Thekid55's Healing Journal

[C_Unknown2005]

Kid, I take it you want her back?

[thekid55]

I think to let go, you have to truly accept it's over. You have to truly accept that they weren't the one for you. They may have been at the time, while it lasted and it's possible they may be again, but now at this moment and for the foreseeable future they're not. That's nothing against them or you. It's just the way it is and fighting it just wasting the days and hours of your life. Now you will need healing time and that's never a waste if you learn from it.

 

It's a good plan to look at those that come and go in your lives as people who teach you something about yourself, if you're willing to learn.

 

Practically? You have to do the old NC, because otherwise you'll just stagnate in the past. The past is a place to learn from not to live in. It's like giving up smoking. You just have to stop. Simple it sounds, simple it is not and they haven't come up with a patch for lost love yet(though in my youth I thought beer worked temporarily ).

 

Don't contact her. If she contacts you, then tell her that she needs to accept you can't be around her and she can't expect your help or support. If she pulls any of the "but we can be friends" it's her being selfish. Do NOT fall for that one. In fact if she does pull that line out of the hat or anything similar it should tell you all you need to know about her. It'll tell you that she is thinking of herself and not you, that her level of emotional awareness is low. That should bolster your NC.

[thekid55]

Kid, I take it you want her back?

 

I need to heal first, but these are just all good posts that I have found during my time here. I'm just compiling it for other.

[C_Unknown2005]

Yes you do! Good stuff man, When I read them not every situation is going to work out. So, I guess I try to not look to much into it.

[C_Unknown2005]

I love it!

[thekid55]

I wish I had a crystal ball. I wish had all of the answers. I just want to know what will happen. I'm working my way through all of this, but literally, I'd do almost anything to have your mutual, loving embrace back.

 

Everything is breaking right for me in my life. I just want you back to be 100% complete.

 

Living in a world without you completely sucks.

 

I miss you.

[MakeItCount]

I wish I had a crystal ball. I wish had all of the answers. I just want to know what will happen. I'm working my way through all of this, but literally, I'd do almost anything to have your mutual, loving embrace back.

 

Everything is breaking right for me in my life. I just want you back to be 100% complete.

 

Living in a world without you completely sucks.

 

I miss you.

 

that one hit home.

[thekid55]

A good Zorba post, about refusing to be friends...

 

Tell her this by simply saying; "I do love/like you a lot, but I can't be your friend at the moment. it wouldn't be fair on both of us as feelings may come up from both sides that would get in the way of any meaningful friendship. I wish you the best your life can bring you and I wouldn't change a thing about us and our good times, only that they ended" Leave it at that and then walk away.

 

In either case or any other case you can think of it's incredibly selfish behaviour on her part. End of.

 

Me I would tell her to go away and not bother you as you don't want contact with her at all for the foreseeable future. Add this if you like;

 

, I have such fond memories of you, but that's all they are now and I would prefer and hope that they not to turn into anger and dislike of a woman that was so important to me once. I would like to preserve the wonderful memory that was the best of us and not the worst of us. Casual contact will do neither of us any good. In years to come we both will look back with fondness on what we had and the lessons we brought to the great loves that are to follow for both of us".

 

That kinda thing right there will throw her off and will bypass the selfish wall and appeal to the grand gesture/emotional side common in the emotional moron and likely make her cop the hell on.

[faithful14]

I feel the same way you do kid

 

ditto

 

: /

[thekid55]

I'm just sick of this whole thing.

 

I'm sick of dreaming about you. Thinking about you. Wanting you. And missing you.

[C_Unknown2005]

I'm just sick of this whole thing.

 

I'm sick of dreaming about you. Thinking about you. Wanting you. And missing you.

 

 

I feel your pain kid, I had a vivid dream last night about her, I remember everything... Woke up even about to call her but realized that it was only a dream. Be strong friend, She's not the same person anymore.... Keep saying that a million times a day.

[thekid55]

I have given her everything except for one thing.

 

I haven't given her the gift of missing me yet.

 

I have asked for her back, done pretty much anything a boyfriend could do.

 

But every time she reappears, I cave in. I just honestly wish I wouldn't hear from her for a long, long time. But I know that's not going to happen because she always caves in and contacts me. She's like a bi-weekly report. I have to submit one every two weeks. She hasta know that she still has me and the door is open.

 

Indifference is really my best option now.

[C_Unknown2005]

Kid, what hobbies do you do outside of the relationship?

[thekid55]

Well, I work 40 hrs per week. Play poker. Run. Go to the gym. I have run my own website. I write for another large sports website. Go out with my friends.

 

Don't ask me how I have time to be here because I honestly have no idea.

