i'm such a wreck right now. Help.Nonchalance fail.

[sfindependent]

i didnt text her at all... i guess its a good enough time to let her know about my stuff right? but ill text her back tonight after the game or some othertime when if she decides to reply with something snarky i wont be affected..or what would be a good reply?shes thinking positive thoughts right now about us shouldn that be push pull?

[sfindependent]

i mean what do u do in these situations?

[Real Deal]

Keep it going man. NC to me is not completely ignoring that person unless you think that is what you need to do to get clarity. If you have already told her thayou dt o not think you guys should talk for a while then stick to that. Rest assured she is hurting and her wheels are spinning too but do not concern yourself with that. Give her the gift of missing you but more important give yourself the gift of time to yourself.

[sfindependent]

i dont think i should reply. i agree with with mrs pops, i think there is some attempt to pull on my heartstrings with that pic, even subconsciously as much as she would deny it.

 

i will not text

back.

[Mrs Popsicle]

i dont think i should reply. i agree with with mrs pops, i think there is some attempt to pull on my heartstrings with that pic, even subconsciously as much as she would deny it.

 

i will not text

back.

 

 

For sure that's what she's doing! You're doing the right thing by not replying, she's trying to get a reaction out of you. She's used to you coming running at the first hint of a nice gesture from her, but that's not you any more, right?

 

Mrs Popsicle

[anthony4]

puppy picture = aww we shared this wittle cute thang. ignore.

[sfindependent]

hahahaah yeah. not feelin too hot right now.

 

trying to enjoy myself and let go...

 

 

i know shes with people i dont know right now. i know she'll be texting me again sometime this week. ugh.

[sfindependent]

it is a blow to the ego...

[crossflow]

hahahaah yeah. not feelin too hot right now.

 

trying to enjoy myself and let go...

 

 

i know shes with people i dont know right now. i know she'll be texting me again sometime this week. ugh.

 

 

Hi Boswagen

 

Do you have a feature on your phone to block her number from calls / texts

 

I do on mine and when I went NC I just blocked it so I didn't feel the need to respond to a message because I never got it

 

I also set up a new rule in my email software that any email from her email address went straight to the deleted folder rather than my inbox. I could still access it from the deleted box but at least it didn't show up in the main window which was handy

 

Also enabled hide all messages from her in Facebook

 

Really helped me break the cycle of checking to see if I had had contact from her. I use to constantly check my phone hoping to get something but after I put the block on I just stopped checking and because I never got the message, it made it a lot easier not having to think what I would / might / should / could respond

[sfindependent]

i have blocked her off fb. u know what app that is?

[sfindependent]

correction: blocked her feeds

[RobD70]

I’ve kinda been in your place before. I was living with a girl for 4 years and we broke up (she was getting close with a guy from her work) and we had to live together for another month before she could move out.

 

Everyone is giving you good advice already; you have to trust they know what they are talking about because we’ve already gone down the road you just started. It always plays out the same way.

 

A few of rules of thumb here:

 

1. Don’t talk to her. Go full on ignore and don’t respond to any txt or calls from her unless it’s important. Even then be VERY brief and businesslike. No emotions.

2. Don’t let her see you. Avoid seeing her at all cost. You want her to think you fell off the face of the Earth.

3. Don’t pay any attention to anything she says. She will end up taking back 90% of it a couple of months from now.

4. There is no instant gratification. Nothing it going to get resolved in a week or two. You need at LEAST 2 months of hard NC (3 months it better, 6 is optimum). It takes that long for her emotional state from the breakup to start to process. Any attempt to get back together within the first couple of months WILL FAIL. Consider this time a sort of vacation from the relationship where you are free to do whatever you want guilt free until she comes knocking at your door.

5. Don’t worry about what she is thinking or doing. You will ALWAYS be wrong.

6. Accept that you are no longer together. You owe her nothing and she owes you nothing. Don’t be friends, don’t even think about it.

