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Did you say you don’t do ultimatums because you figured I’d choose the life I’ve built over you? Because the life I’ve built is exactly what lead me to loosing you.

Did you say you don’t do ultimatums because you’re testing me? I felt like I knew you and I didn’t see you as someone that would give me a test like this.

I don’t plan on contacting you but i have a strong feeling you’ll contact me. Maybe it’s hope.

I hope you do because if you presented me with this “ultimatum” I wouldn’t hesitate for a second. It would be you.

Hopes without action are just that and there is nothing I want to say or do to change your decision. If it’s not you but it will be someone like you.

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If you ever find conscience, or wonder how we ended up here, just remind yourself of how you chose lies over truth. Deceit over honesty.

Be honest about your disrespect for a woman who was healing and yet you still proceeded to bluff and manipulate.

Know that the fault, came the moment poison fell from your lips and fingertips.


And isn't it sad that in the end, the only thing that was unequivocally serious and real about us, were your lies.


And what of promises?

Those cozy knitted words you'd weave and dress me in, that looked so pretty and gave such warmth.

Nothing more than a fake future of glittering words it seems.

I ask, How could I ever be comfortable, bound in such itchy knit?


You planted the seed, but didn't nourish the sapling.

No flower, nor tree could ever flourish with rotted root.

Sadly, this loving garden was no more than a notion that even God's could not manifest.


So If you ever find yourself blaming me, or being angry. If you hate me for being smart enough to see through lies, or sleuthing after uncovering such acts of cruelty and being curious to really see the extent of it all…

See none of this was my fault.

Understand why I did not want to succumb to less than that of which I was initially sold.

Remember my emotions were all born of your horrible choices.


I was true. I was authentic. I fought for you.

I never flaked, never lied, never concealed...

And I never pulled anyone down because I felt insecure, incomplete, or less of a human being.


You on the other hand…



Lies hurt people. Lies hurt friendships and lies defiantly, rot this flower from seed to petal.

I am hurting. I miss you still.

Held by the Trauma bond you've made in me.

Well, God bless therapy!


The only redemption now, is telling me the truth.

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I'm so angry that I still haven't found someone that gave me butterflies like you did. How can so much passion lead to so much toxicity and hatred. You appear so happy with your new wife while I am stuck. Stuck in a rut thinking of what should have been my future. I want to forgive you so bad but I just cant. Not yet.

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Three years now since I left, almost. I was doing so well and yet in the last two weeks I've had more dreams of you and your kids than in the last year. It's been a struggle lately.


Our city is having its fair this weekend. The last two years I avoided it but yesterday a road was closed so I had to take a detour past it. All the memories came rushing back of the last time I was there with you, your boys and our friends. I remember your one son biking there to meet us and having to fix his bike because the chain came off on the way. Your kids may have been as close as I ever get to having kids of my own and I miss that.


I had to leave all of that life behind but it was still bittersweet. I know you have them still thinking I was garbage for cutting you all off and it still hurts. I almost want to drop by and say hi to our friends working there but it's in the past and I can't do anything to change that. I can't be friends with them because it would mean being around you and missing their birthday parties etc...none of them deserve a friend like that who comes only on condition that you're not around.


I got an invite tonight to the casino for a coworker's 21st birthday but I turned it down. I hate that place now since the nightclub there is where I would take you to dance on Friday nights sometimes. We were terrible dancers and hated the "kids music" but dancing with you...it felt like no one else was around. Just us dorks dancing like fools. God I miss that...and I HATE dancing. But with you it was so much fun.


I remember going to the Dells with you and your kids and leaving them to go to the local club. We paid to get in and danced like idiots among all the 20 somethings to maybe two songs we didn't know. Then we left. To this day I can't think of a single couple that had our chemistry...when you weren't wasted or high. I hope you never find that same chemistry again because I feel I never will. When we were on, we kicked some serious butt.


Still moving forward. Still missing you and the life I had with your family and our friends. They're all yours now so I hope you treat them well. I hope you're over your addictions and everyone is happy. But I hope you all never forget me.

