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Everything posted by Nachocheese

  1. Forgot about this forum bit made a promise before that ill post when something good happens from my break up. Sept 2018 broke up with ex fiance. Tried (not desperately) to remain in contact with her. For 2 weeks. (Wanted her back) but I found out she had a thing w/ her coworker and so they dated etc. Less than a mo. I decided to go no contact cold turkey. Deleted everything. I did all of these not because of hatred but to help me move on. After 2 mos, I started moving on. Slowly forgetting her. It has been 8 mos. and a getting back together is happening. Not with my ex fiance though but with my childhood crush when I was 16 yrs. I met her recently because of a common friend. And we have been talking and getting to know each other. I plan to take it this slow as we both have stated our intentions. Not the getting back together youre expecting but better. Just focus on qhat is good in your life. Things will happen for you kist give it time :) stay strong everyone!!
  2. Wow. Juat remembwred this site and how it helped me. It has been 8mos but honestly it feels like it’s been 2years. Dont know what to say. I have moved on. Just thought about posting aomething here because that sounds fun and curious to what I have to say. I wish all the best really. Work, etc. I hope you are finding whatever it is in you are searching for. That’s all. Haha
  3. Hi WAilen. Experienced this 5 months ago. My ex fiance broke up with me. we were together for 5 years. I just want you to know that numbing the pain won't do any good. It will only come back after the numbing fades away. Hard as it may seem, the only way to deal with it is to actually experience it. Accept reality and experience the whole spectrum of emotions this break up has to offer. It is hard yes but there is an end to this dark tunnel you are in now. Never take for granted the importance of family, friends and other support systems like ENA. Take care of yourself, it is during these times that good changes can happen to your character if you want to. This is the time to look at the mistakes made and to learn from them. This is the time to forgive yourself and your partner for everything. This is the time to look within your soul and truly understand that everything you need is within you. There is no way to change what happened but please believe that it gets better. Do not numb the pain, embrace it and know how human you are. NC is the best way to move forward. You have to take care of yourself and heal. So that in the future when another opportunity arrives, you are ready.
  4. 3 months post break up here. 1 week after: Bought my first dog. 2nd week: Bought electric drums and stared to learn my first instrument 1 month: Started a new sport, Muay Thai 1-2months: Started to slowly change my wardrobe 1-2months: started to look for possible investments (saved a lot for our wedding and future) ——————————————— Mentioned above were changes that helped me focus my energy/thoughts away from my ex. But real change and improvements happen from within. With no time stamps, here are the changes and improvements i conciously made. 1. Spend more time with family and friends. 2. Spent more time with my religion/meditation 3. Started focus on the small/simple joys of life. 4. Accepted that I am not the center of the universe. Life was never fair to begin with. 5. Startwd to understand that real happiness is not obtained through external achievements (relationships, money, physique, dogs etc.) 6. Became more open to people and build connection (deep or shallow) 7. Learned to forgive myself and others. 8. Respecting the importance of sleep, diet and exercise. 9. Practiced self control (stopped social media stalking 2+ weeks now :) ) 10. Learned that I am the only one who can truly push me to move on. Time alone does not heal but what you do with it. And a whole lot more. Starting to forget about her and the feeling of pain. Feels wierd and kind of sad/empty. Good luck to all. I know it’s hard but with effort, we will see brighter days. :)
  5. I was not plannjng to post anything here but after reading the previous messages, I feel like “communicating”. Anyway, it’s been almost 3 mo. since you broke up 2mo. since the last time we spoke. I only initiated a conversation 3x. You never did. The first time, you said hurtful things. Told me our relationship was not toxic at all but what I could offer you was not enough. The second time was when I told you I understood the situation and that we had to move on. I told you that we can still be friends. I forgave you that time and you said thank you and that maybe, when we see each other in the streets, we can say hi to each other. The last time I spoke with you, I admitted I was having a hard time moving on and that I had to cut you off completely. Removed you from my life (social media etc) and I am glad I did. This time alone made me realize my worth to you. How easily I was replaced. How you never admitted any of your mistakes in the relationship. Never apologized for any hurt you caused me. I took it all in, believing that it was all my fault. But I would not have it any other way. This whole experience made me stronger and wiser. I will continue to look at the past and its debris of broken glass. I will not try to pick it up and fix it. I just want to look back and get all of the lessons that I could take from that experience. You are slowly fading away from my thought. I do think of you every single day but the details are startig to get blurry. You can’t blame me though.. you made it easier for me to move on. Your true colors, during the breakup, gave me enough reason to fight for my self respect and forget about you. It was surely painful at first but I am getting used to it. I am actually getting tired of thinking of you. Feels like a chore. Takes up too much of my time and energy. I guess I will just have to find a way to use those thought as a push to keep my life moving. It does not matter anymore what hapens to you. If you’re with him or not. If you’re regretting what happened or not. If you still want me or not. Honestly, most of me do not care anymore. But I still wish you happiness etc. No different from the way I would wish most of the people in this world even strangers happiness. (World peace mumbo jumbo haha) Ahh.. strangers.. yes.. that’s what we are now. And no. When we see each other in the streets, I wont have any intention of saying hi or avoiding you. I will simply be indifferent (i hope ). We are strangers after all. Thanks and godspeed in this journey called LIFE, buddy.
