Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[shamona]

I just woke up in the middle of the night. I'm feeling that thing again. I don't know what you are doyng and I cannot understand why you do it, but I can't afford to feel like this anymore.

I will not check it up. I will not look. I will forget everything about you.

I wil not feel this kind of pain anymore.

[Argus]

I saw family in you..we were not soulmates, and we were not the worst couple. we fought. But my part of the fight was because I wanted to make you understand that you're making mistakes that will affect us both. If I could turn back time, I'll treat you better. And you could be better too.

But even if we were one of the most average couples out there, I loved you and I wanted to spend my life with you. I felt at home with you. I wanted nothing more.

I truly believed that this time, somehow, it will work. That we would never break up.

But we did. And I have my fault for this, and you have yours.

And I begged, and pleaded, just like I promised myself that I will never do again.

It didn't work.

And it's easier for you than it is for me, because you act so.

I am sick of hurting. I have no need or place for someone else, and I don't know when this will change, although I want it to happen already.

Emotional roller-coaster is true, and it's a living hell. wearing a mask all day, out there it's painful.

I am so sorry this ended like this that I'm holding on to pain as a memory of you and of how it was until not so long ago.

No, we weren't "meant for each other", but I opened my soul for you, with all your flaws that pissed me off. I wasn't desperate. You just grew on me.

And now it's this emptiness, which I can't fill with something, even if I want to.

It could be saved, we didn't cheat, we didn't lie, I wanted to save us, but you didn't. And I understand, but it hurts so much.

It scares me that I can't see the end of this, that time when I'll be ready to be with someone else. This, and the feeling that no one will truly ever be happy with me, so happy that she will never want to leave. I want someone to feel at home with me.

I recovered before from breakups, people do this all the time, and somehow it's obvious that this too shall pass.

I just miss us so bad. It feels like something died.

i know i have to let go, it's the right and healthy thing to do. But I also feel guilty if I do, because I had my part of fault in this.

If I were in your place, I would forgive, and I would hold on to us, imperfect as we were.

I'm a big boy in a big world and it scares me. I had you and now I don't.

I had some sort of true peace inside, and now there is nothing there anymore.

I need someone to tell me that yeah, you are average, faulty, and you suck at many things, but even so, someone will love you and will never want to leave...against all odds, but it will happen.

[Marilynmonroe]

I hope you realize that you missed out on a good woman, and wife you could have had. I hope the cheating was worth losing your family over.

[songsiusedto]

I almost wrote to you today. I woke up feeling good. I didn't even check my phone like I have the past three weeks since you left. I went for a walk with our dog, and he did something cute. I felt a sense of melancholy hit me when I realized you won't share autumn with him. That he carries the name you gave him, but you're gone now. I got home and I physically missed you. I ended up crying. I've cried every day since you left. There's still this box of your things I can't seem to get rid of. It's like a ghost, staring me in the face when I happen to look its way. Inside are all the promises you made me and broke. I'm doing okay most days, but I still can't let you go. I accept that it's over, that you're gone, but I'm so tired now. I miss you. I wish you were here. I wish we did all the things we said we would. I'm learning to live without you, but please know it's hard.

[Argus]

Sometimes I wish there was cheating, lying or major red flags , so it would be easier for me to hate you . But we didn't cheat and we didn't lie each other. Instead we just fought over stupid stuff over and over again, and words we said piled up slowly until you could let go. I wasn't going to leave no matter what, I was up to making up and make it work. You couldn't. I blame you because you quit a bit too easy.

Now I miss the sea, but I can't go there yet because we were so happy there and I'm not strong enough to take that road and watch the waves alone.

[songsiusedto]

^ that's so similar to my situation, I could have written it myself... whoa...

[NuggetButt]

I have literally nothing to say to you right now. I've missed you and obsessed over you the past 6 months but I'm over obsessing and just feel nothing I guess. I still plan on reaching out in the future after my summer exams are over as I don't want to distract myself from them. I think I'll ring you so I have the element of surprise seeing as we wouldn't have spoken in 6 months (it'll be 8 months post BU) and I can hear your reaction.