7. Ignore the other guy(s), they are irrelevant and probably won’t be in the picture long anyway.

8. You’ll be able to have her again the minute you no longer care. It is a catch-22 but if that is what you want then work on emotionally detaching from her and accepting that it’s over. Once you are fine by yourself and looking forward to the future then things will turn around for you.

 

My one ex moved out and after a month of LC she invited me over for watch a movie. Nothing happened and after that day I didn’t hear from her for 5 months. During that time she dated the guy she was talking to before we “officially” broke up. It lasted about a month.

 

I ended up contacting her after that 5 months of hard NC to give her some stuff of hers. By contact I mean I just left box on her porch. She emailed to thank me and basically wanted to hook up again. I was seeing someone else and turned her down which caused her to flip out. It was unexpected to say the least. People said this would happen by like a lot of idiots I thought “my situation was different”.

 

The key is to realize she is just a girl like millions of other and there is always someone better. You idealize her now because she rejected you but the reality is she just some chic, they all are. You will find another and will be shocked at how happy you’ll be once you start dating again. You’ll also be shock when your ex starts begging for you to come back when she finds out about it.

 

It’s all about wanting what you can’t have and respect. She’ll respect you if you leave her alone and show strength by being able to resist her (even if she gets mad that you ignore her, that’s good). You become unavailable to her and that will make you attractive. Just don’t make the mistake of jumping on the first opportunity to talk to her once she starts acting nice or you will undo all your hard work and be right back at the beginning. NEVER talk to her without asking for advice first. Time is your friend so don’t ever be in a rush.

[askltk]

Great post.

[sfindependent]

I agree, everyone is giving me good advice here, and i've been following it with difficulty. I'm doing it, but with difficulty.

 

I've not replied to her text, it was a picture of our puppy that we gave away to a friend. I really don't know what that picture was about; it could be a host of different things. Maybe she wanted to let me know who she was with that day, maybe, without any other thought to it just wanted me to see how big the puppy has grown, maybe she wanted to get a reaction from me.

 

Whether it be an innocent gesture (not to be confused for anything other that she wanted me to see the puppy), or something with a more "emotional" context, i don't know. Maybe she even just wants to test out the waters to imply that "we're ok now, right?". There was no indication of her wanting to right things between us. it was a simple picture that was non committal. It just simply told me that she was thinking of me at that particular time.

 

It's only been less than a week when I declared NC. I hate to sound like I'm minimizing MY own feelings, but rationally, if she doesn't want to be with me, i simply cannot force her and need to accept that. Emotionally, I still cannot imagine her being other men, and you're right, she wasn't like that when I met her and if she did "date" or "sleep around" while we're not together, it's something i really can't do anything about.

 

I remember several things that "turned her off"... which right now I'm a bit more "really? that's a big deal?" with little things such as "I can't wear heels with you, since i look like a giant beside you" or "you're too overdressed" or just i think me not being a "manly man" who knew how to fix things or be involved in sports... i don't know. I asked her what "typical" guy she was attracted to before and she said "i just feel it". you're 27. you should know something about what you want out of life.

 

I hate to put her in a bad light because there are a lot of endearing qualities that I love about her. But she wasn't perfect, as well as I. She would rather spend a sunday drinking in front of the couch rather than enjoy a warm sunny hike in the park (which i am not an avid active person but i want to do things other than drink). I'm no better since i drink a lot too but i'm using this opportunity for me to regain some foothold in my life and avoid spiraling down the road of bad relationships and poor coping behaviors.

