should i just forget him? 2 weeks between dates? HELP!!

[TakingtheBlame]

Personally, ut, I think you did good. I think the text was fine. Who cares how it came accross; point is, it chased this dog away and if he doesn't come back you're lucky. He was a player, pure and simple. Were you physically intimate with him at all? Sounds to me like he just wants to play and was getting disappointed when he wasn't getting any. Don't even answer him if he replies to your text. Move on to the next guy.

[BriarRose]

I would have tried to move on when he didn't call for 3 days after the date. Had you not contacted him, you probably would not have heard from him again. You will meet someone else.....

[HeartGoesOn]

look on the first date (which was a friday) he said he wanted to see me on monday. he NEVER called to see me. thats being unreliable.

 

then, I didn't get to see him the next weekend. i have no clue why.

 

then, when we were finally supposed to see each other 2 WEEKS after the first date he wanted to cancel because he was tired!!!

 

then, he wants to go another 2 weeks to see me for a third date??

 

Plus, he doesnt call or text me much.

 

Plus, he's still on the dating site.

 

This pretty much sums it all up. I wouldn't waste another minute of my time and energy on him. You can do better...

[BriarRose]

Yeah, this guy bailed from day 1, saying he wanted to see you and then never calling. The rest makes sense, given his behavior from the very start.

[ut804]

Personally, ut, I think you did good. I think the text was fine. Who cares how it came accross; point is, it chased this dog away and if he doesn't come back you're lucky. He was a player, pure and simple. Were you physically intimate with him at all? Sounds to me like he just wants to play and was getting disappointed when he wasn't getting any. Don't even answer him if he replies to your text. Move on to the next guy.

 

no we just kissed once on the last date. i didnt let him kiss me on the first date.

 

I am frustrated because i feel as though i put in effort and i dont get much back. it's more about respect. like when we saw each other last week, he wanted to cancel because he was tired. I, on the other hand, actually went into work 2 hours early so i can get out early to see him. plus, i prep for dates and plan things out.

 

maybe hes busy seeing other girls and he doesnt have time to see me.

 

i want people to be honest with me, no games. coming on strong and then acting not interested is just playing stupid games. if you like me then make time to see me; if you don't like me then have the decency to not lead me on.

 

I think if he really liked me he wouldnt be doing this. for example, wanting to cancel a date because he was tired?? seriously?? if i like a guy i don't care about losing an hour of sleep.

[itsallgrand]

Unfortunately, there is no magic wand to make all the people out there dating stop playing games or being fools or being disrespectful, even.

 

So the only thing you can do is learn how to date intelligently. That still is no guarantee, but it helps.

 

I agree with your forgetting about this guy. That's one good step.

[BriarRose]

Yes, when a man is interested he will make time for you. It was wrong of him to say he wanted to see you on those occassions and then just bail - but it's important for you to see the signs, too - such as him not putting forth any effort from the start.

[longdist]

I never would have sent the text.

 

What is said was, obsessive, needy and insecure.

 

I hate to say it, but if you sent me the text, I would be very turned-off, if I was turned onto you in the first place. Some guys are busy. When you get home, you don't want to deal with the stress of calling someone that you don't know very well. It's something to save for the weekends when you have more time. It is relatively early on a Friday for you to be freaking out about him not making plans yet.

 

It is also possible that he just didn't feel a connection to you in person. People will still act nice and give dates a second shot. You certainly shouldn't have you heart set on someone after only 2 dates... no offense.

[MyNinja]

Yeah, I'm guessing he's hoping you will take a hint and call it off and move on. The whole unresponsiveness and the "busy" excuse are classic signs the person isn't that into you, despite what he may have said. Actions definitely speak much louder than words.

 

Take this as a learning experience and don't allow yourself to get caught up with shady people. Do your research and don't take every guy you meet for face value. Don't open up too soon and pour you life out to them (not saying you did this). If he pours himself onto you too soon, head for the hills!! Most likely it's a booty call and they will do anything and say anything to get some action.

[ut804]

i was hurt by a different guy a few months ago. he came on strong and then acted distant. stupid me, i chased after the guy. i was the one to call, i was the one making plans, i was the one doing eveything. but actually i confronted him about this. he lied and told me everything was fine. well he ended up dumping me. know i know the red flags.

 

this new guy is similar. i am starting to feel as though he's becoming distant. i learned from the last guy so now i want to run! i don't want to make the same mistakes!

 

but i am NOT clingy. i may reallllyyy like him but i do not act clingy! i dont ask for much! all i want is to see him once a week, thats all! talking once a day would be nice.

but i am not clingy!

 

after he flaked out on me that monday I didn't even say anything!!

 

I feel as though his behavior is continuing. I don't want to be played. i dont want to be a victim. i dont want my heart broken.

[longdist]

 

I think if he really liked me he wouldnt be doing this. for example, wanting to cancel a date because he was tired?? seriously?? if i like a guy i don't care about losing an hour of sleep.

 

As a busy guy, I think this is a very legitimate excuse. If you haven't been on many dates with someone, you want to put forth your best self when you see them. It is hard to do when you are tired and stressed. You just may have a different perspective on how to impress someone, where you would have been more impressed if he saw you anyhow. If that he had happened, would you still be interested in him if he couldn't carry on a conversation and looked like a mess?

[ut804]

I hate to say it, but if you sent me the text, I would be very turned-off, if I was turned onto you in the first place. Some guys are busy. When you get home, you don't want to deal with the stress of calling someone that you don't know very well. It's something to save for the weekends when you have more time. It is relatively early on a Friday for you to be freaking out about him not making plans yet.

 

It is also possible that he just didn't feel a connection to you in person. People will still act nice and give dates a second shot. You certainly shouldn't have you heart set on someone after only 2 dates... no offense.

