Life On The Rocinante' (After Dark!)

[Cynder]

5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I'm on an FB group for writers and readers.  Writers routinely offer free copies of their books.  One of my friends offered me a free copy of hers in exchange for a review, which I did.  I've never asked or would think of it.

Free copies in exchange for reviews is pretty standard.  Most authors do that.  Those copies are called ARCs (Advanced reader copies.)  It's still transactional.  You give something and you get something.  But there are still a lot of people who expect free copies just because they know the author. And ok, I would be willing t give one of my best friends a copy if they really want it and are low on money.  But if my third cousin twice removed who I've met three times and lives 500 miles away contacts me on FB and asks for a free copy, I shouldn't be expected to just send one.  So many people expect creative people to just give away their work.  You wouldn't walk into the grocery store and be like, "I want free groceries.  And I'll tell everyone about your store so you'll get a lot of exposure."  Would you?  

[Batya33]

44 minutes ago, Cynder said:

Free copies in exchange for reviews is pretty standard.  Most authors do that.  Those copies are called ARCs (Advanced reader copies.)  It's still transactional.  You give something and you get something.  But there are still a lot of people who expect free copies just because they know the author. And ok, I would be willing t give one of my best friends a copy if they really want it and are low on money.  But if my third cousin twice removed who I've met three times and lives 500 miles away contacts me on FB and asks for a free copy, I shouldn't be expected to just send one.  So many people expect creative people to just give away their work.  You wouldn't walk into the grocery store and be like, "I want free groceries.  And I'll tell everyone about your store so you'll get a lot of exposure."  Would you?  

I have no need to ask -I stopped buying books with rare exception about 3-4 years ago -I get them from the library.  I own too many!

[Cynder]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I have no need to ask -I stopped buying books with rare exception about 3-4 years ago -I get them from the library.  I own too many!

I own surprisingly few books.  But it's because of my vision.  It's really hard for me to read physical copies of books.  So I have tons of audiobooks and ebooks.  A lot of books I own are art/photography books.  I also have every book I've done the cover art for. 

[Cynder]

I posted my book cover on one of the writing communities I'm part of.  I got a lot of good feedback.  Some people loved it.  Some said I might want to think about de saturating it a little so the text pops more, etc. 

But there was one comment I'm going to talk about for a minute.  Someone told me to "please stop being cheap and hire a real artist."  And they went on to rant about how so many writers think that because they took a ten minute Photoshop tutorial they now have the skills to do their own cover.  They talked about how I have no clue what it's like for real artists who are out there struggling every day, and that I am being very disrespectful to all the people who went to art school and busted ass to get where they are, etc. And I need to find someone who "knows what they're doing" and has made book covers before. And they finished it off by asking if I've ever even set foot inside a gallery.  This genuinely made me laugh.  Like, I really found it funny.  And I took a lot of pleasure in completely owning them by telling them I've been a professional artist since 2014.  I went to art school and busted my ass, in fact, I got a full ride scholarship to go to art school and I had to keep my GPA pretty high to maintain that scholarship.  And I've been to a lot of galleries.  I've had my work in several, and right now I am actually a featured artist at a gallery.  And I've done book covers in the past and know what I'm doing. 

This person apologized and told me this is an issue they are really passionate about and are just trying to stick up for all the people who get shafted.  They talked about hoe so many writers are willing to pay editors, etc, but don't want to pay a cover artist.  And they have a point.  That is true.  I've had quite a few people ask me to do their cover art for free.  And I've had bands ask for free album art.  Even though they were kind of a condescending jerk, they were making a valid point.  They just picked the wrong person to talk down to.  And I respect that they apologized and owned their mistake. 

But this also goes back to the "real artist" debate.  Any creative job, really.  Like, when is someone a "real" film maker?  Ir a "real" musician?  Or a "real" writer?  I think this is hard for a lot of people because with so many other jobs there's a direct line in the sand.  A doctor isn't a real doctor until they've gotten through med school, passed all their exams, completed their residency, etc.  A lawyer isn't a real lawyer until they've graduated from law school and passed their bar exam.  And even jobs like a gas station worker...  a gas station worker isn't a gas station worker until they've gotten a job at a gas station.  But for creatives, there is no definite line in the sand. 

I had two women in my booth once at a festival asking me why my prints are so expensive.  I told them because I am paying a rental fee to be here.  And my paint, brushes, and canvas aren't cheap.  I have to pay to have the prints printed.  I buy the packaging and package them myself.  I have a mortgage to pay, utilizes, groceries to buy, etc.  They stood off to the side looking through my prints and having a conversation about how I'm not a real artist so I shouldn't be charging so much.  One of them said if I was a real artist I would be in galleries.  I took the high road and kept my mouth shut but I really wanted to just casually say, "I am, actually."  And just leave it at that.  I hear a lot of people say someone isn't a real artist until they support themself with their work.  Well, sadly in this economy, that means hardly any artists are real artists.  Because every artist I know has a day job or a trust fund. 