 

Unfortunately, I cannot "go competely NC" on her. as i mentioned, i've my car project sitting in our garage with the transmission out amongst other things. It probably won't be able to run for another few months. I've not talked to her and have avoided sending a reply back to her. I do not really know what to talk about with her anyway. it'll just be "small talk" and i don't think "small talk" does not really help the bigger picture of strengthening the hopes of a reconciliation...I'm also her only "real friend" here in the bay area. She's not very extroverted (i'm the complete opposite) and she limits her friends to hanging at the bars and going through barbecues. I think she only has one or two people (who are in FL) that she can actually cry her shoulders on. As far as I would KNOW her, she's keeping all this bottled up right now. My friend told me (since I've not checked her FB) that she posted wanting to drink on superbowl. Gad, i'm know i'm painting a horrible picture of her, but i really am trying to think of an activity she likes that doesn't involve drinking and i'm coming up with very little.

 

 

I'm not planning on grovelling or begging. I've not done that nor will i plan to act immaturely around her when the time comes. I'm sure she's going to check on me sometime this week or next. I'm not really sure how to respond to that but i'll cross that bridge when i get there. I'm just thinking when I find it OK to contact her already, is that I'll casually invite her to spend the day at the park here. No drinking, no substances, just me and the sun. Of course, it's not gonna happen until i'm ready to hear words such as "i'm dating someone else". If she does say that and i'm in a good place already, I won't care at all.

 

When i left her i told her i respected her feelings and would need time to completely get over her. As i mentioned in this thread, with all the changes I'm implementing in my life after her, is giving her the impression i'm dumping her. Not good for her already very low self esteem.

 

 

I am confident i was a good boyfriend to her. i mean, i did housework, i told her why i did some of the things i do "i'm taking you out to a pedicure because you're looking like you need to feel good" or a surprise professional massage. Granted I was selfish half the time too. But i always reminded her i wanted to her to be happy. that i genuinely cared about her and if we have a future together, ours as well. I mean, really? you're turned off becuase I snore at night, am too comfortable with you and my bodily functions, am shorter than you, i'm this i'm that? It seems to me other than my selfishness at times and my poor ability to focus on her when she wants to spend quality time (she said I know you tried to be a good bf, psh. I was a damn good bf!) all the turn offs she saw were superficial. I always thought she was going through some quarterlife crisis and wondering if i'm "it".

 

but i digress. I was a good bf. By me bieng absent from her life i know she'll realize this. By me being absent from her life I'll realize someone else may want this with me. I KNOW i'm in a good place in life. I just need to get my tish together and make it work for me again.

 

As far as she's concerned, well. I don't know. I shouldn't waste my time on trivial things such as "is she with someone" or "is she moving on". well, we're not together. That's a clear sign she moved on.

[Real Deal]

Like I told you before - Rob helped me a lot early on with my stuff in 2009-2010 and we still talk to this day. Not to jock another dude but the guy knows what he is talking about, so pay attention. Every single thing that he said would happen with my sitch did (with the exception of my ex actually asking me back). The only reason why she didn't is she started showing interest again two differnt times and I jumped at it (she was handing out pu**y). Had I not gone for it things would have likely been much different, but I am very glad with the way things worked out now and wouldn't change a thing. Bottom line is this - there is no logic behind it but when you really stop caring is when it will happen. You can't force this so just go have fun and work on yourself. If you can snag a bunch of hot tail in the meantime, all the better...haha.

[MakeItCount]

Bah I love this thread. Keep goin bogs. Rob and Real, thanks again for all your insight guys. Much Appreciated. Eventually this will all sink in, that we just gotta man up.

[sfindependent]

MakeitCount- I agree! I love this thread. i mean it's kinda like a little male group therapy/how to do things properly thread. especially focused on break ups.

 

Oh you should read some of my older stuff. It was about this red head who drooooove meeee crazzzyyyy. I got sucked in her own bipolarism (she actually was taking meds for it, for real). I loved her to death didn't handle the BU well. So, this BU is going pretty well, especially in how serious I took this current relationship as opposed to with the red head. i guess, growing up and getting older does have its advantages. Still hurts like a B but hey.

 

Anyway, I'm trying to stay clear of tryng to contact her. I'm still friends with her on FB but i've disabled my ticker already so I don't see her upcoming posts about her life. I'm looking forward to playing/running tonight (i'm seeing a big difference already with my body), and to be honest with you. I'm also looking forward to the time when I simply don't care anymore about her.

