Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Noelle94]

J, you liar

I met you almost two weeks ago after our month long breakup. We rekindled things. You told me you are crazy in love with me still. You wanted to try again. Invited me to your family’s house for swimming. Spent nights together, sang in the car together, laughed together. Sent each other good morning and good night texts.

You asked me if I’d been with anyone since we broke up and I told you no. You looked me dead in the eyes and told me that you hadn’t been able to even look at another girl. You liar! I woke up at 4am to an fb message on my phone.... from a girl. A girl who had been in training with you in dallas. She wanted to tell me that you two had been hooking up for a month. She then blocked me immediately after so when I clicked to open the notification the message thread was gone. I have no idea what else her message said.... and maybe I’ll never know. But I saw what I needed to see.

I’m so sick. How could I have let you look me in the eyes and lie??? How!? And I slept with you.... multiple times these past two weeks... I’m disgusted! She didn’t say you hooked up once she said you had BEEN hooking up!

Now I wait for you to wake up and respond.... I am so mad, J. At you but mostly at myself for meeting up with you. For telling you I love you.

[DoneWithU]

You crazy itch, I love you so much, you drive me crazy. I know it won't be long till we are together again. Nearly every day we're together we tell naughty stories about what we used to do, you tell me you had dreams about me or touched yourself while thinking about me, invite me to get my toes done with you, ask me to go kayaking, but you still feel some need to keep this new guy in your life. I know he'll be gone soon and hopefully we can fix what was broken the first time around. I promise you a life of passion, fun activities, love, trust and affection. I can't wait till we're finally together again. I just can't believe you've put me through this for the last two months, if it was to teach me a lesson, it worked. I never want to be without you again. XOXO

[11moreweeks]

It still hurts, but I honestly think I'm starting to not care about you, the situation, what happened between us, or any of that.

 

Hope you are doing well.

[CubbyBear]

Hope you have fun with your dude this weekend. It'll be like throwing a hot dog in a hallway for him. How fun!!! Cheers!

[Sadness321]

I miss you and my heart aches. Every thought overwhelms me. I love you so much. All I want is to be assured you feel the same and will never forget how wonderful we were together even though you made the choice to leave me. I miss you and always will be incomplete with out you.

[DoneWithU]

I know it will only be a month or two till you break up with him but the waiting is killing me, I don't know how to do "Alone" Single parenting is a nightmare, sleeping alone is lonely, the days the kids aren't here I nearly crawl up the walls in loneliness and jealousy.

 

I've really been trying. I work out, read self improvement books, meditate, focus on gaining empathy, compassion, kindness, generosity, mindfulness and being less selfish. I only hope you can see the difference.

 

I try to get out and do things but I only have so much time and money. Dinner out every night gets expensive, walking alone is well... alone.

 

I miss what we had, I miss having a partner in crime, I miss having a family.

 

47 with two kids and single is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Please come back soon before I loose my mind.

 

Although I'm trying to improve, my mental condition (constant anxiety) is making it difficult for me to perform daily tasks. I have become someone who basically works out and meditates to avoid thinking about my situation.

 

I'm not supposed to beg, but I beg you to come back, the sooner the better.

[Noelle94]

my phone dings. message after message, sad plea after sad plea, “i love you” “I miss you” “Noelle I need you”

I took a flight to New York City tonight for work. You knew becuase you always have my schedule. And I looked up on the standby list and there was your name. My heart dropped and I panicked and I looked around for your face. You listed yourself on my flight to NYC... why? You wanted to follow me 700 miles away? For what? I guess it doesn’t matter because you chickened out and never showed up to the gate.

You slept with her J. You admitted it. And I think about her hands in your hair and her on top of you and I could die. I could really just die. I should slap you and sometimes the anger gets so red hot that I wish you were in front of me so I could. But then sadness washes over me and I want to lay my head on your chest and sob and sob until there’s nothing left.

 

What do you do when the only person who makes your pain go away is the one who caused it

[Noelle94]

J, I saw you cry tonight. After a year and a half with you this was the first time I ever saw you cry. You tried to hide it. But I could see. I looked up and I wiped them away.

I laid my head down on your chest. You didn’t cheat, but sleeping with her only weeks after breaking up with me hurts just as bad. I sobbed and sobbed while you held me and told me I was safe now. But I don’t trust you. Can I ever?