With musicians it's always, "You're not a real musician until you get a record deal."  That's BS, IMO.  Especially now when Indie music is so easy to produce and promote.  Someone who makes music is a musician.  That's it. 

And with writers it's "You're not a real writer until you get published."  Anyone who writes is a real writer.  And there's also the camp that thinks indie/self published authors aren't real writers.  Idk man...  There are so many layers to that.  A traditionally published author sends their manuscript off to a company that does everything for them.  Editing, cover art, marketing, distribution, etc... that's all handled by the publisher.  But also, they get the rights to your book.  Indie authors are responsible for everything.  You want a cool cover?  Pay an artist or do it yourself.  You want professional editing?  Find an editor who's specializes in your genre and who's style of editing you vibe with, and pay them a lot of money.  You want quality beta readers?  You need to find them and pay them a lot of money.  You want to market your book to a lot of people?  Hire a marketer and pay them a lot of money.  You want your book in bookstores?  It's on you to convince them to carry your book and it's also on you to take it there or ship it there.  So, because of all that, I think Indie authors are harder working and more dedicated to their craft. 

I also think this is true for indie musicians.  They don't have a record company doing everything for them.  They pay a lot of money for time in the recording studio.  They have to pay a lot for mixing and mastering.  They pay for album art.  If they want to tour, they cover the cost. They sleep in cars, live on gas station food, etc.  So, an indie musician is just as real, if not more so than a signed musician.  My brother's band toured.  They broke even, which is fortunate because not everyone does. 

So... in other news...  I have a TITLE!!!  Omg, I am so happy I found a title that fits with what I'm writing about and isn't taken already.  And it's a one word title.  I love one word titles.  I won't be posting it here, though.  I like staying anonymous.  And if I post it here, anyone who reads this journal will be able to find me when the book comes out.  As vague as I am about things... a user here PMed me almost a year ago to tell me they know who I am.  They were able to figure it out by reading this thread.  That scared me.  Like, even as nondescript as I am when I write in here, someone was able to find my first and last name, which led them right to my social media. 

A good internet sleuth can find anything. People get doxed all the time. There are sites on the dark web with a lot of random people's personal info.  (I haven't actually gone to any of them.  I am just really fascinated by the dark web.  It has that wild west feeling like the regular surface web used to be.  Where you could be truly anonymous and people just went to random websites to click around and find interesting stuff.  Now no one is anonymous and people go online and spend all their time on a few sites and that's it.  

Anyway... bed time.  This song is fitting, because I hope to be comfortable numb in about 20 minutes.  I'm dead tired. Side note... the guitar solo at the end of this song has always made me picture a funeral.  Like as if it were in a movie.  A long of cars, a coffin being carried, people dressed in all black at a grave site.  Church bells.  And it's always raining.  Idk if that's something everyone does.  But certain songs just play out in my head like music videos. 

 

[Batya33]

I would consider taking to heart --- a little less-- what one or even two or three random people on the internet write and maybe scroll by a little more often.  It sounds like this person realized the harshness but.... why bother? I mean -sure - someone who has never published shouldn't describe herself as a published author. 

Someone without a degree in his artistic area shouldn't lie and say he does have a degree or mislead others into thinking so.  I'm a published author -nonfiction - I never tried to publish my book.  Years ago someone wanted to illustrate it for me (it was illustrated by a friend) and then have us publish it -I was open to it but ultimately didn't happen.  Which is totally fine. 

I am a writer -I write for my work and I have for many years. But my job title is not writer and I don't discuss what I do as being a writer.  I majored in creative writing in college as one of my two majors and for classes I wrote short stories, play scenes and wrote a children's book in a different class later on (the unpublished one).  I'm not interested in defining myself as an artist and I never have so it never came up in my life.  I never did any art for my livelihood so that likely is why.  When my friend was in bands and in musicals she described herself as a singer.  My mom played in the college orchestra and when many years later she prepared a resume I helped her and listed that and listed her as the player of that instrument.  Didn't matter to me at all that she wasn't paid.

I think people are going to have opinions on how to label art, artists, creative pursuits.  It's easier when a job or profession has a pretty standard definition.  Some creative pursuits do - graphic designer, interior decorator, ballerina.  And some do not.  

[Cynder]

4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I would consider taking to heart --- a little less-- what one or even two or three random people on the internet write and maybe scroll by a little more often.  It sounds like this person realized the harshness but.... why bother? I mean -sure - someone who has never published shouldn't describe herself as a published author. 

Someone without a degree in his artistic area shouldn't lie and say he does have a degree or mislead others into thinking so.  I'm a published author -nonfiction - I never tried to publish my book.  Years ago someone wanted to illustrate it for me (it was illustrated by a friend) and then have us publish it -I was open to it but ultimately didn't happen.  Which is totally fine. 

