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How could you throw away everything like that? I don't understand how you could just end it all. After telling me you wanted to marry me. After telling me I was the love of your life, and telling me you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. Were you lying? Were you just telling me that to get me to have sex with you? Because if you actually meant any of that, we would still be together right now. We had the perfect relationship, except for this one thing. We went through so much together, and you just threw all of it away. So you know what? F you. F you for making me imagine my whole future with you, and then pulling it right out from underneath me.

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I really miss you. Even in the good times, I miss you. I wish we could just talk, that's the worst part about this, that the lines of communication are closed.

 

How did you forget me so easily, how did you move on so easily? People tell me "Theres no way she forgot you or got over you easily, she would still miss you" blah blah blah. Why couldn't you just meet me? Did you mean it when you said I was your future, you were in love with me more than anyone else before, you wanted to share your life with me? Or was I some long rebound? Was I so mean and hurt you so badly? Did you ever love 'me' or did you just love having a boyfriend to love?

 

I keep wondering if you ever think of me. And I absolutely hate this, but every time I pick up my phone I think that maybe Ill have a text, email, whatever on my screen from you. I still think something will happen that will have us cross paths again. So much has happened and is happening in my life, and I hate that I cant talk about it with you. While I guess Im not in love with you anymore, I still love you and care about you, but for all I know you couldve emigrated to the other side of the world by now since we haven't spoke in months.

 

Its 8 months (or 10 depending on what the 'official' date was) since we broke up, but I still miss you. And Ive never ever felt like this about a woman before, which scares me because I wonder if you were actually the one for me and I blew it. Sometimes I just want to pick up the phone and call you or text you or anything, but I promised I wouldn't... and I know you don't want me to, and that you wont reopen the lines of communication with me. I just have to suck it up.

 

Anyway, Im sure I don't cross your mind these days, but I still hope that youre happy and well, and that I care about you, and your mother, your brothers, your cousins and your granddad, all of whom I miss.

 

Laurence

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And its so weird, but everything is reminding me of you. That movie Suicide Squad, I went to see that and went alone. It was a big deal going to see it because I remember over a year before it came out you were so excited for it, so excited seeing Jared Leto in it, the new iteration of the Joker. You were really mad about it and said no matter what happened we were going to see the first screening of it in Dublin Watching that was hard. Now Im thinking of Halloween, youll be dressed up in something cool and original as always, then November when I last left your home after that damn breakup and Christmas without and knowing that there wont be anything. That is already worrying me and Im not sure why exactly... Jesus I hate this so much. And I brought this all on myself.

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I didn't take the bait end of July...people who care about others usually ask hey you doing okay? Just seeing how you've been, let me know, or such... not did you call me other day? Knowing that if I do call I always leave a VM, or a email or something to say why I called not just leave it as random nothing calls, like you do. I know..I KNOW you think because I don't let on knowing anything I am clueless and you got it all over on me. You'd yourself if you knew I knew, because you think you are smarter than everyone, heck you would tell me you are the smartest person you know. I wonder how many you are effing behind their back, must be hard that I am no longer in that rotation. I feel sorry because I know you don't love them but there is a means to end for you and she is probably grateful and allows you whatever you want and you take advantage of that. I bet you say I still bother you, just to keep her doing as you please and worrying ( but she never had to worry about me, I don't cheat or help others cheat either) yet I haven't talked for months since right before my bday. I feel like love is poison, it kills you inside out and some people never heal from the sickness it brings them. Thanks for that gift.

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Day 22

 

I was fine until now, I just want to call you and forgive you, and tell you that I get why you did what you did, because you just want the best for me, even if that means I can't be with you. And although you are with someone else, that I hope she makes you happ, I love you, and thats all I want for you..happiness

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You don't care about anybody's feelings but your own... you hide behind this facade of being caring and generous, when you are only out for your own gains. You left me with so many feelings yet have no interest in hearing about them... yet I have to hear about your perfect life...? the way you treated me, used me, and left me without warning, you should feel lucky I want anything to do with you at all... yet you find a way to make it about yourself as usual. I loved you like I've loved no other, I gave you my heart and soul... and you've ripped them to bits and dragged them through the mud. I am slowly learning to dislike you... and to see you for the selfish, materialistic, two-faced snake you truly are.

 

Much love, R.

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U contacted me a few weeks ago.. Just to discuss work... I've been mostly ok. But not a day goes by where I don't miss u. I wish I could have what we had back, Bc u made my days better. I was happy spending time with you and looked forward to it.. I miss u. I miss the good and the bad. I know it's over, I just want to feel that way again. I want to be happy and excited about someone

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It's been almost 1 year since I left you. I'm not sure if I've healed or just gotten better at avoiding thoughts of you when they creep in. I'm still scared that if I think of you too much I'll relapse. People tell me I'm doing a good job moving on but I don't think they have a clue how I feel inside. Every single day I still think of you, but I've just found more things to distract myself so I don't dwell. The nightmares still come at least 3-4 times a week and I don't know what to do about those, but I like to think eventually they'll end.

