should i just forget him? 2 weeks between dates? HELP!!

[Ms Darcy]

but i do not consider myself clingy/ super attached. when i first start dating someone, i only expect to see them once a week. Clingy would be asking to see him everyday. this guy wants to see me once every 2 weeks- that is a bit ridiculus to me.

I also do not expect to be on the phone for hours every night. A few minute phone call every other day would be fine.

 

I am really not asking for much!

 

 

I think you have some valid points here. Once a week isn't unreasonable. Talking on the phone every few days is not crazy. Not crazy.

 

What I would like for you to consider is this ... is what you have been doing working? Is there anything you can think about tweaking?

 

I only give you this advice not to make you feel bad but to push you towards a little more peace in dating. From my perspective, looking at your threads and your reactions, I don't think I would want to date you if I was a guy. Guys know, especially attractive guys with a good career, that they can meet women and get dates. Basically, guys with options seem to fall for the smart, confident independent girl. That is what you have got to be. It won't guarantee that he'll fall for you, but it will give the guy that will the space to.

 

From the way you talk, dream girl is not what I get. I get that you seem to go from zero to 180 when you like a guy. The greatest irony in all this is even if a guy comes on strong in the beginning, if you (in your mind) match that, often he'll start to think you are a little too much. It's especially important, especially in the beginning, to a) not get too attached before you are in a relationship with a guy, b) don't expect a guy to "commit" to only seeing you after only one date, and c) don't keep dating a guy if he's not treating you in a respectful way.

 

If he's not good to you, you can often figure that out within the first few months. Then you just have to let him go and move on to the next. Good luck.

[HeartGoesOn]

I would spend more time taking into account that you've only had two dates with this guy, and try to understand why you're setting your expectations so high?

[longdist]

I think you might need to be a little more nonchalant in your dating habits.... no offense. If a guy doesn't meet expectations for some reason (wants a date every 2 weeks instead of every 1 week), then end it. Don't get mad at him for not meeting your expectations. He is his own person and has his own wants/needs/interests. He doesn't fit you, so it's time to move to the next person. You don't really know him yet anyhow. He If he acts hot, then cold, it happens. Maybe you weren't what he was expecting when he met you in person... Maybe you started to come on to strong after 1 date... These are the things to probably think about for when you go on your next date.

[ut804]

I am an independent woman. I went to college and graduate school. I am working two part time jobs and trying to get a career started. I have friends and hobbies. And I'm attractive, people tell me I could be a model (I'm 5'5'' blond hair, blue eyes, slim).

 

I did play it cool with this guy. When i am at work i did not respond to his texts until after work. I played it cool when we were supposed to see each other on Monday and he did not call me. I even still looked around on the dating site because i had a feeling this guy could be bad news.

 

I even said no when he wanted to kiss me on the first date.

[ut804]

look, I dated this guy once a few years ago. he did not play games. he called me. he made plans to see me in the near future (not two weeks). he did not look around for other girls to date. he did not play games. he meant what he said. he did not cancel dates. (I broke up with the guy forhis drug use)

 

But this is what I am looking for. a guy who is straight -forward and no nonsense. thats all i want.

 

and I dont play games. Im not going to ignore him or play hard to get, that is just stupid. i am an honest person.

[Batya33]

So when I dated different people at the same time before I was exclusive with one of them I was playing games? That's an odd way to look at it -I always thought I was being smart about not putting all my eggs in one basket too fast given my goal of marriage and in hindsight - it was the smartest way to go given where it got me to. The guys always assumed we were dating others until we were exclusive - typically didn't need to be discussed until one of us wanted to be exclusive.

 

I think you are playing games with yourself by allowing yourself to indulge in being so attached after two dates and instead of thinking about why you get so attached so quickly ,you blame the guy for playing games because he's keeping his options open after meeting you a few times. Again, if he promised to see you on a certain day and was unreliable,that's rude -nothing to do with dating - that's true of all plans you make with another person.

 

Darcy gave you great advice.

[ut804]

no, I know he is allowed to see other people. What I ment by his games were telling me that we would see each other on Monday then not calling. Texting me and then just not answer back. Making plans to see me on Friday and then canceling and not even calling me to cancel (I had to call him to find out what was going on). Then he tells me he can't see me because he had no money and then I find out he went out drinking that night.

 

you don't think that's playing games?

[Bunney]

I haven't read this thread other than the Original post, so I might repeat some things..

 

But IMO this guy sounds a bit weird and not really stable. I mean.. a guy I barely know telling me he looks at my fb pics "400 times" a day + gets jealous of the ones with guys in it.. I'd think he was a bit psycho actually. Usually those guys who act like you're some sort of queen in the beginning then slowly dropping you are really.. mentally damaged or something. Speaking from my own experience.

 

Just let him go and maybe be even glad it didn't go any further? Someone who is into you won't go 2 weeks without contact (also speaking from experience). He may be busy but noone's busy enough to not even send a small text or something. + I think if someone really cares, they will make time. Or he just has lots of other women going on.

