Is it good to give a child a lot of affection?

[quirky]

My sister left my nephew with us for a day and I was wondering about this. We were all holding the baby a lot, talking to him, cuddling him and all. We are all warm, tactile and loving family. My sister said that children that are raised with a lot of love and affection become more confident and independent. I thought that maybe if you receive a lot of love you will be missing it when you grow up. What do you think?

[FortunateOne]

Yes, I believe it's good to give a child a lot of affection. Take a look at John Bowlby's "Attachment Theory" (1969) to understand why the child needs a positive caregiver relationship for healthy mental development.

 

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[jengh]

I didn't really receive much affection when I was little and I'm convinced that's part of why I'm so needy and codependent with my boyfriend. I've always felt very unloved and it's really affected me in terms of self-esteem.

 

I think giving a child lots of love and affection is definitely a good thing. I don't have any stats to back it up right now, but it was discussed to quite a bit in my social work and sociology courses.

[EternalSingle]

My sister left my nephew with us for a day and I was wondering about this. We were all holding the baby a lot, talking to him, cuddling him and all. We are all warm, tactile and loving family. My sister said that children that are raised with a lot of love and affection become more confident and independent. I thought that maybe if you receive a lot of love you will be missing it when you grow up. What do you think?

 

I am torn on this.

 

We coddle our children and pretend to them that the world is quite different to what it actually is. When they are adults (the majority of their lives) they realise and recognise that the world is an indifferent, often times cruel place and inevitably face disappointment, pain and resentment because the illusions we fed them were just that, illusions. In short, childhood is a fantasy and I often wonder as to the necessity of feeding into that fantasy.

 

I don't think they will miss it though, more likely than not they will yearn for it less if only because it was always a present force in their lives as compared to a loveless child such as myself and others.

[quirky]

Yeah, I was thinking similar to EternalSingle.

 

I'm wondering if you receive a lot of love as a child it is then easier to offer it back in our adult relationships?

[troytoburn]

YES. Affection is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!

[anya1607307555]

I'm wondering if you receive a lot of love as a child it is then easier to offer it back in our adult relationships?

 

Yes, I believe this to be true. An affectionate child usually becomes an affectionate adult, and is more capable of giving (and therefore receiving) love from others. Which in turn builds self-acceptance and confidence.

[troytoburn]

I am torn on this.

 

We coddle our children and pretend to them that the world is quite different to what it actually is. When they are adults (the majority of their lives) they realise and recognise that the world is an indifferent, often times cruel place and inevitably face disappointment, pain and resentment because the illusions we fed them were just that, illusions. In short, childhood is a fantasy and I often wonder as to the necessity of feeding into that fantasy.

 

I don't think they will miss it though, more likely than not they will yearn for it less if only because it was always a present force in their lives as compared to a loveless child such as myself and others.

 

I respectively, but fervently disagree. Being affectionate to your child does not mean pulling the wool over their eyes. The point is to teach your child that they need to confidently face the world around them because they matter. Children who were not (or rarely) validated can have very difficult adult lives.

[EternalSingle]

I respectively, but fervently disagree. Being affectionate to your child does not mean pulling the wool over their eyes. The point is to teach your child that they need to confidently face the world around them because they matter. Children who were not (or rarely) validated can have very difficult adult lives.

 

That they matter is purely subjective and that is the point. A child may matter to the parents but is likely wholly irrelevant to the rest of the world. Teaching a child this and garbing him/her with illusions does nothing to help. An alternative would be to teach children the truth, not in a negative way but in a neutral one and they would be better equipped to handle the world.

[FortunateOne]

That they matter is purely subjective and that is the point. A child may matter to the parents but is likely wholly irrelevant to the rest of the world. Teaching a child this and garbing him/her with illusions does nothing to help. An alternative would be to teach children the truth, not in a negative way but in a neutral one and they would be better equipped to handle the world.

 

What academic peer reviewed studies can back up this statement?

