i'm such a wreck right now. Help.Nonchalance fail.

[anthony4]

exactly! its confusing. is she mad i moved out even after she broke up with me? did she want to work it out? i feel like i need to clarify that. either way, i signed a

six month lease so i have to stay away from her... i feel like she had certain expectations that were not communicated.ive a feeling shes upset i moved out and am feelin great and doing positve things. she not happy im doing it now

and not before we broke up lol

 

I've been following this thread for a few days. Been biting my tongue. From your Sig, i know how hard all this is for you. I'm old enough to be your father, you seem like such a caring and compassionate young man. And very intelligent too. I have not seen NC. Am i wrong? Always some "reason" for contact. 6 months lease doesn't mean diddly if you keep up contact. It's hard for me too, even at my age to stick with that program. You need to. period. Hope not to offend by jumping in.

[sfindependent]

I swear to god man - if you do respond just send this: "okay, sounds good". Just do it. You will feel better.

 

You are acknowledging both of her requests with one answer. busy, busy....

 

lol. thanks real! hahah

[sfindependent]

I've been following this thread for a few days. Been biting my tongue. From your Sig, i know how hard all this is for you. I'm old enough to be your father, you seem like such a caring and compassionate young man. And very intelligent too. I have not seen NC. Am i wrong? Always some "reason" for contact. 6 months lease doesn't mean diddly if you keep up contact. It's hard for me too, even at my age to stick with that program. You need to. period. Hope not to offend by jumping in.

 

none taken man my sig, thats an old old one i had a looong time ago, non related to my current situation. i just kept it since i liked what i wrote it not in any way related to my current situation.

 

on one hand im really looking forward to singleblessedness. as someone pointed out here im in san fran freaking sisco! tons of beautiful women. better opportunity, im at a good place in my career... my new place is pretty sick. married men would kill to be in my place. i truly, truly believe that. i think that belief saves me from experiencing more grief than i should. im in a much happier place compared to two weeks ago when we broke up. seriously, im not significantly affected

however am still pretty sad.

 

on the other hand, i do care about the woman and feel as if the relationship could have definitely been better if we both did things differently. we were good friends and had a lot of fun together. but we didnt have a plan and when things were crappy, instead of talking about it and sharing the grief we didnt and went our own ways of handling our situation. we had our own parts to play and didnt perform up to par. i feel more so confused about the situation than anything else like sad or depressed.. ive got these questions such as "what the h*ll is she thinking asking, behaving, saying all these confusing things" its sort of like she doesnt know herself what she really wants. shell say things like i wrote above but then act upset.... completely whack.

 

another thing and this is with all honesty, i said before that i love mental health and human behavior... reading Real and mrs popsicle and everyone else's advice and thoughts grant me a better understandin of not just her behavior, but of woman kind in general.

 

 

[sfindependent]

made it fb official... single! she wanted nothing but a friendship and i dont want that. i didnt beg. told her what i wanted and she and i didnt see eye to eye on it. she said goodbye amd that was it. so i changed my status to single.

 

sigh. i love this woman. but oh life.

[sfindependent]

i suppose its time to NC finally.

 

my friend made a comment...its like im the one breaking up with her. moved out an put down fb status. i laid down my cards, then she told me that despite me changing is too late. i said ok, then i turned around and said i respected her decision understood it but dont agree with how she saw our relationship ( i said i saw how were actually really good together but didnt take care of what we had as opposed to her saying that we're just not compatible). what do i mean by that? i elaborated saying that whenever we had a problem we didnt fix it, we didnt talk about how to get past it. i also said i saw a few things that i needed to improve myself such as id rather call than text or something where i internalize and anlyze how my actions affect my partner. she said "its too late" i said "no, i didnt mean just you. i mean with anyone."

 

so i changed my status. lol

[Mrs Popsicle]

 

another thing and this is with all honesty, i said before that i love mental health and human behavior... reading Real and mrs popsicle and everyone else's advice and thoughts grant me a better understandin of not just her behavior, but of woman kind in general.

 

 

 

Aww, nice to know I have helped bogwagen It's been really nice to see the change in you over the past few weeks, and I am so sure things are just going to get better and better for you. I'm pretty sure you haven't heard the last of your ex at any rate!

 

I have to admit, yours and asks and the nonchalance threads have actually made me understand *myself* better so it's been really good to read everyone's opinions!