I am a writer -I write for my work and I have for many years. But my job title is not writer and I don't discuss what I do as being a writer.  I majored in creative writing in college as one of my two majors and for classes I wrote short stories, play scenes and wrote a children's book in a different class later on (the unpublished one).  I'm not interested in defining myself as an artist and I never have so it never came up in my life.  I never did any art for my livelihood so that likely is why.  When my friend was in bands and in musicals she described herself as a singer.  My mom played in the college orchestra and when many years later she prepared a resume I helped her and listed that and listed her as the player of that instrument.  Didn't matter to me at all that she wasn't paid.

I think people are going to have opinions on how to label art, artists, creative pursuits.  It's easier when a job or profession has a pretty standard definition.  Some creative pursuits do - graphic designer, interior decorator, ballerina.  And some do not.  

Why not bother?  If someone is going to lecture a total stranger about how they've "stealing from real artists" etc, I have every right to tell them I am a "real artist."  They learned something from this exchange.  They owned their mistake and the whole thing ended up being positive.  If I wouldn't have handled it that way, they might have gone on to give someone else the same lecture and this new person might not have been as nice about it. 

I never said anyone should lie or mislead people into thinking they have a degree in any given profession. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Cynder said:

Why not bother?  If someone is going to lecture a total stranger about how they've "stealing from real artists" etc, I have every right to tell them I am a "real artist."  They learned something from this exchange.  They owned their mistake and the whole thing ended up being positive.  If I wouldn't have handled it that way, they might have gone on to give someone else the same lecture and this new person might not have been as nice about it. 

I never said anyone should lie or mislead people into thinking they have a degree in any given profession. 

I know you never said that.

 Totally fine to spend your time as you see fit! Of course you have "the right" and it's your choice to spend time responding to an online person and to interact in this way. Others would know, like you, they have the right and then choose not to exercise that right.  Others would respond but in a different way.  Never was commenting on whether you have the right -of course you do -your time, your life, your choice! It was important to you to try to prevent this person from typing those opinions in that way to someone else.  So you responded.

[mylolita]

It’s also vastly subjective as to what people qualify as “art”! 
 

Some people can paint their whole lives and no one would consider what they produce as art. This debate happens between the more traditionalists and the “modern” artists.

 

For example, here in jolly old England, Tracy Emin and her bed “sculpture” and tent “art installation” were highly divisive. Some people couldn’t believe her work was even entertained by major galleries on a global scale, others think she’s a living genius. 
 

When it comes to art, and creativity, it comes to personal taste, and often, there is no quality stamp of approval for that or, no real yard stick to measure it all by. 
 

Most people will consider someone who does anything professionally someone who gets paid for what they do. I can’t be a “professional” stay at home mum. But I could be a “professional guidance counsellor regarding childhood development” or, I could start a podcast on raising children in todays modern society or, maybe I could lecture or receive money for talks re. parenting skills. Then I would maybe be classed as some kind of professional in that area. I think until some money passes your hands for your service, most people consider it not a profession.

 

Also with your costs and charges - I wouldn’t personally have started to explain or defend my prices. Things are worth what someone is willing to pay for it. Put your price on it, and it is what it is! It should speak for itself. If someone doesn’t agree with your pricing, and you aren’t willing to haggle, that’s completely fair enough and it’s your call, your work - your art! It doesn’t really matter if you spent 5 minutes on it or 50 years. Time and materials spent creating a piece of art often doesn’t dictate its price anyway! It’s a bit of a phenomenon! 
 

(Just for reference, my husband has been an art dealer for over 25 years, amongst a few other businesses he has. He deals in traditional art, mostly portraits, oil on canvas, etc. they normally have some age to them as well, the “modern” pieces we have are from the 20s and 30s, but what he normally sells are pieces from the Renaissance, or regency period). 

 

x

[Cynder]

I decided to take this weekend off.  I mean off from all creative pursuits.  I have a lot of things coming up.  I have a tattoo design to work on that I'm getting paid a few hundred for.  I also have a portrait commission I need to start.  I plan on starting them both on Monday. 

Plus Festival season starts in 10 weeks.  I'm not excited.  I won't let myself get excited this year. 

I'm trying to figure out how I will get the money to stock up on Magnets for this year.  My magnets sell like crazy.  I can't keep them on the board.  Which is a good thing.  But at the same time, they are expensive to restock. 

I tell people I sell magnets at shows and a lot of people give me this confused look like they don't know what I'm talking about.  Idk, I know I'm not the only artist who has ever thought to put their work on refrigerator magnets. 

There are two schools of though when it comes to putting your work on stuff.  And even when it comes to selling prints.  There are some people who think it's the worst thing an artist can do.  They think it cheapens their work, etc.  But originals don't move fast.  Prints move fast.  Sorry but If I'm going to bust my ass setting up this booth and sit here all weekend, I want to make money.  I understand most people don't have hundreds to spend on a painting.  But most people do have $15 to spend on a print. 

