NuggetButt

I have literally nothing to say to you right now. I've missed you and obsessed over you the past 6 months but I'm over obsessing and just feel nothing I guess. I still plan on reaching out in the future after my summer exams are over as I don't want to distract myself from them. I think I'll ring you so I have the element of surprise seeing as we wouldn't have spoken in 6 months (it'll be 8 months post BU) and I can hear your reaction. It's weird how I'm forgetting ever being with you. You were my first love we spent nearly 2 years together and all the memories and feelings are fading. I don't even know how I will feel speaking to you and hearing your voice. I can look at your pictures now and feel nothing. But when I put thought into it and remember some of our amazing times I still feel like we had the perfect connection. I've changed. The things I did back then was never me. I was given freedom and used it to rebel but that's over now. I'm slowly becoming the woman I've always wanted to be and create the life I always wanted to have I just wish you could have stuck with me to see it, but I think if we never broke up I wouldn't have been able to mend myself the way I have. Life is an amazing thing and I've learned to appreciate it more. Even the break up was a blessing as it allowed me to grow. Although we're in our early 20's we both needed to grow up in some ways. We enjoyed each others company so much we shut out the rest of the world and I think that was part of my downfall. You left for your year abroad and I thought I was fine but instead I was slowly falling into depression and didn't have the right people to fall back on. I don't know how my perfect boyfriend turned into that person that lied to me and broke up with me though it's usually the other way around and this is something I don't think ill ever get closure on I just have to move past it. I do hope you agree to meeting up. I want to see how you've been. How your year abroad was and how you've changed. And see if there is any connection still there between us. I know I can live without you but I want one last shot with my first love and if it's not meant to be I want to sincerely be your friend because I hate that we can't even speak at all after what we felt for each other. Wish you all the best x