 

Halloween was my favorite holiday all my life. It was yours too. Then it became ours. Now I hate to love it, if that makes any sense. There'll never be another Joker to your Harley like I was. I hope me leaving you has left you with at least a HUNDRETH of the emotional pain you've caused and left me with, you despicable human being. F**k you for what you did to us.

 

I hope your boys are still well. I think of them often and have nightmares of them as well.

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I havent spoke to you since August. It hurts that you didnt reply to me last week. But its just par for the course. I miss you. The other day when i went to the store i saw your sister. Unfortunately for us both i felt like there was no choice for me but to continue on my chosen path as i noticed her last minute and it would have been stupid to just turn around. But i acknowledged her with the casual head nod partially held the door for her. I believe she was with her son who btw is fine as anything....anyway then i just kept it moving. I didnt formally say hello because honestly....the last time I saw her she was helping your other sister get your things out if my house. And the time b4 that we were on her front lawn making small talk....and i think that about sums up my dealings with her. Im not used to having been in a relationship and then bumping into family members from that ex. Its smallsville. Anyway. She said thank you...a very delayed thank you and its not that i didnt hear her....its just i was a bit offended. Did she say thank you to me for using my vacation time to help you with your appointments did she say thank you for feeding you and helping you all the time we were together....did she say thank you when i helped you out of the house and down the steps while you were literally falling on top of me because your MS had effed your vision up and i basicly caried you to the car. No. No she didnt and actually you didnt either and no member of that family of yours did. Everyone loves you. Everyone. And so did I. And i hate myself for still continueing to have feelings for you. I hate that i litterally exhausted myself daily for you. I hate that no one in this story of us.....will the community and i mean the community that loves you....ever hear my side. How i needed help and didnt get it. That it was too much for me alone. And since no one really gave a crap about me and certainly me being with YOU......i had to ask you to leave. Its just so not fair

And then the thoughts at 4am when I wake up. Hoping you are ok. Knowing your probably more than fine and cuddled up with a new girl. And then..i try and ddift to sleep....and i move my 'Comfy foot" and damn near cry cause you have a comfy foot. The us part was perfect. The MS onset and insane rampant progression without proper support from your family was not. I could accept the disease....and love you through it....but not with your family's lack of support. They disliked me frim the beginning. Now that they have you they thank me. I guess they have seen how much work it is. I love you. Wish you were holding me watching tv

Edited by Sobb44
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You meant the world to me. We were soulmates, a match made in heaven, untill the cracks started to show. To different, different opinions on the world, different ideas, goals in life.

 

You made me feel so loved in the beginning, it was aamazing. 3.5 years. I never cheated and kept loving you like i never loved before. I stayed home with my kid while you went out, you didnt have a kid, so you didnt have to stay in all the time the week i had mine, i didnt have to worry you said. I didnt feel comfortable with that. It turned in to more neediness from me, jealousy and clinginess. Everything to push someone away. But i couldnt live like that. I didnt know how to handle it. It was eating me from the inside.

 

You meant the world to me, and we ed up. In august you told me so many nice things, went on holiday with me. Then you went of with a gf and changed your mind about us. You dumped me. After 3.5 years. I'm happy to see you live the jetset life you were after finally now. I could have never given that to you. Nice you posted that picture all 3 of you laughing and happy with your new bf and that other guy were the mother of my child left me for 5 years ago. That was a really nice one. ty someone showed me that.

 

No contact for 2.5 weeks now. I wish i could ff time, it kills me to see your happy and having so much fun, while im pretending to be allright, feeling completely lost and empty. It feels like everything you ever said tom me was a big scam. I know it isnt. Things just changed and i wasnt the jetset guy you wanted to find. I should have known in the beginning, but i was blinded by love. Everyday went a bit better, its been 1.5 months since our brake up now. But that pic crushed my heart. Is that really the girl i loved so much, i had so many amazing moments with? How can one be so wrong? You never even asked me how i was doing.. never asked about my child, you said you loved so much.

 

Unbelievable what a self centered person you allways were. Its sad to say from me, but i hope things dont work out with him. I hope you smash your pretty face against the wall and you get dumped yourself. Youre such an opportunistic person, its unbelievable.

 

I hope you enjoy the mansion and the range rover, you must be having the time of your life right now.

 

You selfish **** ! Hope you choke in it. (not litterally).

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You meant the world to me. We were soulmates, a match made in heaven, untill the cracks started to show. To different, different opinions on the world, different ideas, goals in life.

 

You made me feel so loved in the beginning, it was aamazing. 3.5 years. I never cheated and kept loving you like i never loved before. I stayed home with my kid while you went out, you didnt have a kid, so you didnt have to stay in all the time the week i had mine, i didnt have to worry you said. I didnt feel comfortable with that. It turned in to more neediness from me, jealousy and clinginess. Everything to push someone away. But i couldnt live like that. I didnt know how to handle it. It was eating me from the inside.

