Almost sane Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Together for 15 years married for 13, he left me saying he longer loved me - I later discovered he'd been having an affair for at least 4 months before he left me. I was a mess for several months after the split, I began to recover a little then went even lower when his dirty little secret came out!! NC impossible as have a child together. It's now 20 months (divorce done, finances sorted) and I still think of him every day. I don't know why as I couldn't bear the thought of being with him now - I think I'm grieving for the man I married, if that makes any sense? Wish I didn't think of him, perhaps I wouldn't if I got into a new relationship but I just dont know if I could ever trust anyone ever again Link to comment
cdalton17 Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Together for 15 years married for 13, he left me saying he longer loved me - I later discovered he'd been having an affair for at least 4 months before he left me. I was a mess for several months after the split, I began to recover a little then went even lower when his dirty little secret came out!! NC impossible as have a child together. It's now 20 months (divorce done, finances sorted) and I still think of him every day. I don't know why as I couldn't bear the thought of being with him now - I think I'm grieving for the man I married, if that makes any sense? Wish I didn't think of him, perhaps I wouldn't if I got into a new relationship but I just dont know if I could ever trust anyone ever again Glad you said that, I dont think I can trust anyone again, How can someone play with peoples lives like this. Life is valuable and precious, love is as well. what is going on in there minds that they cant work it out with there partner? I dont think I will love like this again.... Link to comment
Almost sane Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 I will never understand how the man I trusted more than anyone could treat me like a high school girlfriend and be so cruel, I had no idea he was unhappy. He should have been a man & walked but instead the coward waited until he found a replacement! He kept up the chirade after we split by suggesting counselling which we both went to for weeks. I found out about about the affair when her husband contacted me, he'd been suspicious and had managed to read her emails between her and my husband some of which he showed me - made me sick to the stomach. I know I will have the last laugh as she is 10 yrs younger and this was her 2nd divorce for adultery, the words leopard & spots comes to mind ;-) Link to comment
unwindcomplete Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 I got with my ex (first time I’ve referred to her as an ex) in October 2005 so I was 17 I’m now 22 so 5 years long. It was both of our first proper relationship. She was the only person who I could be 100% myself with. We were very close as you would be, When she went to uni I would see her pretty much every week or other week, we would spend hours on the phone at the end of the day (She would walk to a BT phonebox and I would phone it as it was free on my landline, good times when you’re in-love) when she was back she wouldn’t tell her mum as the train fare from Southampton to London was lot’s. When she finished uni she moved in to my house (living with parents) which was nice! Though looking back it was bad move. Let’s skip to mid 2010. Abby wanted to get a job up London so I asked my older sister if she could sort anything out, well she did and Abby managed to secure a job there as a trainee which was nice! Her behaviour began to change though she would repeatedly blow me off and send me texts basically saying I’m staying out tonight. This would be far doos but when we have arranged to do something prior it would * * * * me off, she would never pick up her phone. This did course arguments so things started to break down. I started to get suspicious of her as this kept happening which in-turn made me behave like a nob sometimes. It’s not nice to think that someone could be cheating on you with very little evidence, I would repeatedly tell myself she’s not like that, she wouldn’t do that to you! Though, yea things got to me sometimes so I tried to give her opportunities to say if anything had happened she didn’t. One night she was going on a work social. I was waiting for her to come home, it was getting late so I text her the last train times, when it was past the last train times I started to phone her as I was honestly worried and I phoned her and phoned her. It got to about 3am and I was out of my mind! She text me @ 3:30 saying she was on her way home. She ended up getting back at 4:30. This was the final straw for me she obviously didn’t really care about me or respected my feelings so I asked her to move out so we can have some space. We arranged it for a weekend I ended-up taking some of her stuff back and knocked at parents’ house, her mother answered the door confused. So I had to explain to her what was going on. It was very hard not to cry which would have been obvious to her mother. We both tried to get in touch with her we didn’t. She turns up the next day after staying at a friend’s from work. She told me she was embarrassed about telling her mother what had happened and run way from it. I loved the girl no end would have died for her! (Sorry about the cliché) anyway I kept