I've also had people tell me I shouldn't call them prints, I should call them Reproductions.  People are already confused enough about prints.  If I start calling them reproductions some people really won't know what I mean.  It amazes me how many people just can't comprehend the difference between a print and an original painting. 

And despite the three signs I have telling customers the price of prints, I still have this conversation probably 50 times a year:  "So how much are your prints?" "They're $15 or 2 for $25."  They pull out a print and say, "What about this one?  How much?"  "$15."  "And what if I get this one and this one?"  "That would be $25."  Then they pull out another one.  "How much is this one?"  "They're all $15 or 2 for $25."  "So all the ones in that bin are the same prince?"  "Yes."  "What about that bin?"  "Same price." 

And then I get the people who can't understand the original is not a print.  They point to the original canvas and say, "I want to buy that."  Then I tell them that's the original.  They say they still want it.  I tell them the prince, and then they try to argue with me and be like, "But you said $15."  Yea, for the prints.  "Ok, well I want that print then."  I go through a bin and find that print. Then:  "But I want that one!"  and they point to the original.  SO many people don't understand why I can't just sell them the original for $15.  Chance are the canvas it's painted on cost me more than $15.

So... ten weeks.  Hopefully the guy who commissioned the tattoo design and the people who commissioned the portraits will pay fast so I can stock up on magnets.  Hopefully I can get enough to place one BIG magnet order and that will keep them stocked for the season.  I know I found a site where magnets are cheaper than what I was paying.  But I sold all but a few last season.  And even if it's not as much to stock up this year, it's still around $500.  Not pocket change.  I currently have 20 magnet designs.  I would like to have about 25 of each going into this season.  That's 500 magnets at about $1 each. 

I came up with an idea for Savage...  I mean, yes, Savage is already written.  But it's only drafted.  I came up with something to add into the plot that will give it a lot more depth.  Of course this means I'm going to have to rewrite some big chunks of the book.  But that's ok.  I would rather take the time to make it a lot better than just not bother and release a decent novel that could have been a great novel.  Savage has a lot of gore...  It's already got a limited audience. 

It's like all of my novels have a lot of something that is bad on some level.  I want to use the word taboo, but not all of these things are taboo, so much as they are just things society is scared of on some level.  Needles has a lot of drug use.  Savage has tons of gore/torture.  Asylum has a lot of sex, and not always loving romantic sex either.  The main character is a sex worker for the first part of the book.  So there are violent sex scenes too.

And then the novel I wrote for NaNo...  it has a lot of happy moments in it, but happy in the sense that you can tell something isn't right.  The first part of the book is idyllic and almost reads like a feel good vacation story.  Then it gets really dark really fast.  

But, I'm excited to add this new element to Savage.  I think it's really going to add layers to the story that will take it to a new level. 

I also need to start working on tax prep.  Heehaw, lol. 

These are all the things I need to start on.  But this weekend, I've given myself permission to relax. 

 

 

[Cynder]

Ok, so I was having a hard time staying asleep today.  I woke up around noon and decided to draft the first chapter of BH, a new novel I've been kicking around ideas for in my head. 

This one is supernatural horror.  It's interesting that this is my second supernatural horror novel, considering that's genre I used to avoid.  To me, all supernatural horror seemed too formulaic.  Someone moves to a new place, meets someone new, gets a new job, etc and before too long, weird things start happening.  Then they uncover something awful that is linked to whatever new thing in their life started all of this.  If it's their house, they do research and find out the previous owner was a serial killer or something.  Idk, to me it seemed like such a predictable and overdone genre. 

But now, because it's supernatural, it's not a limiting genre.  I can literally do anything.  If I decide I want a giant demonic octopus to come out of the basement and eat my whole cast of characters, I can do that. 

I have about ten different ideas for where this story could go.  I still haven't decided which direction it's going.  But I know it will come as I'm writing it. 

And man...  some people would probably mock me to hell if they knew how many of my stories were inspired by my last relationship in some way. 

Savage was literally inspired by a story D told me about his childhood.  Asylum really draws on what it's like to be with a mentally ill person.  Seeing someone you love lose touch with reality, etc...  that is all front and center in Asylum.  A lot of what happens in Asylum was inspired by the messed up relationship he had with his sister, too. 

But, until now, I still haven't had a character that was outright based on him.  The main character in BH is, though.  He's a recovered addict who works multiple jobs, etc.  And he gets himself into a situation that almost costs him everything.  But it's supernatural horror.  So it's not like he gets himself into this by being a bad person, etc.  It's just the unluck of the draw.  As for why I based the character on him...  really it all comes down to after we broke up when I got this idea for a short story and I based the character on him just because I was processing a lot at the time and he was front and center in my mind.  But now, I've expanded on that idea and decided to make that short story into a full length novel.  It was a really simple idea at first.  But I figured out a way to expand on it and give it more substance.  That character is based on him now, but all my characters change as I write.  Who he is at the end of the book will be completely different.  Just like my main character in Needles was originally based on Z.  Now, he's nothing at all like her. 

