twitchyfingers Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Too much. It feels disproportionate to the very short, whirlwind romance that it was. As long as I feel like I am moving forward with my life in other positive ways, I can put up with having those lingering thoughts and feelings; but when I have days that feel like emotional relapses, I get very frustrated and feel foolish and a little crazy. I'm pretty damn sure HE isn't sitting around, 3+ months out, pining and spinning his wheels. I hate that it takes me so long after a romance goes kaput to bounce back. But at least this time is better than times past, so I should focus on progress not perfection. Link to comment
Wakobu Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 It's been about a month since we broke things off completely. She crosses my mind a lot of the time, and when her bus goes by me on my way to College I always get butterflies and feel like she's watching. Going on 3 weeks of NC. Kind of curious to see if she does give in, starting to think she'll never say anything to me again. But I guess if that's the case then she wasn't worthy to be in my life? She usually crosses my mind right when i wake up, often in dreams, and just whenever I'm doing something random. Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Mornings are the worst for most people after a breakup. I remember waking up thinking...ugh this sucks a whole nother day of thoughts of her in my head. My favorite time was just being able to pass out. At least for 8 hours she was not on my mind. Now I am more in the acceptance stage. Though I still think of her a lot. It is not obsessive but still too much. NC really is the only way to stop thinking of them so much. If you stay in contact you may never heal. I know Link to comment
Grace696 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 5.5 year relationship, 3.5 months since the breakup, and I think about him constantly. I'm lucky if I go 10 minutes without thinking about him, though I think it has gotten a teeny bit less lately. Like Live-and-Learn, the only real peace I get from it is when I'm asleep, and waking up from that is really hard. I don't think of it as being obsessive, more as part of grieving. We have been having very limited contact, and last week he texted that he thinks of me each day, and I was kind of offended cos I thought "Once a day?! That's so much less than I'm thinking of him." But at least he is thinking about me at all, I guess. Destiny, in a previous break-up I had all these dates I was dreading: his birthday, anniversary of the day we met, anniversary of the break-up, etc. But I did find that I only went through this the first year - I only had to do it once for each date. I promise you, next year on his birthday you will feel so much better about life that you might not even notice the date (this happened to me!) Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 4 months out for me, i think about her all the time but not that i miss her, just that she is an idiot and wrecked me, then i think im getting stronger and its her loss, then when i see my son and we do stuff together i really miss talking to her about him and sharing my son with her...then i think she plays happy families with her knew guy now....what a joke!!!!!!! ROLL ON THE DAY....I GO ALL DAY AND THINK ABOUT NOTHING BUT ME! Jonesy Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 22, 2011 Author Share Posted March 22, 2011 Mornings are the worst for most people after a breakup. I miss him mornings and nights the most. You know those morning and goodnight kisses are just irreplaceable. No matter what I do, I still find myself missing those kisses the most. Those morning kisses would just light up my day and sleeping in his arms at night just made me feel safe like nothing in the world could ever hurt me or (somewhat depressing to think about but it came up at one point in the relationship) I knew if I died in my sleep for whatever reason, at least I would die happy. Depressingly enough, I tend to think about death in the most depressing and happiest times of my life. When I'm really happy, I just think that I wish I would be as happy when I died. And those are the times that I would choose to die in. Unfortunately, that's not the case. I don't want to go to sleep at night missing someone. Would be sad to know that my last night was spent being sad over a person that was no longer in my life. The thought alone scares me and is motivating me to stick to NC. 4 months out for me, i think about her all the time but not that i miss her, just that she is an idiot and wrecked me, then i think im getting stronger and its her loss, then when i see my son and we do stuff together i really miss talking to her about him and sharing my son with her...then i think she plays happy families with her knew guy now....what a joke!!!!!!! ROLL ON THE DAY....I GO ALL DAY AND THINK ABOUT NOTHING BUT ME! I find those resentment/anger feelings to be the hardest to overcome but at the same time they help keep you strong because you really have nothing to miss. Those kind of break-ups now looking back were easier. Link to comment
eagleone Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 3 years together and 5 months after our BU. I think about her everyday because I miss her smile. Link to comment
spanks Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Two years together and a little over a month BU (34 days). Tomorrow will be two weeks NC. I think about him almost constantly. I find it hard to focus on anything, even school, which is weird because I am a perfectionist and worry constanly about my grades. Nothing seems as important now without him. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster of emotions and memories. I wish I had some closure at the very least. But I just try to take it one day at a time... Link to comment
Sjan Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 it's been almost 4 months now since we broke up.. And I must say, I'm thinking less now about her... In the month January I though alot about her and her kids... there was so much stress from both of us.. And then on a certain moment we were getting both tired of the situation and all the stress, (we tried to stay friends) then came the NC. And that helped the less thinking of her for me... Sure I still think of her, but it feels lighter.. Not so heavy on my chest. You realize that thinking to much of her doesn't help you further, then you let go a bit more and more... Link to comment
