How can someone just leave you for dead when you've been there for them so many

[MK9]

I was a college student when my girl cheated on me and left me for my best friend. It was difficult, I did not know how to handle the heart break. I was far from home, shared rooms with 3 strangers. Then I invented a new system to help me get through it. I called it When angry masturbate; this will release endorphin and calm you down. So whenever you get angry: WAM! The hardest part was finding a place to masturbate on campus. So I often do it in the shower, in the parking lot in my car, and in lecture halls.

 

Try it out, and see if WAM is right for you.

[endy]

I was a college student when my girl cheated on me and left me for my best friend. It was difficult, I did not know how to handle the heart break. I was far from home, shared rooms with 3 strangers. Then I invented a new system to help me get through it. I called it When angry masturbate; this will release endorphin and calm you down. So whenever you get angry: WAM! The hardest part was finding a place to masturbate on campus. So I often do it in the shower, in the parking lot in my car, and in lecture halls.

 

Try it out, and see if WAM is right for you.

 

 

I just died laughing at this. That has got to be the funniest thing I've ever read on here. Chronic masturbation in the parking lot, and lecture halls?

[MK9]

It is pretty hard to find a place to masturbate on campus. No worries though, if Sorrow is at home, then it should be easier and more convenient.

 

 

Disclaimer: Just stock up plenty of zinc supplements and vitamins to replenish your body of vital nutrients, just so you won't die from this new system. I hold no reliability, if this does not work. Although it works for me. I lose a lot of weight too, in the process. win/win.

[SorrowandPain]

Day 31 of full NC.

 

Thanks for all the comments everyone you too MK9. I mean your comment was borderline trollish but at least it made me smile.

 

I worked out this evening by lifting some heavy weights. I do NOT feel better. I kept thinking about her the whole time while working out. I am so angry and frustrated but it’s combined with a true sense of sadness. I am so frustrated because I want it to end but thoughts of her still haunt me.

 

I just can’t shake off the betrayal. She * * * * ing told me during that month when I broke up with her that I’m hers and she’s mine. She said no matter what happens, she knows that I would never cheat and she would never cheat on me because that’s betrayal. She begged me to come back, played a bunch of games to make me jealous (told me her ex and another guy wanted to meet up with her), promised me she’d make changes and become the best gf ever and reeled me in. Even though things were bad at the end, I didn’t deserve what she did to me. I didn’t deserve her talking to a clone of me for a few weeks and then meeting up with him BEFORE dumping me. I wish I could shake this off. It guts me so much.

 

I posted this stuff before but I have to say it again. She was absolutely cruel. That night she broke up with me, I was coming home from a club and I was drunk and we talked on the phone. I was saying that I wanted to see her and I missed her etc but then she dropped then she told me that we should break up. I then went off the handle and told her that she was a piece of * * * * and that I loathed her etc. At the time my actions were very bad BUT she had already met up with that guy before dumping me so to be fair, my “justification” was after-the –fact. She wanted to hurt me though. A week after she dumped me, I was fine but then something didn’t sit right and the breakup started to hit me so I texted her asking her if there was someone else. She wanted to cut me. She said: “Ya he’s everything to me that you never were!” I found out a few days later that she indeed was seeing someone else. The night I found out, I showed up at her house at 4am after talking to her on the phone for a few hours when I was out (she chased after me too on the phone because I hung up a few times and she would call me back etc). She said she never wanted me to find out. THAT’S A BOLD FACE LIE. If that’s the case, why would she say a few days before: “Ya he’s everything to me that you never were!” I initiated sex that night but then I pulled away and she begged me to come back and do her. I did and the next day, she said to me that she only used me because she was horny. She’s cruel and I hate her. I * * * * ING HATE HER SO MUCH. SHE * * * * ING BETRAYED ME AND WANTED TO CUT ME HARD.

 

Ugh now I’m crying again. You know, people on the board here say that you have to understand why your ex did what she did and it stems from childhood issues and personal problems etc and that they’re really not bad people and you need to forgive and let go. Well let me take this further. What about psychopaths? They can’t control what they’re doing either because it stems from personal issues and genetic makeup. You can rationalize away any nefarious act anyone has ever done. If you rationalize people’s actions with their childhood history, personal makeup etc, then there are no “bad” people because everyone is composed from their genetics and environment. My ex’s actions towards me are the worst thing you could do to anyone. Betrayal is the most painful thing to experience. She is Judas.

