Why Don’t Women Ask Men Out ?

[dali]

now I am importing one. Much happier now.

 

let me guess mail order bride from thailand?

[MrRight]

Wrong by 6,000 miles.

[guynextdoor]

I wonder if there is an "I don't want to join any club that would have me as a member" psychology that operates here.

 

I have asked guys out, usually it didn't go anywhere. I think that men have internalised the notion that in most instances women have the advantage of laying back and waiting to be asked out by a man. Therefore they speculate that a woman who asks them out has something wrong with them or is desperate.[/QUOTE]

 

Wrong.. If a woman approaches me and asks me out it shows that she likes me for who I am or is attracted to me. I never came to the conclusion that she is desparate or something is wrong with them. I would hate to have a woman come up with that conclusion if I approached her and asked her out.

[MrRight]

Well, I have no desire to critical or discriminate but truth being told, I met a woman the other day that after I did some inquiry told me:

I liked you five years ago. So then I said how come you never demonstrated. She had the heart to tell me she was waiting for me. EXCUSE ME???

So now you see why we have so many people lonely in these Anglo-S countries. I would like to see women more relaxed and really inviting the guys out for fun vacations, etc. Don't be shy women.

[jonny15]

Of course what you say matters; your opinion is as valuable as anyone else's. I guess I just see so many men relentlessly pursue unavailable women. And even in my personal experience, the more out-of-touch I am with someone (whether busy or just not interested), the more they contact me. The more inviting I am, I stop hearing from them.

 

Who are these men?

 

Are these the guys that pretty much get every girl they want all the time? Cause that is the only explination I can give as to why any man would act that way.

[BriarRose]

Who are these men?

 

Are these the guys that pretty much get every girl they want all the time? Cause that is the only explination I can give as to why any man would act that way.

 

They weren't players, but they could get women. I can't even pretend to know what men want anymore.

[jonny15]

They weren't players, but they could get women. I can't even pretend to know what men want anymore.

 

They could probably get most women.

 

There is no other reason for them to act that way.

 

And it's nice to see you admit you have no idea what we want, cause you don't.

[StrawberryYogurt]

What you are saying does make sense. But I do think men are picky. Men say they would be flattered if more women asked them out, but the truth is, they mean HOT women asking them out. I promise you if a less than average or unattractive woman (such as myself) were to ask them out, they would feel awkward and uncomfortable.

 

Yep. No doubt about it. And I'm sure if they were constantly being hit on by unattractive women and their friends were being hit on by attractive ones, their self-esteem would be lowered. Same exact thing happens with women. The sexes are not as different as we all think.

[bulletproof]

All the women have turned me down so how do you expect me to feel?

 

Just because that has been your experience does not make it a fact.

 

From what you've written in your posts, these women likely turned you down because they know that you are incredibly anxious and dislike yourself, and the dates are uncomfortable. Nobody, man or woman, wants to take that on. It has nothing to do with women wanting someone that others desire.

[BriarRose]

They could probably get most women.

 

There is no other reason for them to act that way.

 

And it's nice to see you admit you have no idea what we want, cause you don't.

 

So what do men want? They say one thing and then go for another. I believe that most men want a sexy (and good-looking), fun and kind-hearted woman, for the most part. But unless she meets that first criteria - he is not going to want to be asked out by her. Ironically, it is the sexy and good-looking women that don't have to do the asking. And never will have to.

[Batya33]

So what do men want? They say one thing and then go for another. I believe that most men want a sexy (and good-looking), fun and kind-hearted woman, for the most part. But unless she meets that first criteria - he is not going to want to be asked out by her. Ironically, it is the sexy and good-looking women that don't have to do the asking. And never will have to.

 

I am reasonably attractive. I probably would have had to do more of the asking if I had insisted on being with a man who had the physical features of a model because my guess is many men who look like that have their pick of women, prefer someone at their level of attractiveness and therefore I was out of the running. I was far more focused on finding a conventionally "hot" guy in my teens and early twenties. I never settled, it's just that what I desired in a mate changed as I got older. Out of the men I asked out only one was out of my league as far as looks.

[jonny15]

So what do men want?

 

A nice woman that is funny and smart, and that I am attracted to.

 

Not alot of qualifications.

 

I believe that most men want a sexy (and good-looking), fun and kind-hearted woman, for the most part. But unless she meets that first criteria - he is not going to want to be asked out by her. Ironically, it is the sexy and good-looking women that don't have to do the asking. And never will have to.

 

Good looking people get to pick and choose who they want.

 

Nothing to be surprised about.

[Ms Darcy]

A nice woman that is funny and smart, and that I am attracted to.

 

Not alot of qualifications.

 

There are a lot of qualifications embedded in "who I am attracted to"

[StrawberryYogurt]

A nice woman that is funny and smart, and that I am attracted to.

 

Not alot of qualifications.

 

 

 

No offense, you probably don't demand a lot of qualifications because you have trouble attracting any women, from what you've written here. Not to brag, but those of us who have it going on demand a whole lot more for a girl to become our girlfriend.

[Ms Darcy]

No offense, you probably don't demand a lot of qualifications because you have trouble attracting any women, from what you've written here. Not to brag, but those of us who have it going on demand a whole lot more for a girl to become our girlfriend.