I know it's a really weird thing to worry about...  but I genuinely do worry that I won't live long enough to finish all the books I want to write.  If genetics is any kind of predictive factor, I will be dead in less than ten years.  So there is so much urgency here.  And I also get mad at myself for not starting earlier in life.  But, I also need to keep telling myself, things happen when they are supposed to happen.  Nothing is accidental. So, I started when I was supposed to start.  And I will live long enough to finish what I need to finish.  Anything I don't finish wasn't meant to be finished. 

And the fact that my editor is taking so much time to get through Needles.  I just sent him chapter 29, and the last chapter I got back from him was chapter 6.  I feel like it's going to take years to get this book edited at this rate.  And I don't want to speak up and ask what the holdup is, because I will feel like a jerk if I do. 

Anyway, got chapter 1 of BH drafted.  Now I'm going back to sleep for a few hours. 

 

[Batya33]

I know you more often do audible books and not sure this one is in audible but I am reading a debut novel called Radiant Heat.  Ironically it concerns a number of the same ideas/themes you've been posting about art/artists (the protagonist is a painter).  It's very good! Author is Australian I believe and it is set in Australia (where I've never been although a friend is flying there today!).

[Cynder]

17 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I know you more often do audible books and not sure this one is in audible but I am reading a debut novel called Radiant Heat.  Ironically it concerns a number of the same ideas/themes you've been posting about art/artists (the protagonist is a painter).  It's very good! Author is Australian I believe and it is set in Australia (where I've never been although a friend is flying there today!).

That book actually is on Audible.  I will probably check it out.  It sounds interesting just based on what you said here. 

Yea, unfortunately if something isn't available in audio format or in eBook format where I can zoom in, it's almost impossible for me to read.  I have taken text from books off Scribed and copy/pasted it into TTS software, though. It doesn't sound as good as an actual person reading it, because it's a robot voice.  TTS voices have come a long way since I first started using TTS years ago.  So, it's not this completely unnatural robot voice.  The voices do sound human.  But there's no emphasis on certain words, etc.  It reads everything in the same tone. Some people can't handle that.  It doesn't bother me.  But it's not the same as a real human being reading it. 

 

[Cynder]

I am so in love with BH so far.  I have three chapters written, and it's like the words are just falling out of me onto the page.  I really am not sure how it's going to end yet, though.  But that's ok.  I wasn't sure how Needles was going to end for a long time either.  And, there are still things I could change.  Needles could end about 3 different ways, and I am still deciding on some things.  I know how it will end for certain characters, but not for others. 

BH is just flowing so well though.  BH are the initials of the working title.  But I think I might already have a real title.  And it's not taken either!  I hope the whole book is this easy, lol.  The MC goes out for a walk at night and stops on this bridge near his house where there's a really pretty stream.  He stands there for a minute just thinking about things.  And on the bridge is a really interesting few words, painted as graffiti.  Those three words really hit home for him, since he's in recovery, etc.  And I think those three words will be the title of the book.  Because they come up later on, too. 

I listened to a book recently called Whisper Down the Lane.  The book was really boring, honestly.  It was such an interesting concept that went to waste.  It had so much potential.  But the title was so brilliant.  It's about a scenario similar to the McMartin preschool case in the 80s.  I was just a little kid when the Satanic panic was in full swing.  But I find it really interesting.  But anyway, the book is about a kid who accuses his teacher of sexual abuse and Satanic ritual abuse.  And he lies just so he can go home, basically.  He's 5.  Here these adults are paying attention to him, and they keep asking questions and trying to get these answers out of him.  So he finally tells them a bunch of crazy stories just to make it stop so he can go home, basically.  And now he's an adult, and weird stuff starts happening to him.  But the title Whisper Down the Lane was the name of a game his teacher used to play with the kids in class.  It was the game most people refer to as Telephone.  But there's a double meaning to it.  Because it's not only the name of the game they played in class, but it's also making a statement about how one story gets completely blown out of proportion when it's repeated enough times, etc.  I kept wishing I could find a title like that for Needles. 

But now, for BH, I have this awesome title that fits right into the story, and also has a double meaning.  Now I just have to cross my fingers and hope no one takes it.  I was told by people in one of the writing communities I'm in, that there is no way to lock down a title.  But, I've also been told by other writers that you can buy the domain name.  Like, if my book was called, "Tea and sleeping pills" (That's something completely random, btw, I don't have anything called that.) I could just buy the domain "teaandsleepingpillsbook.com or .net or whatever, and then I have legal ownership of the name.  I don't know how true that ism though.  I would have to contact a copyright expert to find out. 

