Batya33 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Except that when you started sleeping with him and for quite awhile after that he had a girlfriend. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 Yeah...I don't know what to say anymore...Things are actually going good ...He has been sweeter and seems to be trying to make an effort to come see me as often as both of our schedules will allow us..... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 OK -now I understand that what you want is for him to act sweeter and to see you more often/make you more of a priority. I thought he was supposed to act in a more trustworthy/loyal way since you were having trust issues. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 How do you "act" in a trustworthy matter? Things are changing for the better, hes texting when he get s chance to...He is calling more often...I have heard from him "I miss you" at least 4x this week...Hes been making comments about how he likes how I laugh, useing pet names with me, which is something he wasn't doing before...I have not let him KNOW I have noticed a change in the way things are going and let him KNOW Im seeing the effort because then....I know he may backfire and decide I am being motherly or something. Sooo....Just happy he is being sweet and careing with me latley...I know ive posted post like this previously, but .....I am feeling a shift in the weather and its a good thing... It had only been a couple days of him acting this way, so....only time will tell what happens next... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 You act in a trustworthy way by being reliable, speaking honestly and openly, and reacting to situations that require loyalty in a loyal way. I'm not sure why you would even ask. I also believe strongly in watch the feet not the lips -what he does not what he says. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 Well then he is becoming trustworthy by his actions,not just what he says. Lastnight, he came over just to snuggle and sleep next to me...It was very unexpected which I like...Unfortunetly I had to get up a few hours later for work, which was lame because I had to kick him out when he was half asleep lol Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Well then he is becoming trustworthy by his actions,not just what he says. Lastnight, he came over just to snuggle and sleep next to me...It was very unexpected which I like...Unfortunetly I had to get up a few hours later for work, which was lame because I had to kick him out when he was half asleep lol If that action makes him more trustworthy in your opinion of course that's fine (I'm not sure what that has to do with trust though). Link to comment
delicous Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 Yeah...Maybe im just too younge and don't understand what you are trying to say to me, Im not sure. All I know is, its been going smooth...Im happy with him, he makes me want to say I LOVE YOU everytime we are close together, sex is incredible, maybe a little too because I get dehydrated and tired for hours after having it with him....Im feeling drained of energy as I type this, since he just left a couple of hours ago. He would like me to come over to his house tonight..Im going to possible, but prior to that, I am going to spend some time with my family... By me letting off the accelorated and hitting the breaks, its causing him to come around more often, not only that but I enrolled myself in to a community college and plan to start in the spring semester...That might of woken him up a little, seeing as he knows I am going to do just fine with or without him and that I plan to put myself FIRST...Everything has seemed very fairy tale latley, exactly how I have been wanting it to feel and wanting him to want me to feel, if that makes any since. He rubbed my feet lastnight, we didn't even have sex, just ate, watched tv and passed out... This morning we had sex and it felt nice to be close with him in that way as well, but its been feeling really good just not having it all of the time and relaxing with him... Im not feeling as much anxiety as I was before and even if it does hit, I don't act on it and automatically start pointing fingers and blaming him... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 That's great about college! It sounds like you feel most comfortable when he wants to see you very often and be physically close to you. Link to comment
delicous Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 Yes, it does feel more comfortable.. I was going to go see him tonight but he has been working on his friends vehicle since about 430-5 or so and then had to run to the autostore to grab some parts and it is now 9pm and he hasn't called since around 8, sooo Im assuming he is still working on his vehicle... Im NOT going to drive over there tonight because my sleep is more important I may drive there tomorrow or maybe he will come back over here... The thing is: Im not feeling that anxiety as much if at all anymore, Im feeling just as close to him when he is away from me as when he is right infront of me, it feels good and it feels free and right. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 That's good that you have felt that way the past few days. It also sounds like you are concerned that he didn't call you - are you concerned that something bad happened to him? Link to comment