 

It's weird how I'm forgetting ever being with you. You were my first love we spent nearly 2 years together and all the memories and feelings are fading. I don't even know how I will feel speaking to you and hearing your voice. I can look at your pictures now and feel nothing. But when I put thought into it and remember some of our amazing times I still feel like we had the perfect connection.

I've changed. The things I did back then was never me. I was given freedom and used it to rebel but that's over now. I'm slowly becoming the woman I've always wanted to be and create the life I always wanted to have I just wish you could have stuck with me to see it, but I think if we never broke up I wouldn't have been able to mend myself the way I have.

 

Life is an amazing thing and I've learned to appreciate it more. Even the break up was a blessing as it allowed me to grow. Although we're in our early 20's we both needed to grow up in some ways. We enjoyed each others company so much we shut out the rest of the world and I think that was part of my downfall. You left for your year abroad and I thought I was fine but instead I was slowly falling into depression and didn't have the right people to fall back on. I don't know how my perfect boyfriend turned into that person that lied to me and broke up with me though it's usually the other way around and this is something I don't think ill ever get closure on I just have to move past it.

 

I do hope you agree to meeting up. I want to see how you've been. How your year abroad was and how you've changed. And see if there is any connection still there between us. I know I can live without you but I want one last shot with my first love and if it's not meant to be I want to sincerely be your friend because I hate that we can't even speak at all after what we felt for each other.

 

Wish you all the best x

[polaris]

We have a magic, we always had, even before we were together. You said so yourself. You have betrayed that now. I may still love you, but I'm not sure I like you anymore.

[gypsybird87]

It's a beautiful evening. I'm sitting outside on the patio, listening to the crickets and the breeze rippling through the trees, and thinking about the many nights we sat out here together. Just talking, laughing, enjoying each other's company.

 

I have no idea where you are right now. You could be out of town or even out of state for work. You might be out for a drink with friends. Or you could be with another woman, and enjoying this beautiful night with her. My guess though is that you're "home" alone. Working on projects, lost in your own little world, in a place with no windows and no life. If you are dating, maybe she is looking at the clock like I used to do, and wondering when the hell you'll finally show up.

 

I still miss you, but it's changing. The pain is fading, slowly. The empty place you left in my life is being gradually filled in with new people and new activities. I'm still pathetic enough though, to want to tell you about all those new things. Maybe someday.

 

If I'm right, and you are alone tonight, remember that I'm alone too. The chair beside me where you always sat is empty. You should be here right now.

[JonnyD79]

I miss you so much. I thought we had a future together. I'm sorry for what I did but I am trying to change. I have booked to see a counsellor regarding my issues, you asked me to do that. I know that in itself won't get you back but I'd like you to know that I am changing!

[JonnyD79]

If I could wave my magic wand, I'd make everything alright.

[treesandbees]

I have always hated you addressing me with the word.. " hey ".. and not using my name. I feel it is rude and yet you manage to still do it.

[wish9080]

Went for a swim in the ocean yesterday and I let go of you completely from my heart and forgave you for the pain you caused. Forgiving myself is harder but I'm learning to do it slowly but surely. I felt a sense of peace watching the waters ripple and recede, imagining every broken promise you made sink deeper and deeper into the clear blue/green water. I will stop living in the past. I no longer live there. I know great things are ahead of me if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. But that will never happen as long as I'm stuck holding onto you. It's time to start living again. I see now that I was too good for you.

"Just because you miss someone doesn't mean you should go running back to them. Sometimes, you have to keep missing them until you wake up one morning and realize you don't anymore."

[polaris]

"You're such an amazing part of my life and heart". Really? So why did kick me out of your just a couple of days later then? Can I actually believe *anything* you told me? I'm beginning to think it was all just an act. I certainly don't trust you at all anymore. I know we still have to work together again soon, but quite honestly, I hope that's as long delayed as possible, because right now I really don't want to have anything to do with you. I know we couldn't have carried out on as we were, but things could have been fixed, or at least ended more graciously. You didn't just end our relationship, you trashed all of my happy memories and warm feelings towards you as well. I wonder when you'll realise that.

