delicous Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 It is crappy...Look at that other post, I kinda poured out my feelings and thought on women who turn into this, which is what I have become. Its really difficult for me to resolve...My feelings are still all over the place...I just need to work up the courage to look past all the good we have and really let him know what Im feeling...I think I choke because I am afraid of him ending it with me....I wanted and still sourta want this to work out so badly, its causing me to lose myself...NOT GOOD...NOT LETTING IT HAPPEN...Im NOT driving to his place anymore, if he wants to see me he can come here.... Its NOT Okay for him to not stay on the phone with me and to want to FORGET about how I am feeling....What kindof man does this? Not okay to still talk to his ex girlfriend regardless of the topic its NOT okay for her to still have mail sent to his place or for him to be OKAY with it... Throwing a bday party for your ex, NOT OKAY... STILL having her stuff underneath his sink, including her toothebrush, hair stuff, foot creams and more...Not okay to still have her stupid BROKEN neclace, THROW IT AWAY... Its NOT okay to not WANT to show me I can trust you by NOT doing what makes me feel uncomfortable for ex : Going into the bathroom EVERY DAY with both phones in ur possession, not showing me your not texting any other girls by prooving it to me by showing me ur phone... THOUGHT OF MORE...Not okay to smoke weed and play video games while TOTALLY NEGLECTING ME by pretty much forcing me to either sit and watch or go into the bedroom to SLEEP while ur playing video games with ur bro... I don't give 2 shts whether u SUPPORT Valentines or not....You should still put in the effort and celebrate us REGARDLESS of your hallmark card hate....I should of ended it forever after that day, but no STUPIDLY fed into that BS. Finding an empty condom on the floor, NOT okay to not talk about it, not okay to lie about and most importantly NOT OKAY TO CHEAT ON ME WITH UR STUPID EX putting ur phone on silent so it doesn't ring...Mmm hmm, what are yo hideing? How many more girls are you doing this exact same thing to??? Screw this...Im done...There is WAY too much BAD, the bad out weighs the good...Im sick of this...Im tired of this and I NEED and MUST move on for my own health... Good things? SEX, Little SPURTS of treating me like an actual human being who is your girlfriend...your advise, your funny, ur different and unique....I look up to u in leadership type of ways...you take care of your family and would kill for your mom....You took me out for my bday...THATS IT!! WHAT is wrong with me? I hope to GOD and PRAY to GOD that I am not pregnant=...( Link to comment
delicous Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 Ibroke up with him on his voicemail...I couldn't let it eat at me any longer...he didn't answer, I called like 4 times...the first two times, he hit ignore, I just know it...and then the 3rd time, went straight to voicemail, 4th time, left the voicemail...it was pretty cut and dry..told him i can't do this anymore... Link to comment
delicous Posted September 22, 2011 Author Share Posted September 22, 2011 AAaaaaand he never got it... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 AAaaaaand he never got it... So what? If you truly want to end things you know what to do. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 he just checked this morning...I don't know how to do it anymore, I think hes just beginning to feel numb to the idea of me wanting to break up since ive done it over a hand full of times now... Link to comment
delicous Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 Im just going to do whatever the heck I feel like doing and if "I" decide "I" really can't take it the way hes treating me, I will end it officially...As of right now, I have NO clue, but I DON'T WANT to stop seeing him regardless of certain red flags..... I just wish he would try harder with out me having to break up with him in order for him to crawl back and start treating me right, hope he can just realize Im serious and DO IT....If not he has GOT TO realize I am far too sweet and sexy to be settling with the likes of him. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Wow. Doesn't sound like the basis for a healthy relationship at all. And all this cycle of break ups is going to do is have you continue to confuse drama/lust/emotional rollercoaster stuff with the healthy love of two people in a relationship who also like each other. I'm glad you're so emphatic about your choice to continue seeing him despite the red flags because at least that statement shows that you're taking responsibility for your choices. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 Yes mam, definetly am owning up to the fact that I am being a complete idiot, but a complete idiot who wants to fix things lol...Who knows what next week bring, eh? or this weekend or the next hour, seems to be the unhealthy flow of our relationship..... In all honesty....Im head over heels about him, however if he hurts me again to the point where I cannot forgive it and cannot stop myself from thinking about it, it has to end and ill be perfectly fine without him "maybe not perfectly fine" but Ill learn to get over it and move on and maybe be single for a while...wait and get to know myself and love myself before trying with some one new or going back him... lol Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 I don't think the answer is to beat yourself up - that's not going to motivate you to improve your life. I would ask yourself what benefits other than "I feel head over heels in love" you are getting from this relationship. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 yup and when I figure out the answer to that question, ill let you know lol Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Start with the assumption that people typically move towards pleasure and away from pain - so, do the pros of being with him outweigh the cons? Link to comment
