Why Don’t Women Ask Men Out ?

[Blue Spiral]

Are you claiming it is a good thing that you only want a hot and "non-psycho" girlfriend? Personally I see it as a bad thing that you have such low standards in most areas other than looks. Says a lot about what you value.

 

It's not so much about what I value, it's realistic expectations (I don't expect any woman to make me happy on every level, or meet all of my "emotional needs," whatever those might be) and the fact that I'm not looking for a relationship.

 

Would you respect me more as a female if I said I only wanted a hot and non-psycho boyfriend? (stylish and thick hair, defined facial features, muscular arms, built pecs, noticeable abs, and 5'8" and over) That really isn't more requirements than many men have for a woman to be hot (pretty face, nice hair, the preferred size of boobs/butt, flat stomach, certain body weight) so I am curious what you think in this case. Seriously, this isn't meant as a jab I really want to know how you would see that.

 

You have every right to want that. As for respect...I'm not looking to give it or get it. I'm more of a "mind your own business" type. I don't care if you're looking for hot guys only, polyamorous, a submissive housewife, a hedonistic Sex and (in?) the City type, or hooking up with someone fifteen years younger/older.

[StrawberryYogurt]

Looks don't round out like that in numbers. Sorry, but they don't.

 

You could walk into a room of 30 people and only 5 are above average, but in what your saying, 15 should be, but they're not.

 

Most people are average.

 

I happen to be below average in looks.

 

 

 

 

Not talking about just looks. Talking about the entire package.

[jonny15]

Not talking about just looks. Talking about the entire package.

 

And what is the total package?

 

There are probably even less people that are the total package.

[StrawberryYogurt]

And what is the total package?

 

There are probably even less people that are the total package.

 

You're either deliberately missing my point or somehow just can't see it. Here's my point: Say we assign points to each of 10 categories (just making the 10 up and some categories will count for more than others) that makes for boyfriend material and let's say the average in total is 50. Half of guys will be above 50, half below 50. Some guys will be average in looks, but high in education or humor, or vice-versa, whatever.

 

The point is that not only total packages can date or have more than the minimum criteria.

 

Total package = what Ms. Darcy listed and what I added. That was a list of what guys look for in girls, but it's obvious there's a huge overlap between that and what girls look for in guys.

[FathomFear]

It's not so much about what I value, it's realistic expectations (I don't expect any woman to make me happy on every level, or meet all of my "emotional needs," whatever those might be) and the fact that I'm not looking for a relationship.

 

I think the point is that you'll likely need some level of compatibility beyond just being "hot and not psycho". In the grand scheme of things, you'll be spending 99% of the time with your partner outside of the bedroom and doing day-to-day activities. You'll need to be able to carry a conversation and have somewhat similar interests. If not, it's unlikely it will last long.

[NightLily]

It's not so much about what I value, it's realistic expectations (I don't expect any woman to make me happy on every level, or meet all of my "emotional needs," whatever those might be) and the fact that I'm not looking for a relationship.

 

 

You have every right to want that. As for respect...I'm not looking to give it or get it. I'm more of a "mind your own business" type. I don't care if you're looking for hot guys only, polyamorous, a submissive housewife, a hedonistic Sex and (in?) the City type, or hooking up with someone fifteen years younger/older.

 

That makes more sense. I was under the impression this was what you wanted in a partner.

[jonny15]

You're either deliberately missing my point or somehow just can't see it. Here's my point: Say we assign points to each of 10 categories (just making the 10 up and some categories will count for more than others) that makes for boyfriend material and let's say the average in total is 50. Half of guys will be above 50, half below 50. Some guys will be average in looks, but high in education or humor, or vice-versa, whatever.

 

The point is that not only total packages can date or have more than the minimum criteria.

 

Total package = what Ms. Darcy listed and what I added. That was a list of what guys look for in girls, but it's obvious there's a huge overlap between that and what girls look for in guys.

 

And most people can only dream of getting the total package.

 

On the internet, it might be ok, but it's not realistic for most people to expect to find that type of partner.

 

I also think i'd be below 50 on all of them except humor. Atleast if you count it online.

 

My humor doesn't translate well offline, since there is no edit button in real life.

[dali]

You come accross as a real catch jonney, I can't for the life of me think why girls are not falling head over heals for you in life *rolls eyes*

[dali]

double post

[BlueMilk]

You're kidding, right? In none of my relationships one would be considered as passive and the other as aggressive. We were equal, enjoyed our relationship and worked on it together. Just because someone initiates doesn't mean he/she is going to be the aggressive one in the relationship.