engraved2008 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 I still think of him alot...broke up in may 2009 and remained close..even lovers....the thing is....i dont cry..maybe a share a tear even now and then...and he misses me too....he says he misses my smile and how i make him feell....it hurts to know there is no commitment.....but we are in touch....i love him and i guess i allways will.....i cannot just erase him....we are not done yet....we still have times to share.... Link to comment
TimeToGrowUp Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 8 months out. Still think about her every day. The hardest days are when really good things happen in my life. I wish I could share them with her but I realize I have to celebrate alone. Oh man ... I know that feeling. When I was at my cousin's wedding back in November it was the most extravagant thing I had ever seen ..... draped with the color purple everywhere .... it was something she would've loved to see as that was her favorite color. As for me, I'm one year and four months post-break up after a 4.5 year relationship. Around the 10th month I was really only thinking about her 20-30% of the time. Then she did a drive-by in my life for about a month back in December-January. Now, I'm back up to about 40-50%. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 Two years together and a little over a month BU (34 days). Tomorrow will be two weeks NC. I think about him almost constantly. I find it hard to focus on anything, even school, which is weird because I am a perfectionist and worry constanly about my grades. Nothing seems as important now without him. I know how you feel. I feel like I have lost the motivation to do anything at all. Don't do anything at work, barely get stuff done for school and don't even pay attention to the people I'm with. It's all gone downhill ever since I'm not with him. I get really motivated sometimes and then go back to 0 again. I feel determined and then feel weak with NC when he reaches out to me. I hate him and then I love him. I want to talk to him and then want him to go away. I concentrate and tell myself, "Today I won't think about him", and 5 minutes later I'm missing him subsequently crying a tear or two. I want him to get a new girlfriend and then I think of how jealous I'd be. What has love done to me! Link to comment
TSandullo Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Been broken up for over 13 months. I still think about her and her daughter every day. I hope they are well. TS Link to comment
Starrgrl Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Nine months. Still think about him several times everyday. Link to comment
annng Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 For me, the first month was 99% of the time. Even when I'm asleep, i'll still be thinking about him. This is 3 months later, and I still think about him 90% of the time. He cheated on me... Link to comment
Aether Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I find those resentment/anger feelings to be the hardest to overcome but at the same time they help keep you strong because you really have nothing to miss. Those kind of break-ups now looking back were easier. I so agree with this, I don't have the anger to fall back on really with the last breakup, I sometimes wish that I did just for that reason To answer the original question, everyday...maybe not obssessively anymore, but still everyday and added together probably for a large portion of it, it will be 4 months next month... Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 To answer the original question, everyday...maybe not obssessively anymore, but still everyday and added together probably for a large portion of it, it will be 4 months next month... Is this with NC or without NC? Damn, I better stick to NC. I don't want to look back months from now and still be stuck at this phase. I am definitely scaring myself with the thoughts. Even when I'm concentrating on something, I have it on the back of my mind. It sucks. NC is definitely the only thing that can help me. It can't hurt that bad. Nine months. Still think about him several times everyday. I wouldn't mind that as long as it stops hurting. I hate being in the verge of tears all day. Well not all day, but a good portion of the day. I feel a hole in my chest at times. Today I feel good though. I hope it stays that way. Link to comment
Aether Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Well he kind of forced "NC" on me for 2 months, I say that in quotes as basically he just disappeared for 2 months, during those 2 months it definitely started to feel better but we ran into each other again online a few weeks ago, he took up his obssessive gaming again so it became very sporadic LC, pleasantries etc. I'm now considering avoiding it myself as it definitely brought things back, I see the power of NC now so yeah, if you are worried stick with it. Don't get me wrong though, I'm far from the wreck I was I generally feel okay everyday, things seem to be under control there and I lost everything so I had to deal with building my life from scratch again, different circumstances can sometimes make things feel worse. I'm in counselling currently and Acupuncture seems to be keeping anxiety in check and that was my goal, I'm making progress Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 Yeah I'm not "falling apart" anymore. At least I get my deadlines done and don't feel as bad as I felt initially. I haven't done anything out of the ordinary like counseling and Acupuncture but I've been reading, and exercising a lot. The reading just trains my brain and requires me to concentrate in order to make it purposeful, and the exercise just makes me feel better about myself. The problem with my NC is that the Ex likes to initiate contact so I might be changing my phone number soon. Hopefully that won't make him come knocking on my door I'm just too weak to ignore and no contact is probably the easiest way to heal, and it makes you the person in charge of the communication, which hopefully makes the Ex miss you. Not that it matters but it's always mentally satisfying to know you're the stronger one, it's sort of like an ego booster. That always makes you feel even stronger. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right? I still think of him alot...broke up in may 2009 and remained close..even lovers....the thing is....i dont cry..maybe a share a tear even now and then...and he misses me too....he says he misses my smile and how i make him feell....it hurts to know there is no commitment.....but we are in touch....i love him and i guess i allways will.....i cannot just erase him....we are not done yet....we still have times to share.... That sounds like my past relationship, though it has not been that long. We miss each other but due to circumstances out of both of our control, we cannot be together. I would imagine we are both in pain but I don't want to go back to it. I think it's best if we both stay out of each other's radar. I don't want to ruin the still-functional aspects of my life because of him. Still on an emotional roller-coaster. Link to comment
runa Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I am in the exact situation. almost a year later I decided to stop believing he misses me when I asked him if he would give us another chance and he said no. I feel crazy for not being able to let go and get on with my life as I did before in the past.it s not true so far time is healing all wounds. Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Nawww, you can never be "abnormal" you are human and are ALLOWED to feel these emotions. I can't lie those, it took me some time to accept this! x] Thanks Love It makes me feel so much better to read threads like this one, since I see, there are many others out there who understand me and feel similar to the way I feel...;-) It's just that I think my ex is long over me and is doing fine with moving on with his new life and the new gf by his side and it kind of annoys me that he still is so important to me and that I care for him so much...guess, I've got impatient with myself after all those months...why does it seem so easy for the dumpers to move on??! *sigh* ...but you are right, we are all only humans who are allowed to feel this way ;-) And I know, I loved him with all my heart and those feelings don't just disappear that easily, although I wished sooo muchm they would.... Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Destiny, in a previous break-up I had all these dates I was dreading: his birthday, anniversary of the day we met, anniversary of the break-up, etc. But I did find that I only went through this the first year - I only had to do it once for each date. I promise you, next year on his birthday you will feel so much better about life that you might not even notice the date (this happened to me!) Exactly, I'm dreading all those days still But your words give me hope! I really hope, next year will be easier for me and those dates just won't matter (that much) to me anymore or even better, that I don't even notice those dates, like you ;-).... But as I realized myself, time is a great healer and it's getting a tiny little bit better and easier every day... of course I do have my bad days though, every now and then, but the good days are outweighing the bad ones finally...so I'm moving in the right direction! Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 It's not always easy for the dumpers though. Don't think that way. I was the dumper and I feel like he's moved on much faster than me. I think it's normal for us to think the other half has moved on. Just because they don't come to you it doesn't mean they don't miss you. It might just mean that they think you don't want them so they try to be strong and stay away just like you are trying. It's a healing process for both. Then again, we never truly know who suffers more, but it really shouldn't matter. "When a heart breaks, it don't break even" but both go through pain. We all have different coping mechanisms and strength so we can only hope we'll make it out of this okay. I cried again ealier but much less than what it used to be. Stregth, hope and endurance, my lovelies. Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I have been through everyones' emotions, but it does get easier. I probably think of my ex a few times a day. This morning she was the first thing I thought of when I opened my eyes. Most days it is usually later on in the day. I don't even know how long it has been. August of 2009 was when she moved out and did not speak to me for 4 months. Then 6 months of bs recon. Then two more lame attempts of whatever. The last time was definitely just for her little ego boost. I always initiated contact. Finally have stopped. One email in two months. Knowing that she does not send her replies and after send hundreds of emails, welll it just got old. Shoot, my last email to her was just hey how you doing. I can tell you she use to read my emails, reply to them, but never send them. She read a relationship book or two (steve harvey) and she missed me. But she went nc and stays with. Because she is has to be "strong." I dont think I ever really gave her a chance to miss me as I also sent an email. Our last time together (nov. 10), she for the first time told her family we had been since august. Basically her family use to love me and know hates because she only tells them the bad. I have finally reached the point in my life where I am happy even without her. Sure I went through the celebrations without her and missed her (even told her so). But now, I just have moved on. Basically she didnt want me when I was down. Now I am stable and outside of my love life everything is grand. I am finally at a position where I see a future without her, dont care or know if I would take her back, and just actuallly happy with myself and life and know I deserve someone great. But yes, I still think of her everyday both good and bad. Link to comment
OneBrightStar Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 It's been about nine months since I split from my ex and I still think about him a lot. There's a huge different in what I'm thinking now than what I thought before -- before, it was obsessive, wondering what he was up to, what he was thinking etc. Now it seems like he's just a passing thought with bouts of "Aww I miss when he used to do this" thoughts. Link to comment
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