Batya33 Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 I don't think thats the case entirely.... It's weird, its like as soon as either of us feel what we have going on turning into anything more and deeper, we both become distant or will do the opposite and smother the relationship.... Its hard to explaine unless your in my shoes. You can read all I say but until you feel what him and I feel, theres no way and no one who can possibly begine to get it... Then I will stop giving you input. I actually do get it, perhaps more than you -you're very wrapped up in you and your "feelings" and you are choosing not to evaluate this from a clear more objective perspective and refusing to take the time apart to clear your head - and I mean a few months, not a few days. If you're meant to be as you claim a few months apart to clear your head and get an honest perspective on how your life is going including whether he has a role in it would be worth it. But you seem to prefer the drama. That's all I'm going to write since I don't get it (but I do get that I'm not telling you what you want to hear). Link to comment
nekoxchaos Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 girl ive been on and off this site ... and for the past few months all your posts seem to be the same thing over and over again and you don't seem to want to take anyone's advice. I used to be stubborn and caught up in a unhealthy situation as well but thankfully I let that go and continued doing my own thing, is it really worth it to keep going back to the same guy same situation over and over when you can probably find someone more suitable and have new experiences? besides why waste your energy on this situation when you can be free and have fun on your own. I'm just saying it becuase i was stubborn too and only wanted to hear what I wanted to hear, when I would hear the harsh truth it hurt a lot but it saved me from a lot more heartache and I'm glad people were honest enough to tell me what the situation really was. So yeah you probably won't listen to my input but its up to you I just don't want you to keep complaining about the same things when there are some of us who want to help Link to comment
delicous Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 I just don't know how to do anything anymore to fix this. Theres no fix but to end it and its agonizing....I hate it! I want to cry and break things and scream and then the other side of me just wants to be that girl that he goes to for all the answers, but how can I be that girl when I don't even know all the answers? I want to be that girl who he compares to his mom, make him cookies when hes had a bad day, rub his back and love him...I think I lost the concept and meaning of love through this whole thing...I don't even know what to call what we are anymore. I can since hes frustrated and I keep pushing...I know hes not right for me and don't know if he ever will be. I just want to keep him and have a healthy relationship, how hard can it seirously be? Link to comment
DarlingDoll Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 I just want to keep him and have a healthy relationship That's never going to happen. Link to comment
delicous Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 Nooo, I don't think thats the case. Hes not the type a guy who wants to be kept tabs on but it doesn't mean hes cheating. He doesn't say "I love you." but it doesn't mean he doesn't. He does smoke bud, but its not illegal anymore..and its a huge stress reliever and makes you not wanna think as much... He doesn't plan to do it forever.... His ex is no longer calling nearly as much, yes hes watching her pet for her still, but I do not believe in my heart that he is cheating on me with her. I think that I have been judging him way more harshly than he deserves. He deserves a loving, supporting girlfriend who makes him happy and isn't always jumping down his throat... I think a lot of my trust issues aside from the whole "affaire" thing is that I have been betrayed by all the close people in my life. I was betrayed by the 2 best girlfriends back in highschool. And I don't mean the common highschool crap, rather not get into it, but it involves rape. I never got justice for that situation and was way to fragile to go through a legal case...The ppl involved got a way with it scott free. I grew up in a very disfunctional family. My dad even betrayed me and my brother when he was getting high on coke and other drugs such as aphamines. Mom does the same. They are divorced, have been for a long time. After the rape, my brother and I grew far far apart from eachother. I think he thinks I consented. I still don't think he realizes what actually happened.... There is lots and lots more...Thats just the tip of it... My point is that maybe...I just am not a normal adult girl, maybe because of all the drama in my life and in my past, its caused permenant trust issues!!...I never even talked to phycitrist about it...I did once for to one and he gave me bi-polar pills..I took them, but then stopped because I noticed my moods worsening and then I started self mutilation...Ive had my issues....I think being with this man just makes me feel powerless sometimes and I think because ive been so powerless growing up and in the past....and parts of my present life, I am just getting tired of it. I feel walked on by everyone I come into counter with. ..... Don't know what to do next.... I don't want him out of my life. He doesn't want me out of his. He's just the type of man who needs his space and time alone. Doesn't necessarily mean he is whoring around. It could just be that he doesn't feel like entertaining...I don't know, think I just give him way to much crap and I post way to much crap about him which is just causing me to look way to deep into things...Wish I could just let things roll off my back.. Link to comment
delicous Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 As soon as I can figure out HOW to do what I is healthy, I will...As of right now, our disfunctional little mess works, we just need to work on getting it healthier..if we can't..we can't...But Im just too hard headed and too into this guy to end it all. Its not right to be together but its not right to be apart... Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 As soon as I can figure out HOW to do what I is healthy, I will...As of right now, our disfunctional little mess works, we just need to work on getting it healthier..if we can't..we can't...But Im just too hard headed and too into this guy to end it all. Its not right to be together but its not right to be apart... What is healthy is ending this. There is no "healthy" being with this guy. As for it "working" -- well, it's NOT working. If it were, you wouldn't be here agonizing about it. I stand by what I said in another of my posts -- this is not being "in love" with this guy. It's unhealthy attachment. Now that you've mentioned a bit more about your past experiences, I think I can see why you're hanging on to this even though it's not working. You don't believe you deserve better because of how you've been treated in the past. The ONLY way you're going to have healthy relationships is if you start treating yourself like you matter. All this back-and-forth drama is NOT doing something healthy for yourself -- it's quite the opposite. There really isn't anything to figure out; either you continue the drama and suffering, or you put a stop to it. The latter is definitely the harder choice, but it's also the best, most healthy one. The hard choices are nearly ALWAYS the best ones. The easy ones, not so much. You are in complete control of this situation if you choose to be. Right now, you're choosing, actively, to remain in a situation that brings anxiety and drama to your life. Until you decide you've had enough and that something has to change, you will stay on this rollercoaster. Link to comment