 

Part of my thoughts are:

 

a) she ruined my trust. lets just say we are together RIGHT NOW and she receives a text. i'm obviously going to be upset by it. Who is it? Is it that Matt guy? Is it a different guy? Did you f*ck him?"..

 

what's the point in contacting her if these are what's in my head?

 

b) What are we going to talk about? Nothing. it's going to be BS talking.

 

c) If she comes up right now or in some close point in time... it's because she's lonely. Not because she wants to be with me. I do not want to have a relationship that is based on anything other than she wants to be with me because she wants to be with me. Not staying because of fear of being alone or guilt...

 

d) We have a LOT of great memories together. I mean, a LOT. I tried to make this relationship meaningful and her being the Bay area reminds her of that. She stayed her to be with me. I may be over thinking it but even by simply going home on some days with flowers in my hand to make her feel like she had a good day i did... only up to when i really started feeling like she wasn't putting as much effort in this as much as i did.

 

Maybe she clocked out a long time ago and this is more of a relief for her. I don't know when that was or if the relationship is still salvageable. But i'm not taking anymore chances of messing that up if it does still have a chance. I'm trying to follow people's advice here. This thread is awesome.

[Real Deal]

Just remember...gotta 'pay it forward' when you are done....haha.

[sfindependent]

definitely

[sfindependent]

i'm just confused, i suppose.

 

I don't know why i keep getting these haunting feelings that she's seeing someone else by now. I mean, even if it was just an emotional crutch...it bothers me that she's probably moved on already even when we were together, and me releasing her via NC she's just shooting out like a rocket to freedom. She's said "i've been feeling like this for a long time. I feel guilty for leaving you so i stayed and it's always been in the back of my head." Giving her freedom makes her doubt herself leaving me? I don't get it.

 

Another is NC itself. I mean, ok i get the whole it's for me. It's for my healing, it's for the improvement of me. I get that.

 

But what does it do to the other person? I mean, i guess these questions are brought upon by my own questions of well, she's being indifferent now, maybe i'm the only one playing this game now and she's moved on and I'm just doing NC to make ME suffer. She's move on, kaput, pfft. no mas. no more. Why would me being away from her and not maintaining contact make her doubt her decision, especially if she's made the decision the way she "felt". She's not attracted to me, physically but was attracted to me personably. I don't see how showing your indifference to her and one's nonchalance to my ex make her want me....i suppose when i treated her right, i hope it's good reason for her to miss the "loving" gestures... i don't know...

 

yes, i know NC is for me and the point of it is to move on. But I'm sure 100000%% of ENA'rs who have "moved on" still will give a good minute to people whom they're over with to listen to what wouldve worked or what couldve changed. You're right, indifference will come along soon, but the love you have for that person and the curiosity of what ifs will always be there...

 

i suppose too, in reading a lot of the "I want my ex back" threads and suggestions, i think an unspoken idea that once NC is done, and nonchalance is apparent, the aura or the feel of this "possible reconciliation" should be like a first date again. am i correct?

[Real Deal]

Okay, check this out. There are several points here to cover. First - "she's been feeling this way for a long time....."

 

Really? So how is you contacting her and trying to convince her that you guys should be together going to change that. Actually, you already tried that, right? How did that work out for ya? See my point?

 

Second - NC is not a "game". I know, I know, we (I) have worded many of my replies as if it is, but it is more of a process. I am not going to tell you to "just not think about her" because that is not possible. However, you really must stop trying to figure out what she is doing, with who, what she is thinking, what she is feeling and the list goes on. You will never figure this out and you are projecting the future over something that may or may not happen, not to mention you are dwelling on the past too. This will get you absolutely nowhere.