 

 

To answer your question: yes. forget him

[ut804]

well he does make contact (a text every other day, doesn't really call though), it's just that he wants to go 2 weeks in-between dates.

 

but yeah i agree, i mean he can't see me for just one night a week? seeing me once every two weeks is the same as seeing me twice a month. and I'm mad because he told me on monday that he couldn't see me because he had no money and then i see on his facebook he went out drinking with friends last night.

 

it's over and done with. i am trying to move on and just forget him. he didn't contact me. i even took him off facebook.

 

thank you everyone for all of your time and opinions, more opions are still welcome though.

[Ms Darcy]

but yeah i agree, i mean he can't see me for just one night a week? seeing me once every two weeks is the same as seeing me twice a month. and I'm mad because he told me on monday that he couldn't see me because he had no money and then i see on his facebook he went out drinking with friends last night.

 

He "couldn't see you" because he didn't want to. Often, when a guy has lost interest he'll just stop contacting. Now for whatever reason, meeting you wasn't the thunderclap experience he expected and he lost interest. I understand you're attractive and that you're excited about his attractiveness, but that'll do nothing for you if his actions don't match his words.

 

He may be vaguely interested in you. He may just be trying to 'give you a hint.' Whatever it was, it didn't match his words and showed he's not that into you. I know that can hurt our pride, but that's what it boils down to. Sorry for that. Good luck on moving on.

[ut804]

so why ask to kiss me? so why take pictures of us together? so why say that he misses me? so why talk about future plans? so why say how beatiful i look? just why? you don't have to do these things on a date. its just so weird.

[Ms Darcy]

so why ask to kiss me? so why take pictures of us together? so why say that he misses me? so why talk about future plans? so why say how beatiful i look? just why? you don't have to do these things on a date. its just so weird.

 

It's the difference between "he's not into you" and "he's not THAT into you." There are women who date guys for years but the guy won't marry her. Then when he meets "the girl" then he'll run off and marry her. I've seen it twice. The question is, how could he stick around and make love to her, live with her, build a life if he wasn't into her? Because he wasn't "that" into her.

 

Understanding the difference between a guy who treats you like sex material and one who treats you like wife material will save you a lot of heartache in the end.

[HeartGoesOn]

so why ask to kiss me? so why take pictures of us together? so why say that he misses me? so why talk about future plans? so why say how beatiful i look? just why? you don't have to do these things on a date. its just so weird.

 

I agree, you don't have to do these things on a date, but unfortunately he didn't back up those words with actions, and that's exactly what you're refusing to address, and pay attention to.

 

I'm sorry that this happened, but try to look at this realistically, and allow yourself not to take it personally.

[Ariel85]

so why ask to kiss me? so why take pictures of us together? so why say that he misses me? so why talk about future plans? so why say how beatiful i look? just why? you don't have to do these things on a date. its just so weird.

 

Because he knew these kinds of lines would be effective on you. And clearly, he was right.

 

Learn to decifer between a guy who's sincere, and someone who is disingenuous. This guy played you like a fiddle from the start. Please understand that the kind of dynamic you thrive on just isn't healthy.

[BriarRose]

Yeah, I've had guys say and do those things, too. It seems so sincere at the time - and perhaps it even is. But it ends up either being fleeting or not sincere to begin with. It's hard because it feels so nice and you want to believe those things.....

[Batya33]

no, I know he is allowed to see other people. What I ment by his games were telling me that we would see each other on Monday then not calling. Texting me and then just not answer back. Making plans to see me on Friday and then canceling and not even calling me to cancel (I had to call him to find out what was going on). Then he tells me he can't see me because he had no money and then I find out he went out drinking that night.

 

you don't think that's playing games?

 

I already wrote several times that I think he behaved unreliably. I also think you focused far too much on his words which he probably meant at the time and not enough on the reality that you need to know someone over a period of time - usually months -to see if the actions and words are consistent. Instead you chose to get attached after two dates and continuously called him a game player for still being on the dating site. Glad you changed your mind about that.

[kelless]

Hi Ut804,

 

I joined this community after reading your posts to tell you I am going through exactly the same experience and can empathize with exactly what you are saying.

 

I was at a bar with a friend and this guy after looking at me for 30 minutes bought me a drink. We talked and he seemed like such a nice guy n genuine too. He texted me as soon as I went home and we set up a dinner date for the following Wednesday. We had a good time, he told me a lot about himself, his past where he is at etc.. We kissed and there was so much chemistry and passion that we could barely keep our kinds off each other. The next day I had go to overseas for a business trip for a few days and when I got back he needed to go overseas as well for his work for a week. During the time I was away and he was away we texted each other and kept up with one or two phonecalls.