seeing her at her mother’s house, it reminded me of old times getting up to various activity’s in her bedroom. The last time I was there we had a talk and she said that we should be m8s for a bit, I asked her if she was breaking up with me she said no. Well anyway the night after 18th December I got upset so I went over to my sisters to talk about it there I started to cry alot. My sister and my bro in-law didn’t want me to drive home for some reason or another, they ended up letting me go! On my way home I had a very bad car crash I ended up in hospital with a broken femur, head injuries and suspected broken arm. Abby came to the hospital twice only for a few mints at a time, I remember saying to my m8 she’s been up to something or she’s done something. But anyway I got discharged @10pm x-mus eve. The last time I saw Abby was x-mus day, my sister told me that she had been kissing this guy at the x-mus doo so I asked her about it and she said she had. I also asked her if she had cheated on me and she looked at me with those big blue eyes and said “no” and gave me a reassuring smile I totally believed her. She left relatively sharpish (she was going to her friends Laura’s house which I found weird) I asked her if we were together anymore and she said no. Anyway I asked her for closure and what I got form her was a text message saying “I’m so sorry James but it was over months ago I hope you meet someone soon and be happy” it later conspired she had been sleeping with this 30 year old from work for months before we broke up, they hooked up when i was in hospital, he gave her lifts to see me lol. Anyway I would take her back in one second (it’s never going to happen) I think about her all the time. I get angry/depressed I’ve had a couple of break downs over it. I’m still house bound it’s going to take about a year to recover from the crash. I must say part of me doesn’t want to get over her. I’m thinking is there any point of relationships, maybe I’m too sensitive! Link to comment
jnahak Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 It's been one week since the break-up. We were together for six years and lived with each other for 5.5 years. I think about him a lot - hoping that he is doing okay but knowing realistically that he is probably hurting even more than I am; I was the dumper. I think in many ways being the dumper is harder than being the dumpee, especially for empathic ole me. I knew that his heart would break and I knew that I would feel it break along with my own heart-breaking . Anyway, it's hard doing something you know will cause a lot of pain with someone you love but at the same time it isn't fair to oneself when one sacrifices their feelings for the feelings of their partner. NC is the best remedy. He sends me brief e-mails sometimes asking if I am okay, how I am doing, etc... Sometimes I cry while other times I feel too numb. It's really REALLY hard not to respond, thus breaking the NC rule, but I'm not ruthless enough to ignore him. This is going to be a hard HARD nut to crack. Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 Same here, my ex ran to the arms of another girl right after we broke up. I imagine it must be comforting for men to run to women since they are "physical" and all. Initially, it was killing me but I don't think I care anymore. They are also misled into relationships because they confuse comfort with love. They're vulnerable at that time so other women will take advantage of that and show how much they "care" to help them forget. At least that was the case of the girl my ex ran to. She was just waiting for the time to "console" my ex. Yeah, I guess, that was the case, too, with my ex. Due to his job, he had many girls chasing him, although they all knew he was in a relationship with me. Guess, the girl he left me for was at the right place at the right time to console him and help him "forgetting" me, well, with success obviously But you are right, the thoughts of them together don't hurt that much anymore, it's getting better in time...looking reallx forward to the day when I don't care anymore at all... if that day ever comes?! I think, as long as they are in their honeymoon stage, he won't think of me that often... I hope, when they got used to each other after some time, he thinks of me and remembers me fondly, remember the great years we shared...*sigh* Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 Day 5 of break up. She crosses my mind for about 10 seconds max each day. I don't miss her. I don't love her. If that were true, you wouldn't be here or have that signature line. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 27, 2011 Author Share Posted March 27, 2011 Yeah, I guess, that was the case, too, with my ex. Due to his job, he had many girls chasing him, although they all knew he was in a relationship with me. Guess, the girl he left me for was at the right place at the right time to console him and help him "forgetting" me, well, with success obviously But you are right, the thoughts of them together don't hurt that much anymore, it's getting better in time...looking reallx forward to the day when I don't care anymore at all... if that day ever comes?! I think, as long as they are in their honeymoon stage, he won't think of me that often... I hope, when they got used to each other after some time, he thinks of me and remembers me fondly, remember the great years we shared...*sigh* It sucks to know that you think about them so often and they think about you very little. It really sucks, at least for me that's what kills me. Link to comment