nekoxchaos Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 how bout being healthy for yourself , i remember that feeling that i couldn't live without a certain someone but then i got over it and realized how it was just in a moment kind of thing... and it was stupid and i was being so silly about the whole situation but i'm glad some of my friends were honest enough to give me a reality check .. I also took a long hard look at myself and saw what my faults were and what his were. I met some guy recently ... I knew it wasn't healthy and he pretty much admitted to be seeing someone , though parts of me wanted to stick around another part of me knew I didn't have to feel validated by him and I pretty much put distance and just let it be what it was. I'm not to bothered by it but I learned from it even if that means i'm still single. you have a choice, if you know you don't feel happy and you know its not a healthy situation then you should bounce... firstly your wasting your time and potential healing for yourself which is way more important then freaking out over some dude that doesn't say he loves you, who still keeps contact with an ex and constantly have a up and down roller coaster ride. I feel like I would get tired from that eventually, its not fun and its not like your benefiting from it either. but i don't think your listening to any of us so you shouldn't complain if you know whats going to happen already .... because it seems that your enjoying this relationship then you should just continue on and stop posting if you feel like we "cant understand" you ... not to sound like a harsh * * * * * your last line : its not right to be together, its not right to be apart is silly .... stop putting your energy on something half-assed when you can be doing something right for yourself.... sometimes its good to be selfish and look out for number 1 which is you i know you've been burned by important people in your life and its hard especially when its family members .... but you shouldn't let that mess things up for you or make you settle for a guy that isn't right. Forgive the past and let go , i had some crap experiances and I have to admit they weren't as bad as yours and I used to be very grudgeful and angry about things but i realized it wasn't worth all the energy and i'd rather forgive and let things go and just continue on with my journey in life. * * * * happens and we all have bad days , i still do from time to time but then thats not permanent and we end up having good times as well. don't let your bad experiences and trust issues make you settle for some guy that isn't totally right , your just adding more mess in the plate so girl figure yourself out first. Link to comment
delicous Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 Browneyesgirl: definitely the harder choice, but it's also the best, most healthy one. The hard choices are nearly ALWAYS the best ones. The easy ones, not so much. You are in complete control of this situation if you choose to be. Right now, you're choosing, actively, to remain in a situation that brings anxiety and drama to your life. Until you decide you've had enough and that something has to change, you will stay on this rollercoaster. Thats right, I am the one who has to choose and has the options of what to do.. Your right also when you say, You can see why I am staying with him, but you are only right to a certain extent because the man before this one Ive been posting about was supose to be my prince or knight in shining armor, or whatever, then I got burned...I got burned worse than any other situation in my entire life...So yes, I kinda did jump right into another relationship and did have a very unhealthy start but I feel like we are starting to really get to know eachother now and he is opening up to me the more and more I open up to him. I just opened up to him recently about a lot...I feel completely safe and protected by him, also loved and admired and also cared for... We have been working it out and this time we didn't just say out loud that we are going to try to work things out..Its just been happening on its own. He has been being there for me in my time of need and not just leaving me out to dry... I think he cares more than I have lead to believe he does. I think hes a different "type" of man...But he is not Piece of crap that Im just going to just give up on. I can't say much more than that...things have been good these last I wanna say 2 weeks now. If things are going to end this is right around the time they would, but I have faith in him that they won't. I think he loves me or he wouldn't be with me and he wouldn't be helping me out so much.. We have been spending more time together even when his brother or room mate is around, he we come into his room with me and just snuggle, talk...or we watch a movie out in his other living room and keep to ourselves...We kept to ourselves but still socialized and played card games at a party we went to. It was more or less a get together since it was only about 10 of us there...But it was really fun, no drama at all happened that night..This whole weekend has been pretty peaceful with us. I just want to keep it that way, and Im pretty sure he does too... so "cheers." Link to comment
delicous Posted November 8, 2011 Author Share Posted November 8, 2011 Seeing as we definetly are on a good track...I just want to tell everyone thank you for helping me with trying to figure things out. I love him, no matter what happends with us...He is seriously the man I have been needing in my life. Its tough sometimes with us because we come from a pretty different background.. If I could say more, I would but I can't since its confidential, however what I can say is this " he definetly loves me." Link to comment
delicous Posted January 9, 2012 Author Share Posted January 9, 2012 We said it lastnight...been going strong. The biggest problem is how far we live away from eachother.. Link to comment
stagn Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 break up sex is not good. It may feel good in the moment because of the intense emotions involved, but overall once it's over...there's a huge emptiness. Link to comment
delicous Posted January 24, 2012 Author Share Posted January 24, 2012 I agree that's why I hope to never break up again with him. His parents have been in town for a week now!...He introduced me to them and his mom is the sweetest thing ever lol.! He makes me laugh so much and makes me happy and I am excited to say we have stayed together through the thick and thin and now it is smooth waters...It feels great to be with him and it feels great to have him in my life. I talked to his mom about my jelousies about the ex and she told me to just believe and trust him that he will not stray...She is always going to be in and out of his life if she needs him, but at the end of the day he is coming home to me...He isn't coming home to her anymore. We don't necessarily live together, however, we are heading towards it, I can feel it in my skin... Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.