Well, it's bed time.  I'm falling asleep. 

 

[Cynder]

I've been basically doing research for most of the evening on what all I need to do to get this book out there once it's finished.  Every time I turn around there's another expense to add to the list.  Tonight I learned how expensive ISBNs are. 

I have to just come to terms with the facts...  July isn't happening.  It's not for lack of trying.  It basically comes down to money.  I won't beat myself up over this.  I will just have to reassess the situation and set a new goal. 

I could try GoFundMe.  But it's so hard to get any real funds that way unless you have a huge social media presence, which I don't.  And it's impossible to advertise a gofundme on facebook, because FB hides those posts.  They want you to pay them to boost posts, so certain things are hidden. 

I put up a post on FB basically saying "I'm going to have to take out a loan if I ever want this book published, lol."  I'm not kidding, within 5 minutes a guy I went to high school with messaged me and propositioned me.  This guy has a construction business and has done pretty well for himself.  (I know this just from seeing his social media posts, we don't really talk.)  He basically was hinting around at "Well how bad do you really want it...? *wink wink* *nudge nudge* I just didn't answer him.  I don't want it that bad.  I mean yes, this is something I really want.  But I'm not going to sleep with some high school acquaintance to get it. 

I am thinking of ways to raise money.  And so far, I think the best idea is to have a display dedicated to this project in my booth this year.  I want to print out a really nice, slick print of the cover and have it mounted next to the synopsis.  And I thought about having a box there for people to donate to, but that's just asking to be stolen.  I think I will make prints of the cover art, and then put an info sheet in the sleeve with the print, with a short excerpt, etc. 

I wonder if the content will make people not want to donate, though.  This is not a feel good novel with a strong moral lesson and a positive message.  It's a dark story with an underlying message that in the end, no one is any better than anyone else, etc.  The world sucks.  There are no answers.  Nothing is fair.  Etc. 

So, maybe this season I will collect enough money to complete this project.  I might even still try the donation box.  I will just have to make sure it's hard to run off with. 

Then there are sites like Patreon, BuyMeACoffee.com. etc.  I could look into promoting myself on those, as well.  I actually have a Patreon account but I haven't set up my donation tiers, etc.  I got an account so I could donate to a few other artists I know. 

Anyway, these are ideas I've been playing around with. 

 

[Cynder]

I just cracked open an egg with a chicken fetus inside...  I don't know if I will ever eat eggs again, ugh, it was so disgusting. 

And when I cracked it open it plopped out onto the griddle and it brushed against my fingers.  So, I didn't finish cooking anything.  I put the thing in the trash and washed the griddle immediately after.  I took the toast I made and put it in a ziplock bag for later. 

The odds of that happening are one in a million maybe...  If something that rare was going to happen to me why couldn't it be winning the lottery?  (Which would be even more remarkable considering I don't play the lottery, lol) 

Seriously...  I went from being hungry and looking forward to an egg sandwich on toast, to having zero appetite at all. 

As messed up as this is, I feel like now that I've experienced it, it needs to happen in a story, lol.  Like, if I had to go through it, one of my characters is going through it, damnit, lol. 

 

[itsallgrand]

I'm pretty adventurous with food, so years ago I tried balut. Didn't eat eggs foe months. I can still remember the taste! 

[Cynder]

17 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

I'm pretty adventurous with food, so years ago I tried balut. Didn't eat eggs foe months. I can still remember the taste! 

I've always wanted to try a Century Egg.  No one near me serves them, but it's on my bucket list.  I've heard if you can get past the smell it's absolutely delicious.  And I have no sense of smell, so for me it would be easy. 

I don't think I could do balut, though.  Good on you for trying it.  Was it really nasty? 

 

[itsallgrand]

It really was nasty to me. And I like strong cheese and the like, but this tasted putrid. Plus the texture was bad, slimy and veiny and crunchy beak. Do not recommend lol. No shame to those who eat it but I think it's more like one of those foods where it's "do you dare?" .

[Cynder]

13 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

It really was nasty to me. And I like strong cheese and the like, but this tasted putrid. Plus the texture was bad, slimy and veiny and crunchy beak. Do not recommend lol. No shame to those who eat it but I think it's more like one of those foods where it's "do you dare?" .

I love strong flavors, too.  I like really sharp cheese.  Wasabi, Sriracha, kimchi, anchovies, etc.  I like sour things, too.  Since I have no sense of smell I taste things more true to their actual flavor because my taste isn't influenced by smell.  I hate that the myth that people who can't smell also can't taste is so widely perpetuated, because it's not true.  I remember learning that in health class in school and being really confused, like why are they teaching that like it's a fact when it's not. 

My parents accused me of lying for years about not being able to smell.  And that was one thing they kept using against me.  Like "You can taste.  So you can smell too.  Stop lying!"