cdalton17 Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 From week 1 till week 6, thinking of them, almost the same amount. A little less, but not by much. Now the pain is subdoing, thank God. Dont know how much more of that sharp deep inner pain I could take. That was harsh. pain is still there, but dulling. I am really working on me though. trying to keep busy, meeting new people everyday and continue to read books and self help. One of my thinking of her I believe sprouts from the lonelyness, I never been alone before, EVER. So this is a whole new concept as well. So yes, alot of she is still in my mind, but pain is going, What helps me is, she got so distant from me immediately and blamed everything bad in the relationship on me, I mean everything, she DID NO WRONG. lmfao. Really, is she for real? Yeah I did bad things, But really? All me? Plus she is being mean most of the time. Believe it or not.. This helps get over her, Only so much a person can take of belittling them. So please My Ex, keep it coming. I will be over you sooner.. Then I will have the last laugh. I will be healed and a better person from helping myself. And you will be eating yourself up inside with not working on yourself and blaming me. Then when something goes wrong in your life, Cant blame me.. B***h.. Thanks... Link to comment
peacetree29 Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 I think about her every night before I go to sleep and every morning when I wake up... and then at least once during the day. I try not to, but I love her truly and very deeply and I feel lost without her. She was the woman I wanted to spend my life with. It's been 3 months. Link to comment
jakel Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Its been 5 months for me, I keep having this faux closure feeling that keeps coming over me. I give myself this stupid pep talk "This ( ) is over it was not good enough so it got dissolved its gone so something better can occur. Really I think about her every couple of hours. I found myself tonight in the grocery store thinking about her when I saw the stupid compo-stable trash bags. I want my brain back! Its better than it was though. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 I can't stop thinking of him. He is in my heart and mind constantly. I can't eat, can't sleep and can't do anything without him on my mind. He's so much more than just a memory....It's two weeks since we broke up... this is perfect. no excuses. no rationalization. no justification. no storyline. just...RAW feeling. ripped...if you're feeling it...keep feeling it. feel it until you feel like exploding...and then continue feeling it. without an agenda...with out any attachment to what it means...if you just feel it...you'll find some peace. all the pain wants is to be set free...but it has to be experienced fully before that can happen. Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 It sucks to know that you think about them so often and they think about you very little. It really sucks, at least for me that's what kills me. Absolutely! I feel the same way, it's so unfair that they seem so successful with distracting themselves with someone new. It sometimes makes me "angry" with myself that he still is on my mind that often What helps me sometimes is that I tell myself, we don't really know, maybe we cross their minds more often than we think?! At least I'm certain they haven't forgotten about us completely nor they ever will. I hope, I'm right ;-) Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 I think about her every night before I go to sleep and every morning when I wake up... and then at least once during the day. I try not to, but I love her truly and very deeply and I feel lost without her. She was the woman I wanted to spend my life with. It's been 3 months. Wow for three months, that's a lot of improvement. For me it's been 2 months and I think about him all day. I only manage to get him out of my head if I'm reading or writing. Even when I'm with people, even with other guys, I think about him. I'm guessing you did some major NC? At least I'm certain they haven't forgotten about us completely nor they ever will. I hope, I'm right True but you're right, it hurts to know that they've moved on faster. It makes me wonder how much they really loved you and it makes me mad that I can't move on as fast as they can. It makes me feel weak. I'm probably doing it wrong lol. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 Update: Thoughts are at about 60% these days, and most of them are self-induced since I like torturing myself -lol. Link to comment
Heartdead Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 ripped...if you're feeling it...keep feeling it. feel it until you feel like exploding...and then continue feeling it. without an agenda...with out any attachment to what it means...if you just feel it...you'll find some peace. all the pain wants is to be set free...but it has to be experienced fully before that can happen. This is absolutely perfect and I agree 100%. I have gone through the most painful experience of my life (and I'm not exactly a pup anymore!) at the hands and actions of my ex. But, I have never tried to bury the emotion. I HAVE to feel it, to go through it and let it take over in my alone time if it needs to. I force myself to remember the great times with her and make the pain come so it will dissipate. Memories fade the more you try to recall them.....as does the pain. It needs to be felt and lived so it can go away....it knows when it's time is up and it will go. Only then can I open myself back up to fully love again. And when that happens, she'll find me. I simply don't know her yet..... Link to comment