 

From this experience, if I am fortunate enough to get out of this abyss, heal and meet someone else, I will NEVER do anything shady again or do anything that comes close to cheating. While I was dating her, I would sometimes flirt with girls just to see if they wanted me but I wouldn’t have gone through with anything (at least I believe that I wouldn’t). That’s a personal issue that I need to work on because I did that to feel “worthy.” I always said to my therapist and friends that I could never cheat because it would gut her. When I wasn’t happy in my relationship, my therapist would ask me why I don’t find someone better and more compatible. I said I could never cheat/abandon her like that. He asked me: “You don’t think she’d do the same to you if she found someone else?” I told him no she’s not like that. I am a fool. Anyways, I will never ever do anything that even comes close to cheating. I do not want to inflict the pain my ex inflicted on me on anyone else.

 

I hate her so much for this. I don't care right now about being zen, or reaching peace because chances are I won't ever achieve the peace that I have been seeking. I have been broken for a long time and this has killed me. I hope she suffers for the rest of her life. I hope this comes back to her 100 fold. I was the only guy (aside from her first bf) who put in the time with her and didn't treat her like a complete joke. I was the only one who would listen and counsel her when she would be crying after being disrespected and picked on at work. I was the only one who would remind her to be responsible in her life. I was the only one who would listen when she was depressed. I was the only one who would motivate her to become better and to set and achieve goals. I was the only guy who didn't use her for sex. I was the only guy who cared about her well being. I hope she gets used by guys all her life. I hope she never finds peace within herself. I hope she ends up having sex with 40 people by the time she's 30 but all of them will be guys who are one night stands or guys who are in slumps and use her for sex. She needs someone to make her feel worthy and she uses sex to reel people in. I hope she keeps up this destructive pattern. I hate her.

[SorrowandPain]

Holding onto this anger and hostility will only poison my life but it's not like I want to feel this way. If there was a switch I could turn on to stop all this I would. I'm cursed and broken forever. 29 more days of this full NC stuff but if there's no improvement, I'm going to have to reevaluate and look to permanently stop the suffering and poison running through my veins.

[MK9]

I was betrayed too. You get anger/sad/caring/hope/disappointment/feeling like a fool/ all mixed into one and it appear randomly and constantly, and it confused the heck out of you.

 

Don't lift weight, get on the treadmill and run. That's the best thing to alter your stage of mind to positive.

[SorrowandPain]

I’ve posted this before but I’m extremely angry right now so I need to vent again.

 

1.5 months after I found out about Bizarro me and did all the pining, I was accessing her facebook and saw a convo she had with this guy let’s call him G (this guy is kind of nerdy and he had asked her to meet up during April when I broke up with her). During this convo, she had the audacity to say to him: “So I finally broke things off with my ex and he went all psycho when I told him I was seeing someone else. At first he was like “omg you ruined me” then he was like “you’re my soulmate marry me!”” How dare her. During the 2 years whenever I tried to break it off with her, she would go way more psych than I did. Each time, she called me like 30x until I picked up. She emailed me over and over again. She threatened to hurt herself. She said she’d end up in a hospital. She did all the pining and begging that I did. How dare her mock me like this.

 

During April when I broke it off with her, she was so desperate and unstable and had no one else so I made sure she was ok. I kept telling her that we couldn’t talk anymore because I didn’t want to give her false hope. I was firm and told her we can’t be friends and we won’t be back together. But she was spiralling out of control and would constantly call me crying telling me she wasn’t going to make it and told me that she was scratching herself and pulling her hair out. I couldn’t turn my back on her so even though I was firm on my stance of us NOT getting back together, I made sure she was ok. I would talk to her to make sure she would be ok. She would call me at like 2am bawling her eyes out and I would call her parents immediately to make sure she was ok. This occurred over 2 weeks or so until she started sucking me back and playing games to make me jealous. So even though I was a jerk so often, when push came to shove, I cared about her and my actions showed that I did. Her on the other hand? She couldn’t care less what happened to me. And 1.5 months after the incident, she was MOCKING me.

 

During that same conversation with G, she was having a conversation with her friend M. She was telling M that G wanted to meet up with her during her break up with me in April but she was never interested. She then went onto to say she only gave G the time of day because he gave her attention while we were broken up and he was a novelty and the novelty wore off. Then she laughed to her friend M by saying: “hahaha I’m such a * * * * * ! (female dog)”

 

I thought she was a kind hearted person but I guess I was fooled. You can see what a person is really like in their private conversations without you there and she’s a piece of crap. I hate myself for feeling like this over someone so crappy and worthless. I just want to move on but I’m still stuck.