 

that's not stress. i get excited when he calls or when i call him. it makes me happy. i like talking to someone who i am attracted to after a horrible day of work. it's not really stress when you like someone.

[ut804]

As a busy guy, I think this is a very legitimate excuse. If you haven't been on many dates with someone, you want to put forth your best self when you see them. It is hard to do when you are tired and stressed. You just may have a different perspective on how to impress someone, where you would have been more impressed if he saw you anyhow. If that he had happened, would you still be interested in him if he couldn't carry on a conversation and looked like a mess?

 

yes but it was already 2 weeks since we last saw each other and then he wanted to wait a few more days??

[abitbroken]

that's not stress. i get excited when he calls or when i call him. it makes me happy. i like talking to someone who i am attracted to after a horrible day of work. it's not really stress when you like someone.

 

Its not stress for YOU. But when your brain is tired and doesn't want to think anymore - calling someone where you have to worry about how you are going to come off or how responsive you will be is nervewracking. Especially when you just met not too long ago. The charm won't be turned on. And one feels pretty lame. My ex would get upset if someone called the house at night when he had a full day - he didn't want to talk to another person even socially. He would ask that I not hand him the phone/say "hey..do you want to talk to him?" to the other person.

 

Yes, your theory works when you have an established relationship but not after 2 dates

[ut804]

well then he could at least text me. he doesn't do that all too often.

 

the other day he texted me "hey you!" i texted him back right away saying "hey how was your day?" NO ANSWER

[Edmund Exley]

I have to ask, why are you so obsessed with this guy?

[ut804]

because i am sooo picky. when i FINALLY find someone i like yes i get excited. we have a lot in common and at first he was treating me well. it was like love at first site. that doesnt happen often for me.

[BriarRose]

because i am sooo picky. when i FINALLY find someone i like yes i get excited. we have a lot in common and at first he was treating me well. it was like love at first site. that doesnt happen often for me.

 

How do you figure he was treating you well? He blew you off for your first date, after you met. He never even called and you were supposed to see each other. Stop worshipping him, he was not so great.

[MyNinja]

well then he could at least text me. he doesn't do that all too often.

 

the other day he texted me "hey you!" i texted him back right away saying "hey how was your day?" NO ANSWER

 

Hmmm, i can see why you would be confused wondering what's going on. I really can't think a reason why he wouldn't respond back knowing he just sent you a text. I know it can be infuriating, but when things like this happens, don't waste your time trying to figure it out because you probably won't and it will make you look obsessed, just leave and maintain your dignity.

[Edmund Exley]

How do you figure he was treating you well? He blew you off for your first date, after you met. He never even called and you were supposed to see each other. Stop worshipping him, he was not so great.

 

I agree, I think your more worried about the looks and skipping everything else. And I agree with what someone else said, if you had sent me that text I would have moved you to the crazy file. Sorry let this guy be.

[ny guy]

It's so true, we let pretty people get away with so much more....

 

fact of life.

 

 

 

BUT, like 'they' always say, beauty on the outside fades....beauty on the inside is forever.

 

 

ut, when a truly decent guy comes along, you won't need to post here (so much?)....right?

[BriarRose]

Ut, don't worry about the text - it's no big deal (I am sure MANY of us here have done worse) at least you are a good person; he was not nice. While it is not a reflection of one's character just because they do not feel the same way, making plans with someone and standing them up is.

[Batya33]

because i am sooo picky. when i FINALLY find someone i like yes i get excited. we have a lot in common and at first he was treating me well. it was like love at first site. that doesnt happen often for me.

 

Yes but you need to realize that that is moving wayyy too fast and while it's fine to feel that way, to heighten your expectations of the other person is unfair -it's perfectly fine -and smart! - of him to be on the dating site, athough it's not nice of him to act in an unreliable way about your planned date. But this is someone you just met who doesn't seem that interested in you and isn't your boyfriend and has no plans yet to be your boyfriend. So your reaction -which is more like someone who is in a long term relationship -is an overreaction and is not good for you to indulge in if you want to keep meeting people to date -without developing a more realistic mindset and thicker skin you'll be unnecessarily stressed and that often comes accross as clingy/needy even if you don't mean it to.

 

What I mean about feelings is of course you can't control your feelings -but you can control your reactions.

[ut804]

i dont think i overreacted, i just expect honesty and respect.

 

i wouldn't come on strong and lead a guy on and then just act uninterested.

 

i would NEVER cancel a date unless it was an emergency.

i return text messages and don't play games.

I am nice and go out of my way for people.

 

I thought he was treating me well in that he was giving me attention, complimenting me, being a gentleman and holding doors open, asking to kiss me, paying for my dinner, etc.

 

I am just so sick of dating. so sick of wasting time. I'm 24- i want to get engaged within the next few years. I am not playing games. I am not desperate but I just wish guys would be straight-forward and not give me any BS. if i have no interest in someone then I will not go on a second date.

 

I've been through a lot this past year. maybe thats why i am a bit sensitive. i got out of a 4 year relationship and then in the spring i dated a guy who didn't give a sh*t about me.

 

all i want is someone to treat me right all i want is someone who appreciates me

[ut804]

but i do not consider myself clingy/ super attached. when i first start dating someone, i only expect to see them once a week. Clingy would be asking to see him everyday. this guy wants to see me once every 2 weeks- that is a bit ridiculus to me.

I also do not expect to be on the phone for hours every night. A few minute phone call every other day would be fine.

 

I am really not asking for much!

 

so i see him on facebook. according to his status update, he was drinking last night and does not feel well this morning. Don't you need money to go out and drink?? I thought he was busy/had no money??

 

and he never responded to my text.

 

should i take him off facebook or just leave it?