Real Deal Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Married for 12 years and I think of her every single day but not in a way that I want her at all. She was the dumper and I wanted her back and tried for about 9 months. We hooked up a few times but then she said no more. From there I moved on with my life all the way and never looked back. NC is impossible because of the kids though. I am nice and civil no matter what and she is bitter and angry. No more chase from me and it is odd because she is with another dude and has been for 9 months. I was with someone for the same amount of time and she hated that but we just recently broke up (not that it matters but I was the dumper). Anyway, I still think about girls I dated when I was 18 and I am almost 38 so IMO you always have the thoughts, but that does not mean that you want them. I blew thru anger and resentment and I am 100% acceptance now and truly do want the best for her. She is angry all the time and even said "It bothers me that you are doing so well". Link to comment
iwannarun Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I think of him every day...but not every hour. It used to be every second, so there's definitely been loads of improvement haha. It's been 5 months now. I hope that when it's been a year, I'll only think of him every few days. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 I think of him every day...but not every hour. It used to be every second, so there's definitely been loads of improvement haha. It's been 5 months now. I hope that when it's been a year, I'll only think of him every few days. I hope at 5 months I can say the same. The less I think about him the better. I'm at full-on NC at the moment. NC is definitely it. Link to comment
pillowtalk Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 I think about my ex ALL THE TIME. It's been seven months since we broke up, he's in another relationship. But, whereas before I was full of pain and hurt, now it's different. I still get sad, but it's not heartbreaking, because I know I will be just fine. I miss him. I want to know how he is doing. I feel pangs of nostalgia sometimes. But knowing that I am in control of my own happiness is a great source of strength. Link to comment
Doxiegrrl Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Together for 4.5 years, and he walked out after his trashy family kept moving in with us and milking our good fortune. I demanded respect and boundaries, but he just chose to give us away instead of setting rules for his family. I think about him a LOT, and I'm trying to go to therapy for the hurt. I never had closure. He packed a suitcase with tears in his eyes, and told me "I'll email you." I've never seen him since, and we talk occasionally online. His chosen form of correspondence is email, cause he's a coward. I was left to clean up and sell all of our things alone. It was the hardest time of my life. My beef is, someone did that to me, yet, why do I still have feelings and long for him in my life? Ugh! Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Together for 4.5 years, and he walked out after his trashy family kept moving in with us and milking our good fortune. I demanded respect and boundaries, but he just chose to give us away instead of setting rules for his family. I think about him a LOT, and I'm trying to go to therapy for the hurt. I never had closure. He packed a suitcase with tears in his eyes, and told me "I'll email you." I've never seen him since, and we talk occasionally online. His chosen form of correspondence is email, cause he's a coward. I was left to clean up and sell all of our things alone. It was the hardest time of my life. My beef is, someone did that to me, yet, why do I still have feelings and long for him in my life? Ugh! "ugh"...that pretty much sums it up. i remember being there. was well past the one year mark before the ''final let go'' happened. i think alot of it has to do with dropping the storyline. i was no different. constantly keeping the story alive...reinforcing everything that i wanted to believe about 'us'. anything from how long we were together...to the plans we'd had...to what made her so special. i mean...those things were important in many ways. and i know now more than ever that she was a pretty special person in my life. but really...all of that was just a way to hold on. letting go is so hard...to finally make that choice to be free. in alot of ways...it makes no sense...especially when the storyline is predominantly negative. i mean...if it was so bad...if this other person was so unreasonable...so unfair...what possible use could there be for holding on? not that it makes any more sense when the thoughts are fantasy. it still hurts. we all have our own thresholds. i think it's probably the same feeling once you're there though. there's a choice. take a step into the unknown...step away from the habitual tendency to hold on. it's a bit of a revelation when it happens. freedom. Link to comment
guiltyflood Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 It's been 15 months. I think of her everyday. Though, my emotions aren't getting to me like they used to. I made my personal amends with her (I was angry for about 7 months and didnt want that anymore) about 3 months ago with an email, to which she responded very happily. She sent me an email a couple of weeks after my bday wishing me a happy bday and asking how I was doing. Just a few days ago, I found out she's currently in a relationship with another guy, a friend she's known since she was a kid. When I found out, I was irritated/depressed/angry for about 5 minutes, but then moved on with my life. So while I do still think about her everyday, I can at least see my personal progress with myself. I think I am at a stage where if I found another girl that I would strongly consider pursuing, then I would completely forget about her (that's how I forgot my first ex). Thus, I'm slowly rediscovering how to get back into the dating game (while also simultaneously looking to start a career). Hoping it turns out well sooner rather than later!! Link to comment