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I know you don't ever think of me. It doesn't seem that I cross your mind the way you do mine

I thought what we had was a special bond

But after all this maybe I'm wrong

If you can move on and marry another like I dont exist

Maybe you needed me more like a kid and their blanket

I went tonight knowing you may be there

You weren't. But it turns out you were concerned whether I was going to be.

I feel right now that I won't ever forgive you

I hate that though. It shouldn't be true

But this heart knows why

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I cared about you more than you are probably thinking right now. I cared about you because you made me laugh, you didn't pressure me into sex, we usually got along good, you thought of me and bought me snacks that you knew I loved, you took me on the best dates, you gave me sudden kisses on the cheek out of nowhere, you were the best cuddler, you messaged me many times a day, and I cared about you because no one else did. I so badly wanted you to feel loved, I so badly wanted to give you hope that your life will be a happy one.


I knew how much I made your life better, so I cared about you even though you were 18 years younger than me. I cared about you even though we had very different values, goals, interests, hobbies, and lifestyles. I cared about you even though you rarely listened to my responses, you just wanted someone to talk at. I cared about you even though you rarely showed an interest in my past, my childhood, my life before you, or any part of my life that didn't pertain to you.


As time went on, the bad outweighed the good for me. There was still good, of course, but the bad got more unbearable. Our differences got more unbearable. I wanted you to see that these differences always kept our relationship from moving forward like you wanted it to. I didn't want to hurt you by making your world come crashing down in one instant. My first and primary thought was that I didn't want to hurt you. But you seemed ok with us being so different. Maybe when you're around my age you will know it takes more than love to keep people happy in a relationship.


I was unsure of how to go about ending our relationship. I expressed this feeling to a friend on Facebook in a place where I thought my thoughts were safe. But a stranger screenshotted my comment and sent it to you in a private message, and at first I thought you shouldn't be surprised since we already talked about this. But maybe you didn't realize how much these doubts were eating away at me. When you ended it, only a small part of me was relieved. The bigger part of me was crushed just knowing that you were in worse pain than I was. I feel intense pain at just the thought of you in pain. Should I have ended it months ago? Should I have ended it before it even started? I don't think so. Because I am glad you got to have this experience even for a short time, and I am glad I was able to give it to you. You can have this again only even better with someone who is a better fit for you. And I as well.


And for the love of God, in your next relationship, PLEASE listen to her when she talks. Please respond to her and not just turn the conversation back to yourself. Please ask questions about her life and not just dominate every conversation with yours. And I hope you find someone who is a better fit for you because they ARE out there. You are young, you have way more time left than I do. Don't lose hope. I will be happier just knowing you are happier. I just wish I had a way of knowing. I really hope someday you can contact me again. If not, I will always care about you in my heart.

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Every so often, I think back to you. I mean yes, it could be that you were the only guy I'd loved in the last 5 years, or could be that certain things i see or hear would bring me back to the past. OR it could be that for over 3 years I had loved you and for those 3 years they are years Ill never be able to get back.


I sometimes wish that I didn't fall so hard for you. You taught me so much, but I really wish I could rewind to the days when you didn't exist. I could have given my love to someone that actually deserved it.


We go through phases where we talk and then don't. I block u then unblock and we are friends then not. Rinse repeat, chaos personified. Even though I no longer have the same feelings and don't care for you as I did before, I still remember the intensity of how I felt at one stage. I really genuinely thought you were it. Even though I don't care now, the discrepancy of the now to what was still feels very weird and surreal.


So this brings me to what I want to say. A week and a half ago, we were talking about something and your response to something I d said to you made me stop and think.


I don't think I'll be able to talk to you ever again. Our weak attempts at friendship isn't going to work. I'd prefer to stay strangers. It's better this way.

