing better (even hoped she would eventually reached out), but as time progresses, my hopes are fading. I love this girl with all my heart, even though I may still be "too young" to know what real love is. We've been together for over 3.5 years and she broke up with me exactly 3 months ago. We have had extremely LC since the break up and for the last month we have had no contact at all. She told me she'd call me, but she never did.

 

I have a gut-wrenching feeling in my whole body. I'm already on anti-depressants since last year. I started taking yoga classes to take my mind off her and next week I will be seeing a psychiatrist again. I'm so lonely and lost right now

[SorrowandPain]

I just can't get what you miss about her now that you see her as she really is. I think it must be the dream of what you thought she was that you miss, and since that never really existed, why do you still pine for her? I just don't understand.....

 

In addition to my personal issues, I definitely am deluded when it comes to her. I am still kind of making excuses for her actions (well I do that and then my mind switches to condemning her actions). Believe me, I want the pining to stop too.

 

I feel you Sorrow, as I'm in the same mess as you are right now. Only exception is that I'm still in the darkness. After a full month of NC, I thought I was doing better (even hoped she would eventually reached out), but as time progresses, my hopes are fading. I love this girl with all my heart, even though I may still be "too young" to know what real love is. We've been together for over 3.5 years and she broke up with me exactly 3 months ago. We have had extremely LC since the break up and for the last month we have had no contact at all. She told me she'd call me, but she never did.

 

I have a gut-wrenching feeling in my whole body. I'm already on anti-depressants since last year. I started taking yoga classes to take my mind off her and next week I will be seeing a psychiatrist again. I'm so lonely and lost right now

 

Hi airbag,

 

I read in a previous thread that you tried to take your life twice last year. My heart hurts for you. Heartbreak is truly awful and I am glad you're getting the help you need right now. Hang in there. I haven't ended it yet and if I haven't, you can make it too.

[SorrowandPain]

Making it through day 35 of complete NC.

 

Just a few questions and thoughts:

 

- Can someone tell me what the hell is going on? Is she really that selfish that she would completely disregard my feelings and well being and use me as an emotional crutch after what I would presume is the end of things between her and Bizarro Me? Why did she send that 2nd message 8 min after the first to nullify it?

 

- I presume she is starting to miss me now but is because she misses ME or is it because she likely was dumped?

 

- Does anyone think she’ll contact me again and escalate the texts to the point where she wants to meet up/she wants to get back together?

 

- Do you guys think she'll want/miss me even more if I keep it cool and don't reply?

 

- I’m not going to lie, I check my phone multiple times a day to see if she has texted.

 

- I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t honestly say that I wouldn’t get back together with her if she comes begging and pleading. At times, I say to myself “look, she emotionally cheated on you, left you for someone else, left you for dead when she broke up with you, lied about every aspect of herself during the 2 years, she isn’t good for you, she’s shown her true colours after breaking up with me and has revealed herself to be a terrible person. I can’t back together with her.” But then I start thinking about the “magic” that would happen if we embraced again like it’s some stupid Hollywood ending and everything will be okay because we’re soulmates.

 

- The only play is to ignore the texts from Monday and ignore any possible subsequent ones in the next little while. This way, I can allow myself to heal and I won’t re-open healing wounds if she doesn’t reply/rejects me. I would also think that it would make her miss me more should I choose to be an idiot and want her back. All my life I’ve given into urges but this time, I have to be smart and control myself. I didn’t control myself after the break up and 1.5 months after I found out and proceeded to beg her to come back and that didn’t work out too well for my healing.

 

- I am more or less an atheist but on the weekend, I was feeling so depressed I prayed to no one in particular to get rid of the pain. I have to say that her texting me really helped. Although I need to realize that my self-worth isn’t tied to any particular person or relationship, I feel that her texts bought me some time because I was slipping into a dark place. Her texts at least partially confirms that she misses our relationship and what I was to her and that really helps. My self-esteem was crushed because she replaced me so easily but this helps a bit.

[chitown9]

Don't you get the fact that you are missing something that never existed?.....chi

[SorrowandPain]

Don't you get the fact that you are missing something that never existed?.....chi

 

I'm a smart guy so yes, all the evidence points to her being a complete liar, a cheat, and a fraud. The emotional part which has always plagued me because I am a slave to them helps rationalize away all the evidence. It's messed up. i've gave her the benefit of the doubt so many times:

 

Me: "Hey how's the working outs coming along? Did you go today?

Her; "Ya i went in the evening."

Me: "your gym i closed earlier on sundays"

her; "..."

 

 

me: is this who you promised me you want to be? you want to work hard, be disciplined to get in shape?

her; "YES IT'S WHAT I WANT!"

 

But then she wouldn't workout for like a month before i had to bring it up again.

 

 

PRETTY MUCH 2 YEARS OF THAT.