delicous Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 I wasn't too concerned, I figured he was still working on his roommates vehicle, a little bit of me worrying was because I was afraid he'd get hurt.... They are doing some hardcore manly man work, changing the transmission or something like that. I got a little aggitated today when he didn't pick up, it being now noon here, I thought she may have stopped by to see her dog or pick up her mail which is why he wasn't picking up, but I didn't think he was hurt seeing as I spoke with him right before bed..... He callled shortly after, which eased my anxiety...We kinda joke around and call eachother names when we get frustrated at eachother, but not meaning anything by it and he gets it when Im I call him a name like "douche bag why didn't you pick up 3 hours ago?" lol I do still think of "her" though and until her dog is out of his house and her mail is switched to her new address, I probaly still will continue to do it...But I am beginning to have a trust for him that I feel she cannot come inbetween even if she tried... Its baby steps..thats for sure, but I am not concerned as much if at all about him straying from me...I feel like he is happy with me and I can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice...=) Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 It sounds like you are not yet in a place where you believe that he will be reliable and trustworthy. I don't mean to be cynical but if you are still concerned that the reason he is not answering your call for a few hours has something to do with his commitment to you or feelings for you that is not a great sign. I can understand if he promised to call you by a certain time because of a specific plan you two had -then, not calling would of course trigger frustration on your part. But it sounds like you assume when you don't hear a response within an hour that it must be because he is not into you enough or because he is with someone else or wants to be with someone else. My sense is that the part of you that does feel comfortable feels that way because you've been able to see him and be physical or sexual with him the last few days. Link to comment
delicous Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 The reason I said I feel like hes not answering or calling because of her is because he has done this previously, but yes like I said I still have steps im taking to try to cope with any anxiety I have about her.. I have not just been feeling comfortable with him because weve been seeing eachother, its the way we are when we are apart as well as together... And it kinda was that yesterday "I can understand if he promised to call you by a certain time because of a specific plan you two had -then, not calling would of course trigger frustration on your part. That is what happened yesterday...We made plans for me to come over there, but he took so long working on the vehicle that I grew bored and tired and decided to just stay home, didn't have much worries about anything at all, just missed getting to see him. Link to comment
delicous Posted October 4, 2011 Author Share Posted October 4, 2011 Just an update: He did end up texting me after he got home and was settled in....It made me super annoyd and I have just about had enough of this crap...I think its time to seriously move on. I need to look at this as a lost cause at this point, he has given me sign after sign in the past that he is not read and this right here is just another reason for me to not be with him any longer. I feel like its becomming so much trouble and causing stress and pimples and uuuh just not what I want. I texted him this morning, a sweet text asking if hes up, No response and I checked around noon to see if he ever responded...I texted once again telling him Ive had it and if he can't do something as simple as pick up the phone or text his girlfriend, he can kiss my A** goodbye...I also told him "I thought we already talked about this." He called today after I got off of work about an hour after...I hit ignore, I didn't even want to hear that phone ringing... Im SOOOOOO tired and Im just ready to try to ignore him and get my head clear before I take the next step which is to break up with him, most likely...Im so tired of him not reciprocating back...and he was doing soooooo good and we were as a couple, but now this again...He joked around with me the other day about how he got a court order to check and see if he has personality disorder and he told me it came back positive for Skyztzofrenia, but then said "I shouldn't of told you" but then said "I was joking, I don't have that, I don't have anything." I am beginning to wonder if he was telling the truth and is just too ashamed to admit it or something.. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 I agree that you should end it and promise yourself to get off the rollercoaster. I don't think you know how to handle being frustrated with him because each time you type something angry/confrontational to him rather than discussing how you feel in a mature, calm manner. It's worth working on your pattern of behaving this way because if you meet someone who wants a mature, healthy relationship that type of communication won't be tolerated. Link to comment
delicous Posted October 4, 2011 Author Share Posted October 4, 2011 Would that type of communication be tollerated if the other other better half didn't answer his PHONE or TEXT BACK for hours...? Hes called about 3x now...about every hour, I wish hed leave a voicemail, but he doesn't even do that, just calls...I can't bring myself to answer or call him back even though I want to, I don't know what Im going to say...All I want to do is scream and yell out everything Im feeling towards him..I want to cry but ....Yeah I don't know, so stressing again + Im having issues with my period, could be pregnant but doubt it, since it started back up ...just weird that it started up 6 days later... Link to comment
delicous Posted October 4, 2011 Author Share Posted October 4, 2011 Im about to go to bed and don't know...feel like I should at least send a txt saying goodnight..? No?....Or yeah??? He hasn't done this to me for a long time, so I feel its only respectful even though I am still disappointed and upset with him... Link to comment
