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Why did you come round last night? You are a vile and vindictive person thinking I will walk away from a property with nothing.

I want this over quickly but I'm not disadvantaging me and my future.

Stop trying to blackmail me and make me feel guilty. We both contributed to the break-up the same way that we both contributed to the relationship.

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I really don't understand you. You told me time and time again how much you wanted to try again with me and after many months, we have the opportunity. You say you want it and that it would be your dream come true to have a healthy relationship with me, but you have met "her" and while you told me "you just aren't that into her" and your best friend realized that also, you love that she wants to be with you. You think she offers you security and you aren't sure we will stay together. You admit that you aren't excited about her but you don't want to disconnect with her romantically to try again with me even though you tell me how much you really do want that... It seems to me that the truth is apparent. You love me but you really don't want to give her up as an option. If only she knew what you have been doing for the last month and our conversations, she wouldn't want to be with you, but she doesn't. You haven't told her. Your deepest, most heartfelt feelings she can't know. You can't tell her. So, why am I jealous of your relationship with her? I have no idea. I wouldn't want to be in such a dishonest setup to be frank. And I wouldn't want to settle for the perception of safety over love. I want love and deep, connected love. The kind that we have. But if you don't want to try again, then I will let you go.

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Is it so wrong that I still think about you, and that I still love you? I really don't understand what happened between us. We have been together for 8 years, and all of a sudden you broke up with me and married a guy that you barely knew in less than 3 months? Did you know I feel lower than dirt when you did this to me? I thought of you as my wife, and that we will be together for the rest of our lives. I am sorry that I have not propose to you, because deep inside of me I know that one day you will break my heart....Regardless of this instinct that I have, I still want to try and push over any obstacle that we had, and we lasted 8 years. We had our up and down, but we always find way to make it through. It is so hurtful that you took breaking up to the extreme and married so quickly. You didn't even have the courage to tell me that you married, instead you left me in the dark for 3 months. Did you know that during that 3 months I was in a very dark and depressing place? How can someone that once loved me so much do this to me? Did you know that you have scarred me for live? Now that all had ended, why can't I forget you? Especially with the things that you did to me, why can't I just move on and not think about you?.......

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You know what pisses me off is that you would never speak to me in person or even over the phone. You said you wished more than anything that we could be together, you were heartbroken that we were split up, but you wouldnt even talk to me. It was all texting. F**k sake. Its 9 months since we split and over 6 months since we saw each other face to face and I still tihnk of you. anytime I get close to another woman I have intense feelings of guilt and minor panic attacks, as if Im cheating on you. I just wish I could dump my feelings for you or erase you from my memory. I hate myself so much for this at times, I try to say its that you wouldnt speak and just end things face to face, instead it just sort of 'drifted', but I hate myself for still caring. I feel like my healing has plateaued now; Im not intensely sad or miserable all the time, altho it sitll happens, but now Im just drifting along and I havent had a day when I thought of you or wish youd email or text me... Dammit. How could you go from loving me and disucssing the future with me and saying I was what you wanted to just ' youre just a guy I dated that it didnt work out with'... Why am I like this and youre absolutely fine? I hate that I brought this on me/us. Dont know what else to say

