Silverbirches Healing Journal

[replytome]

Lol, I've riden a camel too, and I agree, not all that exciting, but I would like to ride an elephant - one of those which is made up ornately . . . but not if it's cruel to the elephant. Not sure how I feel about skydiving, and bungee jumping, not for me.

 

This looks good, something I should try, horse riding on a beautiful deserted beach:

 

link removed

 

Nice! That looks cool!

 

I'm bookmarking that website btw, for when I go to Oz. I want to do as much as possible

[Silverbirch]

Boreed, I have travelled up the east coast as far as past Cairns. Many years ago, I took a joy flight to an outer reef on the Great Barrier Reef and went snorkelling - swimming with thousands of colorful tropical fish, clams and creatures. It was the experience of a lifetime and something you should definitely do.

[replytome]

Boreed, I have travelled up the east coast as far as past Cairns. Many years ago, I took a joy flight to an outer reef on the Great Barrier Reef and went snorkelling - swimming with thousands of colorful tropical fish, clams and creatures. It was the experience of a lifetime and something you should definitely do.

 

I definitely will! Thank you!

[Silverbirch]

I was so tired when I woke up for work this morning (and as I had put extra staff on today), I rang in and told them I wouldn't be coming in. They weren't too surprised seeing that I had been there for more than 24 hours yesterday. I've mostly been in bed resting. Planning on eating well, having a long bath and just some light housework so I will be fine tomorrow as I will be working a ten hour day, and won't have a day off until Wednesday. It really can be quite exhausting, and I so don't want to be doing this forever. It simply isn't worth it.

 

My ex isn't on Facebook, but I have been friends with a friend of his on FB, and this morning, I deleted them as a friend and changed all my security settings. The friend was only in contact occasionally, and really much more a friend of his than mine. I had been uneasy about doing this and thinking about it for a while, and now I feel relieved that I've done that.

 

My mood is feeling a bit better today. Hope you are all well.

[ferna3069]

i hope everything gets better for you soon silver.

[Silverbirch]

Ferna.

[Realitynut]

It was so cute with Boreed flirtying with you like that. Wish I could flirt that cutely!!! I've only been sitting on the couch for 10 wks straight. Haven't walked my pup, nothing. Gained 7 pounds last month from in activity. Got a bagel in the toaster right now to eat. (with cream cheese and jelly, pup wanted me to make him some

 

Was also going to start my own healing journal for the last 2 days. Either I'm still too depressed to start, or afraid I might get negative feed back (I'm very sensitive....I feel your pain ferna) or no one will respond at all. I'm use to getting ignored, and rejected....but doesn't make me feel any better.

 

Not as "upbeat" as you SilverB. Wish I was. I would love to swim with the Dolphins. Not into bungee jumping either. don't like high places or falling. Who in the world would like the feeling of falling???? don't get it.

 

Love to all, maybe I'll start my journal soon. I guess there is just so much to tell. and so much pain. I feel like saying, "just read all my crap that I put in everyone else's thread." lol

 

Its all there in all it's pathetic glory. In various degrees. I'm afraid that people will say, YOU"RE not LISTENING to us. YOU are not taking our advice. YOU are still wallowing in self-pity. YOU need counciling. I'm actually afraid of "drama" she doesn't sugar coat, for sure. I want hugs, and pats on the head. hehe >>

[Silverbirch]

HUGS, HUGS, HUGS, Realitynut,

I think you should start a journal. I'll post. I nearly posted something to you the other day, but not sure if I'd be a bit out of line. Wanted to say to you that I think you should go see a lawyer and see if you can go for a property settlement especially since you invested your own money, time and skills into developing his property. Hey, just think even if you totally cleaned him out, he has Missy Millionaire to take care of him. Betcha she'd LOVE that! LOL If you start up a journal, I promise to post and send you lots of HUGS and XXXXX. There's lots I'd like to say - nothin mean, just give some support so as you can make yourself bootiful again, a foxy lady. Hey there's heaps of sexy mature and cougar women out there. Think Meryl Streep, Susan Sarandon, Helen Mirren, . . . big list.

 

Oh yes, Boree is a very cute flirt. So is Steve!!! Hoping they will be back. I hear Steve has a suntan now after his trip to Turkey! Looking forward to seeing the pics!