 

You began to touch me and instantly my body stiffened. “Did you touch her like this?”

“Noelle, god no don’t think that way. I hate her. Please don’t talk about her.”

“You did. Didn’t you?”

And burst up from the bed and run to the bathroom and I hear you vomit into the toilet. I run in behind you and see you becoming physically sick. Puking and puking more than I’ve ever seen someone puke.

“J, are you okay? Are you sick? Are you drunk”

“No, Noelle I’m not. But I never ever want to lay next to the woman I love and think about what I did I am sick to my stomach at the thought.”

 

I’ve never seen words make someone so sick I my life. I don’t know what to do.... I still love you so much.

[Buckley999]

Dear V,

remember all those times you told me that you were scared that one day I would discover that you weren't a very nice person?

I told you not to worry, that would never happen.

Well, I was wrong.

[TurntSloth]

I broke NC and I truly regret it. I see now that you don't feel the same about me. Before I went NC, we would only talk once in the morning and I wouldn't hear from you the rest of the day. And these patterns would continue if I maintained contact. That would be fine in a fwb situation, but I require more attention than that. I need to feel loved and valued and you don't feel that way about me anymore. It's obvious that youve moved on and it's time for me to do the same. Clearly you are seeing someone else and that is who you choose to talk to each night before you go to bed now. I got my final closure and I just said a prayer and asked God to remove ALL of my feelings for you. No matter how bad things get, I WON'T look you up. No matter how lonely I get, I WON'T call or text you. Because I was lonely when you were in my life-- you treated me badly. I can't make you love me or want to talk to me. Your feelings have changed and you're focused on somebody else now. I know that you'll never admit it to me and thats ok. I'm going to disappear again and this time, I will NEVER return. EVER. I have too many people that DON'T care about me one way or another and i have added you to that list. But all it takes for me to leave you alone is to see that you no longer love me. You care about me, but the love is gone. And that's a deal breaker for me. I don't want to be your friend, I don't want to know what's going on in your life. Clearly someone else is center stage and I have officially exited stage left. Goodbye forever.

 

Wow, I came here to post and this basically said what I'm feeling, word for word even down to the talking once in the morning.

 

Here's to us not breaking NC again...

[11moreweeks]

Everything else in my life still hurts. So much bad stuff is still happening. I've noticed that when more bad things happen, I think about you more and I feel things for you more.

 

But at the same time, I know for certain that I absolutely loved you, and I still do. Yes, there was emotional dependency, but that is something that comes with loving someone. I turned to you in my pretty much chronic time-of-need because I loved you, because I trusted you, and because I wanted us to have the strongest relationship possible. Through sickness and in health.. a shoulder to lean on.. a shoulder to cry on.

 

The idea of reconciliation remains stuck in my head.. how could it not be? I truly loved you, I liked everything about you, the breakup seemed to make no sense, everything that made the relationship have problems doesn't have to exist and was about to finally stop existing. However, thoughts of me not even enjoying reconciliation.. of not forgiving you.. these thoughts taint it.

 

It's been a bad night.. and I feel so extremely tempted to contact you right now. I need someone so badly tonight, and I wish so badly that the someone would be you, because you're you.. you're unlike anyone else to me. I will not contact you because you are dating someone else.. you went for someone else. You wanted out of the relationship -- you wanted out from me. I'm respecting that I will never get in the way of you finding your happiness if you do not want to find your happiness with me.

 

But, oh.. if you reach out to me again, I will finally talk to you again. I don't care if it sets me back.. I don't care if I risk getting hurt. I miss you. I loved you. I want to try again with you.. absolutely..

 

And I promise, and I know for certain, that if we tried again, we could put everything that has happened behind us.. I could forgive you for everything and I could ensure that I never contribute to a relationship deteriorating ever again. I could do everything to show you that you are important and deserve to feel special, and do everything to make you happy. If you gave us one last chance, and were there for me in this time of need.. one last chance for our story, that it would prove to me that you care.. No coldness from me.

 

I'm intending to move to Washington later this year if I can manage it.. I'm going to do everything I can to reach that goal. You always wanted to go there.. It would be amazing if somehow we managed to go there together.

 

I'm so sorry that you ever had to hurt in the relationship, and that I ever hurt you.. I truly hope things are manageable for you..