[Alexthenekko]

I miss you d.m . you were my first true love and ill never forget all the sweet things you did for me . like driving hours just to see me and still take me out and spoil me. i wonder what you're doing right now and stuff. Yesterday at night i found all our pictures we took together and the cute pictures you would send to me when you were at work and it made my heart hurt alot. Its been 2 months since we seen each other i never thought that day would be our last seeing each other . i always felt like i loved you more and i guess i did. You left me for her but i have to let you go bc i want to see you happy even if its not with me . lately ive been obsessing over you i thought you would try and talk to me after nc , reach out or something to see to how im doing but you didnt. i cant get you out of my head .im still in love with you .ive been grieving over you , i regret not giving you one last kiss after you went back home to austin. i was so emotionally dependent on you at a time like this i need you but u caused me all this pain. i wasnt ready for us to break up but i guess the whole time you were ready you were just waiting for the right moment. But i know you're forced to my picture on your card when you're out with your gf . So i know you havent forgotten about me . Maybe you're just stubborn. Ima fix myself and be a better person not for you but for me . one day you'll realize how good i was to you and regret messing up. I know that behind everything our love was just lies bc of you . But just know when you try to come back to me ima be over you and ima curve tf out of you and say f you .

[songsiusedto]

I've lost track of the days it's been without you, which I think is almost a good sign. I almost wrote to you yesterday to say goodbye, but I figured there was no point. You already did that. I've gotten to the point now where I can see your flaws. I know you're not perfect. You're not even the man you pretended to be, and at this point, I do not see any future for us. If you could leave so easily and never look back, you were never the partner I was meant to be with. I don't hate you. I'm not even mad at you. But I hope you disappear into obscurity so I can keep moving on and bettering myself.

[Argus]

The worst time for me is around 3 pm, i miss you so bad, it really feels like physical pain, no one could understand it unless they've been through this themselves. It freakin' hurts, I'm a grown man and I'm sobbing like crazy. Reason tells me it will get better. I don't feel like this though, and I don't know when i will. Also, I have to move to a new city,with new job, new people, by my back hurts again and I will be a lonely man in a strange place, and I don't have you besides me. You gave me strength. I think this is my worst breakup until now. I truly hope it will be my last one. I can't handle this mess anymore. The worst part is that we could actually make it work, but you said no, so the guilt and pain is much bigger. I loved you more than you knew. Forgive me for everything that I did and upset you.

Who designed us in such a way that breakups hurts so much and why?

The good thing is that I feel much better in the evening and into the night, so I'm counting the hours.

[sunshine34]

I guess this is the point where I stop hiding from what's going on and confront it... I'm awful. I cheated on you, twice . And I was planning on doing it again. He's hot, there's chemistry and there's not sexual chemistry for me w u/ I feel excited and energized around him. Tjoigjt it was recieprocared and it wasn't of course, doesn't seem like it ever is when I feel that way... Which is why thI logical choice (you) was my new direction... Problem is complacency sucks. I don't care not hearing from you, truly, that's why I don't cause a fuss. Dot care that u embarassed me at karaoke by singing to that chick. But today I lost my marbles... Was going home, u were texting, randomly disappeared when I called. Still haven't answered . I'm sick of being treated this way. By someone I call my "bf" especially, the others whatever they don't have that responsibility you do and u fail em. I've never moet anyone do this to me before so why u? Bc I'm being "mature" am I? Or am I just taking the easy way out? Over all of this

[polaris]

The worst time for me is around 3 pm....The good thing is that I feel much better in the evening and into the night, so I'm counting the hours.

 

Yeah, that's very common, and I find that too. People tend to wake up feeling somewhat depressed (often they've been dreaming about their ex even if they don't remember it; it's inevitable if you spend all day thinking about them), and feel gradually worse into the early/mid afternoon. By late evening, they often feel considerably better. It's at that point that you can focus on healing and trying to think helpful thoughts such as reminding yourself what was wrong with the relationship or your ex, trying to feel angry at them, or telling yourself that you're just withdrawing from someone and that eventually the withdrawal symptoms will subside. Or even better, trying to distract yourself and give yourself a break from thinking about them entirely for a short while.