 

Well, I just took care of myself today. Chatting with a friend whose fiance has just called off the engagement. She's even been popping into ENA so maybe she will post soon. I hope. Hugs H if you are reading this. She lives in another state, but hopefully coming to stay with me September/October and we are talking about going to that place where they have horseriding on the beach. She's a horsey gal too.

 

Went down to Melbourne and bought some good healthy food. I don't want to put on the weight I've lost. I can almost fit into a timeless black designer cocktail dres I bought and wore only once just before I got together with the ex. He got really funny when he found out that I was going somewhere nice wearing it - and he wasn't coming. Not long after that we got together, and admitted he was getting scared I would meet somebody else. Well, maybe I will now. Maybe I will just go out lots of places and have a nice time. I know the time is coming when I will rejoin life. A special occasion would be a good idea.

 

I might go interstate in a few weeks for my younger sisters birthday. It's going to be a fair sized bash, and they all like to kick up their shoes and have a good time. I want to be there.

[ferna3069]

im happy your doing alot better silver. eating healthy going out. your a beutiful lady you will find some one to treat you right

[Silverbirch]

Hey thanks Ferna. I've just been going through my wardrobe and found another beautiful black cocktail dress I've never worn. Still has the price tag on it. Tried it on and fits perfectly. Got the perfect shoes and bag too. Now I just have to find somewhere to go. My ex doesn't dance so there were a lot of places we didn't goalthough we did go to nice places for dinner. I remember when I bought those dresses, there was another I really wanted to buy too - a gorgeous red one. None of those dresses has dated. They are lovely and very figure-flattering. I tried them on and modelled for my housemate's girlfriend and she thought they looked very nice. They are both urging me to be going out.

 

Hey,how bout you Ferna, are you going out.? I think you should.

[ferna3069]

well today im hanging out with my family my aunt and cousins came to visit. and tomorrow is going to be my neaces graduation party . shes graduating from kindergarted. im happy for her. i always thought of her as my own daughter. i want to go out but that would have to wait until monday. i been having some bad days but the days get better.i look at my side and at the people that care about me. which makes me faal better

[Silverbirch]

Hey hugs Ferna, hope you have a nice day with your family.

 

I ate some yoghurt with a really good quality muesli mixed in with it. So yummy and in the earlier days of the B/U and my eating habits, I messed up my stomach, but it's so much better now. At the rate my faceis improving, I might be able to hold off on the Botox for a while. Amazing the difference when a person stops crying.

[ferna3069]

yeah im happy your doing better, your a beutiful lady silver and trust me you dont need any work done. the thing that made you look like that is been depressed all this time. i know that when my break up first happened i looked tired and bad all the time i was a mess.but everythings getting better.

[rkw]

The improvements that have happened since you started this journal a few days ago are amazing! I'm so pleased to hear that your crying is slowly tapering off. I bet after a few days of dry eyes, you wont feel that you need the botox at all (I bet you don't anyway, but I have nothing against it if it makes you feel more confident). I'm really enjoying your updates, and I hope you can see the progress you've made.

 

I hope those sexy dresses get a chance to be shown off soon too It's positively clothes abuse to let them languish in your wardrobe for one moment more.

[Silverbirch]

Hey thanks all. RKW, I'm really starting to want to go out somewhere really nice, but I feel a bit lost about where to go. I don't want to go on dating sites, and my friends don't do the formal thingy. I googled for charity balls, but some of them are $1,000 a ticket!!! If anyone has ideas, please let me know, especially if you live in Melbourne.

 

Still waking up very early, but not in the state of distress I have been in. Teary on the way home from work last night, but feeling a lot better.My thoughts about the ex are still quite eratic. However, rather than mostly thinking that I wish we were back together, it has occurred to me that in a relatively short period of time, I have lost respect for him and no longer like him as a person. That is saying so much because I just adored him, thought he was my best friend and favourite person in the world. My change in opinion has everything to do with how he went about the breakup and things he said and did around the breakup. I know for sure that there are heaps of men out there who would be much better relationship material if that is what I want and choose. I know that in time, I will get over him.

[Silverbirch]

Well today was pretty much one foot in front of the other again. It's a public holiday here but I had to work. As I've mentioned, the other staff I work with are great and a couple of us are sort of close, at least very fond of each other as far as work mates go.