Take care

 

Mrs Popsicle

[Real Deal]

this is not over by a long shot. I am not saying you will or won't get her back but there is a lot more that needs to play out. Whether justified or not she has a lot of resentment towards you that has to fade. It will take at least a month I would say, maybe longer. This is where NC will help. She MUST go through this!! She is going to contact you for total BS reasons and may be sh*tty about some things - don't take the bait - she can't help it. DO NOT talk about the relat ionship anymore! This will only prolong the process (for you and her). The old relationship needs to die off completely before there is any chance of reconciling. I am afraid that you will continue to make progress and improve and she will continue to blame you and not accept her role in the demise of things. You can't worry about this though. I have a feeling that you will get yourself to a perfect spot and my realize that you do not want her anymore, even if she begs you back. Not likely what you want to hear, but it IS possible - trust me!! Just go NC and have fun, improve yourself and I PROMISE you will come out a better man.

[sfindependent]

I admit that there are so many loose ends it's not even funny. The emotional roller coaster i'm experiencing is familiar (from another break up), and the road that I choose to take this time will ultimately dictate that. She's confused hersef. Despite the fact that she KNOWS or THINKS that her and I are not compatible or too different or too whatever, her behaviour is completely different. I'm letting the motions of this break up take my feet away and in panic, do stupid, pointless actions that take me further away from being with her.

 

When I decided to move out, she got mad that I did. Calling me "shady" for doing so while she was out of town. When she finally saw the empty apartment she called me out and said that she wants my stuff out of the apartment this week. All of which I agreed to. I have been trying hard to NOT discount her feelings (as what was once a problem I did to contribute to our BU) and in little bits and pieces, i hope she sees that. When I decided to put my status as single, she texted me saying "well good for you" and then texted me about a remark I made in FB in response to some friends concern about my status change. I said in one of my replies to a friend "we're good friends, as a matter of fact, we might see each other". i responded to people on FB saying only "we're good" or "we're friends".

 

when she saw that, she said "i'ts all f ing f ed up when u say all that S--t (i'm not sure if this was a response to my earlier statement I didnt want to be friends at all) so we friends now and u will see me tomorrow. O the words I wanted to say (i think she wanted to post a reply saying otherwise, but didnt) So much for only having a few friends know about it (now everyone knows)".

 

I got it at around past midnight. she mentioned she was out having drinks (i did not ask with who). I woke up from sleep and saw that text to which (ugh, i hate my compulsiveness) I said stupid useless things in response. (this thread reply has a happy ending).

 

The next morning i re read the post i wrote and realized i wrote something that could have been misinterpreted by someone who's hurt, angry or in a very sensitive position; by her. I deleted it (it was not a bad reply, it was just mentioning "yeah we're so cool we're gonna see each other tomorrow".

 

I took it off and texted her "i re read my response to people's concern about us on fb and i can see where you could have gotten really upset. I deleted that already. That was insensitive and inconsiderate of me and i realize that. da_n Oprah and her bacon (i told her i when i woke up last night i was confused about Oprah talking about veganism and my love for bacon). that was not cool on my part and i can see why you got mad and would have some words to say to me about it. thank you for being a better person". she replied "your bacon story made me laugh".

 

Ugh. I hate texting. It's a compulsion.

 

anyway, i was reading through the boards looking for the answer i wanted, the answer that would match perfectly to my situation and would give me the best outlook or result i can possibly have. But in all, i just pieced together what really needed to be done in order for me to get the woman i love back.

 

i know people have been telling me to go NC and i also know that the board understands that it is difficult to do such a huge task. Who would want to NOT want to talk about YOUR feelings? the same thoughts are running through my head. I NEED to be heard. I'm consistently trying to find that right cocktail of words to write/say that may effectively win her back. Granted, I'm not even begging for her to love me, but i'm arguing and trying to convince her that she's making a mistake of FEELING that way. But in reality, how can i KNOW what she's feeling? How can i really believe what she's saying when she says "i don't love you anymore" when in the back of my mind she sounds like she's trying to convince herself that we shouldn't be together. and by me continuing a negative behavior, is only reinforcing what she believes and feels at this moment when i exhibit the same exact behavior she's hating on.

 

As i read and read and read, I've been gaining some clarity in my thoughts (hopefully behavior will follow). One of the things she said was wrong with us was that she felt she was never heard, that we weren't connected, thatit frustrated her feeling that her opinions never mattered. I think she meant she doesn't feel respected or loved genuinely for who she was as a person and an individual. That I forced love to grow rather than nurtured it. and that made me realize, "shoot, i'm being selfish by not giving her her space. I've been looking at things the wrong way. I'm not using this moment to my advantage, but rather digging myself a deeper hole!" I am not allowing her to miss me. I'm building a newer, uglier version of me with her at this point. A person she doesn't want to be with. Her attraction level and her feelings are quickly turning from zero... to negative. I do not want that.