Texture is a huge thing for me.  So I know I couldn't handle the slimy texture if a bird fetus and the crunchy beak.  Just feeling the chicken fetus brush against my fingers when it slid out of the egg...  it felt so disgusting. 

I have eaten cow's tongue.  It taste like steak.  I mean, it's just another part of the cow.  It's meat just like the other meat.  I've had moose, reindeer, elk, bear, chicken gizzards, rocky mountain oysters. (A lot of that stuff I tried when I was in Norway.) I ate shark's fin soup once and I regret it now.  I didn't know how unethical it was at the time.  I mean, I know when you get down to it, most meat is unethically harvested on some level.  But shark's fin soup just really got to me when I learned more about. And it wasn't even that good.  The chicken stock and the vegetables were delicious.  But the shark fin itself was really bland. So, I ate something that is obtained in a really cruel way, and it didn't even taste good. 

I've tried weird things like Ranch Dressing soda, just for the novelty.  Caviar is delicious.  I also love Roe. (Yea, they are both fish eggs.  The difference is the species.  Caviar only comes from sturgeon. I know a lot of this stuff because my Mom was the seafood manager in a pretty large grocery store, not because I"m that educated in rare delicacies, lol.)  I love it, and one of my favorite things about it is the texture.  I remember when my nephew lived with me I used to get sushi from this one place a lot and they put bright red and yellow roe on certain rolls.  I showed it to him once and was like, "Hey, K, you know what that red stuff is on there?"  He asked me what and I said, "It's fish eggs.  Want some?"  After that he would randomly tease me about eating fish eggs.  I would be making something completely mundane like mac and cheese or something and he was be like, "Are you putting fish eggs in there?"    

There are some things I could never eat though. I have wondered what Casu Martzu tastes like.  But I could never get past the idea of eating cheese full of live maggots.  Sorry but no.  I've always been curious about Escargot.  I ordered it once at a restaurant in Chicago, but they ended up being out of snails.  I was all excited to try quail eggs at a restaurant in London, too.  But they were out of them that day.  😞

One day, hopefully I'll get my century egg. 

 

[itsallgrand]

It's super interesting to me hearing how loss of smell influences taste! True to the actual flavour, now it would be so neat to experience that and be able to compare. 

You will get your century egg yet! Happy Valentines day, 💝,  hope you have a special day whether it's a nice relaxing meal or enjoying some tunes or anything you enjoy.

[Cynder]

I love making images of my characters in MidJourney. I just spent about an hour nailing down my two characters from BH.  I kept changing small things in the image until it matched what I see in my head.  

I know a lot of people are probably wondering why I even have a MJ account.  Well, short answer:  Because it's fun.  A lot of artists do.  It's like a toy to play with.  I can ask it to paint an octopus in a schoolgirl uniform riding on a killer whale, and it will.  It was a lot of fun when my nephew lived here, too.  We used to make all kinds of stuff.  He would tell me what he wanted, and I would code it. 

But, recently I started using it to generate images of characters and places in my novels.  I know I'm an artist and I can draw these things myself.  But it's fun to see what it comes up with when I describe the people/places.

And now... bed time. 

 

[Cynder]

So, this cab driver takes me to work just about every night.  He's never done anything to make me feel uncomfortable before last night. 

Last night he texted me and asked me to call him at around 12:30.  I figured maybe I left something In the cab.  So I called him.  He didn't pick up so I just left a vm telling him I got his text, etc.  Well, he called me an hour later, drunk off his ass, and spent 15 minutes very sloppily hitting on me.  He was like, "You know, I haul so many people every day, and so many people are a**holes, but you're always so nice.  Let's spend some time together.  You know I've always liked you even though I'm old enough to be your daddy." 

This was possibly the most uncomfortable phonecall I've ever gotten.  And he kept using that word that starts with F and is a slur toward gay men.  He was like, "Yea, when I was in high school everyone thought I was f** because I treated women with so much respect.  I didn't treat girls like sex objects.  But I'm not a f**.  I just know how to treat a lady."

I kept trying to politely end the conversation.  But every time I would tell him I have to go, he would launch into another tangent. 

All the stuff I've written here about feeling invisible...  I feel like when someone does see me, it's a situation like this.  They see me for the wrong reasons.  Well, more accurately, they misinterpret what they see.  I am a nice person, and I treat people with respect, even cab drivers who get a lot of crap from people, and this guy takes it as I must want him or I'm somehow giving him the green light. 

Seriously, who the hell calls someone when they know they're at work to hit on them?  I guess that's where being drunk comes into play.  Drunk people don't really think about whether or not someone is at work. 

And Monday night I have to ride with him.  I'm hoping he was so drunk he won't remember the call.  My coworkers told me I should report him.  I'm too nice.  I don't want to get some guy in trouble for something he did off the clock.  I don't think someone should lose their job over making me a little uncomfortable.  And this day in age, he probably would lose his job.  Most places have no tolerance for that if it's a man who did it.  Women can get away with all kinds of inappropriate behavior in a profession environment, though.   And even outside of a professional environment...  there's a lot of double standards there with what women can do.   