 

If you have any doubts.. if you have any thoughts.. any maybes.. just reach out. I won't hurt you..

[Honeycomb8]

B, I think I still have a soft spot for u.

[Noelle94]

J, you tell me you love me. How can I trust you, though? Did you love me when you were sleeping with her? My heart aches. You want to take me to the amusement park for my birthday because I always talk about going.

You say you love me. But do you?

I’m going on a date today. You don’t know about it. I’m sorry. I love you, J. But I need to keep my options open. You’ve hurt me too much and this guy makes me laugh and is attractive and is everything I need on paper. He makes me not think about you so much.

[smJackson]

Tonight was the LAST time that you will tell me that I don't matter. Because tonight, for the first time, I HEARD YOU. I really heard you loud and clear. Clearer than anything I ever heard you say. I feel a sense of relief. We won't be arguing anymore, hurting each other anymore. There won't be any more sexual contact with us and I feel that our bond is broken beyond repair. I regret breaking no contact but I was still drawn to you because I thought you still loved me. I thought that if i overcame my fears and changed my living situation, you would be there. That was a reassurance that i needed but you couldnt give me and wouldnt give me. Without that, i felt the pressure and your lack of confidence didnt make my fears any better. I know you have someone else and you don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm running far away, to Atlanta to get away from you. It would hurt too much to even be in the same city as you and I need a clean break from you not to mention a fresh start. The highs and lows have exhausted me mentally and I'm out of gas. I'm left feeling lethargic from your constant criticisms and lack of faith in me. I have nothing else in me to give or even attempt where you are concerned. Before I let you destroy me or I destroy myself, I'll tap out. I can't even cry as upset as I am, but ACCEPTANCE is key. It's just not going to work. WE ARE NEVER GOING TO WORK.

 

I don't have any support and rather than self destruct, it's time for me to leave and go where my support system is. I feel a huge sense of relief. The burden of holding on to you is too heavy and so I have let you go in my mind and now in my heart. We have reached our expiration date. I'm so numb that I can't even cry because I knew this was coming soon. It's time to move away and disappear from my city and you were the last person that kept me there even though you weren't aware.

 

Never let a man tell you more than once that he doesn't want you is real. I had hoped for a different outcome for us, But the truth is that I was very afraid. I spent so many years with a man that didn't love me, when someone finally did come along that tried to love me, it was foreign. I didn't know how to receive love or give it. I've gone through 40 years of my life feeling unloved and that was normal to me. It hurts to know that you don't care about me anymore but I'm used to it. Will I miss You? Of course I will. But no amount of loneliness in the world will allow me to contact you and receive more rejection. I'll have one night stands or whatever I have to do, but reaching out is a no no. That's why I'm going to do some apartment shopping here and price some places. Drastic changes coming soon.

[TeddyPSmith]

I remember playing Van Morrison on Pandora while you and the kids swam. I bbq’d and drank a few beers, happy and content. After we ate we’d all get in the pool. I’d throw the kids up in the air over and over and over. They loved it. Then I’d chase you around underwater, pinching your butt. God you were so sexy.

 

We’d come in and you’d bath the kids. I’d put on a Disney movie and make popcorn. We’d each put our own child to bed and then meet back in the den to drink an expensive craft beer or two. We’d come in my room, light candles, make love, and fall asleep until a kid knocked on the door. You’d hide and then go to the guest room with your son for the night.

 

We’d all wake up the next morning. The kids would annoy the crap out of us with all of the giddy energy and I’d fix us all a big breakfast. We’d repeat the previous day.

 

What happened to us? How did it come to this? That moment i described is all I could ask for in this world. I’d give anything to have it back. Little bouts of friction add up I guess. Why couldn’t I just move forward with us and propose to you? Why couldn’t you cut me some slack? I worked so hard for us.

 

How could you say “it wasn’t right”? How could you say “we weren’t compatible”? How could you walk away and never look back? Were you already with him in the end? Something changed the month before you broke up with me. Your voice became dead. You stopped calling and texting. You seemed to do things that only benefited you. Was your idea for a “day of service” Christmas just a way to get things done around your house before you dumped me? I invited y’all to Disney bc I was drowning in other life problems. You didn’t want to go for just a weekend and told us to go without you...so I did. Biggest mistake of my life. Then you ended it and said it was because I wouldn’t compromise. You said “I hope it was worth it”. You made it seem like it was all a mistake.