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I am so grateful for this community and specifically this thread. It has helped me through so many heartbreaks. Somehow knowing tens of thousands of other people are here feeling exactly how I am albeit different situations and some levels of variance. All of that energy helps me know I'm not alone, nor am I foolish for letting myself hurt so many times.. Maybe it's just a learning curve to better myself for the right person. And all of us are lucky to have had love in the first place. The biggest lesson I am trying to learn right now is to not worry so much about what it meant to you.. To not be concerned with the disparity btwn our feelings and what that means. It's something that has always plagued me and typically is the source of my deepest wound because it makes me question why I had to be alone in that moment and if it was even real if the other person wasn't there too? As if I somehow transport like Alice in Alice in wonderland and the only person who was there was me. That loneliness makes me feel the deepest sense of rejection and unworthiness. As though anyone I share what I consider a pure connection with is never there with me and then the connection never was made.. It was a hallucination by me . I'm learning to understand I should be grateful for the love I had in those moments, because those beautiful feelings happened for me. It was a journey. It showed me how I want to feel and that I still can. I will miss feeling that way. I will miss the time passing like sand through a sifter and people fading to blurs when I was with you. The heightened senses from the adrenaline. The vivid memories of erotic moments that froze time and ecstasy was all that was left. The nights you let me see the real you. The nights I had hope for a developing future. The way I felt so free in the breeze with the windows rolled down and your smile lighting up your face. How whenever something great happened at work I was almost more excited to share it with you. The way you thought my thoughts were ridiculous but entertained them anyways. The text exchange and witty banter throughout the day. Knowing someone knew my world so intimately bechase you were in it and I didn't hide from you. Knowing I was just as excited to make out with you and talk as I was to go out and get dressed up. Equally fulfilled to have your attention.. I will even miss the burning fire I felt at all the disappointments. All the times you changed at the drop of the hat without any reason or rhyme. How you became a clam, cold and harsh without any way to pry you open.. You exuded the same y , mean, snarky energy she did the night she called me... It was like you were bleeding out the parts of you that were her. Right onto me and I absorbed it until I had nothing left. Unfortunately I don't think I knew you, and I don't think you know you. I think you compartamentalize and hide bits and pieces depending on your audience. I liked the side you sometimes showed me, the one right before the bleeding . Always came in cycles like that ... Beautiful night, next time I saw you, bleeding. Then average, and then back again. The night of the death of anything between us... I realized I had no idea who you were and maybe you were acting in the tjmes I thought you were the most genuine. It was a punch to the stomach and all I could do was gasp for air while I struggled to move around as if nothing occurred. The blows came in tandem.. First you being taken as a bf, next the bleeding girl calling me and me knowing you told her everything about my life... I imagined you giggling with her about how upset she made me.. I felt like I was in a horrible dream. Total outer body experience. Shock. You had been lying to me not just about her but she knew you more than I did.. Then I ran into your friend who told me not only did u never care for me, but you think everything related to my success was handed to me .... Shattered. As I drunkenly try to sort through the mess w u, u just reaffirm everything and even worse, tell me you don't care if I hate you, you just want the drama to end. I delete you from my phone so that I know I have zero way of ever contacting you again. I leave the country for a week and because I am removed, I forget all about you. I come home and it's as if zero progress had been made the past week , as if I had hit pause on my life and now I'm back to the day of the tragedy. I'm in tears all day.. But in some senses okay because I know the worst has passed. I have see your 4 faces and now it's just coping and licking my wounds.. Then I get a message from you... Unemotional , just asking me how my trip was and wishing me luck on my new career.. Apologizing for how much of a jerk you were and blaming your friend.. I just responded truthfully, told you I was hurt but I don't hate you, I forgive you. Had u not acted like you didn't care for me at all to anyone important in your life, making me question if you hated me, we could've had a meaningful friendship. I know you'll be great in whatever you do, I wish you the best. Take care. Your response of course was another disappointment for me.. "Thank you, I appreciate that. I loved working with you"... Awful. Working with me... As if I'm some nerd in hs doing your hw and that was my purpose for you.. Maybe it was. Need to learn from this and move on, at least I was able to feel something and in the future, I'll find someone who reciprocates those feelings and gives me everything you couldn't. For now I do need to work on myself and learn to love myself again.. I think half of the reason this happened is because I didn't feel worthy of someone who looked a certain way and was also accomplished. As if my biggest asset is my looks so if someone is equal in that I won't be enough... I need to work and meditate on this. I guess awareness is the first step .

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You came into my life like a thief unannounced in the night; You stole my heart and made it your own; I didn’t report you to the police, your sexy eyes, cute face. Your charming eyes stopped me from doing so. In simple terms you were too fine for words. The first time I saw your face I saw potential and a bright future with someone I hardly knew yet who was so keen to get to know me better just as I was. At that time we both didn’t know if it was for a good cause or not. One thing I know is, it was good while it lasted. I don’t know what happened, but its just not there anymore. The good times we used to have just talking to each other. The sleepless nights caused by long chats. They will forever be memorable. Its sad you couldn’t recognize pure gold when it was standing right before your eyes, all you had to do was to grab onto it. I’m not going to lie or pretend not to like you anymore. If I did I would be lying to myself. The truth of the matter is you are the apple of my eye and that is not a lie

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i know you are going through a phase in life now where you need to find yourself. im heartbroken that i couldnt be the one to be there for you in this period. no matter where you are in life right now, i hope you are happier now cos this is all that i want for you. i hope that one day all this sacrifices will make sense and turn out okay. i hope that when the right time comes, we will both know that what we did was for the best for both of us.