And if people reading this are wondering why he even had my number in the first place, cab drivers usually do have their passengers' numbers, at least in this capacity.  No, in the big city when there's hundreds of cabs and someone just walks outside and flags one down, then they don't.  But in a smaller city, where you call the taxi company and schedule a pickup, then they do have your number in case they can't find your house, they break down on the way, etc. 

I just wish I wouldn't have answered him. 

But I guess I also need to be careful what I wish for.  I want to be seen.  And then when someone does see me it's this kind of situation, and that's not what I want either.  Like, Oh, I'm so sad because no one pays attention to me... but I didn't want that attention.  Like people who complain that they can't get a job, then someone lists off a few places that are hiring, and this person is like, "Well I don't want to work there."

Ok well, now that I've got all that out of my system, time to finish editing chapters 29-30.  (Originally this was one chapter, but it's long, so I split it in half.

I hate to admit it, but I'm getting sick of editing Needles.  That doesn't mean I'm stopping until it's finished, though.  I'm just wanting to finish and I keep getting frustrated with myself for bloating it like I am.  It's already too long for a debut novel.  I'm probably going to have to cut some of it out for the release... and then release the uncut version later.  A debut novel shouldn't be much more than 300 pages.  And it's creeping up on 400.  The expression "delete your darlings" is something I'm, probably going to learn a lesson in here soon.  Writers can't be afraid to cut stuff out.  I cut every word out that isn't necessary.  But now I might have to make decisions about what scenes aren't necessary. 

Anyway...  chapters to finish. 

 

[Cynder]

Ok, right as I finished that last post which I ended by talking about being sick of working on Needles at the moment... this son came on.  Not kidding. 

The Universe loves to tell me things, lol. 

 

[Batya33]

He is a man who is incredibly unstable and was drunk so please don't use him as any sort of example related to how you are treated in daily life. I'm sorry you went through that. Please hang up immediately the next time.

[Cynder]

52 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

He is a man who is incredibly unstable and was drunk so please don't use him as any sort of example related to how you are treated in daily life. I'm sorry you went through that. Please hang up immediately the next time.

It's always the unstable people who see me, though.  A while back there was a guy who came into where I work who got really attached to me, even though I never gave him any more attention than any other customer.  He had some serious mental problems and would send me these long texts that were really cryptic.  I don't even know how he got my number.  I never gave it to him. 

At another job I met a lady who seemed like such a sweet person.  She used to offer me rides home because I walked home every day.  Well, before too long she started referring to my family members like they were her family.  Like, at some point I mentioned that my Mom had a pool during some conversation at work.  And before too long she's asking me "When can we go to Mom's house and swim?"  And she even started saying stuff like, "Can you give me directions to Mom's house so I can go over tonight and swim?"  Man... my Mom would have been livid if some strange woman would have just showed up thinking she was going to get in her pool.  I started refusing to take rides with her and she started telling me it was disrespectful because I'm her "adoptive daughter."  She was 25 years older than me and she never had any kids.  She used to always talk about how she wished she had a daughter, etc.  Eventually she got fired for her weird behavior at work.  She also got really attached to a guy that worked there and called him her brother. 

I have a lot of stories like this, too.  I have a random encounter with someone who decides I'm whatever they are looking for at the time and get really clingy. I helped the friend of a friend's Mom transfer photos off his phone onto his computer once.  I did this over the phone.  I just happened to be over, and my friend's mom was on the phone with him when he was trying to figure this out.  He couldn't figure out how to email the pics to himself.  So I told him to text them to me and I will email them to him.  It was like 10 pics.  It wasn't anything that was going to take hours or anything.  I went home that night and turned phone off while I worked on some things.  My battery was almost dead anyway.  When I turned my phone back on a few hours later I had over 100 texts from this dude and about a dozen voicemails that went from casual and friendly and ended in rage and crying and begging to know what he did wrong and why I wouldn't talk to him. 

While doing volunteer work back in 2011-12, volunteer coordinator struck a friendship up with me and we talked on the phone a lot, about stuff like religion, our childhoods, etc...  Well he was an active serial killer at the time.  He is now on death row and set to be executed in 2025.  I posted about this situation somewhat recently here. 

It's like the people who do see me are people with a lot of issues and they don't see a person, they see a target.  Idk man... I"m not exactly mentally healthy either.  Maybe it's just a matter of crazy attracting crazy.  D told me I attract unstable people because I'm supposed to show them what stability looks like.  Idk man...  anyone who looks to me as a role model for mental stability has a really warped sense of reality, lol.  And for D of all people to say that is really interesting considering being with me didn't help him be more stable at all and he started becoming more stable as soon as I was gone.  But also... as soon as his sister was gone.