delicous Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 he has once again upset me to the point where im ready to call it quits...Im tired and tired of thinking about what hes up to...He disappeared and I havn't heard from him since we departed yesterday MORNING! =....( F**K HIM Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Why the need for all the drama? I've been reading this thread from time to time, and this guy sounds like a complete waste of energy. Why you want to waste your energy -- not to mention your time -- on him is totally beyond me, but I'm wondering if you like the drama -- or if you think you NEED it for a relationship to be exciting and keep your attention. It seems to me that if you wanted a healthy relationship, one without all the drama -- you'd cut this guy loose. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 And... come to find out he got a stomache bug and totally disregard the last comment I made...I don't want to end it over something so silly... Browneyes girl: Its not like I LIKE the drama and feel like I need to have drama in order to keep things exciteing or whatever, but you may have something there....because I do tend to pick and I don't mean to on a concience level but on an unconcience level, I think Im just in complete ,no doubt in my mind that this is prob never going to work, so the sec I see he isn't trying any longer, it makes me put a guard up and just end it.....But this time, I was kinda in a wrong for assuming, but he was in the wrong for not calling and saying hey im sick, won tbe talking to u for 18hrs... he admitted he should of but was just too out of it to do so, and I told him what id like him to do if it were to happen again...in the future... I told him I did send him a txt but not a break up one, just saying where are you, im trying to make this work for the long run and feel like u don't care....Also mentioned if he met someone else to let me go....He told me he didn't meet anyone else, just got sick from something he ate for lunch that day, he did eat a slim jim and sweet tarts and then a double pound hamburger meal...so im assuming he didn't make this story up, he still sounded a little out of it and drained of energy when we talked just now. He also told me he would like me to call the house phone if he doesnt pick up his cell.... Sooo....We ARE working on things and yeah..this just needs to change or else i am walking and he knows this...ooooor he prob wouldn't of been apologizing and telling me a long elaborated story about what happened...I know deep down inside that he didn't sleep/meet anyone else and something dramatic prob happened, hints pooping out of his butthole and throwing up out of his mouth constantly.... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 It doesn't sound like you two do any work on "things" - you simply return to treating each other nicely for a short period of time until the next inevitable blow-up -of you actually worked on things as you've claimed many times that you have then you wouldn't have these blow-ups and break ups every few days. Certainly you can't work on things if you don't trust him and from this last post, you still do not. You have no idea what specific things need to change and if you do you certainly haven't communicated those to him effectively and/or he has chosen to ignore what you want. Working on things would mean you two communicating in a manner that was clear, direct and that didn't lead to these constant blow-ups and break up texts, that you stopped using sex as a way to avoid actually getting to know each other as people, that you decided whether you can accept that most of the time you've been having sex with him he's been with someone else, or been looking to be with someone else, or lied to you/been unreliable. Can you accept that and move on from that? I absolutely could not but if you want to "work" then no work can get done without you first accepting that he has promised to change and having a clean slate. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 Bataya, so you are saying, we need to sit down and have "another" talk but this time be even more clear then last time. I don't get what you mean because we have had talks already, many now, but yes, we do kinda real eachother back in by being polite and sweet to eachother and we do mention what it is that we want and what caused the situation and what we can do to prevent it from happening again in a few short sentences.... Im very much ready to walk if we don't begine to grow in our relationships together... I can't be with someone who isn't willing to put in the effort.. He texted me today saying he is willing to put in the effort and that he misses me...He will be coming over tomorrow to spend the night...I have some cleaning and straightening up to do around my small place.... I hate that I do not have cable or anything to entertain him whenever he is over here...It kinda feels strange because I do not have cable, game system of any sourt and my place is very small....Hopeing to make some good hearty meal and feed him, and get him in a good mood prior to having anymore talks with him. I almost feel like we have no need to have any talks since we have already so many times before...Just want to give eachother massages and maybe watch a movie or something... Just want to do something laid back and not jump down his throat about things we have already, many times now, talked about... Link to comment
delicous Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 I wish my ex's little sister would stop posting pics of his new wife and new born baby, its just rubbing it in ....but I know she isn't meaning to ...just wants to share pics or whatever...grr Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 I don't think you should have a talk unless you have specifics to discuss and it doesn't regress into a confrontational argument. Your post is so vague -do you really have a clear idea of what you mean by "effort?" Does he? Sounds like neither of you does and if you do you go back on your promises to yourself so many times I'm sure he has no clue what you want since however he behaves you come back to him and get into bed with him. And just to be clear- I personally wouldn't have a talk - I would never continue to be involved with someone who's behaved like him, as I've posted many many times. As far as sharing pictures -you can block her on FB. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 I agree--- Prob shouldn't have a talk ...Your the one who said you think its a good idea to, but now you're going back on your word...Or maybe I read it wrong or something... I don't know...All I know is, he means it if he says hes making the effort, its not somethings hes EVER said to me prior... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 I agree--- Prob shouldn't have a talk ...Your the one who said you think its a good idea to, but now you're going back on your word...Or maybe I read it wrong or something... I don't know...All I know is, he means it if he says hes making the effort, its not somethings hes EVER said to me prior... Yes you read it wrong. I've written many times to you that I don't think he is right for you and that I would never ever date someone who behaved as he did. What I then wrote was that "if" you decide to go forward then you should have a talk with him and the talk should be as I wrote above since you use such vague terms as "effort" and "talk' without specifics. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 Right; Well....I am going to continue seeing him, so having a talk with him is what you advised me to do if I choose to stay with him, "go forward" is how you put it... Don't know, just trying to remaine in not as much constant contact with seeing eachother every day, but.... at the same time, I want to make sure to talk to him every day for a few minutes and its been good so far, we have been having conversations that have been flowing very well and I can feel him smiling on the other end of the phone by the tone of his voice...I think he is really starting to realize I am serious about this because he is at return, being the same way towards me...I just hope we can make it last this time and not get into little temper-tantrums over dumb stuff and if needed, to TALK OPENLY if something bothers either of us... I don't know for sure if he is ready to be together seriously, but what I do know and feel is that he is trying...and making the effort.... He wouldn't choose those words unless he meant it. Im beginning to understand his patterns and habits...I am not as paranoid with being away from him and worrying about him cheating on me or being scandelous behing my back...I can pretty much now picture what it is that he is doing during the day and on nights him and I are not together. I am beginning to let go of trying to control every inch of our relationship and I think this is a good thing because I think its causing us to grow as a some what healthy couple. HOWEVER...I AM ready to drop off the face of earth and not talk to him again, if reasons come up to do so, but as of right now a lot of these "red flags" I have chosen to call red have actually been just part of his everyday human behavior and habits he has established, some.... Not so good, but....he has been making the effort to change those things that I find to be negatively effecting us as a couple. Im hoping itll keep going this way, going forward.... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I don't think the point is knowing what he does every day or every night -because that can change on a dime -whether it be a new job, new friends he makes, a new activity or hobby he takes up, whatever - it's about trusting that whatever it is he is doing when he is not with you is not anything that is inconsistent with being in a committed relationship with you. If you need to picture what he's doing -or what you think he's doing - in order to feel ok about his loyalty- that's a problem IMO. For example, my husband is out to dinner tonight with people I don't know - it is work-related. This past weekend he was away on business with people I don't know. I really don't know what he does all day at work (of course I know about large parts of it, but not everything), and I don't know what he does when he goes to visit family every two months or so. He often shares with me what he does, who he sees -but not because I need to know that to feel secure -and not to reassure me -simply because it's interesting/fun to share the experiences you have when you're apart. Given the amount of travel, business dinners, and socializing he does we would not have a marriage if I needed to know what he did when he wasn't with me or if I needed to know that what he did when he wasn't with me was a consistent routine or pattern. He'd have gotten suffocated many years ago- I would assume most people would. I would. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 Bataya33: I see what you are saying, however...what I mean by what Im saying may be being interpreted wrong.. Im basically letting you know that I have finally started being comfortable being away from it, not as anxious as I use to be and more happy. What I mean by, "I can picture what he is doing" I mean I am starting to get to know him and can picture him working, being at home, playing video games...sleeping, eating...doing whatever hes doing..It wasn't always like this, if you look at my previous posts, I talk about how I feel like Im never going to trust him, keep picturing him cheating and being decieving whenever hes away from me or doesn't pick up or return my call within a few hours. I am pretty much realizing Im not thinking this way and starting to think more realistically and more trusting...Im not picturing him with his ex everytime I close my eyes and im enjoying the time spent together, even if its only a few hours do to his busy schedule latley...Ive been feeling more free and more me latley...Im also coming to terms with my ex before him...Im actually happy for him, I was upset when I first saw the pic of him and his baby but now...I have this warm feeling that is pushing me to let go. Im finally letting go of my past anger that I had towards him...I think its causing me to be less controling now and all this-----without a councelor----- When I mentioned I am getting to know his habits, its a good thing because it means Im starting to TRUST him, which is something both of us thought would be impossible... Link to comment
capuccino83 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 So I read the first page and stopped. OP, I certainly hope that by page 15 the other ENA members made you realize that dating a guy who tells you that he is planning on having sex with OTHER women is a terrible idea. Most jerks at least have enough respect (for a lack of better word) for their girlfriend's feeling to try to hide this. He doesn't even care if you know that he's doing!! Just wow.. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 Capuccino83--- are you talking about how I asked him what he wishes he got to do if he stayed in schoo? Because, he was saying he wishes he banged all the hot chicks in school, pretty much every guy at that age wanted that....That def did cause some stress, but its just him being silly..... Uuuum...unless your talking about something in which you may need to tell me what page so I can go back and see what you are talking about...He NEVER told me he is sleeping with other women and had me being okay with it...He DID mention whenever we were still just FWB that if I got a craving for strange penis other than his to let him know..hed be upset but most likely be okay with it since we were not official at the time...He hasn't said anything like this since and have recapped talking about this and is 100% not okay with me sleeping with other men and same goes for me im 100% not okay with him sleeping with other women either. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.