[SorrowandPain]

Posting from my hotel room and i ruined the trip. I drank too much yesterday and ended up calling her only to have her reject me and tell me how happy she is with life. I asked her why she would text me last Monday then and she said it was a moment of weakness. I also texted her a bunch which lead to more rejections. I gave away all my power by telling her how depressed I've been over the past 3 months because of this and told her how much i love her and begged like crazy.

 

She doesn't care about me. I've ruined the trip, my NC and now I'm back at square one with nothing not even my dignity. Tomorrow morning is the flight and it can't come soon enough. How could she be so cruel by giving me hope with the text last week only to reject me all over again? If I end my pain, I hope this will haunt her forever

[SorrowandPain]

I worry I won't make it. I was regressing prior to her messages but then felt better temporarily because of them but all they ended up doing was give me false hope. I don't deserve this pain. I hurt her a lot but I also cared for her. Whatever pain I caused her is in total disproportion to her betrayal and what I've had to endure. Please if there's a god please take pity on me and remove my pain.

[MK9]

**remove your pain***

[SorrowandPain]

Well this certainly has disaster written all over it... She said last night that she'd talk to me later but never did. She then texted me about 30 min ago telling me she'll talk to me after I get in from my flight. I said I didn't want to wait until tomorrow if she was going to reject me again so she called me. Said she's confused and doesn't know if she can trust me again not to hurt her. I said I won't ever hurt her again but she hurt me too so maybe we can take things slow. She said she needs to think about it and will talk tomorrow. The subject of bizzaro me was also brought up and she asked me how I knew so much and if I had access to her FB. I confessed. She said she thought something was off.

 

This has disaster written all over it. Either she rejects me tomorrow or we try this extremely broken relationship all over again. Either scenario will be bad especially when I could very well end up being the rebound this time.

[chitown9]

 

This has disaster written all over it. Either she rejects me tomorrow or we try this extremely broken relationship all over again. Either scenario will be bad especially when I could very well end up being the rebound this time.

 

OMG, you are going to jump on the merry-go-round once again....

[endy]

Are you kidding me? * * * man. Seriously you are looking to someone else for your happiness. IF there is a God take this pain away? Your emotions are telling you everything you need to know. Start doing things that make your emotions say joy instead of sitting there using her for your happiness. Because guess what... you already know you weren't happy in the relationship. You went to end it time and time again. You already know it isn't going to work and it's going to cause you more pain because it's not the right thing to do.

 

We are spiritual beings... emotions tell us what is right and wrong. Not listening to the painful signal or learning and growing from it is what is wrong. What it's telling you is MISTAKE you need to fix this, and you're not doing it. Guess why? Because you don't believe you can. Start believing you can and you can fix yourself. Besides that, God is not something that a religion defines in some dogmatic fashion. Telling us we are all sinners if we do or don't do x,y,z. He gave us free will for a reason.

 

How about we are all connected. We are all God in a sense. We all collectively create what is on this planet and reality, events and situations as seen today based on our beliefs. We are a part of it, but we are all one. Stop doubting yourself... stop trying to go back to a broken relationship. It will not work until you fix and love yourself. You know you have to do that. You know you can't fix her. So either remain unhappy, get cheated on again... or fix yourself. Value yourself at least somewhat man.

[Done that]

Dear SorrowandPain,

 

Do some research on types of people, search the narcissitic woman and love addicts. You may very much be the love addict and she the narcissist. I spent 5 years with someone that in my head i thought loved me when he never did anything to convince me of this, it was ALL in my head, I'm a love addict, he the narcissist, we are their perfect prey. I hope that after some time you've healed and are not going through immense hurt, cut all ties do this for you! They don't change they never do, rarely will they ever see what they've done to you it's ALL about them, please understand this and keep strong, i'm running from a bad relationship that i held on for 5 years, 1 week 2 days now, and trying to keep strong, no sad sappy songs get the self righteous songs the angry ones anything to build up your self esteem because they've squashed it, try new things that are good for you, this will give you a lift life is and will be great without them.....just try

[SorrowandPain]

all,

 

I deserve any and all scoldings. My friends are pissed at me right now.

 

I just chatted with her on the phone for 1 hour and we’re meeting up for coffee later. Her and Bizarro Me are almost done as he has treated her like crap but they still have sex occasionally (they had sex on Friday I believe). I told her that I’m not going to be a rebound for her rebound for me. After we meet up, I want to go cold for a least a month because I refuse to play that role.

 

Oh well, at least I ended off the Vegas trip on a high note by salvaging my last day there.

[MK9]

should have implemented my WAM system. But you live and you learn , brah.

[SorrowandPain]

One concerning thing: she is sad and was crying about the hurt she caused me but she didn’t feel guilt for the specific action of leaving me for someone else because I was so bad to her. This has to be a major problem?