 

From what I have understood from my men friends, getting into a relationship with a woman depends on several things for a guy. What do you think of this preliminary list one friend gave:

1. Physically attracted her

2. Intelligent

3. Sexy

4. Fun and playful

5. Interesting (has outside interests)

6. Active/Athletic

7. Kind

8. Adventurous (depending on the guy)

 

Thought it was an interesting list.

[iswim18]

I'm pretty old-fashioned so when it comes to the whole "ask out" process, I really like it to come from a guy. It's a part of the whole being a gentleman thing to me I guess!! So... get asking! Haha. Jk.

[BriarRose]

From what I have understood from my men friends, getting into a relationship with a woman depends on several things for a guy. What do you think of this preliminary list one friend gave:

1. Physically attracted her

2. Intelligent

3. Sexy

4. Fun and playful

5. Interesting (has outside interests)

6. Active/Athletic

 

 

7. Kind

8. Adventurous (depending on the guy)

 

Thought it was an interesting list.

 

I find this to be pretty accurate, from what I have seen. Specifically, #1, #3, #4.

[StrawberryYogurt]

From what I have understood from my men friends, getting into a relationship with a woman depends on several things for a guy. What do you think of this preliminary list one friend gave:

1. Physically attracted her

2. Intelligent

3. Sexy

4. Fun and playful

5. Interesting (has outside interests)

6. Active/Athletic

7. Kind

8. Adventurous (depending on the guy)

 

Thought it was an interesting list.

 

Good list. The other things I would add off the top of my head, at least for me, are financially responsible, non-smoker, no heavy drinking nor any drug use, and well-read (I guess that could under intelligence).

 

I hate it when men say things like "we men don't have many requirements for women". First, it's not true, at least not for above average men. Second, having a short list of requirements is not a good thing - it's like saying "I'll take any woman".

[Blue Spiral]

I hate it when men say things like "we men don't have many requirements for women". First, it's not true, at least not for above average men. Second, having a short list of requirements is not a good thing - it's like saying "I'll take any woman".

 

I'm not qualified to say whether or not I'm an above-average man--and neither are you, incidentally--but my list is shorter, and from what I've seen, men generally have much shorter lists than women. My list is two-part, and it consists of "hot" and "non-psycho." That's all I really care about. Now, for practical purposes, it's a lot easier if I screen out certain beliefs and traits, and I try to, but I don't always succeed.

[jonny15]

There are a lot of qualifications embedded in "who I am attracted to"

 

It didn't look like I put many down did I?

 

There are very few other things i'd need to add, but some of those I can be flexible on.

[jonny15]

No offense, you probably don't demand a lot of qualifications because you have trouble attracting any women, from what you've written here. Not to brag, but those of us who have it going on demand a whole lot more for a girl to become our girlfriend.

 

Well.....I don't have it going on, so i'm not gonna make alot of demands that would lessen my chances even more for getting a woman.

[jonny15]

First, it's not true, at least not for above average men.

 

And most of us aren't abover average.

[NightLily]

I'm not qualified to say whether or not I'm an above-average man--and neither are you, incidentally--but my list is shorter, and from what I've seen, men generally have much shorter lists than women. My list is two-part, and it consists of "hot" and "non-psycho." That's all I really care about. Now, for practical purposes, it's a lot easier if I screen out certain beliefs and traits, and I try to, but I don't always succeed.

 

Are you claiming it is a good thing that you only want a hot and "non-psycho" girlfriend? Personally I see it as a bad thing that you have such low standards in most areas other than looks. Says a lot about what you value.

 

I didn't read back on all the posts and I'm not trying to claim that having too many requirements is a good thing, but having traits about one's personality that you look for most definitely is.

 

Would you respect me more as a female if I said I only wanted a hot and non-psycho boyfriend? (stylish and thick hair, defined facial features, muscular arms, built pecs, noticeable abs, and 5'8" and over) That really isn't more requirements than many men have for a woman to be hot (pretty face, nice hair, the preferred size of boobs/butt, flat stomach, certain body weight) so I am curious what you think in this case. Seriously, this isn't meant as a jab I really want to know how you would see that.

[StrawberryYogurt]

And most of us aren't abover average.

 

50% are above average. Short lists are not good for producing successful long term relationships. There is so much that goes into what makes for a compatible, happy, and long lasting relationship. Also, I know I would not feel good if a girl was willing to be my girlfriend simply because I was "good looking, nice, and not psycho". Sorry, I want a girl who's been looking for someone like me in many different ways so I know she really wants me, not just some guy. Then again, I am not desperate and I know I'm awesome.

[jonny15]

50% are above average.

 

Looks don't round out like that in numbers. Sorry, but they don't.

 

You could walk into a room of 30 people and only 5 are above average, but in what your saying, 15 should be, but they're not.

 

Most people are average.

 

I happen to be below average in looks.

 

Short lists are not good for producing successful long term relationships. There is so much that goes into what makes for a compatible, happy, and long lasting relationship. Also, I know I would not feel good if a girl was willing to be my girlfriend simply because I was "good looking, nice, and not psycho". Sorry, I want a girl who's been looking for someone like me in many different ways so I know she really wants me, not just some guy. Then again, I am not desperate and I know I'm awesome.

 

To be fair, not being psycho should be a top priority for most people.

 

And the girl does not have to be hot for me to be into her.

 

I just don't have alot of requirements because that would make the dating pool faaaar smaller than it already is for me.