 

You will never get the answer(s) you are looking for as long as you are looking. You how you will know when she wants to talk about it? She will tell you she does. Until that time you asking her for answers will do one thing for sure - make sure that she never wants to be with you anymore. Not to mention in order for there to be anything of value in the future she must be the one to come to you. Not because of your pride/ego but because of hers. She already dumped you once so if we assume for a second that she has "moved on" and is free then there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to change that. However, if you do anything (contact her, beg, plead ask for answers) you will undoubtedly have more regret over that down the line than anything you did to "ruin" the relationship. Trust me on this, if you do not listen to anything else I say, listen to this. You will undo ALL of the work you have done so far and likely go 'in the red' towards any possible reconciliation.

 

I have more to type but I am headed out the door. What did you do for yourself today? Remember, at least one thing each day!!

[sfindependent]

i committed a horrendous crime. i checked out her fb. i know. i was stupid. i was starting to feel somewhat ok with us breaking up.

 

i saw she added the new guy, and its tearing me apart. i know i shouldnt but i thought if i saw something to indicate that shes seeing someone else, will make me NOT want to be here anymore. the guy is tall. buff. and white. probably a gung ho guy. completely not me at all. now i know i have to completely go nc on her. i dont know if i should tell her anything. but that would just put her back and make me seem like im making her guilty for finding someone new, albeit he be a friend or not.

 

i am afraid that not talking to her will lessen the chances of reconciliation. like, she never wanted me to leave the house and she wanted to take it "day by day".

 

but deep in the back of my mind i know i shouldnt do that. i should just let her do her own thing and ill do mine. im going to come by tomorrow to her house, drop off some more stuff (ill text her saying i will leave stuff in the back yard, i dont want to see what shes done to the house. is that a good idea or just wait until she tries to contact me?

 

uuuugh. wouldnt do that again. i might even take the pics down fb as soon as i get my computer up and unfriend her. do i announce that too? i want to reach out so bad but i wont. whats the point? and what am i to do when she reaches out? do i act like i dont know what is going on? do i act ok?

 

i dont think i want to get back with her anymore. i know in the back of my head i want to, but shes seeing or about to see other people and i cant stand for that.

 

if you are wondering how i know this this is the situation

 

a) shes by herself here. no one else. shes going to reach out for friends and people to hang with

b) they hung out before and im pretty sure shes hung out with him even more.

c) she said that he was attractive but didnt want to date anyonr at this moment (but given ive pretty much left her i can see why she would try to repress unwanted emotions by trying to feel good about herself

d) shes stubborn and proud. she would try to repress her feelings of wanting to get back together by ignoring it. she did it before with us and it blew up by us breaking up an then getting back together and then not fixed anything despite me asking her what she needed. ultimately this is our 2nd break up

e) shes convinced we're not to be together. she said she cant see me in her future

f) she knows my game woth women and probably thinks im hoeing around... but truth be told im not hoeing around this time and taking the time to mourn the relationship. part of why i checked her fb is to confirm my fears and now i feel its halfway underway

g) she lied to me about meeting this guy and i really dont know if its anything i should be concerned about. i wanted us to get back together but now that there's another guy, i dont know what to do about it next....

 

im just happy looking at all the pics, the comments the things we have together, i put good memories to it, yeah we argued a lot but we also had a goodtime together. if this is someone she wants to be with maybe it is good shes seeing someone else. unless its true love right there with him, its not going to be such a lovely relationship with him. hopefully by that time that she and him break up, shell realizr what she lost with me.

 

nc nc nc.

 

 

 

im not sure what to do when theres another

[Imtheretoo]

Truth is you really don't have many options right now. By contacting her you don't gain anything. Just do what I do; whenever I feel the need to call my ex, I play out the conversation in my head. If I don't foresee positive results then I don't even bother. You need to give yourself time because in a month or two, you will be "hoeing" around and maybe even have fun doing so. Plenty of women out there, and one day, you'll meet one that matches your personality, and will want to work on the issues in your relationship.