 

Now you’re with golden boy, a decade younger than you, just barely out of college. You’ve hurt me so deeply. It’s been 5 months and I dream about you every night. I think about you all day. I am trying to rationalize it. I can’t. This is the single biggest loss of my life. All of my other myriad of problems don’t even matter anymore. I don’t care that my job sucks. I don’t care about my expensive home repairs. I used to be jealous of my daughter’s step dad. I wanted you to love her like he does. Now I’m just thankful that she’s loved bc I have become a shell of who I once was. I had it all and now I’ve been burnt to the ground. I feel like I left you better than I found you. You left me worse.

 

But I still love you. I also hate you.

[TeddyPSmith]

Why do I vacillate between anger, love, sadness, and remorse at the drop of a hat? You dont even CARE anymore! You probably aren't aware that I still exist! Yet here I am, day in and day out, dreaming about you, thinking about you, remembering all of the things we did together. I am carrying all of the weight. I can't wait for this to be over. I dont even know that I love you anymore. I just want the pain to end. I just want a better outlook on life. Maybe it's not even about you at this point. Maybe its a lack of self. Whatever it is, I want it to be over.

[BettyBee]

Why is this so easy for you? How can you just dust yourself off and try again? It makes me feel like I meant nothing to you. I just want to know you're hurting like I'm hurting. It doesn't seem fair you can be happy when you are the reason I'm this miserable.

[smJackson]

I miss you terribly. I miss the way that you used to love me. I really wanted you to be my husband because I felt so safe and loved with you. I miss lying in your arms. I actually cooked you a meal but instead of bringing it to you, I ate it myself. I just feel broken inside and yet I still long for you. Your touch, your smell. I fluctuate between anger and despair, hating you and never wanting to see you again to missing you terribly. Time for me to get on my knees and pray to lose all feelings for you. I did this with my kids father and it's been granted. Ive never loved someone like this and it's causing me to decline mentally.

 

When I get home from this cruise, I'm going to stay NC. If you call me, I know I will answer. If you touch me, or look at me like you used to, I will become highly aroused and sex is imminent. I love you so much but I'll never tell you that again.

[smJackson]

I am so sick and tired of feeling conflicted. Im sick and tired of hurting inside over you. These emotions are overwhelming. What's so crazy is that I usually had a backup plan in place or atleast a good rebound in place in times past. Well, I'm much too old for that foolishness now. I want a husband. Not just any husband either. I need structure and stability and so do my kids. I have always worked and provided for myself and my kids financially. But ive never felt loved. A lifetime of instability is taking it's toll on me physically and mentally. I just don't know how much longer that I can go on feeling this way. I have lived without love for 4 decades and its taking its toll on me. Something has to happen and quickly. I had a mild heart attack last month but next time I may not be so lucky to survive.

 

I never met a man that was willing to accept my autistic child and I didn't expect you to be any different. Considering what you said about him. I have a mental disability and my child has a disability. So life seems so overwhelming at times. But I realized Thursday that I cannot count on you. I cannot lean on you in any way. You are preoccupied with another woman. You dont love me anymore. Any continued contact with you is detrimental. We are bad for each other. For the sake of my sanity and my health, I'm staying away from you. I can't say that if you request to see me that I won't come. But I have zero plans to call you or text you. I have sexual needs but I'd rather find me a FWB that I have no attachment to. It's not what I want but I struggle with detaching from you as it is and I still need a mans touch from time to time. I ask you if you're seeing someone else and you refuse to answer that question. So with me knowing that you're seeing someone else, I have given up on reconciliation and I love you too much to be a FWB with you. I know the only way that I can make a clean break is to move 400 miles away and change my phone number. Only time and distance will allow me to get over you. When I get home, I will begin my job search and apartment search in Atlanta. I'm going to reapply at my work at home job too. When I secure a job and a new place in Atlanta, I'm disappearing without a word, deactivating my Facebook and changing my phone number. And my daughter will also. I'm so over all this hurting and I feel myself becoming hardened to this thing called life.