 

You meant the world to me, and we ed up. In august you told me so many nice things, went on holiday with me. Then you went of with a gf and changed your mind about us. You dumped me. After 3.5 years. I'm happy to see you live the jetset life you were after finally now. I could have never given that to you. Nice you posted that picture all 3 of you laughing and happy with your new bf and that other guy were the mother of my child left me for 5 years ago. That was a really nice one. ty someone showed me that.

 

No contact for 2.5 weeks now. I wish i could ff time, it kills me to see your happy and having so much fun, while im pretending to be allright, feeling completely lost and empty. It feels like everything you ever said tom me was a big scam. I know it isnt. Things just changed and i wasnt the jetset guy you wanted to find. I should have known in the beginning, but i was blinded by love. Everyday went a bit better, its been 1.5 months since our brake up now. But that pic crushed my heart. Is that really the girl i loved so much, i had so many amazing moments with? How can one be so wrong? You never even asked me how i was doing.. never asked about my child, you said you loved so much.

 

Unbelievable what a self centered person you allways were. Its sad to say from me, but i hope things dont work out with him. I hope you smash your pretty face against the wall and you get dumped yourself. Youre such an opportunistic person, its unbelievable.

 

I hope you enjoy the mansion and the range rover, you must be having the time of your life right now.

 

You selfish **** ! Hope you choke in it. (not litterally).

 

And still i miss you and wished you were coming over to have dinner, take a bath and hold me and kiss me like we used too..

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To my ex David B.

 

Congratulations on turning into a lying, cheating piece of sh%* from becoming an alcoholic. When I first met you 5 years ago, before you started drinking heavily, you were a completely different person, an amazing, attractive, kind and caring man who would have done anything for me and I for you. The alcohol has turned you into a pathetic lying, cheating piece sh&*. You are also going to smoke and drink yourself to death as I fear you may already have COPD from smoking for 40 years and all the coughing and hacking you always do. I am saddened that I think the devil has got you in his grips and if you don't pray to God to save your soul soon, he may completely take you and destroy you. I wish that you could go back to the kind, caring, wise responsible loving man that you were when we first met in 2011 and you weren't drinking. I really hate you for how evil you have become. I can only pray for your soul. In a way I wish that someone would hurt you as bad as you hurt me and rip your heart and soul out and smash into pieces on the ground. But in a way I just pray for you because I know you are destroying yourself.

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Been awhile since I've posted here. Noticed you stalked my fb page recently. Very surprised. Not sure why you did. I didn't think it would affect me but it did. It doesn't help that the guy I'm casually seeing is being super casual to the point I feel like I have no idea what is going on. I haven't thought of you much these days but seeing that you checked me out did stir some old feelings...

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Must be a day of stalking

 

I noticed you checked out my Facebook last night, I wonder what you are up - continuously deactivating it then reinstating it? - a little part of me thinks there is a scheming side to you... you have said somethings which are going around my head like alarms.

 

I'm kinda pissed at you right now... how could you??. You talked yourself up so much, apparently you are a nice guy who deserves to be happy - someone who is there for your friends... really?? This time last year I was getting over another nice guy... you two have something in common... so nice, but you both chased me when I said I wasn't interested or ready, you both said you would were solid with big pure hearts and love me... love aye?? this is what you call love? thank you for nothing.

 

Today I feel like crying, yelling, if I could let you see what you have done, or what you have undone. All that energy I have spent on healing.... and now back to me having to go through it all ... again.

 

What do I do? do I give up on love?

 

F!!!!

 

I trusted you, I confided in you, you took advantage of me ... I told you I couldn't loose my heart& part of my soul all over again... I really don't have the strength for this again...

 

broken

Edited by Lisii
I'm not of sound mind
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I hate you so much, it is eating me up right now. I also hate myself for being so stupid allowing another human being to have the power to hurt me this bad. Our relationship has been flashing before my eyes, the good times and the bad, how you used to send me love songs of what you wanted to say to me in our FB private messages, how you used to kiss me gently on the forehead. I admit I had some fault in the failure of the relationship as well due to my issues and insecurities but that still gave you know right to just f*ck me over at the end of our 5 year relationship and throw me away like i'm a piece of dirt, and lie to me and deceive me. I could tell when you were lying. Do you really think I believe you just started talking to this a day after we were together for the last time and then she just came over right away...HAHAHA It amuses me how stupid you think I am. I hate you so much and I wish you would get cancer and your life would be horrible and every relationship you have you get an STD or the screws you over.......you deserve it.... Now I'm going to stop wasting my time on a piece of Sh*t like you and go work on making me a better person while you continue to destroy yourself drinking, smoking and screwing every nasty skank you meet at the bar or on Facebook!!!

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You told me I was your "favorite" more times than I can remember and I will always remember the smile I could put on your face. I do miss you and there are many nights I wish we could still cuddle and quiz each other on random nonsense, but those days are sadly past. One thing for sure is that I am tired of friends bringing you up or saying how awesome you were...just makes it all the worse to deal with.

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