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Thekid55's Healing Journal


thekid55

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The day will come when she will beg for me back and I cannot wait to slam the door in her face.

This is where you're actually on the wrong track. The day may come where she wants you back (or it may not), but you need to reach a point where it's just not particularly important to you one way or the other. Indifference is a pretty pleasant feeling. But as long as you harbor some quest to turn the tables, she still has the upper hand.

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Damn son. We both had revelations this week.

 

Hey, at least you guys weren't together. But definitely man, this one is OVER. Done for. Finito. Goodbye.

 

You are doing the right thing by just leaving it alone. Also, you WILL forgive her one day. I hope for your sake you do. You can't harbor a grudge like that forever, it'll consume you. And for what? For a woman that would do that to you? You need to just throw that sh1t over the bridge and walk away. I wouldn't waste your strength or energy being "mad" at her any longer than what is natural.

 

Let your anger and rage flow out of you, and then LET IT GO. Please don't hold onto that for too long man, it's not worth it.

 

Look at it this way- you are about to embark on an incredible new start. You're young enough this will not matter to you at ALL by the time you're in your mid 20s. F em.

 

Check out my thread man, my weekend was NUTSO.

 

-P

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Everyone is right. I've spent the last two days being angry, mad, upset, etc. It's no way for me to live.

 

I think the fact that I blocked her everywhere made me feel that way.

 

Well today, I removed the blocks. That doesn't mean I'm going to answer her (God forbid, call her), but I think it gives me some peace to the situation.

 

I'm going to work my way towards indifference and honestly, that's my best bet in this situation. I acted completely indifferent when I saw her at that party a few days ago. I was happy, social, etc. It didn't phase me at all that she was there and that bothered her.

 

I was honestly hurt extremely bad by all of this because even though her and I broke up, we agreed to take the time to work on ourselves. I guess people go to extremes when they say that or it's just a cover or who knows. And I guess it's my own fault that I found out that X,Y, and Z were happening. I went looking and damn, I got my hand burnt in the fire.

 

Reading P's story gave me some clarity today. Crazy stuff happens when you least expect it to.

 

Could I ever take her back? I honestly don't think so. I've been thinking about this in a non-angry state. The only way I would ever consider it? She went to counselling like she promised me she would a long time ago and really work through her own issues. She has so many issues and problems that it's unreal. I will always love her and care about her well-being, but honestly, it may better to let this situation die on its own.

 

Again, she has no idea that I know about any of this. She doesn't know that I blocked her for 2 days or the fact that she hooked up with her ex a few weeks back.

 

Unblocking: Good call or bad call?

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I had a bit of an 'a-HA!' moment tonight reading this article...

 

link removed

 

I feel like the author begins to describe my ex to a T starting on the third paragraph.

 

-Daddy Issues (Check), Broken Home (Check), Emotionally Weak (Check), Abondonment Issues (Check), Growing Up With This Type Of Person (Check), Wanting a Guy Similiar To Father (Check), Wanting a 'Conquest' (Check), Me Wanting to show her love and respect, unlike what her father showed her (Check).

 

So basically, it says that these type of women will respond to negative emotions that are associated with their father.

 

I'm 100% different from what her father is. I am reliable. He doesn't give a crap about her. I've protected her. He could care less. I've done everything to assuage guilt. He doesn't even know where she attends school.

 

Now, this is why she is attracted to her ex. She views her ex as a 'project', someone who she 'thinks' she can change. Little does she know that she's just restarting the cycle for emotional abuse. This will end very, very badly for her again. She will be abused to no end and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

 

For the most part, I'm pretty put together. Good family, good morals, etc. She knows that her ex treats her like her father does, which is familiar and comfortable is an odd/unusual way to those of us who did not grow up in this type of atmosphere.

 

So basically, it's hopeless for me to assume that this type of person would want anything different from what she grew up on. She may have enjoyed how she *should* be treated for a few years, but it's not what she's used to. All of the gifts, times I made her feel special, etc. She never knew how to respond to them because no one did this for her before. In a weird sick way, it made her feel 'uncomfortable'.

 

Basically, I had absolutely no choice in this matter. She is what she is and eventually, the relationship was going to cave in because I'm not the type of person that she is 'used to'. It may have been fun for awhile, but it became 'uncomfortable' and its due to her upbringing/situations.

 

Lesson learned that I need to find a woman who has the same upbringing as I do.

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Kid, You need to be happy with yourself before jumping to the next girl, You over analyzed everything and i love that about you buddy. But no amount of research will give you an answer whats going on in her head. You can only assume. And trust me your just doing yourself more harm trying to figure out whats in her head rather then spending that time on yourself and moving on. Honestly, What she's doing should be a catalyst for faster recovery. It's her lost, she's and idiot and she dose not deserve you. My ex comes from a broken home as well but you can't help if they don't want it I tried the whole relationship, her father was only there as a source of money and never affection. She got that from me when he left her family.