[Loveart]

I can't believe I'm half way across the globe and I see someone who really reminded me of you...can't escape thoughts of you 😒

[songsiusedto]

I had a weak moment today and missed you. I don't even know how I could ever reach out to you ever again. Too much has happened. Too much time has passed. It would just be awkward now. A part of me feels like it's the reason we'll never speak again, because even if you miss me, I know a part of you doesn't know how to reach out, either. It would just be too weird now, and that breaks my heart a little.

 

I was sick today. It's another kidney infection. It reminded me of all the days I took care of you when you were sick. I remember the first time, when things were still new, and in your hazy fever, you uttered, "You're wifey material," and fell back asleep. It reminds me of the times when I was sick and you weren't quite as present, but you still gave me comfort. I felt like I mattered.

 

I broke down and wanted to contact you, but I know it won't do any good. The ball is still in your court for contact. I know we won't end up together, and honestly I feel as if that's for the best, but I still miss you sometimes. And I'd like to know, somehow, that you miss me, too. It's selfish, really, because I should be praying you'll move on. Instead I'm hoping someday you'll realize what you lost out on. I hope the fame and the money I gave runs out, and there is no one as stupid as I was to replenish it. I want you to be happy and healthy, but I also selfishly crave your downfall sometimes if for no other reason than for you to see you had a good girl by your side, one who would have done anything. I was working 60 hours a week and going to school while you sat at home and reaped the benefits. I carried you, and it feels like as soon as you felt I was no longer able, you ditched me. I made life choices to support you and your dreams, and you left me the first time it seemed like I needed help.

 

Most of the time I'm fine, but I do miss you. It comes in small bursts and is quickly pushed away by all the ways we didn't work. I know I can find better someday, but I still wish I was in ignorant bliss, loving you with blinders on. Life was easier.

[theanongirl89]

Polaris, are you NC? I don't know why people can di that. Pretend everything's perfect the day before dumping you. How long it's been since your BU?

[polaris]

Polaris, are you NC? I don't know why people can di that. Pretend everything's perfect the day before dumping you. How long it's been since your BU?

 

Broken up 25 days today. The break up was a little ambiguous at the time (or at least I assumed she wasn't really serious), so I gave her 5 days breathing space and then contacted her again by e-mail. It was then that she confirmed that as far as she was concerned, we had broken up, and she had no intention of changing her mind. I said fair enough, told her my feelings hadn't changed (so she knew where I stood), wished her the best and said I wouldn't be in touch any further.

 

 

I've kept to that, so I've had 20 days NC now. The first two weeks were hell (especially the first), with random bouts of crying, and a real inability to concentrate and get anything done. The last week has been better; I've gone several days without tears now and I've been able to do some basic work stuff, though I'm still way below normal functionality. I still think about her and the situation for the vast majority of the time, but at least it's not literally every minute now, as it was before.

 

 

Yeah, the pretence that everything was fine really blindsided me. I did know there was an ongoing issue with her ex, i.e. that she had regained some feelings for him when spending a lot of time one-to-one with him, but for the few weeks before the break up she'd deliberately cut him out of her life for that reason (or so she said; not sure if I really believe that now). She continued to give such strong indications of love, though; even in the last meeting where we apparently broke up, we were kissing and cuddling initially and there was no suggestion of anything wrong, before we got into an argument and started talking about being unhappy. Really odd how someone can go from that to not ever wanting to see you again in a matter of minutes.

 

 

I will remain in NC for the time being, though our situation is complicated by the fact that she works for me a on contract basis, and she has a couple of contracts pending. I've been putting those off for as long as possible, and will continue to do so, but realistically in September I'm going to have to meet her again in a work context. Dreading it, to be honest; this is a situation in which I really would prefer never to see her or have to talk to her again at this point.

[theanongirl89]

 

Broken up 25 days today. The break up was a little ambiguous at the time (or at least I assumed she wasn't really serious), so I gave her 5 days breathing space and then contacted her again by e-mail. It was then that she confirmed that as far as she was concerned, we had broken up, and she had no intention of changing her mind. I said fair enough, told her my feelings hadn't changed (so she knew where I stood), wished her the best and said I wouldn't be in touch any further.

