Why Don’t Women Ask Men Out ?

[bostonbruins44]

Woman have to meet a man halfway by flirting ,being friendly and open .If it happens to be a shy man they will have to be more direct.Obviously ,no man is going to ask a woman out unless she has given him some positive signs of interest.

[bostonbruins44]

''Coward'' what a nice condescending choice of words.You obviously have no understanding of what it is like to be a shy man .

[Stay_home]

You don't have to do EVERYTHING, but you should do your part. Women will do their part after men do theirs , which is ask them out?

 

What is the man's part? And as a woman, what part do you feel is yours?

[Neutron Star]

You don't have to do EVERYTHING, but you should do your part. Women will do their part after men do theirs , which is ask them out?

 

Rejection is rejection, how you perceive it is the difference.

 

However, those men who do get it early on have the advantage, that's the guy I want....someone else can have the coward that couldn't get up the nerve to ask her or couldn't get past his ego to do his work as the man because if he were a fish I'd throw him back in the water.

Rejection is bad when it happens 100% of the time. I've only asked women out online and the ones who's said yes to a date have all said no to a 2nd date. I don't have the nerve to ask a woman out in person because I don't know if they are single and am terrible at reading body language and especially can't read very subtle hints woman give off. You're wrong about one thing. I'm such a big coward that I doubt anybody will ever want me. A coward even among cowards.

[jonny15]

Women will do their part after men do theirs

 

Which is to do nothing but look pretty right?

 

 

Rejection is rejection, how you perceive it is the difference. For many men their occupation is who they are and being rejected for job or promotion they feel the "worked for"is devastating and probably perceived as worse than rejection by a woman. I understand men very well and I understand that a lot of them don't gain a deep understanding of themselves and the reason they do or don't do things until they are in their late 30's, early 40's. So one day you will see that any woman who wanted to be with a man that let fear of rejection stop him from going after her was not that wise in the dating/relationship/marriage area and the guy was someone she should have let go.... So you see me in 10-15 years...However, those men who do get it early on have the advantage, that's the guy I want....someone else can have the coward that couldn't get up the nerve to ask her or couldn't get past his ego to do his work as the man because if he were a fish I'd throw him back in the water.

 

Ego?

 

This isn't about ego at all.

 

This is about you thinking men should do all the work, while women get to make all the decisions on wether a relashionship, or anything else will happen.

[Batya33]

I don't think asking someone out on a date is "doing all the work" or even most of the work. If I had just stood around looking pretty I wouldn't be happily married now. It's possible my now husband and I would have met anyway but since I approached him first -on his first day of work at our company - and was his personal welcome wagon -that went a looonnngg way to helping him get over his shyness, eventually, to ask him out. I never would have asked him out because I was very concerned about dating someone at the same company and I was involved with someone when we met. It took him several months to ask me out to lunch (in part because he was shy, in part because we only saw each other occasionally at company-wide events) but I know he wouldn't have asked me out to lunch if I hadn't been friendly to him that first day and then been friendly again at a company event (not sure who approached who since I think we were standing near each other at the bar when we started talking).

[Neutron Star]

Woman have to meet a man halfway by flirting ,being friendly and open .If it happens to be a shy man they will have to be more direct.Obviously ,no man is going to ask a woman out unless she has given him some positive signs of interest.

aggressive men will and men who can't take no for an answer will do so many times. Sometimes the woman will give in and they means one less women out there for the rest of us.

[PrincessBOT]

What is the man's part? And as a woman, what part do you feel is yours?

 

Woman have to meet a man halfway by flirting ,being friendly and open .If it happens to be a shy man they will have to be more direct.Obviously ,no man is going to ask a woman out unless she has given him some positive signs of interest.

 

 

I agree, women will do their part by flirting and signals that will show openness and or interest. It is men's job to be able to pick up on this. However, even without the signals men who see a woman that he wants to go out with that may not even know he is in the room should still be able to ask the woman out if the environment is conducive to that on the other hand a woman in the same situation would need to get the guys attention.

 

I have never said a woman should not start a conversation with a guy. I personally saw a guy I like and from minute one mapped out how I was going to get his attention. It was in a fast food store and I knew if he got a drink with his meal he'd have to go to the drink fountain to fill the cup. So I went and stood near the drink fountain and timed getting my drink to match when he'd get his and just happened to be standing right next to him as he got his drink. I am tall and he was extra tall so I decided to turn to him and say 6'6' right (guessing at his height)...he turned and smiled and said 6'5' and we started talking. He complimented me on my eyes and once my food was ready I got it and said to him well nice to meet you. He then said you to, can talk sometimes. I did my job and he did his. Sometimes the woman's job it to put herself in the right situation or the man to do his job, that the woman's part.

 

On the other hand I also had a man who I just gave a very warm smile and said hello because I thought we worked for the same company pick up the wrong signal and followed in the complete opposite direction he was going to ask me for my number. So I agree with you.