leelord337 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 i think about her every night, the nights are the worst! i don't think i am going to have as much fun with any other girl as much as i did her. seems like such a waste. its been 4 months since i've seen her...the last time i saw her we had gotten baked potatoes and had a great lunch. and then layed in bed and had amazing s3x. i remember going to the store and getting the day after pill for her just in case. (both of us are just not ready for kids yet) 10 months together... i had to head home as friends from auburn univ were coming back in town and we were having a bonfire. i wanted her to go but she had to wrap christmas presents with her grandma. Sighs........I Kissed her on the forehead and told her i loved her and see her soon. well i found out that she was starting to secretly date behind my back and met the guy next door...and now they're engaged and going to get married. i was doing the crazy ex thing spying on her looking on her ebay account ( i remember her password etc..) but good God. I want to cry but feel so used and hopeless, so SICK, So i don't know. just Chaotic...I LOVED THIS GIRL, SO MUCH! SO SO SO MUCH! Its making me tear up now actually for the first time ever. She had an engagement ring on her recently won list. Makes me So * * * * ing SICK, i just don't know how to cope. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 i think about her every night, the nights are the worst! i don't think i am going to have as much fun with any other girl as much as i did her. seems like such a waste. Every morning and every night, I think about him. It's the first and last thought in my mind. You're right though, thinking of them at night is bad because you miss kissing them goodnight and all that. Mornings as just as bad for me though. I quoted the other part because I keep thinking the same, I don't think I'm ever gonna have as much fun as I did with him with anyone. But I know I'll be okay, and so will you. We just need to rest our head knowing that at least we have those memories to remember? I HAVE to feel it, to go through it and let it take over in my alone time if it needs to. I force myself to remember the great times with her and make the pain come so it will dissipate. Memories fade the more you try to recall them.....as does the pain. So true, since the first day, I was drowning in memories, and daydreams about being with him again. I mean drowning because I could not even concentrate enough to even eat. The thoughts and the memories just kept coming. I kept crying and crying, forcing myself to cry listening to the most depressing songs that reminded me of him, and coming on here to write on the ex thread the things I wanted to say to him. I'm listening to the songs now and there's no tears or depression. It was also difficult because he kept texting me and saying he missed me but I've stopped all forms of communication. So now that everything has been let out, I feel fine again. The thoughts are just thoughts of him, like I'll think of his name, his face, but can easily get back on track on what I was doing. I think I burnt my brain out thinking of him and the tears only come once a day now, which is an improvement from wanting to burst into tears every 5 minutes! Link to comment
MissSMcc Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 its been 3 months for me, and i still think about him several times a day. far less than i used to, and there is hardly any pain attached to those thoughts anymore. boredom is definitely a factor, when im busy i think about him way less. Link to comment
wogs11 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Its been 2 months since he left me for someone else. We were together for 2 years and 2 months. I was doing pretty well til I found out that he is already engaged and getting Married in four months. He had only dated her for a month before he proposed and 2 weeks before he proposed he was texting me asking to take him back and saying he still loved me. A tiny part of me misses him and still wants him back - But most of me is anger that he got away with hurting someone again... I'd say he's on my mind 95% of the time now. Before I found out about the engagement maybe 70% - 80%. Be Strong Xx Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 its been 3 months for me, and i still think about him several times a day. far less than i used to, and there is hardly any pain attached to those thoughts anymore. boredom is definitely a factor, when im busy i think about him way less. It's much less painful to think of him now but there are specific times of the day when I think of him that hurt. It's usually the times that I know we would spend together. They're slowly filling up with new things to do. It's funny how routines become engrained in your brain. Hard to change them but possible! Its been 2 months since he left me for someone else. We were together for 2 years and 2 months. I was doing pretty well til I found out that he is already engaged and getting Married in four months. He had only dated her for a month before he proposed and 2 weeks before he proposed he was texting me asking to take him back and saying he still loved me. A tiny part of me misses him and still wants him back - But most of me is anger that he got away with hurting someone again... I'd say he's on my mind 95% of the time now. Before I found out about the engagement maybe 70% - 80%. Be Strong Xx Might be a rebound and set up for failure. Maybe not. An engagement is just a little extreme to do after a break-up. Sometimes it's better not to find out anything about them, no matter how curious we are (I know I am). Link to comment