  6. Thanks for the reply, Carus. Yup it sure is hard. And I wont be too hard on myself. NO CONTACT really helps us forget but maintaining it can be hard. As days goes by, the memory of her slowly fades away. I still think of her everyday (but the details of her face voice etc. starts to get blurry) but i’m getting used to it (sometimes i get sick of it too). She sure made it painful for me but she gave me more reasons to move on which made it a little bit easier for me to accept that she is not the one for me. One day, she will just be a memory. I did not want this but this is life. Here are quotes that helped me ACCEPT and LET GO because I think the real problem for me was the sadness with the thought that one day I will actually forget her. Anyway here are the quotes/saying: 1. “Obsessive thinking often comes from your brain's whack notion that if you don't obsess, you'll forget. I've found that your brain actually knows that writing it all down means it can relax with all the memorization nonsense. It's like burying your bone in a familiar place--you can stop carrying it around for a while, and concentrate on something else.” -John Carlton -helps to write down stuff and let your mind relax and let go of information. 2. “Losing a romantic relationship can lead to intense feelings of sadness. Sadness allows us to connect with ourselves. As bad as it feels, we connect. We connect with our emotions, we connect with our memories and we connect with our thoughts. This is why it is comfortable to stay in sadness and difficult to transcend — we are meeting our need for connection.” -Tony Robbins We say we do not want to be sad but most of the time we are unaware that sadness is actually comfortable. We are afraid to face the unknown future and so we hold on to the past. Hope this helps us all :) -Nachocheese
  7. Hi guys. I stopped the stalking. It’s a mind over matter thing. I told myself “when life finally introduces a (better) partner, I should have moved on and not stalking my ex” and so, I decided to just stop and heal. I just want to move on and it does not matter if I was wrong or right. All I know is that moving on is the right thing. Time has given me the opportunity ti see the relationship for what it truly was. I now know what I want from a relationship and what are not acceptable to me. Thanks for the replies. I think I’m in the right path now. As time passes by, I feel more at peace. :)
  8. Nice replies and all are noted! I guess I had this idea that seeing her with someone else will help me move on. (Because she is finally with someone else and it also shows me that she is changing into someone different with traits not attractive to me). But reading your comments reminded me that all the reason I needed to move on was given to me during the break up. And it is not worth it since it is just damaging, messes up with my mind, and prolonging my healing. I’ll do my best to resist the urge and stop doing it. This is my final challenge to go NC. I wish I can do it.
  9. Thanks for the hard truth. Will work on this now. Been NC for a month except for the daily checking if instagram stories. Will definitely avoid this action. I knew deep inside what I was doing was unhealthy. Maybe a part of me was denying it but yeah the truth will always remain the same.. she is not with me and the door is closed. Thanks guys!
  10. Hi. I have a question about social media stalking. So a quick intro of my situation, first. Dated 5yrs engaded and been apart for 2months now. I have a gut feeling that she is interested on someone fromher work. Though she did not state that during our break up. I have unfriended.unfollowed her on all of my social media and this has helped me tremendously. Lately, I have been stalking that “coworker”. Their are signs of interest from both peoply (my ex and him) but nothing certain for now. I am checking his social media daily in the hopes of actually seeing them together. I am doing this because I want to actually acknowledge that my gut feeling is right and that it will help me move on because she is with somebody else (the one I asked her about). Is this a valid reason for stalking? Is this how I’ll get a closure? I am asking because I am confused. I honestly do not know what to do.