[PrincessBOT]

Which is to do nothing but look pretty right?

 

 

In some cases, yes looking pretty which could be done purposely to attract the attention of the opposite sex and is therefore doing something, which means the man is not doing EVERYTHING. I am surprise you don't get this part where what women do is different from what men do and you keep expecting the woman to do what the man should do. Why are you trying to single handedly debunk the studies of human behavior. Men respond to visual stimulation (woman did not invent this, lol) and sometimes the only initial stimulation needed, yes, is to be pretty. While women respond more to confidence and power (not that this is all that they respond to in the case of both men and women)

 

With that said no looking pretty is not ALL, but also flirting and signals that will show openness and or interest. However, even if no signals from the woman and the man sees the woman and has the desire to go out with her, even if she doesn't see him he should not expect for him to sit there and either say nothing or him to flirt and send signals for her to pick up on to know to go ask him out, LOL...could you imagine...

 

 

 

 

Ego?

 

This isn't about ego at all.

 

This is about you thinking men should do all the work, while women get to make all the decisions on wether a relashionship, or anything else will happen.

 

Ego was one of the reasons I mentioned, not the only, but yes sometimes it is about ego for men especially men who get a lot of attention from women, their ego allow them to think that they don't need to do their part and go after women. But the reality is the woman they value the most is the ones they have to go after, logical if he wanted her,but had to work for her if all the other women were doing the man part and going after him.

 

Please see may story above and mainly note that "I did my job and he did his. Sometimes the woman's job it to put herself in the right situation for the man to do his job, that the woman's part."

[PrincessBOT]

What is the man's part? And as a woman, what part do you feel is yours?

 

Woman have to meet a man halfway by flirting ,being friendly and open .If it happens to be a shy man they will have to be more direct.Obviously ,no man is going to ask a woman out unless she has given him some positive signs of interest.

 

 

I agree, women will do their part by flirting and signals that will show openness and or interest. It is men's job to be able to pick up on this. However, even without the signals men who see a woman that he wants to go out with that may not even know he is in the room should still be able to ask the woman out if the environment is conducive to that on the other hand a woman in the same situation would need to get the guys attention.

 

I have never said a woman should not start a conversation with a guy. I personally saw a guy I like and from minute one mapped out how I was going to get his attention. It was in a fast food store and I knew if he got a drink with his meal he'd have to go to the drink fountain to fill the cup. So I went and stood near the drink fountain and timed getting my drink to match when he'd get his and just happened to be standing right next to him as he got his drink. I am tall and he was extra tall so I decided to turn to him and say 6'6' right (guessing at his height)...he turned and smiled and said 6'5' and we started talking. He complimented me on my eyes and once my food was ready I got it and said to him well nice to meet you. He then said you too, can talk sometimes. I did my job and he did his. Sometimes the woman's job it to put herself in the right situation for the man to do his job, that the woman's part.

(I must add in the end the guy thought I was easy sex and when he found his time being used and no sex in sight he quickly stopped answering or returning my calls) But , what did I expect trying to pick up guy that wasn't interested enough in me initially, lol...

[dali]

aggressive men will and men who can't take no for an answer will do so many times. Sometimes the woman will give in and they means one less women out there for the rest of us.

 

It's not that they take no for an answer it's that they go for what they want and follow through, they actually do it. that's where a lot of self confessed shy guys fall is that they are too shy or scared to actually initiate anything beyond a casual conversation.

 

Neutron Star your attitude is self defeating. if your getting rejecting 100% change up! Insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting it to work.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Well, good for you for smiling and looking pretty, maybe those are enough for you. I think most women should have those AND other skills that help them get a man. I, for the most part am passive and I haven't dated nearly as many men as my younger sister have. She is more confident, a go getter and doesn't wait around for things to happen to her. As a result, she's had a more fun dating life and found a great match for herself as well.

[ProtestTheHero]

Rejection is bad when it happens 100% of the time. I've only asked women out online and the ones who's said yes to a date have all said no to a 2nd date. I don't have the nerve to ask a woman out in person because I don't know if they are single and am terrible at reading body language and especially can't read very subtle hints woman give off. You're wrong about one thing. I'm such a big coward that I doubt anybody will ever want me. A coward even among cowards.

 

Whether a woman will ever want you is irrelevant because your approach to dating will prevent you from ever finding out.

 

Rejection is not a big deal. I get rejected, but I don't care. Why? She doesn't know me, and I don't know her well enough to value her opinion.

[Batya33]

I don't think looking pretty is an action - I don't care how much time it takes to "look pretty" - that doesn't count as putting in effort to get to know a man in whom you have interest.

[jonny15]

Most aren't gonna be that friendly.

 

I have never had a female ever go out of their way to talk to me in any form or fashion, unless it was to ask me a question that had nothing to do with a potential date.

 

Alot of women think all they have to do is just sit there and wait for their knight and shining armor shows up, and if he doesn't they will complain about not getting dates.