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How dare you tell me that mistreating me for two years doesnt have to be 'we didn't mesh well because we arent right for eachother"? You take take take... you thrive on sapping the life from your partner, and then blame your 'lifeless partner' on compatibility. If I wasnt on pre-workout right now I probably wouldnt say this, but you are predator on the jungle floor waiting for the next prey to walk by. And you mask it with your smile, fun personality, and bad habits. And now you want to 'be friends'. No thanks, I choose to not be friends with someone who hurt me for two years, and then broke my heart, when I gave you everything I thought you deservfed

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I have good days where I mostly forget about you, but its apparent that im distracting myself with women and alcohol. Its been 7 months. Feeling this way is sucks. I fully believe that you were over me in an instant. That I probably never cross your mind. That you feel fully justified in your decision and that it was all my fault. It such bull$hit bc I tried with us. I put out the effort. I was good to you. You mostly just took in the relationship and never gave. It was all about what benefited you. But you walked away pain-free and I carried the burden of it all (and still do). I guess that was fitting and matched up with our relationship.


Now I am forcefully telling myself that you are gone forever and I will never hear from you again. I'm at the point of having to do this bc I still cling to hope that one day you'll realize your mistake and come crawling back. But that is not healthy and not likely. Even if you did, I cant stick around waiting. I really just want to be over you. I want to remember you with no painful memories. I dont want to long for you anymore. I dont want to feel like I "lost". Maybe one day.

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Hi Stranger,


Funny thing, after all these years I dreamed of you last night. Why? I have no idea. But it made me start thinking about my journey. About what made me the person I am today so maybe this is the universe saying “Look at where you are. You are blessed, be thankful.”


I thought I would never be able to heal after our break up. I loved you more than words could ever express. I truly believed we would spend our lives together. I thought you would be the father of my children and the one I grew old with. You broke things off suddenly because you were told I was cheating, I wasn’t, and it was too late by the time you figured it out. I had started dating someone new in an attempt to move on. It is true that I still loved you deeply at that time and if I’m being honest, I will always have love for you but I was too afraid to give our relationship another chance. I didn’t think I could handle opening that wound again.


Fast forward a few years, for the second time you write me out of the blue wanting to rekindle what we had in the past. I had started dating a new man and felt like I owed it to myself and to him to explore the possibilities in this new relationship. I knew I deserved to be loved the way that I had loved you and I was hoping he would be the one. Don’t get me wrong, I was very tempted to come running back to you both times you attempted to reconnect but looking back I think things played out just how they were meant to be.


I’m married now with children and a husband who adores me. I have a successful career that allows me the freedom to travel which is what I always dreamed of doing. Most importantly, I am happy and my family is healthy.


I would like to wish bad things upon you for the torture you put me through but I can’t do that. I hope you found someone else who can give you the kind of love that I once gave you. I hope you have children now because that is the purest form of love any person can ever receive. Most of all, I hope you are happy and I want to thank you for leading me to the life I always deserved.





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Our 9 year old is crying in her room brcause its picture day and she can't get her hair to work. Sad because the only picture she liked was her grade primary one (shes in grade 4) because that was the ladt time "you and mommy were together and shes not here now". With all the crap kids have to go through about self conscious issues its piled on for her because mommy decided to someone else behind daddy's back instead of talking and being an adult

She sees you all the time since we're 50/50 but you're not there the other 50 . On purpose.

I know your cokd hearted was will brush this off as nothing . It's all good shape can text you for advice . But the text doesnt show the tears.

I hope she remembers times like these and when she's old enough to understand fully it was your choice to only be with them half the time this little girl let's you know how sad it made her and I hope you feel the pain

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It's been basically two months since we last spoke and I still think about you every. single. day. I miss you so damn much. I'd give anything to go back to the way we were, but you've moved on (or back depending how you look at it) and so must I. I'm honestly trying but it's so hard. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever feel the happiness I felt with you again - I definitely hadn't before we met and I sure as hell haven't since.


It kills me knowing you're back with him, not giving a damn about me, after every moment we shared, every good thing you said about me and every bad thing you said about him. Empty words. Meaningless lies that have me questioning our whole time together. But it's not worth thinking about, it only hurts me to do so.


I need to move on. I wish you'd just get out of my head and out of my heart. I don't condone the way that you acted, but I understand and would even say I forgive you. The fact that you've simply cut me out of your life since he came back makes it so hard not to resent you though. Was I always this meaningless? ****. I shouldn't even want you anymore but I still do. I don't know what to do with myself.


I'll keep moving forward and one day I will get better, but I honestly don't see a day in my future where your name doesn't cause my heart to ache. It feels so unfair...