 

It takes two, and right now, you're the only one that seems to care. Her crying and feeling bitter are just guilt trips and ultimately, you're the one suffering. Remain strong and delete her off FB. You don't need temptations post-breakup, you need to focus on yourself.

[Real Deal]

Okay, this was bound to happen so we might as well get it out of the way now. Not trying to kick you while you are down but you have some self-image issues that are killing you inside right now. He is “tall and white” which means you are “not tall and Asian”. No amount of thinking about this is going to change it so you need to accept it. You feel like because she said “I am not physically attracted to you” that this means you are not physically attractive at all – total BS. However, you are the only one that can decide this. It will eat your a$$ if you keep comparing yourself to this guy. While it is natural to do, it is not healthy at all. Would you rather be with someone that is attracted to this type and deep inside is hung up on that as something she wants but is with you instead? What kind of relationship would that make for?

 

I am afraid to ask this but surely you can’t say that she is the perfect woman to you physically? I’ll bet anything I own that she is not and there are things that you would change about her if you could. This is the whole pedestal concept. You feel that she is too good for you and it shows through in everything you do with her. Once again, somewhat common after a BU but it is total BS and nonsense that our ‘inner voice’ keeps on loop in our brain.

 

Back to this other dude – tall and white. Whatever you think they may or may not have going on it is likely more or she wants it to be. Sorry but these are the facts. Remember the fear thing – face it. Think of the worst and most painful thought you can about her and him. I mean really think about it. You will realize that is has no power over you. It is a thought and you will think it is silly after a while. Don’t try to stuff it down or block it either. We are programmed to do this and keep in running on loop at all times in the background – total BS. Own your fear (emotional) or it will own you, period!

Facebook: I could write a manual on the benefits and pitfalls of FB with relationships of all stages about the subject. FB serves one purpose and one only – to foster and encourage validation seeking behavior that our society is so keen on. Think about it, people post their ‘status’ via news feeds so other people will comment on how great an event that they went to was, how sh**y their day was, a pic of them with their BF or GF, a pic of their stupid kid, a pic of their stupid dog, how drunk they got the night before, their relationship status, how much their job sucks and the list goes on and on. Bottom line is this: delete her.

 

If you don’t at some point she will delete you. How is that going to feel? I imagine she will do so to punish you for no contact at some point, so just do it now. I am sure you have mutual friends too. If anyone tells you anything that she posts about ANYTHING tell them in a calm way that you respect her privacy and that you do not care nor do you want to know what is going on with her. Also, anything that YOU post will get back to her, so be careful (I promise you on this one). It is tempting to use this as a weapon. Early on I did this with some good ‘results’ but in the end it is a waste of time. If there are people you are unsure of where their loyalties lie then limit their access, or just delete them too. FB has been more trouble than it is worth for me over the last year for sure.

 

So what stuff do you have of hers that you need to drop off. I mean you just moved out of her place. Did you take stuff with you so you would have a reason to contact her? C’mon man.

[sfindependent]

Ok so check it out fellas. There's more to a night of stupid mistakes. Yep. there's more.

 

But let me kind go through what Real said:

 

He is “tall and white” which means you are “not tall and Asian”. No amount of thinking about this is going to change it so you need to accept it. You feel like because she said “I am not physically attracted to you” that this means you are not physically attractive at all – total BS.

I know. I think my self image is pretty good. I feel good about myself. I've dated seriously (monogmously, and lived with) with 8-9's and she's a pretty 8. yes, I am asian but that's never stopped me from dating white women. As a matter of fact, i do not date asians at all, so it's not a white is better mentality (meh, asians are overrated and i think they think they're the bomb). So it's not that. In a way, i'm not surprised that she's seeing him. I'm the only non-white she's ever dated so she's probably not used to the cultural difference despite dating for 2andsome years...