 

I work with young male clients (in their 20's) who are profoundly affected by autism in varying degrees and all extremly individual. Our most demanding client who can be extremely aggressive and unpredictable, assaultive behaviour and costs thousands in property damage. He has had many diagnses including schizophrenia and various mood disorders. Even though I have on occasion been assaulted by him as have all of our other workers, he seems to be becoming obsessed with me. Lately, he follows me about endlessly, and tries constantly to kiss and hug me. We do have formal strategies in place to deal with this, but he just laughs. He has an intellectual disability to go with it, and is a lot like a kid.

 

It feels weird to think that this is at present a battle in the workplace, and yet, I so long for love and affection from my ex, and I often struggle in accepting his sudden ending of our relationship. Had a few teary times today, but still not as bad as I was a couple of weeks ago.

 

There's a young guy I work with (work colleague) who I'm getting to know better and working with quite a lot. He broke up with the love of his life 3 years ago - they were engaged - and still in contact. I saw him so upset the other morning after having spoken with her. I can see though that he works really hard on so many aspects of his life and has lots going for him. There would likely be any number of girls interested in him, and he has lots of female "friends" but no involvement. He even told me the strategy he knows he can use to get females to fall for him so he could have sex with them if he wanted to, but he says he isn't doing that because that's not the path he wants to go on. Clearly, he still wants to be with his ex. I hope I'm not like this in 3 years, but then I'm not in contact with my ex.

 

I seem to be catching up with a lot of sleep right now. It's mid-winter here. Cold and not so much light, and I always feel less motivated at this time of the year. Then I come alive again in spring.

[Silverbirch]

Don't feel like I'm going so well right now and maybe a break from ENA might be whaI should be doing.

 

I thought that I was on time for my dance class this morning, but I actually turned up to the wrong class. I was there for an exercise program with weights. It wwas the same instructor and she was happy to let me participate in that class. Especially in view of losing so much weight, I think I'm better off sticking with this class so that I can tone up all over. The other thing is that I have a choice of 3 different days a week so that if something happens with work and I can't make it, I can always go on another day.

 

Ladies at the class asked me if I wanted to go for coffee with them afterwards. I took a raincheck until next time as I really struggled not to cry duirng the class. I'm very down again today, and wondering whether to collect all of my belongings from the exes. I had put this off for a couple of months as I'm scared I will cry in front of him. Trying to deal with the finality of it all seems unbearable right now. I feel like I'm never going to get over it all right now. I have thoughts like maybe my ex is in love with somebody else, and that just kills me.

 

I have to work today, going to take a bath, put on some make-up and bling. I don't have to work tomorrow. I'm sleeping quite a lot right now. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to motivate myself into going for a long walk and finally getting through some of the things I need to do here with regard to the redecorating.

 

This feels like the worst thing Ive ever had to deal with.

[Realitynut]

I was in bed and slept 11 hours yesterday. Got up at 4 in the afternoon. It's 4:40 right now and am going to lay down. Have to be to work at 6 to do one massage. I went to my councelor today at 11. found out it was scheduled for tomorrow.

 

Why was our healing journal moved to "jounals" when no one elses was!!! chikns is still there, and Kids and Jonesys, well almost everyones.

 

It make me feel rejected even here...if ya know what i mean???!!!

 

Don't leave ENA....I need you.

[Realitynut]

I know without a doubt this is the worst things I've ever had to go thru. April is spring here, and would have been the happiest time of my life also. Of course he took me back in Dec. when there was 3 feet of snow on the ground. You Aussies don't know pounds or feet do you??? lol Well the snow drifts were extremely high this year where he lives. Up to your waist. Where I live 4 hrs south, we're lucky if we get over 5 inches. or unlucky. that would just go over your boots!!

He went back with her when spring was coming. I asked him (before I knew she was still in the picture)can't you still see me until October, then if it's not working you can dump me then. You know what he said? I'm afraid you wouln't leave me then either. Actually that was a convo we had BEFORE he actually broke up with me.....just hinting.

 

I had some guys emailing me on a dating site the other day. Someone might take me out thur. Today I feel like I don't want to go. What's the point??? Another called this morning, I've never met him. He sounds boring., then I listened to my ex (on voicemail) ask when I was coming up to get some of my things,. even tho he sounded very uncaring,... I still loved the sound of his voice. I've been trying not to listen to his voice mails. I took down his pics yesterday..I'm not going up to get my things until I'm stronger. I wanted to go while I was madly in love and he still had caring feelings for me....now I know his feelings for me are completely gone, and I, like you, don't want to go up there crying and YELLING,. you see, I cried all the time. It's the yelling he couldn't take. I'd want to hold my tongue, but he would say something and I'd explode. He actually had the nerve to ask (on v.mail) if I could leave the pictures on the wall until later when I got the moving van to pic up my big stuff. You see, I did take the pics off the living rm. wall and boy was it empty looking. ASS!!