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Happy birthday. I have two things I wish I could tell you.


1: I do still feel sorry for forgetting your birthday multiple times. I hope you can understand that it had nothing to do with you nor how I felt about you, but simply how birthdays always are for me. I've forgotten my own birthday perhaps more times than I have remembered. You deserve to feel special on your birthday -- everyone does on their birthday.


2: I'd wanted to make this birthday a really special one for you. After so many years of things being hard for us (and consequentially, you), of having to deal with life on your birthday, and and so on... I'd been intending for years to get you the dog you always wanted.


Stay safe; stay well; stay happy; stay you.

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I have no idea who I am. I have no clue what I’m doing. I don’t know what I enjoy doing. No clue about my future and no clue about my past. I’ve never been more vulnerable.

I know you’re two weeks ahead of me and in two weeks I hope I feel the way you do now. I will never forget you though and I will never thank you for leaving me like this but I wanted to say it so someone read it. Thank you.

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I dreamt about you last night and it caused me to wake up in the middle of the night. First time that's happened in a good few weeks. The weird thing is that in the dream I wasn't begging for you to come back, in fact I wasn't even happy to see you. I told you to go away and leave me alone whilst I enjoyed finding myself again and being happy without you. Maybe this means I'm finally turning a corner and moving on... then again seeing as I feel the need to write this maybe not. Who knows...


Still missing you hugely, but feeling positive and genuinely excited about what the future holds for the first time - even without you in it. Hope you're well I guess.

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A couple of days ago, I received a friend request from a guy whose initials are RS. whom I strongly believe is your close friend. I dig deeper and found out that he was married to woman whose name starts with an A. It didn't take a genius to figure out that this was someone you knew and I blocked him. You told me to get out of your personal space and I did JUST so. You are free to live your life with NO interference from me. Why the smear campaign? We don't have the same friends or even run in the same circles- nothing you say will even get back to me. I had been detaching from you since January of this year. My first two failed attempts of no contact were me merely practicing for the final departure. Your elevated levels of cruelty gave me the strength to leave for a lifetime. You were in a position of strength when YOU left ME--but you made the mistake of trying to hoover me. You insulted my intelligence thinking you could tell me to get the F away from you, looking like Satan himself, then call me 6 days later, offering no apologies, like nothing had happened. I used that opportunity to turn around and discard YOU permanently and crush your ego all at the same time-- but not BEFORE calling you out on your BS.


YOUR family keeps their distance from YOU- not vice versa. You spent the last year and a half "getting revenge" on me for having you arrested for domestic violence; in other words, standing up for myself and enforcing boundaries. Remember this: your mother, your grown daughters, your siblings and ALL of your family KNOW without a shadow of a doubt-- that you are STILL the cruel, selfish ABUSER today that you were 40 years ago-- when you beat your own sister, when you beat your daughters mom, and when you busted your exes eardrum-- your family KNOW that YOU are mentally insane-- that's why YOU had to leave home at 18-- they wanted your deranged ass away from them and they maintain their "distance" to this day. You punished me for ruining the "image" that you spent 40 years rebuilding to them- but they KNEW you hadn't changed anyway! You can have that record expunged in court, but you can't erase this from their memory, ever. Their perception of you has been forever altered. The court of public opinion lasts a lifetime.


Now that I'm gone, your bankruptcy, (10 year hit to your credit) your damaged reputation and your return to work full time from retirement remain for YOU to handle. YOU have to pick up the pieces of your broken life-- you tried to break me, control me, and destroy me-- and dug a ditch for yourself instead!! Everyone-- your family, your neighbors, your former work colleagues at the jail-- all know you are an ABUSER. You could marry the Presidents wife- but behind your back, they will truly pity the new woman you romance after me; because they know your long, abusive track record with women--relatives and significant others included. They know behind closed doors, after the honeymoon period-- the hell that you will put her through. Just like all the women you did BEFORE her. She will be blamed for EVERYTHING. She will be beaten and subject to your insecurities, accusations of cheating, your horrible moods and selfishness, your frugality with money---And I will continue to travel, (I went to Hilton Head Sc, Atlanta, New York, Miami and the Bahamas while we were together and never took you with me-- for a reason) buy vehicles, work on my career and live my best life!!! I even believe that you may possibly be on this forum and so I am going to kill the topic of you ONCE AND FOR ALL...HERE AND NOW!!! GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!