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God I miss you so much and I wish it wasn't this easy for you to move on.. I wish you were hurting and missing me too.. you always say I don't want to to be together right now.. like you really do just want to around and then come back to me. I want you so bad but I know it's not fair to wait around for you. I know it's not okay what you're doing bc I'm worth it. I'm worth giving up all the other girls. I worth standing by. I'm just worth it. you say you're not trying to move on and that you love me but you want to hurt me? I don't understand. it's only been a week and you are planning something with another girl a month in advanced. I hope she is just worth it you don't get to pick and choose when you want to love someone. you don't get to decide to put them on hold. when you love someone you really choose them. and you've never picked me. I have been here with you through hell and back and it's not fair anymore. I'm worth it. and I'll be worth it to someone. this hurts me so bad and I don't understand how you could leave the one who loves you the most in this world... to know your worth? you think by other girls wanting you that's your worth?? it's ed up and I'm not losing anything special. sure I lost my virginity to you but you weren't there for me when I was crying. you aren't here for me now when I found out something was wrong. you have never given me the same love I gave you ever. and we will never get back together. I refuse to do this again I refuse to let you get another chance to break my heart after deciding you're bored with me.. I'm done waiting for you until things don't work out with with your new little fling. you just want to have her to say you had her. you know you can have anyone you want but can you love someone else like you loved me? can you do that are they gonna love you how I loved you. I don't understand what goes through your head. I'm really focusing on moving on. I'm really not going to talk to you or see you.. I'm really going to leave this relationship in the past kinda how you left me. it's not worth the hurt anymore. I want to be happy too. I always put you first hoping one day you would do the same for me and that's never happened. this isn't a real love at all. you're the first person I've ever been in love with but you don't love me at all.. you're my first love but you have no emotional attachment to me. I never want to be with you again. I never want to sleep with you or hold you again. I never want to love you again for the rest of my life bc you don't deserve it honestly. you really think there is someone better out there for you? do you really truly believe that?? you like ing around because it pumps your head up.. or shows you your worth you think worth is associated with how many people want you.. it's not Ethan. you're not the one for me and I tried to change everything to make it fit that you were.. but you're not and you have never been the one for me. this is who you really are. you're mean you're selfish and you only care about you.. you could careless if I cry myself to sleep or how I feel about you already planning on spending your night with Deja. you've always liked her and I don't like when you lie to me and tell me you don't. you want to like her Ethan you want to be able to move on from me first and that's why you don't tell me to move on. you want me as a back up plan. you're so mean how could you look at me cry and beg you to pick me over Deja and you just sit there and say no I want to go with her. you're careless and selfish and I need to let you go. you picked someone else over me.. you chose another girl over me. and you can't come back after spending your last homecoming with her. you just can't I will feel used and unloved. I already do, and I knew you would go back to her. I already knew that would happen. you go back to the same girls every time Ethan until you them and then you feel accomplished and then it's over. you're so unhurt by this and it's crazy bc I hurt everyday. and you'll say things to hurt me and do things to hurt me. like you really already moved on to someone else? like already it's been a week Ethan and you can already have an interest in someone else. like you have no love me for at all and it's stupid and I hate it. I hate this so much. why don't you love me Ethan why don't you want to be with me. how can you pick someone else and not the one who really loves you.. you've never even met this girl. and now I have to force myself to move on. I have to retell myself that you aren't the one and you'll never be the one.

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I hope you wake up one day and wish it was me in your arms, kissing you good morning, telling you I love you and how much joy you bring to my life and you regret letting me go. Every woman you date will never compare to me and the way I felt for you and treated you. You will just settle because you can't see a good woman when you have her, and I will be with a man who knows what he has, and thanks you every day for the rest of his life that you let me go.