 

I think you misunderstood me, I meant there has to be harmony - yin and yang, give and take, etc. It is very difficult for two strong forces to last for a long while without one eventually giving in or they part ways. In some relationships one may give in more than the other, in other relationships they give and push in certain amounts (whether equal or 30/70 split.) But really, just as much as one preaches for equality I see no reason for another relationship to be healthy while expressing prominent dominant/submission themes either (whether expressed by traditional gender roles, non-traditional gender roles, or even in alternative lifestyles as such dom-sub.)

 

I never stated that the passive and aggressive roles are static so I definitely see how you can alternate between the two of you as well to achieve your degree of equality.

[jonny15]

You come accross as a real catch jonney, I can't for the life of me think why girls are not falling head over heals for you in life *rolls eyes*

 

I know, right?

 

Sexy body? Check.

Brains? Check.

Uber sexin ability? Check.

Smooth talkin ability? Check?

 

I gots it goin on, like fire.

 

 

I guess you just don't care for my honesty dali.

 

And that is obviously not to the stuff I posted in this post.

[BriarRose]

And most people can only dream of getting the total package.

 

On the internet, it might be ok, but it's not realistic for most people to expect to find that type of partner.

 

I also think i'd be below 50 on all of them except humor. Atleast if you count it online.

 

My humor doesn't translate well offline, since there is no edit button in real life.

 

I have to agree with Jonny on this issue. I consider myself a little below average in the looks department. I work full-time, but don't make much money. I did not finish college. I have a serious physical medical history . I am shy (at first). My chances of meeting a good-looking, college-educated, successful man are slim to none. Which is fine by me, because personally, I don't think those things are what makes someone a "catch", anyways. But to others, these things might be deal-breakers.

[dali]

I guess you just don't care for my honesty dali.

 

At least you've got a sense of humor, I guess that's something... You should get a blowup doll, at least she wont reject you or talk back... even if she is plastic. Who knows it could be that long lasting relationship you crave, fill her up with air and she's good to go.

 

 

Briarrose you may consider yourself a bit below average but that hot guy you want may think your the beez kneez, why can't you have the total package.

[mouseno4]

Older topic this one.

 

I dont ask girls out. Never have, most likely never will. Every girl ive been with to date - they asked me out. Whole point is i am after a confident girl who does not have a problem going against what society tells her she must/must not do.

 

The whole idea of ''should do'' is utter rubbish thrown about by those who think chivalry was 100% a good idea when it was invented back in the day. Those same people are the type to have nostalgia for and dream about times hundreds of years in the past - and yet are blind to all the bad/negative things that were present at that time.

[BriarRose]

At least you've got a sense of humor, I guess that's something... You should get a blowup doll, at least she wont reject you or talk back... even if she is plastic. Who knows it could be that long lasting relationship you crave, fill her up with air and she's good to go.

 

 

Briarrose you may consider yourself a bit below average but that hot guy you want may think your the beez kneez, why can't you have the total package.

 

It doesn't work that way. People tend to end up with others like themselves physically and socio-economically. But it doesn't bother me. Not sure I even would want a "hot" guy. It's just not important to me.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Originally Posted by BriarRose

 

I guess I just see so many men relentlessly pursue unavailable women.

And even in my personal experience, the more out-of-touch I am with someone (whether busy or just not interested), the more they contact me.

The more inviting I am, I stop hearing from

Who are these men?

Are these the guys that pretty much get every girl they want all the time? Cause that is the only explination I can give as to why any man would act that way.

Jonny, it's the "push-pull" theory.

People want what they can't have.

 

If the girl (or guy) is ALWAYS around the other, they're taken for granted.

But if the other partner pulls away and acts disinterested or non-chalant, the other frequently gets drawn to that one.

 

One thing I read in a book on dating when I was lonely and trying to get women to get into relationships with me during my late 20s said to try not to be "always available." Have your own interests, plans for the weekend, etc.

Say one asks if you're available this weekend, say you've got plans but offer another date/time.

Even if you don't really have plans, say you're busy Fri. night but could meet Saturday afternoon or eve.

 

Or, if you have a date set up, break it off so as to not appear "too" invested.

 

Did try the latter with my future wife. This wasn't in our early dating, but maybe a month or two into our dating.

Did that to (a) see if I could do it and (b) to show that I wasn't so needy, as I may have appeared to be with other women I dated.

I usually assume they would never think i'm very interesting.

 

I mean, I don't have much to talk about, unless their into sports or saying dirty things. lol But then again, my personailty comes out much better on the net than it ever will in person.

 

Also, I just don't do well in person.

 

And as childish as it may seem, I always believe I am gonna get laughed at, or have someone simply act mean with me.

 

I was teased pretty badly when I was in high school, and ever since then i've pretty much shut up when talking to people I do not know. I just assume they think i'm a freak that they woild never want to be near.