 

She has pulled the betrayal crap before. Her first boyfriend “H” was the only other guy who treated her well. They dated for half a year or something when she was 15/16 but she started hanging with the bad crowd and they told her to dump him because he’s a loser. So she did. She wanted him to move on so she told him that she cheated on him (she didn’t) and basically humiliated the guy. But immediately after, she jumped to another guy – the ex I mentioned a while back with whom she has been chatting about sex. A few years later, she posted on her facebook about the pain she felt doing that to H and how she wishes that they met later on in life. She said in the note that her dreams were haunted by him and she was filled with regret. She told me that she really regrets what she did to him. I hate myself though because H basically wanted nothing to do with her again because he had self respect. Funny how a 15/16 year old kid has more self respect than I do. Maybe when she’s 30, has had 40 sexual partners under her belt all of whom used her, is extremely overweight and alone, she’ll regret what she did to me. I hate her. I hate myself for hating her and caring.

[SorrowandPain]

Time for pills - the only time I get any tranquility during the day.

[chitown9]

Wow! Your recent posts depict that there was a lot of drama in that relationship. I am confused about why you are so distraught about this relationship coming to an end. I would think that you would be relieved to be done with all that drama.....

[MK9]

You should've "pull out" and left. She is like IRAQ and Afghanistan, cannot be won. So the best solution is to pull out, time to rebuild yourself and focus on you. Live to fight another day, bro. Learn from the past, and move on. Like Jesus said " do unto others as you would have them do unto you," "forgive those who has wrong you," "love your neighbors, and God."

[SorrowandPain]

My god this is such a joke. I just got back from the pharmacy to buy more “happy pills” and I walked by this girl who was wearing a unique perfume that my ex used to wear. For those of you who aren’t familiar with how memory works, smell creates the strongest memories. The girl was wearing so much of the perfume that I had the scent linger on me for a while. I just snapped in my bedroom after coming home. A flood of memories came rushing in after I smelled that perfume. I can’t escape it. I just want to * * * * ing cry now. I want this to stop. I had no control over this perfume incident. I can't control the memories that are flooding into my mind.

[SorrowandPain]

Wow! Your recent posts depict that there was a lot of drama in that relationship. I am confused about why you are so distraught about this relationship coming to an end. I would think that you would be relieved to be done with all that drama.....

 

There was even more drama that caused a lot of fights/breakups/near breakups but I didn’t list them all. We have been through A LOT. Believe me, I am so angry and frustrated that I can’t shake this. I found out that she lied a lot about who she was, who she wanted to be, her values and the list goes on and on and I was so unhappy so much of the time when I was with her but I’m still stuck and it seems like I’m getting worse.

[SorrowandPain]

WOW I can't believe what happened. SHE JUST TEXTED ME BUT THEN TOOK IT BACK.

 

1st message: "I feel like talking to you... is that too much to ask for?"

 

then a few min later...

 

"I had a moment of weakness... please disregard that message."

 

 

SERIOUSLY * * * ? This doesn't even seem like real life. Who does she think she is? She left me for dead and now when * * * * is going back, she comes back and wants to talk?? Then a few min later, she sends that message about a moment of weakness? She is a bad person. She has no regard for MY feelings. I don’t even know what to think right now. I’m in shock. Just total shock. My dad just begged me not to respond to her. I can’t respond now after that 2nd message.

 

Someone please respond.

[SorrowandPain]

My friends are right. She is a terrible person. She has no regard for my feelings. Who the hell does she think she is? I was in hysterics after the first message and I didn’t know what to think. How dare she send that 2nd message? I’m worth more than that. She’s a terrible person.

[chitown9]

My friends are right. She is a terrible person. She’s a terrible person.

 

So knowing the above, does that help you to get over her???................chi

[SorrowandPain]

So knowing the above, does that help you to get over her???................chi

 

I think I’m relieved right now and feel better but not for the right reasons. Like everyone has said, a lot of this pain I’m suffering is due to abandonment issues and a huge hit to my self-esteem. I’ve been doing some introspection over the past hour or so and it’s almost like I feel better because I “won.” I “won” because I knew her life would eventually crumble and she would crawl back. Now I can’t be sure that her life is crumbling or if Bizarro Me has booted her but it’s fair to say things aren’t that great if she’s messaging me. It’s that and a mixture of *almost* realizing how self-serving and selfish she is. She always said that I’m selfish but when it mattered most, her actions showed that SHE’S the selfish one by coming and going as she pleases and toying with my emotions with these texts.