 

Gotta go to work. Only one massage the whole day. I'm self-employed and last year I was living with him for 17 days and come down and work for only 4, then go back up there for 17 days!!! I love it. Now I have nothing to fill my days, except this.

 

Don't leave SilverB

[Silverbirch]

Hi Carla,

You're sounding better. I'll go over and post on your journal.

 

I'm feeling a little better this morning, and have the day off work. Lots I should be doing. Looks also like one of my books has finally arrived at the post office so I'd better go and collect it. I need to organise my finances today, and also I'm thinking about looking into getting some formal riding lessons, a couple of private ones to start with then a weekly group lesson. Friend tells me that if I'm serious about wanting to get a free lease on a horse which would be suitable for me, I'll have much improved chances if I can show that I've had lessons up to intermediate level. Likely if I did lease a horse, wouldn't be until next year. I haven't been on any of the horsey sites for months. Maybe I'll take a look today. Hugs.

[ferna3069]

i never bought a horse so im just wondering do u buy a horse like u buy a car? lol. i mean do u need some sort of permit for it?

 

i hope your feel well today silver. its been a while since i talked to u andit sounds like ur doing better

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Ferna,

Well, often horse "leases" are free, but while you lease it, you are up for all the expenses and if anything goes wrong, that could go up into the thousands. Buying a horse can be very tricky and dangerous simply because people outright lie. It's best to get one on a trial period where you have an agreement that you can send the horse back after 3 months if it doesn't work out. I've heard all sorts of stories about people sedating horses just prior to prosepective buyers coming to look at them and go for a trial ride. The other thing is that getting a horse is a lot like getting a friend - some people are more compatible with some than others.

 

You don't need a permit as such, but the sort of horse I would like would be either in very high demand or I would think several thousand dollars, and that would not be a young horse either - just one that it extremely calm, smart, educated with a lovely personality. Who knows, I might just buy one with the added clause to return if it doesn't work out, but that will likely cost me a lot of money. On the plus side, especially as my weight is continuing to drop - I'm currently 50kgs, there is a possibility that I could get a horse as I have described which has been a very active horse, maybe a stock horse or if I was really lucky, a retired police horse. It could have had an injury/ whatever, and is only suitable for light riding by a light rider. Mac is nearly 16hh which is a large horse. His owner Jssie wwwould be a deal heavier than I am. He has something called "white line disease" which is a condition caused by overwork as a stock horse. She is a gentle rider. For me being on him though, he's so big, he'd hardly feel me on his back. I would so love a horse like Mac. I'll go out and see him again in a few weeks and have another ride.

[Silverbirch]

Ferna,

Have a look at this link. There's a photo of a horse on a beach, 8 year old 16hh ArabX, trained in natural horsemanship. It's $2,000 and can be riden with just a halter, trained in natural horsemanship which is where my interest is. Given it's size though, it would cost a lot to feed unless a person had lots of their own land. While living here, I'm sure I'd be okay, but still think it would need a fair bit of supps to keep healthy. Looks nice to me. When the time comes, I'd definitely be getting people more knowledgeable than I am to have a look and check it out. Other thing is that people recommend that you get a vet check. I love Arab horses. Click on the pic to enlarge - see how she's riding it without a bit - means it is likely a very quiet horse for her to be able to ride it with just a halter - that means its just like rope around it's head - no metal in it's mouth. Also, when people ride like that they usually have trained the horse with some "Western" rather than "English Riding Style" that means they use more leg commands than pulling on reins.

 

If this horse is genuine 16hh, then the woman riding it is MUCH taller and larger than I am I would think.

 

link removed

[ferna3069]

thats a nice horse silver, i would deffenatly go for one like that. like you said though you need to make sure you have enough money to feed it and keep it healthy.when you ride your horse where do you take them?

[Silverbirch]

Hi Ferna, there are lots of places on the property I live on to ride. Also, there are trails by the side of the road here. It's very pretty, lots of trees and fields.