 

She hates that since the past few weeks (three i think since we broke up), i've been better in a way. I stopped smoking, i've been going to the gym, moved out and now have deleted our FB status. a detachment process that she's angry about experiencing. Despite me saying I want to be with you and not as a friend... get our relationship back on track etc etc... my actions have been detach detach detach and then show attachment and interest....its a part of what's confusing her on how she feels about me.

 

She'll still cry on the phone even until now telling me how sh*tty it is that i'm doing all these positive changes now instead of when we were together. But i've offered no response as to why. I simply deflect.

 

in essence, all the threads i've been reading on and try to implement all at once creates a confusing state for her and me. There's no direction towards my goal. Simply put, if i want to get somewhere with this woman, i should have a solid direction from where i want to go and how to get there.

 

For some reason, between reading threads about non-chalance, NC, NIC, LC, and my own friends' observation, i've establish a thought that might put the four together. I finally thought of an approach or a mindset that may ultimately help me recover something that i want to have and build upon it.

 

Right now,

 

a) I need to continually look at myself on how I've affected my relationship with her. I need to improve those things without shoving it in her face. She requested it herself and that I would need to show i respect her wishes not to be "gloated" on. It's pointless. Why put a "i'm better now than you" air? If anything, i'm just going to show "i'm better now that i've time to realize my mistakes" without shoving it up their nose.

 

b)another thing I need to do is show considerationto her current feelings and her current mindset. I cannot force her to feel. As a friend of mine said feel the force, don't force the feel, she herself agreed to this that I never gave the chance for our love to grow on its own. Maybe if i give it enough time and patience, it will blossom to something better than before.

 

c) I suppose this will go a bit further than NC or NIC, but there are somethings that I need to clearly communicate with her. But i've to be impartial, no mind tricks, genuine and sincere. this also has to be simple, not heavy, light hearted but clear and delivered nonchalantly. I cannot go saying "i'm doing this now because I'm respecting you as a person, see?" under heavy circumstances. Just cue her that I am respecting her with what she has to say, how she feels and how positive i am about hearing her opinion. If i say things like "look at me! i'm doing this!" it takes away the sincerity of what i'm doing and believe me, she can see that. even with my actions, i've to be consistent about it.

 

It would also be hypocritical of me to say i changed my "neediness" or my utter lack of respecting your space just because we're broken up but i;m not doing it accross the board in my life? if i'm going to change, it's supposed to be in all aspects of my life, not just her.

 

d) Of course all the aspects of nonchalancy (is that a word) of keeping it light has to be maintained, and kept in practice all the time. I've got to be the fun guy she fell in love with. But this time, the improved fun guy she's falling in love with again...

 

e) work with her. It's difficult for a guy to listen to what a woman is really saying. from sh*t tests to just simply why she's reacting to what she's reacting to and seeing it through a man's perspective and awoman's perspective is challenging. But again, i need to be able to clearly interpret that, and at the same time clearly show I am vested in trying to make the negative behaviors i exhibit that I have identified I need to change.

 

f) work on myself- most importantly. in this light i've realized that there's no point in chasing after someone who doesn't want me. all the changes i'm doing right now, physcially, mentally, emotionally, my approach to women and relationships, my newly found deficits I need to improve on... I need to be able to do this for myself. for whoever it is that i may have later on, whether it be her or be someone else. the chances of me getting her or anyone will lay solely on the effectiveness of the changes that i'm making for myself.

 

i know it may seem that i'm doing this for her... true. it is somewhat. But you know, if i practice what i preach, i maybe able to be successful in either getting her back... or finding someone new and exciting to love who deserves it.

 

i hope i can do NC. this is what she wanted and it is what i'm needing... space. i hope Me going to whatever (NC, NIC, LC) peacefully (not where we're mad at each other or hate each other) and reconnecting with a new perspective in life with her in a few weeks time will give me better chances of getting back with her. if not, who's to say i wouldn't feel the same?

[Live-N-Learn]

A few weeks time to change? Takes months if not years for real lasting change.