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You know I wasted some time on you.....Hanging on holding on. It's what you said to me when you left. Don't read to much into this any of this. Well. I havent seen you in three months....havent spoken in a couple weeks, and now you dont reply. I guess what we had, has played out. You no longer need me, the woman who, held it down. Paid the rent. Bills, Groceries, co pays, picked up the meds, drove you around, got you to the hospital when it was needed. YOU ARE A FOOL. You condition is never going away, and I accepted you with it because I LOVED YOU. AT your best I loved you, and your most scared weakest I loved you. But. I guess your good now. Lean on them then. I will continue to hold it down. If you ever see me again....I will just look away. Cause that's what you and your ungrateful family do....they just look on, look over, right on through. Guess what. You are nothing.

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I met someone cool on my road trip, and she wasn't you. Her name is Kelly. Leave me alone, and quit trying to reel the rest of my family in to get me back. You went from being my everything to being completely annoying. You are a miserable person. Your ex husband knows it, your kids know it (wouldn't you like to know what they've said about you to me). Your next "boyfriend" will know it.

 

Fix your life. You're a mess. But wait, you won't. You never do anything wrong. It's everyone against you.

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to D and N - guys like you use people to get ahead, what frustrates me is that there was nothing I could do to. You took my kindness and used me for it. I have woken up now, but because of you two I have trust issues and low self worth... and everything else that makes me feel worthless on top.

 

One day I hope you understand the pain you have caused. not just to me, but the other women you did the same to and those in the future that you will be doing this too.

 

I send you love, not deep love, but love to dissolve the nastiness in your souls so you can wake up to yourselves

 

Dorks.

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We have had 5 months of no contact.... and are you seriously contacting me just to say that I was too good for you ... are you serious ? It's lame! The real reason we didn't work out is that you could never really commit. You were unreliable....flaked on my bday...Vday....no showed to two dates.... I am sad over you but the truth is the year and half we dated on and off you never ever felt like you were ever truly mine.... ever. How can you say you love someone but never want to show that someone that you truly care. I thought you were special and different. I thought you were going to be different than anyone i ever dated in the past...but the truth is you weren't. I just want to be over you already.

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It's been nice chatting with you off and on over the last few weeks. It's such a relief to not miss you anymore. You still bug me with your sporadic texting style, just like you did when we were dating. But I hadn't expected any different, so no surprise there. The only change is that I'm far less impacted by it, because you matter less. I'm glad you are once again a part of my life, but you're not the center of my world anymore. When you text me, I reply. When I think of something I want to tell you, I text. But honestly I think of you less and less as the days go by.

 

You're a good guy. I like you. But I don't love you anymore.

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I miss your good morning texts, your calls to me after work asking how my day was, spending my weekends with you. I feel I took you for granted, we never walked around Boston anymore and haven't in quite a while. I miss you so much it hurts. Please take me back, want to be with me again. I love you

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i am going to stop letting you have control over my feelings. i have to start my journey of letting go and healing. i love you and you are a great guy, but we are not what the other needs.

i hope that you find happiness for yourself because despite everything, i will always care for you. and i know that you do for me too, and that is why we made this decision to part ways.

 

ive had you for the best 5 years of my life and i am forever grateful for that.

 

-H

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I truly thought you were "the one." I thought you would be different. We didn't have a blowout or anything. We just parted ways because you said you needed to focus on your career post retirement. You said you'd come back; however, I want to move on. I told you I'd be with you good or bad but somehow that wasn't enough. I wish the phone would buzz with you on the other line but I'm sure it won't.

 

I'm on day 6 now and I've managed to overcome the urges to contact you. You essentially broke things off so it's up to you make the contact. Military life isn't easy and I hope you're safe during your deployment.

 

I was invested, you were not. I feel foolish.

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Almost one year relationship and you threw it away because your friends told you to. I wish this will turn back to you and fake co. as you all like to break someone's heart like mine. I'm very hurt. You told me you love me and when I needed you - you don't love me anymore... Sometimes I really would like to go at your place only to throw punches in your face and go. But I choose No contact and let go because you are not worth at all.

If you ever try to contact me again, don't be surprised to get a stinky finger as a response.

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I had a really nice date this weekend. Don't know where it's heading or anything but it was nice to have a good time on a date. Hope you are well and have found what you are looking for. Wouldn't want to be with someone always waiting for the other shoe to drop once that exciting prospect showed up for you. I guess it's true that everything happens for a reason.

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