[agent1607307371]

Babies that don't get a lot of affection turn into adults who are incapable of connecting.

Especially, in the early years. The first months and the way we're treated then are incredibly important to the kind of person we become.

 

(Check out "They F^*k You Up" by Oliver James)

[EternalSingle]

What academic peer reviewed studies can back up this statement?

 

I don't need a single academic study to back up that statement. It is a fact. We are all just carbon based life forms, here for a moment, gone the next, born of serendipity into the web of life, the fifth ape, in an indifferent universe that does not care a wit for us. How long has our species been here? 100,000 years perhaps? Not even a blink within the vastness of geological time. To cope, we surround ourselves with illusions to feed out egos and nowhere is this more apparent than with children. I realise this will never come to pass but the truth is that embracing the truth, despite the fact that it is bleak, may allow us to find some rare glimpse of true happiness, bereft of delusions of purpose. self-importance and meaning. To become an adult, a true adult is to shake off the illusions of comfort that we were fed as a child and accept our place in the world and the universe for what it is; most people never do this and I realise I am 'speaking' to deaf ears.

 

"Life is at the start a chaos in which one is lost. The individual suspects this, but he is frightened at finding himself face to face with this terrible reality, and tries to cover it up with a curtain of fantasy, where everything is clear. It does not worry him that his ideas are not true, he uses them as trenches for the defense of his existence, as scarecrows to frighten away reality."

-Jose Ortega Gasset

[agent1607307371]

I don't need a single academic study to back up that statement. It is a fact.

 

Based on what?

[EternalSingle]

Based on what?

 

Based on our status within the universe. Are you claiming otherwise?

[gsxr104]

Absolutely ! Any and all kinds of stimulation [audible, visual, etc..] is good for a child.

[FortunateOne]

That's funny. It looks to me like yours is the ad hominem directed at me. I did not want to tell you to f-off, I merely cited the irrelevance of peer reviewed academic studies in light of our status as homon sapiens within our world and universe and how children are coddled to believe things that are not true and then they wake up as adults as spent far too much time attempting to reconcile this their current experiences with the illusions and delusions of their childhood past. Thank you for the ad hominem; you have slickly avoided addressing my argument.

 

I'm not avoiding the main topic of early infant psychological development. I've yet to see a counterpoint from you that does not involve a rant about the universe and athropology. I guess I'll rephrase the argument under a Hegelian approach:

 

Thesis: Attachmeng Theory by John Bowlby (1969)

 

Antithesis: You point of view

 

Synthesis: The logical intelligent product of the thesis and antithesis.

 

Query: Whats your antithesis?

[EternalSingle]

I'm not avoiding the main topic of early infant psychological development. I've yet to see a counterpoint from you that does not involve a rant about the universe and athropology. I guess I'll rephrase the argument under a Hegelian approach:

 

Thesis: Attachmeng Theory by John Bowlby (1969)

 

Antithesis: You point of view

 

Synthesis: The logical intelligent product of the thesis and antithesis.

 

Query: Whats your antithesis?

 

It's hardly a rant. You claim that ontology is not relevant to childhood development. I disagree. I think we will have to leave it at that.

[thebluest]

People give love and affection in different ways. I mean, how is it possible to answer this question? People are trying to answer it scientifically, biologically, chemically, but really, it all depends on how you're defining this 'love and affection' that is apparently good/bad, and how you determine if an outcome is good/bad.

 

I mean, I grew up in an Asian family. I can't remember ever being kissed by my dad, even though there are videos of him holding and hugging me at 3-4 so it must have happened. However, my dad shows his affection by being a constant rock in my family. He is ever constant, ever reliable, ever present. He will lecture me and try to bend me to his system of values, he use to even spank me before I was a teenager (I know!) Now, I grew up with a very strong, and individualistic system and values, and I feel happy and accomplished in work, family, friends, career and relationship, and no way stunted. Even if my dad doesn't give me hugs, his affection is constantly present in every aspect of my life. I feel like I have this wonderful teacher and protector.