Alpha Ghaz Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 5 days now. Everything is still fresh in my mind, I was intimate with her 2 days before the break up and she whispered into my ears, "I love you" which made the break up much worse and I hated her for doing it. Oh well, this is about me and not about her feelings! She was too concerned with her happiness to even talk it over with me, just gotta enjoy being single and try to get the most out of life for my self. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 5 days now. Everything is still fresh in my mind, I was intimate with her 2 days before the break up and she whispered into my ears, "I love you" which made the break up much worse and I hated her for doing it. Oh well, this is about me and not about her feelings! She was too concerned with her happiness to even talk it over with me, just gotta enjoy being single and try to get the most out of life for my self. For such a little amount of time, you seem to have the right attitude. I didn't even acknowledge I was "single" until now that you said it. I've been thinking of myself as "someone-getting-out-of-a-relationship" rather than "newly-single". I need to embrace the single attitude and feel free again. I've been noticing I'm thinking about him less now. The NC helps a lot. Hopefully I'll stick to it. Link to comment
kuteknish Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 It's been 6 months since we broke up (weird, today is exactly 6 months) and I still think about him every day, but not obsessively like I used to. I am more focused on myself and think about him in different ways now. It's moved from wanting him back, wanting him back, wanting him back to being more empathetic, forgiving & at peace. As much as I would entertain a reconciliation, I am more aware of the issues that we both brought into the relationship that made it fail and recognize that it would be more work than just getting back together.. and i'm not sure either of us would be ready for that. Link to comment
Alpha Ghaz Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 For such a little amount of time, you seem to have the right attitude. I didn't even acknowledge I was "single" until now that you said it. I've been thinking of myself as "someone-getting-out-of-a-relationship" rather than "newly-single". I need to embrace the single attitude and feel free again. I've been noticing I'm thinking about him less now. The NC helps a lot. Hopefully I'll stick to it. I was very fortunate to have such caring family/friends to comfort me for the initial day Don't get me wrong its still a bit tough but I have to improve my self and to love my self! Heading to the gym in a bit to work on my upper body Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Yeah, you are probably right, everybody is healing differently and we don't really know, what goes on in their minds! It's just that I get that impression in my case though, judging by his actions. I mean, he left me for another girl, got engaged to her after 4 months and soon will be married to her, if he isn't already married (well, at least that were my latest "news" about him end of November -weather it's true or not, no idea-, before I blocked him anywhere possible and told everybody not to give me any more updates on him under no circumstances)... Maybe that is his way of coping, maybe he can't be alone, maybe he is long over me and truly happy?! I don't know and it doesn't really matter anymore, I know.... But we'll make it through these hard times!! It is such a help to have found so many amazing people here on ENA! Thanks to you all! We defintely aren't alone! Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 It's been 10 weeks, and I aim at thinking about him when I wake/go to bed for no more than 30 min. And many times, I find my focus elsewhere! I have not been in contact for the whole time, although he ran into me at a local coffee shop 2 weeks ago and if you didn't know we had broken up, you wouldn't have known by our "connection". Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 Maybe that is his way of coping, maybe he can't be alone, maybe he is long over me and truly happy?! I don't know and it doesn't really matter anymore, I know.... But we'll make it through these hard times!! It is such a help to have found so many amazing people here on ENA! Thanks to you all! We defintely aren't alone! Same here, my ex ran to the arms of another girl right after we broke up. I imagine it must be comforting for men to run to women since they are "physical" and all. Initially, it was killing me but I don't think I care anymore. They are also misled into relationships because they confuse comfort with love. They're vulnerable at that time so other women will take advantage of that and show how much they "care" to help them forget. At least that was the case of the girl my ex ran to. She was just waiting for the time to "console" my ex. It comforts me to know that he won't forget me even if he doesn't think about me as much as I do. You know, no matter what happens, you just don't forget people that were in your life for a decent amount of time and had a great time with. The triggers are there for both parties, what changes is what they think of you and when. I agree with you with the whole ENA thing. I can always vent on here. No matter what side of the roller coaster I'm on. Today it's positive. I was very fortunate to have such caring family/friends to comfort me for the initial day Don't get me wrong its still a bit tough but I have to improve my self and to love my self! Heading to the gym in a bit to work on my upper body Lucky. I have some friends and family but have decided to not involve them. Most of my venting has been ENA. I have found myself reflecting on my past a lot and have learned a lot about me that way. Working on a better me on every aspect possible, including the physical. Have been doing some running around the lake myself; the gyms around here are too crowded. Link to comment
Alpha Ghaz Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Lucky. I have some friends and family but have decided to not involve them. Most of my venting has been ENA. I have found myself reflecting on my past a lot and have learned a lot about me that way. Working on a better me on every aspect possible, including the physical. Have been doing some running around the lake myself; the gyms around here are too crowded. The endorphins from working lasts for couple hours but after while I've been going back to having anxiety in the pit of my stomach Just the last thing my ex said has really gotten to me... "If it wasn't for you making me break up with you, I would not have slept with this guy". That makes me think maybe there was a chance with her after the week of space, but that doesn't change the fact that she had a guy come from out of state to spend an entire week with her(while keeping it a secret). I still can't get over the feeling that I was used... Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 The endorphins from working lasts for couple hours but after while I've been going back to having anxiety in the pit of my stomach Just the last thing my ex said has really gotten to me... "If it wasn't for you making me break up with you, I would not have slept with this guy". That makes me think maybe there was a chance with her after the week of space, but that doesn't change the fact that she had a guy come from out of state to spend an entire week with her(while keeping it a secret). I still can't get over the feeling that I was used... I think Ex's try to rationalize their behavior by blaming it on you at times just to clear off their guilt and try to make you "forgive them" which means she's STILL using you. You should do NC until the anxiety goes away, and you can think clearly about it. Or she might just be making you think there was still a chance just to give you false hope, and then disappoint you again. At this point, you really don't know what she's capable of, right? Just keep that quote in mind, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." We are still vulnerable the first week, so you probably still are as well even though you seem quite strong. Give yourself some time to heal. Heck, it's been 2 months since mine and I'm STILL trying to heal AND I was the dumper (I wasn't mean about it or anything though) so I should be feeling somewhat better but no can do. But it's taken me a while to do full NC, been giving the ex the time he needs. Link to comment
Alpha Ghaz Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 I only seem this strong about it because I knew that the relationship was going no where, and was not the man of the situation to call it off. I was working to better my self with her, but the constant fights over little things had caught up to me when she had me move out. I had a feeling moving in with her that she isn't the one with how messy of a person she was... Honestly it was gross being a girl who didn't seem to have the drive to keep her place of living clean. Best thing I could do was clean the kitchen due to my asthma kicking in every time I tried to vacuum the place I could go on but that wouldn't help me heal would it now I have no intentions of getting back together with her, but I wish I could just punch this faint feeling in my gut about her. She doesn't deserve my attention when she is off doing who cares what! Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 It's been 3.5 years since he moved out. I think about him every day. We have kids. It's hard not to. Link to comment
Snowy Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Day 5 of break up. She crosses my mind for about 10 seconds max each day. I don't miss her. I don't love her. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 25, 2011 Author Share Posted March 25, 2011 She crosses my mind for about 10 seconds max each day. I know that feeling. When I'm doing things, it's been every 2-3 minutes but when I let my mind get lazy, it's literally every 10 seconds. However, it's been 2 months. Damn I wish we could control our thoughts and get the Ex's out of our heads. Link to comment
rippedinsides Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I can't stop thinking of him. He is in my heart and mind constantly. I can't eat, can't sleep and can't do anything without him on my mind. He's so much more than just a memory....It's two weeks since we broke up... Link to comment
little_buttercup Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 He's on my mind every day. Link to comment
cdalton17 Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 6 weeks today and that is about all I do, 95% of the time, This sucks. I wish this on nobody, She told me last night in email, "I left you because you loved me so much that it was hurting you" huh? this is the 20th reason she gave me, Sad today though, we lived together 8 years, she told me yesterday she got an apartment, year lease.. there goes that.. she still tells me, we both need to get better before we can see if there could be a future, She said "I need to heal first and not get angry with the thought of you first before we can talk".. hmm... She is gone I guess, I will just continue to change, occupy myself and start to heal and hopefully be happy oneday again. as of right now it does not seem like this will happen, I am taking this hard still.. ugh.. went to my local church yesterday because I was a wreck and talked to my priest about it all. He just was like WOW.. and said some prayers, It does feel better talking about it though, I just got to stop contacting my ex, Alot of habbit, we were each others best friends, noone else except us, ugh, she went out and made new friends in weeks, me, nothing. guess a lot easier for girls to be friends than guys.. Ugh this sucks, did I say that already Link to comment
alot2learn Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 yeah, i know how you all feel. its been 7 months now after a 3 year relationship (2 living together) and unfortunately i still think about her EVERY day!!! some days i think about her and half way convince myself that the break-up was for the best, and maybe she did us both a favor. but it always ends with me feeling the break-up WAS for the best, but just wish it didn't have to be permanent! i know it needed to happen, as i've learned so much about myself and what i want out of a relationship. problem is, i thought by now i would have completely let go. but i obviously haven't. and that part really sucks! i just really miss being able to share my life with someone and feeling important enough to have them do the same with me. but on a positive note. its not all bad, as i also finally have plenty of good days as well! so its not all bad... and there does seem to be light at the end of the tunnel!!! GOOD LUCK to everyone on this rough journey!!! WE WILL GET THROUGH IT! Link to comment
cdalton17 Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 One big problem I have is filling up ALL this time I have on my hands now. 6 weeks now. ugh, We did everything together. We just moved to a new place 2 hours away so I do not know anybody.. ugh. She moved back to her dads has her sister there, She started a new job and even went out with friends she made there already. I have joined the local gym 4 weeks ago, I am going. But hard to meet someone at a gym. Been going to AA at night, there are people there, But they have there own lives, Joined a mens Softball team league, Hasnt really started yet and not even sure if I will be any good because of the way I am now. So again I find myself home alone, cleaning the house, and on the labtop, dont really eat right still. I lost 35 pounds so far. down to 215. looking good, just worried about muscle mass. I am normally a outgoing guy, funny and not affraid to talk to anyone, But my confidence is so down I dont feel like doing anything right now. Can I ask a few questions? How do you guys pass time by? it is even still cold here, N.J. when did you guys get you appetite back? when did you guys start feeling less numb and spaced out? Thanks.. Link to comment
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