[sfindependent]

@Live - definitely. By all means change is a constant thing. I'm not trying to minimize the changes i need to do with my own life for my life and relationships to improve but there always has to be a turning point when that change will need to occur

[Imtheretoo]

i hope i can do NC. this is what she wanted and it is what i'm needing... space. i hope Me going to whatever (NC, NIC, LC) peacefully (not where we're mad at each other or hate each other) and reconnecting with a new perspective in life with her in a few weeks time will give me better chances of getting back with her.[bold] if not, who's to say i wouldn't feel the same?[/bold]

 

I think you have really gained a deeper understanding of your relationship and where to go from here, and up until the last statement, I was going to comment on just that. Live your life, and in some time, you might just realize you are better off. That the person you were with prevented your own personal self growth. Keep your head high and don't raise your hopes too much, just focus on yourself. I have read a couple threads where there truly is hope for reconciliation but it doesn't happen quickly and both people have to be willing to put in the effort once more.

 

Edit: If someone can help with this; I completely forgot about this one inspirational thread where it took several years but they reconciled and are that much happier with their relationship. It is one of the higher rated threads on this forum.

[sfindependent]

I have gained some significant insight as to what I need to do to improve my relationships. Now, I'm speaking on terms of either getting back with her (if she and i ever get the chance to reconcile) or withsomeone else.

 

hopefully as i said initially, that along the realization of what I need to do to make the chances of me reconciling with my ex or finding a better love, is the action that needs to be done with it... and do it consistently.

 

consistence with change and the changes i've made is the key

[sfindependent]

trying hard not to contact her, say goodnight like i used to. talk about useless cr@p like we did. trying hard not to point out to her how she looked at me today... so much contempt and hate. i never knew why she hates me. i want to ask why but whats the point? will it make things better? will seeing her sooner than when we're both ready be beneficial to us?

 

i went to our old place to drop off the last check. she looked at me with such hate and her body language was just on the defensive side. i rushed, in signed the check while idly chit chatting about nothing. i asked her what she was planning on making for dinner as i stepped out and she said "im not telling u" with anger. why is she so mad at me? i dont remember doing anything to hurt her or make her this upset. i just simply walked away from it. i spent a total of 5mins there and rushed out. i told her later on that it was nice to see her and we should do dinner when everything else isnt such a mess. she said sure. she asked how to change the plan on our cable and i hung up. true to form im sticking with what i told her i intended on doing. i would limit my text and would cAll instead if i needed to talk to her. if im going to be LC at certain times, i would keep it short, sweet and true to the changes im making for myself and how i deal with the people i care about and put meaningfulness to how my interactions are with them. she played her turn on our little phone game and i havent responded yet. im not sure if u should so i wouldnt for a while.

 

after that brief interaction with her i went to dinner with a buddy. he said the same thing. that despite the words i say to michelle about how i cared about her... i was detaching with my actions. it was like i broke up with her by my actions.

 

in truth i love her. i want that old girl back who made me happy. i dont want this hateful biya*h who hates my every movement. maybe i should give sometime to let her cool down. let her miss me. let her go through the motions. in a week or so ill contact her. in the words of my good buddy... its like you have to go through the process of dating again... u cant expect her to be the same person, and so shouldnt you be either. be better. thats what u told her, Nd thats wht u should show her.

[dramallama]

Behind anger there are three basic emotions - hurt, fear and frustration. She could be feeling all three of those emotions. hurt of losing you and control over you, fear of you letting go (which you have) and her moving on to a new chapter which might be scary, and frustration of how this break-up hasn't exactly turned out the way she was expecting. She's lost control over you and your new non-chalant attitude is really getting to her. There must be some love behind there somewhere. If there wasn't, she wouldn't feel angry. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. If it didn't bother her, then you'd know that she must have moved on, but that isn't the case. IMHO, I think you should give her way longer than a week to cool down. Try two months. She sounds really angry and bitter.

[Real Deal]

.

 

in truth i love her. i want that old girl back who made me happy.

 

That is the cause of the demise of the relationship - she "made" you happy. She also expected you to "make" her happy. This is why 90% of relationships fail because people do not take accountability for their own happiness and end up putting the expectations on others. Over time it creates resentment towards one another. This does not make you a bad person, nor does it make her one. Hell, I did it with my ex the last 2 years of our 13 yr relationship and I see now that it destroyed everything. The problem is people do not realize this when they do it and what we refer to as 'needy' behavior stems from our underlying self-doubt, insecurities or whatever you choose to call them. Once you realize, accept and take charge of your own happiness your relationships with EVERYONE in your life will exponentially increase in quality and the likelihood for success will follow.