 

It's time to be thinking about you and only you. Even if she did realize what she did, trust has been broken, feelings have been torn and things will never be the same. Just be thankful you didn't propose to her. You can't help her anymore because she dosen't want your help. I'm proud of you for standing your ground but over analyzing every possible reason why the way she is is not healthy sir. I've been reading you journals and looking for an answer is not a way to approach this. I don't think you can look for an answer. It's her choice friend. I don't need to tell you anymore about what you need to do.

 

I just want you to become stronger man ,give it time and just be with good company and stop looking for answers she's not worth it.

 

Your Friend

C

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That article made complete sense to me. All along, I've been wanting to 'fix it' or even 'understand it'. But now I realize, there's literally nothing I can do. People acting like a jerk or a.ss appeals to her. It took her ex from three years ago to completely ignore her for her to get the point that he wasn't interested.

 

For me, the next time she contacts me, I'm going to tell her to stop talking to me, that I want nothing to do with her. And then ignore. I bet she responds very favorably to this type of contact because that's what she's used to.

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For me, the next time she contacts me, I'm going to tell her to stop talking to me, that I want nothing to do with her. And then ignore. I bet she responds very favorably to this type of contact because that's what she's used to.

 

Just don't think about it. I know it's really hard but silence is the best answer you can give her now.

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that would be a good idea. i'm over my ex (87%),who i broke up with ,but i'm still sticking around and try to give advice.

 

it's so amazing to see how strangers help out other people.

 

what bothers me ,is the fact that not too many people post back with success stories ,so it seems that reconciliations or whatever don't happen too often.

 

i know from my own experience that it's not the case. i think that there's more getting back happening than breaking up,but nobody cares to write about it.

 

love you all

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I'm starting to feel like myself again and boy, does it feel great.

 

Haven't seen her Facebook in about two weeks now (huge relief, btw). I also basically cleared out any 'Facebook friends' that I don't talk to anymore. I can always 're-add' them if I start to talk to them down the line. Kinda trivial, but hey, it made me feel better so that's all that matters.

 

Despite my emotional turmoil, I pulled straight A's for the first time ever at school. My GPA is 3.6 out of 4.0 overall, but I've never gotten straight A's until this semester. Not too shabby, right?

 

I've started to reconnect with old friends and have a few trips planned. I've also made a lot of new friends and met new girls. New girls are sweet!

 

I'm going away for the night on Wednesday with a few friends and a few girls. I'm really excited about that. Then, I'm heading home for Christmas. Exciting stuff!

 

I also decided today that I'm going to study to get my CFA. Basically a finance distinction that I will test for in June. They say you need to study for hundreds of hours before ever taking it. Only 33% pass rate for first time takers. I've always done really well on tests, so if I put in the time and effort, I will pass it. It'll give me a leg up in my career.

 

I'm starting my job search as well. I have a few interviews and I have worked really, really hard as an undergrad to position myself. No one at this school has worked harder/deat with as much crap as I have for the four years I've been here. If anything, I deserve the best people in my life.

 

No desire to play games with her or anything. I have all of the blocks taken off. It'll help me heal with them off. Shows indifference. Whatever happens, happens. I'm healing, so that's all that matters.

 

Good stuff happening right now. No time to let other stuff pull me down.

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I hear the CFA is rough. I have a buddy who is studying for level 2 right now. It'll definitely help you long term. I have my 7 and 63 and take the 65 in a few weeks. That's a lofty goal but if you stay focussed I'm sure you'll be fine. They say you should take the CFA right after college since you are used to the studying it requires. Do that * * * * ! I am having difficulty focussing on my studying because of all of this but have decided that I'll only party on NYE. All oft freetime has to be dedicated to passing the series 65 (which honestly shouldn't be too tough).

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I only need three more classes to graduate and even then, I've already taken every Finance elective offered. One of my friends is going to take the exam as well. So we are going to treat preparation like a class next semester. Probably dedicate at least 10-15 hours per week to studying for it. If I can pass this exam on my first try, then I'll be extremely happy. Gotta have goals and I might as well go for it before I have a full-time job.

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For the CFA I believe there are 3 levels so you would need to pass all 3 to be able to put CFA after your name but it is still an admirable accomplishment to even have level 1 out of the way. Stay focused and you'll be fine.

 

Yeah there are three levels to pass. Normally takes four years on average to complete. Once you have it though, you have it for life. It's definitely worth shooting for.

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