 

The touchy feely kind of love and affection may not be appropriate for all children either. Not that the alternative is cold and distant. With a baby, it's hard to tell, but as soon as a child shows some sort of individual personality, I think that any growth and development should be tailored to that individual, not cookie cutter type of a treatment.

[FortunateOne]

It's hardly a rant. You claim that ontology is not relevant to childhood development. I disagree. I think we will have to leave it at that.

 

I think you are using ontology in the phylosophical sense, not the information technology sense, but we are discussing psychology. I really don't know what ancient Greek phylosophy has to do with building an emotinal self esteme security blanket around an infant? I guess we will leave at that.

[Seraphim]

Affection is VERY critical to human development. I always lavished attention and affection on my son from his first minutes of life literally. He is a very loving and gentle person. If you do not receive affection and tactile stimulation from infancy and later you grow up severely emotionally stunted and even physically not up to par.

[itsallgrand]

I think it's great to give children, especially babies, lots of attention and affection.

 

From what I have seen, I very strongly believe that to not do so can actually do some quite lasting damage to a child.

 

The opposite of what you are saying: that a child that misses out on it early will go seeking it throughout life, often in maladaptive ways.

 

Of course though it's important to balance affection with encouraging a child to be independent and to grow, but I think having that security of knowing "people stand behind me" helps a child to want to take the natural steps to wish to grow.

 

There are extremes, like smothering a child.

 

It's funny you brought this up as on the one side of my family, which has seen the new addition of a few babies - we are talking BABIES - many of the family were complaining about one mom and a few of us extended family "coddling the baby, don't do it!".

 

It's a baby!! I think a baby is better off getting extra rubs on the back and kisses than being left in the crib for extended periods of time!!!

[Seraphim]

[/b]

 

Yes, I never let anyone tell me the frequency with which to hold and cuddle my baby. How you are cuddled and paid attention to lends exactly to how you value yourself in the world and by other people. It is integral to self esteem. My son I feel has lots of esteem. He is proud of himself and is starting to really pick up on his independance. He is loving and supportive to others. He pretty much had almost complete physical contact with me till he was 5 months old. Even after he was always physically close. Even now at 12 he is hugged many times a day and told he is loved.

[Hope75]

My sister left my nephew with us for a day and I was wondering about this. We were all holding the baby a lot, talking to him, cuddling him and all. We are all warm, tactile and loving family. My sister said that children that are raised with a lot of love and affection become more confident and independent. I thought that maybe if you receive a lot of love you will be missing it when you grow up. What do you think?

 

Your sister is right, studies have shown that children who are raised in a attachment parenting environment tend to grow up to be confident independent adults.

 

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Plus, when you are a parent, going by instinct (which generally tells you to hold, cuddle, and soothe an upset child, and show loving behaviors towards children) has been shown to follow the same theory.

 

That's once of the reasons there is so much heated debate about the Cry It Out method with infants who wake during the night needing their parents to soothe them back to sleep.

[Capricorn3]

My sister said that children that are raised with a lot of love and affection become more confident and independent.

I agree with your sister!! She's 100% on the right track (imo). Yes, it IS extremeley important to give a child a lot of love and affection. I've witnessed kids who never had it and it's the saddest thing to see how it affected them.

 

Listen to your sister.

[Capricorn3]

It's a baby!! I think a baby is better off getting extra rubs on the back and kisses than being left in the crib for extended periods of time!!!

^^ YES!! I never ever left my babies to cry it out. I knew a woman once who believed in the "cry it out method" and it was heartbreaking to see her baby screaming in it's crib. Whenever I saw that happening, I asked her if I can pick him up and she always let me. Almost instantly the baby stopped crying after I soothed him a little while. He was so exhausted from screaming that he was actually drenched in sweat! Oh god, just thinking about it now makes me want to cry. It was awful.