  11. I am somehow going through the same process. 5 year relationship. 3 weeks engages. Emotionally cheated and is now flirting with that guy (started 3 weeks after breakup). Here are some advices. This really helped me (I felt the self respect and the leap into moving forward). 1. Be honest. Accept that you are HURTING. Self esteem can plummet down. Being dumped hurts like hell. Being cheated on HURTS like HELLx100. Just like you, I also thought I was strong enough. I am a very independent guy (my work, health and hobbies are good). I thought I could just push through this experience with logic. (Everything happens for a reason, I will be a better person because of this experience, its her loss not mine, I dont deal with cheaters, etc) - this makes sense and are most likely true BUT it does not remove the fact that you are the one that was left with a shattered heart. In order to move on.. we must really look and accept the fact that we are the ones hurting. We cannot pretend otherwise. 2. Dont look for love from someone else (especially a cheating ex). Love should come from INSIDE you. Accepting the fact that you are hurting and that your heart needs healing will make you see things clearer. You will see that it is necessary to focus on yourself and help your heart to heal! Self improvement is a way of healing.. but it is not enough. True healing happens when you finally decide to LET GO and genuinely focus on your wellbeing. Imagine yourself as another person who is injured and weak. It is your job to take care of that person. You want him to stand up again and be happy. Why? Because only then can he(you) start thinking and giving “love” to other people again (can be your ex, a new girl, family and friends). What helped me was cutting her off from social media. This finally removed our final connection. NO MORE GAMES. If she wants me, she can contact me anytime (Honestly, it does not matter what she is/will do). I have done my part.. its time to take care of myself now. 3.Be thankful for the experience of breakup and being cheated on Yes, be thankful! I am a man and I am so thankful that I experienced this. She is my first love and my first relationship. The break up, being cheated on and being engaged for 3weeks is quite traumatizing. But I am a man and in the end I will rise up and not give up on me. We will learn from this experience (Please, we should!). We will be stronger and have a deeper understanding of how life works. Through this experience we will find out that this is not something we want our future partner to experience. Be a better man. Be strong. Be thankful. Learn. :) “When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become.” Look straight ahead beyond the cloud of pain, discomfort and confusion of the present. Look forward to better days, my friend. All the best to everyone. F*** heartbreaks :))
  12. Thanks, everyone! I have blocked and removed her in my life (social media). And it has helped me tremendously. The problem is that whenever I remember the “cheating” and the “reasons” she gave me for leaving, my self esteem drops all the way down. I sometimes feel worthless and “not enough”. Your comments reminded me to take care of myself. The only validation for my self worth I need is my own validation. The love I need should come from within me. Being honest about the breakup also has helped me. I have accepted the fact that I am hurt (I am done pretending that I am ok). I do need to focus on healing my heart now without her in my life.
  13. Im in the same exact spot right now. They are not officially dating, but flirting. It was so damaging seeing these “proof”, i had to unfriend and unfollow. Days are much easier without them in my life (nothing to remind me. Nothing to stalk). One day it will be official and i will do my best to not do anything. Instead let us both take the pleasure of taking the high road. And laugh as we watch our exes prove what they are truly worth. Let it be a tool for us to move on EASIER as it will provide as a valid reason to move on and know someone out there will “love” for all we are (flaws and all).
  14. Short background. Fiance of 3 weeks broke up with me. Is now seeing his guy friend (a month after break up). Wmotionally cheated on me during our time together (NC made made me see the signs clearer now). Seeing them together (i unfriended and unfollowed her now) makes it really difficult. I just want to ask some advice especially to dumpees who have been cheated on. What are useful tips to make the healing process easier besides from self improvement etc. thanks. Our relationship was not toxic etc. she just got,GIGS. Thanks
  15. 5 years and 3 weeks engaged. You already had a feeling for 8 months.. you were thinking about breaking up with me. I should have known.. How you started to drink because of your friends and never with me. How you started to watch TV shows because your friends recommended it while I recommended it earlier this year. How you would rather go, with your friends but not with me, to the place I was originally planning to propose. How you always mentioned his name. How you compared everythig about him with me. I knew deep inside but I trusted you.. You broke up with me telling me it was because of my job and my communication skill. How we were only ‘steady’ and ‘steady’ is not what you are looking for. How you have more fun with your friends than with me. How what I can offer is not enough for you. How you already lost belief in our relationship and its future. You said our relationahip is not toxic and that im actually a good guy I was blindsided.. while you were all prepared. While you had someone under your wings already.. ohh how easy was it for you to move on?? You left me broken and shattered to pieces. The last time we met, while you broke my heart. I was the one comforting you. Telling you it is ok to hurt me. The last time we talked.. you rejected me again. I prenteded that everything was ok.. I made you laugh and forgave you. You thanked me for making it easier for you to move on. Its been 5 weeks now and every single day I think of you and cry.. i blamed myself for the breakup.. i am hurting so bad while you are enjoying your days with your friend. You never noticed me. You are so cold. Did our time together ( 5 years ) matter to you? How could you? Did you ever love me? Why did you even say YES to my proposal? Why didnt you just end me right then and there. How dare you.. .. .. May you remember me with the kindness I showed you during the last time we talked and saw each other. You said that I will never change. But I am and I will be a better version of me. Too bad, you wont be the one to experience it. I am changing for someone who will fight for me. I will forever be scarred by what you did to me. I prayed for you and your new guy, that may you both find happiness.. but now, I pray for me.. that I may have the strength to forget you and not care about you. I want you out of my mind and heart. I want it so bad. I hate you but I’ll forever love you also my buds. I am still waiting and i hope you come back in time because i am slowly moving on..
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