[ProtestTheHero]

Most aren't gonna be that friendly.

 

I have never had a female ever go out of their way to talk to me in any form or fashion, unless it was to ask me a question that had nothing to do with a potential date.

 

Alot of women think all they have to do is just sit there and wait for their knight and shining armor shows up, and if he doesn't they will complain about not getting dates.

 

Don't see anyone like that posting on this forum.

[Iakasot]

Don't see anyone like that posting on this forum.

 

Their wording is different, I believe it's "Why don't THE RIGHT GUYS show interest in me?".

[jonny15]

Why are you trying to single handedly debunk the studies of human behavior.

 

I could really care less what some sociologist says about anything.

 

 

flirting and signals that will show openness and or interest. However, even if no signals from the woman and the man sees the woman and has the desire to go out with her, even if she doesn't see him he should not expect for him to sit there and either say nothing or him to flirt and send signals for her to pick up on to know to go ask him out, LOL...could you imagine...

 

Not all of us are good at picking up on signals.

 

I really have no clue when it comes to signals at all.

 

 

 

Ego was one of the reasons I mentioned, not the only, but yes sometimes it is about ego for men especially men who get a lot of attention from women, their ego allow them to think that they don't need to do their part and go after women. But the reality is the woman they value the most is the ones they have to go after, logical if he wanted her,but had to work for her if all the other women were doing the man part and going after him.

 

Well....not all of us get tons of attention from women. Some of us get zero, so it's not about ego.

[ProtestTheHero]

Their wording is different, I believe it's "Why don't THE RIGHT GUYS show interest in me?".

 

In that circumstance I agree with you -- they need to reevaluate what they're doing if they're never attracting guys they're interested in and should consider pursuing those guys themselves.

 

I just don't understand why a lot of the guys on this thread care what women do. If they refuse to ask guys out and it ends up sabotaging their dating experience, then so be it. They have the right to run their train right off the tracks, but I don't understand what that has to do with me or my dating experience or why I should care as a man.

[jonny15]

Don't see anyone like that posting on this forum.

 

Their wording is different, I believe it's "Why don't THE RIGHT GUYS show interest in me?".

 

Pretty much what that guy said.

 

They don't have to word it that way, but that is what they mean.

 

I know I don't get dates because i'm shy and very ugly. But I also know that alot of women don't get dates because they think they are actually doing something by putting on clothes and makeup, while never understanding how nerve racking it is to approach someone.

 

They don't even have to know since they will never try to do it.

[ProtestTheHero]

Pretty much what that guy said.

 

They don't have to word it that way, but that is what they mean.

 

I know I don't get dates because i'm shy and very ugly. But I also know that alot of women don't get dates because they think they are actually doing something by putting on clothes and makeup, while never understanding how nerve racking it is to approach someone.

 

They don't even have to know since they will never try to do it.

 

Why is it nerve wracking?

[jonny15]

Why is it nerve wracking?

 

Because i'm an easily nervous person, and approaching people who I don't know in general makes me uncomfortable. And approaching a woman like that is the worst thing I could do.

 

I know it's in my head, but it's the way I think.

[ProtestTheHero]

I understand that, but I want to know what exactly is making you nervous and uncomfortable. Is it purely because you don't know the people or is it more? If you think about it, it's pretty easy to meet new people. If you're a struggling guy and you're inexperienced, they have no idea because they know nothing about you. They don't know what makes you tick, how to hurt you, or what you're afraid of. At that point, there is only one thing they are evaluating: You are either interesting or uninteresting. If they decide you're not worth their time, you got shot down by someone you don't know and might not ever see again.

 

That's pretty appealing.

[jonny15]

I understand that, but I want to know what exactly is making you nervous and uncomfortable. Is it purely because you don't know the people or is it more? If you think about it, it's pretty easy to meet new people. If you're a struggling guy and you're inexperienced, they have no idea because they know nothing about you. They don't know what makes you tick, how to hurt you, or what you're afraid of. At that point, there is only one thing they are evaluating: You are either interesting or uninteresting. If they decide you're not worth their time, you got shot down by someone you don't know and might not ever see again.

 

That's pretty appealing.

 

I usually assume they would never think i'm very interesting.

 

I mean, I don't have much to talk about, unless their into sports or saying dirty things. lol But then again, my personailty comes out much better on the net than it ever will in person.

 

Also, I just don't do well in person.

 

And as childish as it may seem, I always believe I am gonna get laughed at, or have someone simply act mean with me.

 

I was teased pretty badly when I was in high school, and ever since then i've pretty much shut up when talking to people I do not know. I just assume they think i'm a freak that they woild never want to be near.

[Stay_home]

I do agree that there are some women that literally do nothing and expect a man to come falling out of the sky. But not all women are like this. I don't have a problem approaching and going after someone I'm interested in. And of course you never can catch every signal, some people are very subtle about it and others make it pretty obvious that they're interested and want you to come over and talk to them.