 

 

I've kept to that, so I've had 20 days NC now. The first two weeks were hell (especially the first), with random bouts of crying, and a real inability to concentrate and get anything done. The last week has been better; I've gone several days without tears now and I've been able to do some basic work stuff, though I'm still way below normal functionality. I still think about her and the situation for the vast majority of the time, but at least it's not literally every minute now, as it was before.

 

 

Yeah, the pretence that everything was fine really blindsided me. I did know there was an ongoing issue with her ex, i.e. that she had regained some feelings for him when spending a lot of time one-to-one with him, but for the few weeks before the break up she'd deliberately cut him out of her life for that reason (or so she said; not sure if I really believe that now). She continued to give such strong indications of love, though; even in the last meeting where we apparently broke up, we were kissing and cuddling initially and there was no suggestion of anything wrong, before we got into an argument and started talking about being unhappy. Really odd how someone can go from that to not ever wanting to see you again in a matter of minutes.

 

 

I will remain in NC for the time being, though our situation is complicated by the fact that she works for me a on contract basis, and she has a couple of contracts pending. I've been putting those off for as long as possible, and will continue to do so, but realistically in September I'm going to have to meet her again in a work context. Dreading it, to be honest; this is a situation in which I really would prefer never to see her or have to talk to her again at this point.

 

I'm so sorry! But you haven't been broken up for a long time, actually it's just 25 days. It's normal you feel like you can't do anything. Expect the next months to be like that, but don't even think that it's not normal, feeling like you're not moving on. You are, but you don't realize it yet. They pretend like everything's fine and then, bam! They're gone. Don't force yourself to feel OK. It's okay not to be okay. You can cry, and you can scream and you can be in your bed crying until sleep. You will see that, eventually, you get tired of feeling like that... And then it gets better. Don't bottle up your feelings. FEEL. When you see her, ignore her. I know I'm asking for too much right now... But ignore her as much as you can.

 

A calm sea never turn a pirate into an expert sailor!

[polaris]

I'm so sorry! But you haven't been broken up for a long time, actually it's just 25 days. It's normal you feel like you can't do anything. Expect the next months to be like that, but don't even think that it's not normal, feeling like you're not moving on. You are, but you don't realize it yet. They pretend like everything's fine and then, bam! They're gone. Don't force yourself to feel OK. It's okay not to be okay. You can cry, and you can scream and you can be in your bed crying until sleep. You will see that, eventually, you get tired of feeling like that... And then it gets better. Don't bottle up your feelings. FEEL. When you see her, ignore her. I know I'm asking for too much right now... But ignore her as much as you can.

 

A calm sea never turn a pirate into an expert sailor!

 

Thanks, I really appreciate this. Yeah, I'm expecting this to last for some time in various forms. I had a really traumatic breakup about ten years ago in which I was practically catatonic for a month; really couldn't do anything except stay in bed and cry. Couldn't eat, couldn't really sleep, couldn't work. This time has definitely been better; had a reduced appetite for the first couple of weeks, endless dreams about her unfortunately which interfere with sleep a bit, and endless thoughts about her which interfere with concentration, but it's already beginning to get slightly better. I just hope it doesn't all go back to square one when I have to talk to her again (believe me, I'd love to ignore her forever more, and I will for another month and a half at least hopefully, but I'll have to talk to her about work eventually).

 

Feel? That's interesting. Is that what works best for you? I'm undecided between trying to feel as much as possible, to get it all out, and to try and avoid as much as possible until there's been time to heal. I felt a huge amount in the first two weeks, but now it's almost as if a protective layer has come over me, and somehow I quickly cloud any thoughts which are likely to be too painful, and I'm actively avoiding feeling anything. It does help me to function more, but I do wonder if eventually that's going to go and I'm going to start feeling things just as badly again. Or maybe the passage of time will have helped by then?

 

I see you're a bit further along the process (3 months NC and 7 months after BU?). How are you finding things now?