You can change things, Jonny.

Like you, I wasn't good at conversation in my early 20s and had a hard time forming relationships or getting women I wanted to date interested in me.

 

You posted how you don't have an "edit" button for real life.

So you say something funny, like mix-up something like AMTRAK and ANTHRAX- the chemical that kills people. Catch the mistake and laugh it off by saying something like, "Well, I never did well in chemistry..."

People will see your sense of humor come through, esp. if you can laugh at your stumbles.

 

On approaching people, strangers after all are friends we haven't met yet.

 

If you're at a meeting or in a group of people, go up to some and initiate a conversation.

I have been in proximity to a group of people talking about something. When they said something I know something about, I appropriately interjected, "I use that lens too. What do you like about your camera lens?"

OR... "So you like hiking too. How often do you get the chance to hike?"

 

To do well in conversation and have something to talk about, keep up with current events, like the economy, business, celebrity news (a little), etc., not just politics.

 

 

Focus on asking the other person a lot of questions.

 

If you hear someone talking about their hobby/sport/interest/career, ask them why they like that hobby/sport/interest/career, etc.

Say she likes traveling to Europe, say, "I've gone to Europe. When was your last trip?"

OR... "I've never been to Europe but always wanted to go. What would you tell a newbie?"

 

As most people don't like talking only about themselves, they should ask you some questions about your career, life, interests, hobbies, where you're from, etc.

As you're the expert on your life, you should have no trouble discussing your life. They'll find that ineresting.

 

 

Recall talking with a woman at a college mixer. We talked about some issue of the day. But I wasn't great at conversation and was awkward in dating as well.

As I couldn't think of anything more to say after we discussed that topic, out meeting ended there.

 

Years later, I wish I could have kept our conversation going and maybe ended it by asking her to meet me for dinner or something the next weekend.

As she told me her major, I could have asked her why she picked that field. What interests her in that?

How hard is the study?

Where she's from? What attracted her to this univ.? What is the type of car she drives? Her favorite music, food, etc.

[waterlilly]

I would ask a guy out. But mostly I approach men I feel drawn to and introduce myself. but then I can get really shy. ridiculous. so I am a mix of both(The men that like me seem to really like this about me). After I get shy I like them to take the next step so I know they are interested.

I don't agree with he should, she should stuff. People need to do what feels right and comfortable.

[Nichiren]

This is only based on my own experiences and those of people I have either talked to personally or heard about.

Because the asking is still majorly done by men, the shy man may have to consider other methods to meet women.

Options other posters have already mentioned.

 

The average woman just does not have to ask men out because usually she has several men asking her out. As well the biological and social factors that also lend themselves to influence this situation. Ergo a shy woman really has little to worry about unless her personality and physical features could be generally considered horrendous. And still some guy is going to try.

 

I used to be a man from my preteens until my early twenties. I chased everything that was cute, human, and female for simply sexual pleasure. Was not about notches on my belt, just that it was interesting sampling those different flavors of feminine essence. I was an honest man and let the ladies know up front that I was mainly seeking a sexual situation hopefully long term but I could go with the flow. Did have a few relationships along the way. And since I knew I never wanted marriage or kids, and i preferred not to continue man whoring, I chose non romantic, non sexual friendships with women instead.

 

I am not the most attractive or charming fellow. Sure as heck do not make much money nor am I well dressed or stylish. And I suck at conversation. Still since my cessation of dating and sex, I have had a few women come up to me cold and ask me out. And a couple of lady friends who expressed a direct interest in more. Sadly some preferred to not be friends after I refused. And one who seems to not take no for and answer because I gave her emotional and financial support through a hard time. (have known her 15 years friends only).

 

So women do ask men out but just not as much as the men asking the women. And different people have ideas on how they think it should work. If a dusty guy like me can have a woman who is way above me in socioeconomic level, intelligence, looks, and charisma ask me out, then that might give hope to the shy guys.

[NMF1978]

I can only offer my personal experiences, and those have been that while men may initially be flattered by being asked out, ultimately they lose interest if they cannot pursue (or don't have to). Therefore, my not asking men out has little to do with my ego, laziness or even shyness. It's that my experiences have shown me it has not turned out well and that they prefer the chase.

.

 

well i have similar experiences taking initiative with women, it always ended in disappointment, only when i knew the girl was already/or at least somewhat intrested or took the initiative herself did i get anywhere

w

[NMF1978]

At least you've got a sense of humor, I guess that's something... You should get a blowup doll, at least she wont reject you or talk back... even if she is plastic. Who knows it could be that long lasting relationship you crave, fill her up with air and she's good to go.

 

 

 

 

don't know if you're male or female but you definitely come accross as a horrible human being