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Getting that dumb thought that I should unblock you. After all, it would have been our anniversary soon, and the day I would have wanted to talk to you about maybe getting married.


But... if you had something you wanted to say, then you'd say it, and I am in no position to say anything, because you chose to leave me and you chose to date someone else.


Just know that I'm thinking about you.

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You only left a note, did not bother to notice amazing changes I was making, stonewalled me and when I reacted to your anger and blamed me for being angry.

It takes two to fix things, why I am only blaming myself?

We can still be be happy and you know it.

I will stay no contact knowing that some of this is my fault and keep working on myself, later got to go to my meditation class (you should do the same)

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5 years and 3 weeks engaged. You already had a feeling for 8 months.. you were thinking about breaking up with me. I should have known..

How you started to drink because of your friends and never with me. How you started to watch TV shows because your friends recommended it while I recommended it earlier this year. How you would rather go, with your friends but not with me, to the place I was originally planning to propose. How you always mentioned his name. How you compared everythig about him with me. I knew deep inside but I trusted you..


You broke up with me telling me it was because of my job and my communication skill. How we were only ‘steady’ and ‘steady’ is not what you are looking for. How you have more fun with your friends than with me. How what I can offer is not enough for you. How you already lost belief in our relationship and its future. You said our relationahip is not toxic and that im actually a good guy


I was blindsided.. while you were all prepared. While you had someone under your wings already.. ohh how easy was it for you to move on?? You left me broken and shattered to pieces.


The last time we met, while you broke my heart. I was the one comforting you. Telling you it is ok to hurt me. The last time we talked.. you rejected me again. I prenteded that everything was ok.. I made you laugh and forgave you. You thanked me for making it easier for you to move on.


Its been 5 weeks now and every single day I think of you and cry.. i blamed myself for the breakup.. i am hurting so bad while you are enjoying your days with your friend. You never noticed me. You are so cold. Did our time together ( 5 years ) matter to you? How could you? Did you ever love me? Why did you even say YES to my proposal? Why didnt you just end me right then and there. How dare you.. .. ..


May you remember me with the kindness I showed you during the last time we talked and saw each other.


You said that I will never change. But I am and I will be a better version of me. Too bad, you wont be the one to experience it. I am changing for someone who will fight for me.


I will forever be scarred by what you did to me. I prayed for you and your new guy, that may you both find happiness.. but now, I pray for me.. that I may have the strength to forget you and not care about you. I want you out of my mind and heart. I want it so bad. I hate you but I’ll forever love you also my buds.


I am still waiting and i hope you come back in time because i am slowly moving on..

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I stopped by our old workplace today as I was in the area - that definitely brought back memories, the whole place really hasn't changed much. One of the girls not that close to the situation actually asked me about you - mentioned she'd bumped into you a couple of months ago in fact, of course she wasn't to know that we hadn't spoken since before then. I left feeling alright, but naturally my mind started to wander to thoughts of you so I looked... when will I learn. So you've joined the army? Interesting career move no doubt inspired by him.


You do you I guess, you're certainly not part of my life any more so it makes no difference really, and yet I can't help but feel this is final now (like it wasn't already...). You're gone and pretty soon you won't even be within reach anymore. I guess my foolish mind always took some weird comfort in the fact that you lived and worked pretty close by, even if we weren't talking. Now I feel sad again despite us not seeing each other for a long time. It's a weird one.


I'm actually living my best life right now and I'm not just saying it. I've thrown myself into several things since we stopped talking and have a lot of new friends and awesome new work on my plate that I may not have secured had I been more worried about us spending time together. I've also met someone else and I'd really love to see where things go.

I just wish I could forget you for good... Worse is that a bigger part of me still wishes we could hang out again, even though I know it's wrong and it won't happen. It just kills me that we're both going down such different paths and can't even share our experiences with each other anymore. I never wanted us to be strangers. I miss you.

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