Realitynut Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Everymorning when I wake up, everynight when I go to bed, and every second in between! The last time I saw him was one month ago today. He officially ended it over the phone on April 6. We had been together almost 4 yrs. If anyone wants to read my story from last fall, it's pretty pathetic, and I never even told the whole thing... We went on vacation over the 4th of July. He proposed on July 5. I was already wearing my ring, just was needing the actual will you marry me proposal (long story)He got down on his knees, and I made him ask three times. Are your sure??? Now you aren't going to renig, are you? Nope. I grabbed him and hugged him and cried. I was so happy! On Aug. 5, I found out he met another woman the week before he proposed, and even called her while we were on vacation at my mom and dads home. He walked away while we were watching the fireworks!!! That was the DAY BEFORE he proposed to me.....So from Aug-Nov. ....bad stuff. He had called in Oct. after I went NC for only a couple of wks. He was crying and said he really screwed up, and had to "make it right". Then 2 days later told me "I'm not sure where this is going with Michelle and me". this is all in my thread. Anyway, we got back together Dec. 2. (She had taken him to Jamaica for a wk over Thanksgiving...all-inclusive) The end of January, I found out he was still seeing her occasionally behind my back. Well...to make a long story short, since this isn't my sob story thread, I found out 2 days ago, he's with her. I pay for his cell phone, and he was calling her On April 1...the day I left his home. We live 4 hrs. apart. She had changed her #no, and they only had one or two min. convo's , but does'nt he realize that they print the name of the city where the call is placed?? Duh! She lives an hour from him. So anyway I cry daily. been to the emergency room trying to get anti-depressants. Never got any, just a $300 dollars bill. Now I'm even more depressed. He was EVERYTHING to me. But would LIE, LIE, LIE LIE to me. He said it was because if he told me the truth, I would get mad and yell at him.... I'm now 56 and have to start all over. His new woman is 45, and rich. fancy house on a big lake, complete with boat and jet skis. He's into money and complains he never has any. And I certainly don't. everyone Yells at me to "get over it". I feel like I'm just wallowing in self-pity. But he was my future. His home was my home. His yard was my yard. He was MY man. Or so I thought...I'm coming the the hard realization that what I thought was forever, is no more. I made him my whole life. And now I have nothing. Link to comment
ericssonfan Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 7 Months post breakup.. Still think about her on a daily basis. Emotions are getting less and less involved now with the flashbacks. There's an occasional burst of anger every once in a while, but that's normal. Flashbacks mostly show up on long drives to work. It's a weird feeling now, kind of like nostalgia of the good times.. I'm still completely aware of my surroundings, able to drive 100% normally, but my mind is so vividly zoned in on all the things we've done together, but I sometimes feel void of emotions of hurt and anger, but rather just appreciate the good times. I remember before if the thought of her with another guy crept into my mind, I'd be overcome with dread.. but now when I think about it my mind says "Go ahead and get intimate and learn everything about your new love, so there will be no excuses in your head when you realize he doesn't measure up to me in any way, shape or form". Link to comment
reidqa Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Hi, Married 7 yrs She PA 2 years attempt to recovered Divorce 30 yrs later seething hate. Link to comment
LCA1986 Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 She is always on my mind, literally. I think about her all the time, but I have found myself handling it better. It's getting less painful and painful to think of her. I agree that you have to feel your emotions without trying too hard to feign it... I have tried both and I can just tell you that it might help you feel great for one week or so but you will eventually hit a wall and come down to reality. Just feel them, let them out, deal with your emotions at your own pace, but dont let them affect your life to the point where you are not living it... it's your life, after all Oh, and it's been two months since the break up, but 1 month since I gave up completely on trying to get her back. Link to comment
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