[anthony4]

I'm learning that about myself real deal, she called me needy often. I didn't really find internal happiness solely from her but the relationship was more important than anything else i could think of. Maybe therein lies part of my problem too. While she didn't work hard enough regarding her faults i am to blame for mine. This is going to be a hard change for me to make in my future. I do tend to dote. I would love a woman that feels EXACTLY the same. Not much chance of that in reality. I don't know why or how i ever got the notion this was the way to be. It is probably based on insecurity as you say.

[sfindependent]

I'm learning that about myself real deal, she called me needy often. I didn't really find internal happiness solely from her but the relationship was more important than anything else i could think of. Maybe therein lies part of my problem too. While she didn't work hard enough regarding her faults i am to blame for mine. This is going to be a hard change for me to make in my future. I do tend to dote. I would love a woman that feels EXACTLY the same. Not much chance of that in reality. I don't know why or how i ever got the notion this was the way to be. It is probably based on insecurity as you say.

did u go NC?

[anthony4]

yeah, about 11 days now. mostly, it's been ok with me. my son turned 21 last night, we went out for some drinks, i got weak due to feeling a buzz, but stayed no contact. it is true alcohol may make a person drunk dial or text or whatever. felt a little depressed this morning but took my mother for chemo, was a reality check seeing all those folks there with bigger troubles than mine..

[Real Deal]

You'll be just fine, but I know what you mean by the effects of alcohol. haha. I think this is where so many guys get in trouble in relationships is putting the woman in their life in the number one spot. Women want to be acknowledged, loved and cared for, as do we. However, a man should have a purpose that is greater than himself and his ego that requires constant re-assurance from the outside (specifically his woman). Many women are wonderful in this way and are more than willing to do it, but if the balance gets off they often end up resenting their man, and rightfully so. We should always make time for a woman, and that time is solely for her, but there should also be time for us to pursue our purpose, whatever that may be (and I'm not talking just about career, although that often is hand-in-hand with our purpose). Women that don't understand and support this are just not the right ones and generally have insecurity issues that make them a HUGE pain in the a$$. Not that they are bad people in any way...haha.

 

This is something that many guys of all ages do not understand and they make their entire life about getting and then pleasing women (and others in general). As I have said on this site many times already and will many times going forward - having wonderful relationships with women is a by-product of having every other aspect of your life on lock (and not just a good job and money). The reason for this is our NEED for a woman is non-existent. However, there is a distinct difference between NEED and DESIRE. When the need is not there and our actions are driven by sheer desire they cannot help themselves to be deeply attracted to us because our strength and passion is so readily apparent and rare that it is something that is basically irresistible (unless a guy is a douche in every other way). In my experience the desire (not all creepy either) comes from a place in us that is genuine and real and not selfish and ego driven.

 

My current GF is great and would spend every second with me possible if that is what I wanted, but she understands that I have many other things that I am working now and that I am passionate about; such as: my career, my kids, my fitness and my spiritual growth (not religious). She flat out told me (and others have as well) that in a way that it angers them that I am so non-needy but that it is such an attractive and rare trait. Yet when we become needy, they are repulsed by it. Talk about a double edged sword...LOL. I guess my whole point is the more we structure our lives to be ones of perfection with or without a women in our lives the more control we have over our emotions if/when things go south.

 

I will stop my rant with this saying I heard that I really took to heart:

 

"The degree to which a man is devastated when a relationship ends is directly proportional to the degree that he allowed his terms and boundaries to be compromised during that relationship."

[sfindependent]

that is a wonderful quote. In some ways I can relate to that, and in some ways i am in wonder about how I'm not pining over her as long as I did other women. It can be personal growth and experience learning from other past relationships, perhaps its the amount of focus I know I hae to provide for a budding career as an Alzhiemer's specialist, perhaps it a subconscious detachment I've already committed during the course of our relationship's downfall. i don't know. I'm surprised i haven't cried, i havent' binge drank, I haven't had multiple sex partners since we broke up. as a matter of fact, my friend asked me if i would hook up with any woman right now, and I said no. I'm not ready for that. Is it maturity? i remarked that even right now, I still feel committed to her and feel if i do so, I would be cheating on her, despite my brain saying its not. Its the motions of what i want and what I cannot do that is ruling me right now. What pains me is the sudden and complete shift in the quality of interaction i have with her. As before, it was sweet, it was heartfelt, it was real. Now it's about anger, separation and hurt. I know me moving away from her and acting nonchalant and acting like I do not acre and have moved on hurts her and I am very sorry for that. But I have to protect myself from feeling even more hurt. Moreso, I do not want to be her friend until she's over her feelings for me completely and me be the certified chump I have worked hard to not to be. i want to change that back into the fun me and her that made us closer to each other.

