newwave Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 This is a new one. Everyone knows my aversion to dating dads so won't go there now. Anyway a friend introduced me to a guy friend of hers. He has three kids by two different moms and is currently going through a divorce. He seemed nice until he told me that, but I told him we could hang out together with my friend and her husband but don't expect anything else (normally I'd tell the guy I didn't even want to hang out but a few mentioned maybe these guys know single friends). He said he was looking for a relationship with me because he felt I'd be a good step mom and they are hard to find. I told him that this wouldn't be happening, and why didn't he consider dating single moms. His answer? because they have too much baggage. So let me get this straight, you had your first child and never married the mom, you married your second wife, and told her you would leave her if she didn't stay at home to be a mom to your first kid and your other two, you told her that if she didn't breastfeed both kids for two years you would cheat, you actually did cheat, and she dumped you. So now she's suing him for additional child support and has said (according to him) she'll sue for more if he gets an increase in money. To me he's got more baggage than most people! Link to comment
Dako Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 So you can use this to bolster your decision to avoid those with baggage. Just as he does. Link to comment
newwave Posted July 31, 2010 Author Share Posted July 31, 2010 Well, I'm still not going to date dads, I just found he was hypocritical. Honestly, what woman would want to date a guy like him? Link to comment
Stay_home Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Next time, listen to what your instincts are telling you from the beginning. Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 holy cow. He is one huge loser. I would just leave the date without saying good bye after hearing all that information. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 your friend didn't do a good job of setting you up. Link to comment
newwave Posted July 31, 2010 Author Share Posted July 31, 2010 The funny thing is my friend is always telling me to lower my standards by dating dads and this is the guy she means? Yeah he was awful on many levels. Plus he kept trying to touch me and that I didn't like and told him. Certainly not all dads are like him, but hard for her to make her point about me settling when she hooked me up with this loser. He was also a chauvinist too and kept calling women various names. Link to comment
Clarity Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Just sounds like a dud all-around, not necessarily because he's a dad. Link to comment
luminousone Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 OMG Run, RUN RUN the other way! I can't even believe he told you all that about himself... Demanding she breastfeed or he would cheat on her?? That's just psycho... Link to comment
Dixi Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 The funny thing is my friend is always telling me to lower my standards by dating dads and this is the guy she means? Yeah he was awful on many levels. Plus he kept trying to touch me and that I didn't like and told him. Certainly not all dads are like him, but hard for her to make her point about me settling when she hooked me up with this loser. He was also a chauvinist too and kept calling women various names. The guy sounds like a jerk but that has nothing to do with him being a dad, a jerk is a jerk regardless of whether they have kids or not, same as a good man is a good man regardless of them being a dad. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Just sounds like a dud all-around, not necessarily because he's a dad. He is a duddy dad.....or a daddy dud Actually, I remember reading a post on this forum about someone who was a single mom and did not want to be with a man who has children of his own. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 I don't have kids and I have never been married, but I don't understand this idea of refusal to date people with kids. It's a concept that I will never understand. Being a parent is part of life for most people. They are not "baggage", they are people. To each his own, but I don't get it. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 I don't have kids and I have never been married, but I don't understand this idea of refusal to date people with kids. It's a concept that I will never understand. Being a parent is part of life for most people. They are not "baggage", they are people. To each his own, but I don't get it. I can understand not wanting to date someone with children if you yourself don't have children. Not everyone is into children...not everyone wants to go on "family outings" and that is ultimately what would happen if the relationship gets serious. I never wanted children..I am not into the whole kids thing. I would not have wanted to date a man with children because I have no interest in doing all the kids outings and having vacations to Disneyworld. At this point in my life many of the men my age will have children who are young adults so that is okay...however, then there is the whole issue of grandchildren and so you have to deal with the partner having the grandchildren around. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 Honestly, I don't see his refusal being any more ridiculous than your refusal to date single dads. His is hypocritical, and yours is based on the fact that you are so insanely jealous you don't want anyone to have come before you, nor do you want children to come before you. I see a lot of judgment here and I think that probably hinders you from finding who you want in life. Excessively judgmental people are normally not that pleasant to be around. Link to comment
newwave Posted August 1, 2010 Author Share Posted August 1, 2010 Honestly, I don't see his refusal being any more ridiculous than your refusal to date single dads. His is hypocritical, and yours is based on the fact that you are so insanely jealous you don't want anyone to have come before you, nor do you want children to come before you. I see a lot of judgment here and I think that probably hinders you from finding who you want in life. Excessively judgmental people are normally not that pleasant to be around. In my case, I don't have kids, he does. He thinks he deserves to date women without kids. My reasons for not dating guys with kids don't have to do with being jealous, they have to do with I don't want to support someone else's kids nor deal with someone else's kids. Link to comment
newwave Posted August 1, 2010 Author Share Posted August 1, 2010 OMG Run, RUN RUN the other way! I can't even believe he told you all that about himself... Demanding she breastfeed or he would cheat on her?? That's just psycho... His demanding she breastfeed was far worse than that. He would force her to be topless around the house while nursing because "baby comes first". He wouldn't even let her use a bottle at all. He was "bragging" about a situation where they went out to dinner and he made her take the baby with (because he refused to let her use a bottle because "baby needs boob"). So the baby needed to eat and he wouldn't even let her cover up. He actually grabbed her breasts and yelled at her to feed the baby in front of everyone without the cover. She started crying and he told her she was put on this earth to do this. Yeah I can see why she left him. Link to comment
Go Habs Go Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 This guy would be a loser, even if he wasn't a father. Run and don't look back. Link to comment
Jetta Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 OMG what a frightening scenerio. I can't believe a "friend" would set you up with someone like this. I'd write off that friend and cut them both out of my life. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 What a dud. He sounds like a real loser from the stuff that he told you. He has a lot of gall having all that baggage and crappy attitude to come around and demand to only date people who don't have any. Link to comment
newwave Posted August 1, 2010 Author Share Posted August 1, 2010 He was terrible and I am mad at my friend for even setting him up. I know she's been trying to get me to date dads, but this isn't the way to do it. Yet he thinks he's too good to date moms? He's not good enough for anyone. Link to comment
blueeyedme Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 When my daughters were younger, I would ONLY date single moms because they are the only one's who get it. This guy's take is all backwards as far as I am concerned and his kids don't seem to be much of a priority to him. He should be avoided. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 Newwave, some people (like your friend) think that just because we are still single at a certain age that we will date anyone. Obviously, that's not true. I would let it go, but I certainly would not go out with someone again based on any of her recommendations. Link to comment
LightbulbSun Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 Wow, he sounds like a real tool. Link to comment
newwave Posted August 1, 2010 Author Share Posted August 1, 2010 Newwave, some people (like your friend) think that just because we are still single at a certain age that we will date anyone. Obviously, that's not true. I would let it go, but I certainly would not go out with someone again based on any of her recommendations. I'm getting that a lot. Many people are telling me how picky I am and I need to lower my expectations. I have lowered my expectations but will not just take any guy. I'd rather be alone than miserable. Link to comment
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