[smJackson]

My ship just docked here at Port Miami. I am so relieved to be back in Los Estados Unidos. But I am also riddled with anxiety at the same time. This is where the real test begins. I look forward to meeting with Daevon, a personal trainer that I met on Facebook who has agreed to take me under his wing and help me get my body back. I look forward to going back to the hall this week and getting back to my church services. I'm apprehensive about what the future holds for me but change has to come.

 

I look forward to just learning how to be alone for the first time in my life. I look forward to working to love myself a while lot more and you a whole lot less. I will continue to pray each night that I will stop loving you. Because as long as you call, I know I'm so weak for you that I will respond. I pray that I can stay away from you long enough to leave the city for good. Lord knows that we had a very passionate sex life-- if you do call, even if you don't mention sex, just hearing your voice will arouse some feelings in me and I can't deny that. Time to go. Let me pray now.

[Yvi]

Im torturing myself again last days..going trough guilt, sadness, memories, despair, feeling lost..being happy for good memories and at the same time regret the time wasted with someone who didn't really loved me..because if you did u wouldn't just moved on to someone else that easily. I wish you would never come again..i wish i don't have to see you every once in a while to remind me i'm nothing to you any more..every time you come around and leave it stings..cuz i know you are going back to her. And i know it is real....and i know we are done. I keep telling myself this is for the best..cuz we just weren't right for each other..and we had no future..and i think i knew that from the start..but that dont make things any easier. I messed up..you messed up..and this was the outcome that had to happen. I miss you and i love you..but its time for me to really let you go...i've tried that last months over and over again but this time its real for the first time. I cant wait for you any more..i cant destroy myself and my life for some1 who just walked away like im nothing. So tomorow is the first new day of my life in the last 9 months..the day im moving on from you and leaving you in the past where you belong.

[smJackson]

I made it through my first night of NC since being back on American soil. It actually wasn't so hard at all. I feel so exhausted mentally from our former relationship that even though I long for you terribly at times, I have moments of peace that make staying NC worth it.

 

I just feel rejected and unloved the more that we have contact and that makes it easier for me to stay away from you than anything. Acceptance makes it easier as well. I've been job searching and house shopping online yesterday. I'm so serious about moving away from you and getting a fresh start- I didn't realize that all I ever really wanted out of life was to have my own family, my own home, and to be loved- considering that most of my family are laid out in the cemetery and I feel so alone in the world.

 

I will continue to stay NC. I Brought you a souvenir back from the old country but I'd have to contact you to get it to you and I refuse to do that anymore. If by some chance, we reconcile or meet up, I'll give it to you. Staying home from work today to recuperate from the cruise and heartbreak I'm experiencing. I feel so low, but the good news is that I can only rise and go up from here. I put a stick it on my mirror that says love yourself more, love him less. It's a daily reinforcement that is needed and very helpful in me remaining NC. ☺

[CubbyBear]

Until my dying breath, I'll never understand why you were so cruel to me post-breakup. I understand breakups affect everyone in different ways but insulting me, holding onto my stuff, obsessing about the tickets not respecting my NC requests...that's not OK. What happened to you? That's not the person I fell in love with. The breakup process could have went so much smoother and been filled with so much less pain had you just treated me with dignity and respect. Now I've had to resort to completely removing you from my life. I had to block you from everything. Seems so childish but I also know if I didn't, you would still continue to contact me every week or so about something silly/petty and it would just cause more pain.

 

You know what a good breakup looks like? The relationship I had before you. You remember her? We didn't work out because she is a single mother and works a full-time job. And with her hospital visits, she didn't have time for a relationship. She was very clear as to why we wouldn't work, she respected my NC request, and always was very sweet and respectful. And guess what? We hung out last Saturday and went to lunch today. I really missed having her in my life. It took 2 years but we're at a point where we can be friends with each other. And who knows, maybe in time something will happen or maybe it won't.

 

But that'll never happen with us. There is no going back to friendship or anything else...ever. You saw to that with the way you treated me. Time will allow me to forgive but never forget. So wherever you are and whatever you are doing, I hope you're getting your life sorted out and you feel some regret for the way you treated me.

[Neruda20]

I really miss you tonight. Despite my best efforts, I can’t stop loving you.

[ninjabib]

Was doing well but had to talk about the last 5/6 weeks of the relationship in my therapy session today and now i'm gutted again. Gutted we are over and gutted i treated you insconsiderately