 

We've maintained very minimal NC and as I said, I stopped by last night to give my last check to her. She looked at me with hate and the idle chitchat I had with her was met with much contempt. What did i do? I'm the one who didn't want to break up! I agree that it's the imbalance of it. I've included her in my life too much, because I felt that it was her and I who would end up together. I felt as if it was the beginning of something wonderful. I suppose i did smother her a bit. She was commented, you didn't let the love grow... you forced it. " Perhaps i've been on reactionary mode from her own emotions for so long I don't know which ones are the right emotions to act on and which emotions I should have left alone to grow on its own. I don't know. I realize i've more to live than her; my career, my family and my friends.... my life. But i care for her enough that i wanted her to be part of my life as much as I wanted to be part of hers.

 

I want to go NC now. But i'm afraid that because of all that's been going on, that she'll misconstrue my disappearance as me hating her, me unloving her. Me not respecting her.

 

I want to find the right words to say i want to take a few days to myself. a few days to get over our relationship and to clear my head. I want her to know i've realized the selfishness i contributed to our fallout. I want us to start again, from the beginning. To date, to get to know each other, to re establish that foundation we have. I want to be able to find myself and be who i was before i met her. I want to focus on myself more than her or what we have... i need to find me first.

[sfindependent]

yeah, about 11 days now. mostly, it's been ok with me. my son turned 21 last night, we went out for some drinks, i got weak due to feeling a buzz, but stayed no contact. it is true alcohol may make a person drunk dial or text or whatever. felt a little depressed this morning but took my mother for chemo, was a reality check seeing all those folks there with bigger troubles than mine..

 

that we do. our problems seem so infintile compared to other people's issues.

[dramallama]

The bottom line is, she dumped you. If she changes her mind, she'll let you know. If someone thinks they made a mistake, they will not let the love of their life go. If you treat her with respect and friendliness when you see her, then you haven't done anything wrong. You're doing so well. She's allowed you to leave, so respect her decision and move on.

[sfindependent]

The bottom line is, she dumped you. If she changes her mind, she'll let you know. If someone thinks they made a mistake, they will not let the love of their life go. If you treat her with respect and friendliness when you see her, then you haven't done anything wrong. You're doing so well. She's allowed you to leave, so respect her decision and move on.

 

exactly. No amount of nonchalance, game playing, or NC can possibly change that. I've to realize that there is no more "us". Ugh. I am doing very well. I need to move on. She does know how i feel and there's no amount of pleading or convincing that can change that.

[anthony4]

you can't have "very minimal" NC, (oxymoron) else it would be VMNC. not picking on you. but seriously. stick to your guns mon. You have a very bright future ahead.

[sfindependent]

If you treat her with respect and friendliness when you see her, then you haven't done anything wrong

 

what do you mean?

The bottom line is, she dumped you. If she changes her mind, she'll let you know. If someone thinks they made a mistake, they will not let the love of their life go. If you treat her with respect and friendliness when you see her, then you haven't done anything wrong. You're doing so well. She's allowed you to leave, so respect her decision and move on.

 

So i finally did it.

 

I told her this: "i'm sorry if things didn't work out between us. I just need this time to completely move on from you and respect your feelings. a few days away will help me sort things out. Maybe we can hang in a few days...."

 

i told her i realized i've a lot of things i need to work on as far as knowing respect, selflessness and the habits i have that contributed to our fallen relationship. i know it will take more than a few days to get over her, days, weeks, maybe months. I'm not going to contact her until ive lost the "need" to do so.

 

she said "well the way you've been acting, i thought you already have". i guess my nonchalance and my moving out showed her that.

 

it's time for me to start moving on. your post above made me realize, yes. she did dump me. she didn't want to be with me. I need to move on. i need to let go first before i can return with a much more confident self. I know when i return i need to be different, and indifferent with what happened in the past. I need to move on and find myself first.

 

this isn't the last we will speak. i know this for sure. i still have a lot of personal belongings that are in our house. i am not going to be worried what she'll do with it, she has her own mind to figure it out. i've my other car in her garage. we simply have a lot of history together to just NOT talk. This is the time i need to take to take a break from that.

 

I'm not sure what response my conversation with her illicited. But she needs to cool off first. I need to cool off first.

 

there's no way anything will get better if i keep talking to her. day one of NC starts tomorrow.