 

If I’m going to grow, I need to fix my abandonment issues (not sure if I can) and realize that life isn’t about “winning.” My therapist said I almost sound like Charlie Sheen.

[chitown9]

I think that you know this is not about "winning", or who won. You just had the wrong perception of her. She is not the woman that you though she is, so you can regret that you were mislead...but there is no point in missing someone who is not the someone you though they were......chi

 

P.S. Changing your phone number would be a good idea.

[SorrowandPain]

This is inebriated me talking: I knew that i was good for you. I could have been a better boyfriend by doing all the little romantic things you always wanted but i rarely did them. i did do other stuff for you such as drive you to work and pick you up from work at odd hours. I was your confidant and your rock but you cooked someone thing up with someone for weeks before dumping me. You promised me that neither of us would ever cheat. You did so many mean things. Just 3 moths after the break up, 2.5 months after i found out and 32 of my Full NC, you come sniffing around. Who do you think you are? Not even anapolgy> So it was all about you i guess. YOU want to talk to me. Then YOU decide it was a week moment. I don’t play that game. You doing this makes me any ripping string of respect i have for you. You didn’t even have the decency to apologise for your actions. It’s all about you. Recovering all those lies about your identity, you goals, your desires, and who you wanted to be would make me a fool for not just casting your messages away. If i’m a real man, if she comes back and is more aggressive, i will for the terrible person that she is .

[SorrowandPain]

Day 33 of full NC.

 

Didn’t get any messages from her today. I do feel better today. A lot better. I’m worried that this is temporary though. How will I react if she doesn’t text for a month? How will I react if she texts again and says she sorry? Will I have enough sense to ignore her?

 

I’m still baffled as to how selfish and inconsiderate she is. I can’t believe after how she ended things, after all the horrible things she said, after casting me aside, after sleeping with someone else, after everything, she would have the gall to contact me so soon and then 10 min later, take it back. She’s just a selfish, impulsive person who doesn’t consider the consequences of anything. Either way she’s a terrible person. If Bizarro Me hasn’t fully kicked her to the curb, she’s a terrible person for contacting me because they are dating. If she has been kicked to the curb by him, then she’s terrible for not considering my feelings and well being. It’s hard to believe I used to think she was such a kind hearted person who just needed love.

 

I hope I have the strength to get through this and do the right thing should the time come.

[somethngwrng]

Though people don't change, their level of caring changes toward us... she was always capable of acting this way toward someone else, but now you're the one on the receiving end. She may not realise how much of an effect her little "moment of weakness" had on you, she likely doesn't care - she wanted to feed her own ego off you in some way. Congratulations for not replying.

 

Leave this * * * * * in the past... change your number if it is going to help your healing, you don't deserve this kind of treatment.

[chitown9]

 

Didn’t get any messages from her today. I do feel better today. A lot better. I’m worried that this is temporary though. How will I react if she doesn’t text for a month? How will I react if she texts again and says she sorry? Will I have enough sense to ignore her?

 

 

I hope I have the strength to get through this and do the right thing should the time come.

 

You would not have to worry about any of this if you just change your phone number. You are contributing to the drama if you don't change your number.....

[SorrowandPain]

It probably is the best idea to change my number but I’ve had this number for 10 years and I have some employment things coming up so I don’t want to change it yet...

 

I’m not going to lie to myself or anyone though. A part of me still wants her to contact me again. I think it’s due to ego reasons. I think I’m not quite ready to fully sever the tie either. It’s really illogical but it’s how I feel and I would be lying to myself if I said otherwise.

 

What is particularly worrisome is how I will react/feel if I get no messages from her within the next few months. I’m also starting to think “what would have happened if I responded in the 10 min before the 2nd message?” The thought of talking to her again has been planted and I hope it doesn’t grow.

[chitown9]

The thought of talking to her again has been planted and I hope it doesn’t grow.

 

Gosh, I hope you don't go there.....

[somethngwrng]

What is particularly worrisome is how I will react/feel if I get no messages from her within the next few months. I’m also starting to think “what would have happened if I responded in the 10 min before the 2nd message?” The thought of talking to her again has been planted and I hope it doesn’t grow.

 

She would have said the same thing.

[chitown9]

It probably is the best idea to change my number but I’ve had this number for 10 years and I have some employment things coming up so I don’t want to change it yet....

 

Ahhh....well, I can understand that; but can you block her phone number