 

Whatever you think they may or may not have going on it is likely more or she wants it to be. Sorry but these are the facts. Remember the fear thing – face it. Think of the worst and most painful thought you can about her and him. I mean really think about it. You will realize that is has no power over you.

 

I've made a decision that i will from now on, confirmed or not, think the worst. She's dating him already. Whether or not this is true, it will for my sake, be better for me to think that so that I'm more likely to move on faster. After all, it is JUST sex. I've dated women both who were virgins at the time i had fun with them and women who've had more than 10 partners. So, it's time for me to face the facts. She's going to sleep with this guy. She's lonely, needing affirmation, and well, we've not had good sex in months. She's also probably hurting. She's known me for my way with women so she's probably under the impression i'm having the best time of my life.

 

If you don’t at some point she will delete you. How is that going to feel?

Yeah, when i looked at her FB, she still had ALL our pics up. My guess is that she's just lazy enough to delete our pics. So might as well start deleting mine.

 

Ok, so after i checked her status, I went for a run to get out the frustration. and I ended up talking to my buddy who's been helping me through this. He brought up a good point that at some point, my stuff at her place might be thrown out and since I've got no more business being there anymore, i might as well just let her know i'm picking it up saturday.

 

So i broke NC. I know, and I was doing so good putting my frustrations here on ENA but my friend pointed out, "she's going to do it if you don't, Might as well YOU do it." In some ways he said, both of you are hurting each other, whether you might be doing it consciously or subconsciously, you moving out without discussing with her, you putting your status on FB, her putting that Matt guy as her friend, its all meant to hurt each other. Whatever you're going to do is going to hurt the other person" and vice versa"

 

I saw his point. So i did. and this is how it went. UGH.

 

me: I'll pick up the rest of my stuff on Saturday. Is that Ok

Her: Um, I guess, what all u want? Just boxed stuff or ur book cases and what not

Me: Just the boxed stuff, keep the book cases and table. Are u planning on being there?

Me: What in the boxed stuff anyway

Her: Um I don't know what I'm doing Saturday what time you thinking? Um Misc stuff but u also have towels sheets and kitchen stuff

Her: I can get them ready, and I can always put in garage if you prefer

Me: Either way, not too much towels. I don't have space here. The Tv is heavy

Me: You can keep the pics and all my gifts for you. I just want the essentials.

Her: Ok, well I will box your stuff and you can decide what to do with it. If u need them stored for a while here that's fine if you donate it all fine, i just don't want to be responsible for it

Her: the furniture is fine tho, i'm using it

Me: lol, ok

Me: Do you still have our pics up (BIG MISTAKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I DID THIS)( We have a ton of pics in the house. Plus a mural with a bunch of memorabilia)

Her: Yea

Me: It was nice to see them up on the wall. Made me smile.

Me: too lazy to take em down?

Her: Maybe

Me: It's ok, i have your coi fish painting up my desk (it's a beautiful painting she made and gave it to me for my first birthday with her)

Her: Its yours

Me: I know but you gave it to me and i treasure it.

Me: I like that you have our pics and and I have a piece of you up mine too (UGH..... * * * was i thinking???)

Me: Kinda cute, even if ur just too laze to put em down, lol

Her:

Me: I took the calendar with me (she made a calendar for me with a bunch of pics... really creative with a sexy december shot of her)

Me: I have it in a box among all the other stuff i'm debating on putting up (Really? I should have some slap me by this time)

Her: Please don't put the calendar up (its coz of the sexy pics, i assume)

me: lol no. The year is over

Her: Plus you left half of your wall hangings... Owl City poster is one (she made me a framed poster of Owl City whom we saw together)

Me: I took the bug one and the painting we made

Me: the one i put the orange star on that you painted over

Her: I know (by this time i should have shut the f up and let it go like this, but noooooo)

Me: are u home? (WHY DID I ASK THAT???)

her: yes

Me: oops sorry didnt meant to ask that

Me: out of habit

Me: Gotta go it was nice to chat with you and know we both have our own S*it up the wall. it really made me smile and think good thoughts about you. i hope you're doing well. gnyt.

her: night

Me: (Someone should have shot me by then but..) first thing i ever put up was the coi fish painting and it made my place a lot homier. ill let u know more about me picking up my s*hit when it comes. I know you said something about u wanting me to pick it up and i wanted you to know i heard that. sweet dreams.