 

I guess also not being able to walk away from Bizarro Me when he’s blatantly just using her for sex is also another problem. This is a “great” situation I have going for me. RECONCILIATIONS DO HAPPEN (when the other person has been kicked to the curb by the person they left you for and when they are sad and lonely).

[MK9]

She's just gonna use both of you. When she's mad at him, she turn to you, and when she's mad at you, she'll turn to him. Happened to me before, brah. These women has crocodile tears, a necessity for manipulation. I was once 'captain save the hoe," it was exhilarating and self rewarding at first, but things slowly deteriorate and you become confused and angry afterward.

 

But don't take my words for it, since all situation are somewhat different.. Keep us update thought.

[SorrowandPain]

I will do low contact after tonight for a while and I will refuse to do anything physical with her tonight or in the near future.

[MK9]

Get free sex whenever you can--but don't buy into her BS. win/win.

 

If she nags, tell her to go in the kitchen and make you a sandwich. Or reply with B1tch say what? Either that or make her mop the floor.

 

Plus she's really dirty from being with the other dude. So you need to bathe her daily. It is worth mentioning that, never to leave your woman in the bath tub alone. The probability of her slip and drown is very high. So always stay with your woman when she's in a tub--even joining her. Make sure you use hot water to clean a woman, since she's really dirty and hot water open her pores. Scrub her ears and between her breasts--especially the breast, it is very dirty. A woman's chest is the most filthy part of her body and needs extra scrubbing to clean. Sometimes rough scrubbing is not enough, so you need to use your mouth on her nipples pores to thoroughly clean your woman.

[endy]

So be it. Don't say we didn't warn you. How needy are you? Seriously... you want to know what your message is saying right now? I will meet you for coffee, you cheated on me, but that's ok. I'm so needy that I will come talk to you anyways, because I'm nothing without you. SHE'S STILL WITH THE GUY CHEATING ON HIM EMOTIONALLY WITH YOU! A cheater is a cheater. Why in the hell is this acceptable. Want to know why, because she has a vagina and all the power. You can't plan life and choices in this manner. It doesn't work like that. You're going to say yeah I'll go cold and then get back with you. Guess what it's still a rebound after a month. That my friend is manipulation not love.

 

You both have so much growing to do, that any relationship for either of you is not a good idea. This is not what love is. You think it's going to work? You think you're going to be able to deal with knowing she just boinked some other dude every time you are having sex with her? Better yet, basically you disrespect yourself that much because you don't think you're more than that or deserve more than that.

 

That message above is negative for a reason, but I wish you the best of luck in any choice you make. Life is an experience, and experiences need to be learned from. Until you do, with her or without her, you're going to attract the same type of person. Pain and suffering is telling you something. It's telling you that there's something to learn from it. That's why it happens, because of the choices we make. Pain and suffering is telling you to learn and grow from it. It's not because there is some God judging you, or because you did things the wrong way. It's just a signal for you to grow. You are ignoring that altogether. I know it sucks, I've been there. But the best thing you can do is to grow right now so you attract someone better than that.

[MK9]

endy is right brah. She is controlling you with her almighty powerful vagina. You might get back with her now, but soon you will grow to hate her--all hell broke lose.

 

But if you can handle it, kudos to you. You're a real forgiven man, that deserves tons of accolades. Not me thought, I remember things long and I hold grudges.

[somethngwrng]

I think everyone is right, but I also believe sometimes we need to learn the lessons ourselves in life and not hear them from others. Just keep in mind what everyone is saying if you do decide to get back with her. When the relationship heads south again, it will confirm what everyone is saying (and what you already know).

[The Man Who]

Couldn't of put it any better Endy!

 

As somethngwrng has said though, we can all give you advice until we're blue in the face but if you want to learn the hard way then so be it. You can't say people didn't warn you. Put it like this, if 1 person says don't then you'd be skeptical, however there's about 7 or 8 people in this thread and your own friends telling you not to. Take a step back and actually take your ex off of her pedestal, she doesn't deserve you, yet you keep on fappin' over her for some reason like she's a goddess.

 

I'd rather be single and growing as a person than be in your shoes Sorrow, as harsh as that may sound but your clinging onto hope when there is no shred of it left. Your smitten by this kitten and I have no idea why.....

[Honey Pumpkin]

One concerning thing: she is sad and was crying about the hurt she caused me but she didn’t feel guilt for the specific action of leaving me for someone else because I was so bad to her. This has to be a major problem?

 

I guess also not being able to walk away from Bizarro Me when he’s blatantly just using her for sex is also another problem. This is a “great” situation I have going for me. RECONCILIATIONS DO HAPPEN (when the other person has been kicked to the curb by the person they left you for and when they are sad and lonely).

 

I hope things work out, although I think this is a toxic relationship. But, I thought you dumped her and then she went out with the other guy? I don't quite understand how it's turned into her leaving you for someone else? I think you want her back so you can be the one to leave her, to be honest - does that sound possible?