jaysmaury Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Sounds like he is in a perfect position to have break up sex. I would think if I were in his position, I would probably go for it. It sounds like he's been juggling 2 girls for a while now - is one more quickie really THAT bad? I can't imagine that break up sex happens that often unless the break up is 100% mutual. Before my most recent break up, my then-gf and I were arguing constantly for weeks before it happened. We both knew it was going to end. A few days before we officially broke up, I thought I sensed a lull in the arguing and tried to romance her a little bit to get some nookie... she shot that down real quick. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Would that type of communication be tollerated if the other other better half didn't answer his PHONE or TEXT BACK for hours...? Hes called about 3x now...about every hour, I wish hed leave a voicemail, but he doesn't even do that, just calls...I can't bring myself to answer or call him back even though I want to, I don't know what Im going to say...All I want to do is scream and yell out everything Im feeling towards him..I want to cry but ....Yeah I don't know, so stressing again + Im having issues with my period, could be pregnant but doubt it, since it started back up ...just weird that it started up 6 days later... No, it's never appropriate to lash out as you do especially in typing - it's not the worst thing in the world but it is a habit, a pattern of yours so he probably tunes it out at this point since you're constantly behaving in this confrontational, angry way. I've written many times before that if you don't feel that he treats you properly, and things have not changed after you've told him in a mature way what you want, then your choices are either to settle for how he treats you (meaning, no yelling) or walk away. The staying but yelling/lashing out - not appropriate. I don't think sending a goodnight text has anything to do with respect -you're looking for an excuse to contact him and re-start the train wreck. Link to comment
delicous Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 he called me and left a voicemail...it was him being mad... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Yes, the cycle continues. Link to comment
delicous Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 Hes never been mad before...or if he was mad before, he never showed it So yeah...the cycle is ending, I'm pretty damn sure...I made it perfectly clear on his voicemail that I want him to end his friendship with his ex, get rid of her dog and her mail...I explained to him that I want a man who thinks of me as the most important girl in his world aside from his own mom and family members.. I left a voicemail because he didn't answer and didn't think id have the guts to say everything I needed to say to him, if he called or I called later...So I let it out when I still had the strgnth to....=/ Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Then you need to accept the consequences of leaving a voicemail like that -you prevented him from actually having a discussion, you basically lectured him with your demands -not a healthy way to deal with important issues. Sure it can be scary to have an actual discussion and to have the courage to do it but that is your obligation in a relationship. Letting it out on a voicemail is too selfish and manipulative in my opinion. He's allowed to be friends with his ex as long as she is a friend -meaning not being unsupportive of his relationship with you. He of course doesn't have to get rid of a dog and yes she should have her mail delivered elsewhere. If you wanted someone who thought of you as the most important person in the world then it wasn't the best idea to get involved with someone who cheated on his girlfriend - not a great sign that he has the types of values/priorities you are looking for. Link to comment
delicous Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 I left one because he did and he did not answer, because he doesn't have a lot of time, I thought it was easier. I see your point though, in a grown up relationship, it requires more patience.. And maybe thats something I lack and he does not lack, but the thing about him is...He shuts down emotionally, physically gets headaches and gets stressed out. Thats not what I want to get out of my actions...What I want and expect from him to be straight with me. I didn't realize the working on the car thing and how much energy and time it was taking out of him.. He is allowed to be friends with his ex, doesn't mean I am willing to stay with him. His ex is the entire issue, aside from my scars and pain from the previous relationship I was in before him, I was pretty level minded, I turned less level minded when my ex started straying from me, little things set me off like him bringing his gym bag to work and NOT wanting to come home and see me prior to me heading to work...and him NOT wanting to wake up and spend time with me before he had to get up and go to work. It was stressful!!! HE honest made me this way because in the beginning of our relationship, I caught him checking my phone, I confronted him and even LEFT after a night that I caught him in a lie. I didn't catch him in too many lies, he caught me in several lies. The reason why I was that way is because I did not feel like being serious with him since I didn't know if he even wanted to be. We got through all of that and ended up living with eachother, being in love and what I thought was living a fairy tale basically...He showed me he loved me in so many ways...EX: After I came home from work, he'd have dinner made, music playing, devoted a lot of time to just being goofy singing to me, being romantic, kissing me...and it was just my idea of "Perfect." Ive seen bits and pieces of this from my current boyfriend YES, we started off in a unappropriate situation, but...we fixed that, we got over it...The problem is HER, it has always been and it will always be...Until she is out of his life, he is not going to give me the type of relationship that I desire from him or from ANYBODY... I feel like #2 from her, instead of #1....Its not right, its been eating at me since day 1, I brushed it so far under the rug that I stopped focusing on it and hoped that these STRONG feelings about the situation would go away, well they didnt... So guess what: Im back at sqaure one and its terrible and Im sick of it! I don't know what the heck I am doing and he even talked to me today, which I was in complete dire shock that he even answered...And told me how he was feeling, painted me a picture of what went down this weekend and basically unloaded on me about how hard life has been latley and how he barely has any time to just goof around...=/ He told me, think about it, I don't like the face that I stress you out... Link to comment
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