 

Ugh.

 

1) i shouldn't have texted at ALL. Or when i did, should have kept it short and sweet. No fancy feelings talk. I shouldn't have broken NC and I shouldn't have checked FB. i know. i shot myself in the foot with that one.

 

2) Ok, well in picking up what's left of this debacle, i hope that my exchange with her was pleasant and left good thoughts with her about me. I tried to be nonchalant but sweet at the same time. I didn't ask about the guy on FB or whatever.

 

3) Now i'm stuck with having to go there and pick it up on Saturday, I'm not going to FB, text, call or anything until then. In thinking about it, i just might take her up on her offer of just her putting the stuff in the garage. I really don't want to see her right now. I don't think i'm ready to see her yet. I don't know. I'll see how i feel by the end of the week.

 

4) i'm sure i left an opening for her to be able to unconsciously do something to hurt me ie "i got plans this saturday" or "someone's over so i'll just leave it in the garage". Something like that, i won't be surprised if she does. It would be totally out of character for her but as someone said here, She's hurting from me moving on and out and she'll want to make me feel as hurt as she does.

 

She's always been a "guy" friend. Most of her friends are guys and she's best friends with a guy. yeah, she's one of those... I am not surprised if she's using this man as a way to get out of feeling like crap about what she just gave up. I'm not too keen on this, but i'm sure this guy is playing the "i'll be the fun guy who'll take you out of your rut and be the guy your ex never was" kinda mode. Hell, that's what i'll do if i were in his place. Yeah, he's physically my complete opposite. I really don't care at this point now i suppose. I shouldn't anyway. it's her life. I'll live mine. btw, he looks he could be a younger twin of the guy who shot the senator from arizona or somewhere recently.

 

Anyway, i'm not sure what to do next. FB delete: should i inform her? NC: Should i just continue on? Stuff: should i even pick it up? NIC, LC etc: should i even do it?

 

what now? I am not sure if NC now will have the same effect as it did the first time i said something. what impression Will me not texting her until i pick up stuff?

 

I feel she's open to me and her talking. Not talk about serious stuff and get back together but move on from the relationship already and start something. that something i don't know what, friendship or otherwise. I'm sure she misses me. But I'm not yet ready to just settle for a friendship and KNOW she can be blowing this guy as we text from each other's houses. despite me saying I FEEL less romantic for her now than yesterday after seeing her add this guy on FB, i still care about her. As i type this, I'm thinking more and more that there's NO WaY i can MAKE her reconsider our relationship. She needs to go through this alone. If this Matt guy can offer her something more meaningful than what i did, then maybe it wasn't meant to be. I am definite i can find someone else who will. In some twisted mind game my brain is playing it's telling me "dude, just go be friends with her... be nonchalant, occasionally go out on dates with her but do NOT bring up any new bf's or this matt guy... take her out and let her see that you've changed into a more attractive person, if you don't do it now, a few months down the line she can be in a full blown relationship with this moron"...oh brain... why do you betray me?

 

Last night i was devastated. But today, so far i'm doing great. I ran early this morning before i went to work, i feel a bit more better about myself; having a light conversation with her reminded me we did have good memories and had a good relationship. I have little to no guilt about giving her the best of what i can give.

 

right now, all i can say is, i'm content with thinking the worst possible scenario... them dating. them screwing around. her having more fun now. I don't want to know details, i dont want to know anything else. If she really wants to talk to me, she'll break NC. But if she's going to say something hurtful when she breaks it, i'll just ignore it completely. btw i didnt say anything about the last text she sent me about the puppy.