[thekid55]

Well, I work 40 hrs per week. Play poker. Run. Go to the gym. I run my own website. I write for another large sports website. Work in student government. Go out with my friends.

 

Don't ask me how I have time to be here because I honestly have no idea.

[cl76]

21 months since my break up. 9 months of limited contact (which didnt help) then 12 months of no contact and now I am free from the pain. "This too shall pass" I keep hearing at the start, turns out to be true. Eventually, wanting to get back together also passes. Must say that you can't become indifferent if you still have contact (however limited) with the ex.

[Calblee]

Indifference is really my best option now.

 

It is really hard to be indifference because you are both angry and sad. The day that you are indifferent is the day you have officially MOVED ON.

 

Kid, i respect you because having to see your ex often is tough given your long relationship together.

 

Take care buddy

[thekid55]

She literally lives right accross the street from me, but I've gone about 6 weeks now without seeing her. Add in another 5 weeks for winter break that starts in two days when we will both be at home. That will be almost three months...I got this.

[Calblee]

She literally lives right accross the street from me, but I've gone about 6 weeks now without seeing her. Add in another 5 weeks for winter break that starts in two days when we will both be at home. That will be almost three months...I got this.

 

accross the street and you still managed to NOT to see her in 6 weeks. that is a lot of effort!

[thekid55]

accross the street and you still managed to NOT to see her in 6 weeks. that is a lot of effort!

 

It's not too hard when both parties are busy. In between work and class, I don't get home until 8ish during the week. On the weekends, I get out of the damn apartment because that's when you could go nuts.

[thekid55]

I think everyone should read this.

 

....

[thekid55]

I feelz good today.

 

Not looking at her Facebook or anything really does help. Basically, you have to treat them like they are 'dead'. It's been 5 days now and I feel better than I ever have. No news. No updates on her. I feel great

[hero]

Hey thanks for suggesting the movie "Swingers". I just finished watching it and I loved it. I can relate to everything Mike went through in the movie and he reminds me of myself and how I've been struggling through my breakup. I just hope what happens to Mike at the end will eventually happen to me.

 

Anyways keep up with the journal man you're doing great!

[thekid55]

Tonight, one of my best friends was having an end of semester party at his house. Really small party. Like 20 people. I'm tight with all of the guys he lives with and we all hang out a few times per week. I went by late and as soon as I pull up, I see my ex's car. I start to freak out a little, but I say to myself, 'Scr.ew it. My friend invited me. I'm going in'. Well, I go in and he knows the deal. He is dating one of my ex's friends and the girls all went together. He apologized to me saying that he didn't know they were going to come by. I said, no big deal. So I'm just hanging out. Mingling with people. My ex's room mate, who has known me for 4 years, comes up to me and starts talking. Then my ex comes over. Then her other friend. So we just stand around and talk for about 2 minutes and then I say I'm gonna go talk to other people. I played pool with some of the guys. I really didn't look her way at all. She was talking to all of my friend's housemates. Kinda being a little flirty. Not acting like she was all over people, but just, you know, a little over talkative/flirty. I know none of them are interested in her. Probably to make me a little jealous, but I just went about my business. Maybe to see how I would react. I could tell that she kept looking at me when I was playing pool while she and her room mate were talking to this one guy. I felt the pair of eyes on me. But there was definitely tension in the air when her and I were close. I just acted completely unaffected and to be honest, I actually forgot about her while I was there at one point.

 

Her and her friends left before I did. On there way out, her room mate gave me a hug, saying it was good to see me again and my ex just said 'Bye thekid55'. I just said, See-Ya. And that was it.

 

In the past when I've seen her in public, I would be kind of drunk and start texting her. Didn't do that tonight. I played it so cool. I didn't show any interest really. I didn't ask any questions. I didn't approach her. I let her come to me. I kept a smile on my face and kept talking to people for the entire time. I dressed very nicely. I didn't let her see me sweat and I didn't put any pressure on her.

 

She's probably wondering, why isn't he texting me? He always does that after he sees me! Not this time.

 

I feel so good right now and very happy. I feel like I've come a long way and tonight happened for a reason. I didn't think I'd see her there, but I'm sure she was talking to her friends about it on the ride home or whatever. I feel like I can go into this break feeling very, very accomplished. I've come a long, long way and know I can handle seeing her out.

[MakeItCount]

my ex just said 'Bye thekid55'.

 

Man, you should really go to the courts and change your name! hahahaha

 

Glad to hear man, you have definitely come a long way. Same thing happened last time I saw my ex, got to watch her flirt with other guys, but there was some electricity going on between us when we did chat. Keep us updated, this is awesome to read!