 

I really liked him and thought as soon as he got back he would want to see me just as much as I would want to see him. So just the eve before he got back I started texting him trying to make plans to see each other that weekend. He was totally evasive about it all and I couldn't get an answer out of him as to when he was available to see me again. That Saturday after he got back I sent like 2 or 3 texts to him saying that I missed him and would like to catch up sometime on the weekend but he ever replied and when he did ... he responded with BS like "Just went to the gym and had a haircut =)". He knows obviously I was anxious because I had sent several texts already, but still he didn't say anything about meeting up with me. Anyway, I did what you did and got pretty pissed pretty fast and did the stupid thing of sending him the last text that basically told him to piss off. On Sunday night, I thought about it I thought I was reacting irrationally for a guy that I have just met and regardless, who cares in dating you usually need to go through a couple of duds before you get yourself together and find someone who is more consistent and worthwhile. So, I sent him a text basically saying that I was eager to see him and was disappointed that he didn't really respond to me. He could have just said he was busy and that would have been ok. In any case, I am ok with him not calling me again but just don't want to either of us to have any "bad blood" or bad feelings about meeting each other, afterall I enjoyed our first date and it was good meeting him.

The next day, I tried to keep myself busy and had drinks with a friend and for all you know he sends me a text in the middle of my outing with my friend saying "Yo... how you doing?". Having decided that I actually need to be less straight up and unfortunately "play the game" like it needs to be played, I didn't respond to him. I moved to another bar for drinks with my friend (the same bar I met this guy) 45 minutes later and bumped into him. I invited him to join me and my friend for drinks and pretty soon we started talking and it's all lovey dovey again. My friend left and we continued and went into a major make out session.

 

Now, I am hoping to see him again before he heads back to the US for Christmas this Friday/Saturday for a week. Emailed him today asking him whether we can meet up on Thursday night. Evasive answer again.

 

So after all of this, I am fairly fed up. I, like you, are a beautiful, intelligent woman. Unfortunately we probably have a head too big for our own good and are used to guys falling at our feet rather than playing mind games with us. So when somebody challenges us and our desirability we get pretty anxious about it. Too soon we start sending a million texts and try to get answers from a guy who is never going to give you the answer you want. However, we both know that if the guy doesn't want to respond you the first time, he is not interested in responding you the second time if you keep up with the same persistent line of questioning.

 

I don't think guys blow us hot and cold necessarily for any particular motives, don't believe what you read about the Casanova type trying to hook you in. It's all BS. Bottom line is, this type of guy don't care about your anxiousness or is dating someone else or just wants to keep all the attention to himself. Just continue to be yourself, if someone wants to blow you off, let them have a taste of their own medicine and blow them back off. I have seen this type of guy a good few times. Blow them back off a couple of times and sooner or later they will succumb to it if they are really interested in you and will be all over your feet again and be caught in their own game. And trust me... after having the ball thrown around a court a few times like this, when you do get his full attention unequivocally... you will really see how pathetic he is and you would want to dump him and move onto the next guy who actually likes you for you and is happy to give you the attention that you need.

 

Meanwhile, I know it's a hard pill to swallow to have someone blow you off a few times, what I find really helps is instead of looking at the phone constantly, switch it off, put on a movie, go out shopping, go for drinks with friends. Mentally schedule in this time as your own "me" time and that you are unavailable to think about anything else but do the activity that you have scheduled in for yourself. Do not call, text or email him at all. You have shown him your cards, he needs to show him yours. In case of extreme emergency and you find yourself that you must have contact with him. Do a short text, always say something neutral but honest, e.g. I guess you never called me back and I take it you are busy/unavailable/not interested. In any case, I enjoyed meeting you and perhaps we can still be friends? Men always go crazy and start their chasing again as soon as you start suggesting that perhaps you should just be friends.

 

In any case, ut804, I know you are like me, both used to 100% attention from guys that we meet. Know that you are a great catch, believe in yourself, no matter how much this guy makes you feel like a needy b**ch, because you are not. Sounds cliche, but I know a million other guys would want to date you and treat you right if you just see the bigger picture.

[BriarRose]

I didn't read all these posts, only OP's thread. All I can say is I would have never agreed to see him again after he made Monday's date with me and then never called. Sorry, but in my book that falls under "being stood up". I wouldn't have given him the time of day after that, and his subsequent hot/cold behavior after that doesn't surprise me in the least.

[ut804]

kelles,

 

thank you for your advice and sharing your story.

 

Here's an update (I know this post is really old lol, sorry): sometime after he sent me a text saying "hey whats up" in which i happily ignored

I don't play mind games, I like guys who show consistent behavior.

[BriarRose]

kelles,

 

thank you for your advice and sharing your story.

 

Here's an update (I know this post is really old lol, sorry): sometime after he sent me a text saying "hey whats up" in which i happily ignored

I don't play mind games, I like guys who show consistent behavior.

 

Glad you ignored it. There were so many times I fell back into someone's charms after not having heard from them for awhile. Not once did it ever turn out that they really cared. They were just between women, bored, wanted to know that I was still available, etc. I guess that is why I feel the way I do now when I hear these kinds of things.