wish9080

Went for a swim in the ocean yesterday and I let go of you completely from my heart and forgave you for the pain you caused. Forgiving myself is harder but I'm learning to do it slowly but surely. I felt a sense of peace watching the waters ripple and recede, imagining every broken promise you made sink deeper and deeper into the clear blue/green water. I will stop living in the past. I no longer live there. I know great things are ahead of me if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. But that will never happen as long as I'm stuck holding onto you. It's time to start living again. I see now that I was too good for you. "Just because you miss someone doesn't mean you should go running back to them. Sometimes, you have to keep missing them until you wake up one morning and realize you don't anymore."

I've been thinking about you more than usual this week. Probably because your birthday is coming up. It hurts just thinking about the amazing summer we had last year and how this summer is so different without you in it. It just hurts. It's been five months NC and thankfully you no longer check up on me. That screwed with my head. I'm proud of myself that I never once reached out to you, but you couldn't seem to let me go. You said you wanted me to keep being in your life and at first I thought that was better than not having you in it, but I quickly realized I didn't want to be downgraded from girlfriend to good friend. That's the part I don't get. We were best friends and lovers. I don't know what went wrong. I wish I never met you.

I'm missing you today and I don't know why. I know I don't want to get back together with you after the way you treated me. I hate the way you misled me into thinking you wanted more than you were actually willing to give. All those talks of marriage and babies and our future together. You really did a number on me when you left me out of the blue. I feel like an idiot, and yet, I still miss you and your family. What was the point of your so called game? You built up this amazing future for us together and then without a second thought, threw it all back in my face as if you never meant a word of it. Who does that?? I don't need you. I made a big mistake opening myself up to you and thinking you wanted all the same things I wanted out of life. You made me believe you wanted to give me the moon and the stars. Eff you and your phony lies. You're pathetic and insecure. That's why you built yourself up so much. You were all talk, but never backed up your words with actions. Ugh. Goodbye and good riddance.

You are a fake. The person I thought I knew is gone. I only wish I could have seen you for who you really were before all of this blew up in my face. Hindsight is always 20/20 I guess. It was all a lie and I can see that now. I'm done mourning the loss of something that never even existed.

Wow. Coming accross that little bit of info today really opened my eyes to the fact that you are a complete jerk. It hasn't even been two months yet and I have to see this? Really? That's how little I meant to you? You have helped me let go of any last shred of hope I had left that you might come back. You were right when you said you didn't deserve someone like me. You have a long way to go when it comes to understanding what love is. You're such a coward. I don't know what I ever saw in you.

Someday I'm gonna run accross your mind But don't worry, I'll be fine I'm gonna be alright While you're sleeping with your pride Wishing I could hold you tight I'll be over you And on with my life

I miss you. Moving forward is so hard now since summer is upon us. It seems like everywhere I go I remember a specific memory from the summer before. We had so many great memories and I was looking forward to making new ones with you. I hear you're getting drunk a lot and going out all the time. It seems those that are close to you can't even understand what's going on with you. I wish I could know what you were thinking, if you even think about me at all, but your silence these past 4 weeks speaks volumes.

I wish I could stop dreaming about you. Everytime I wake up reality hits me like a slap in the face.

I was so nice to you even after all those hurtful things you said to me. Why was I so damn nice??? At least the last memory you have of me is walking away with my dignity intact. All I want to say now is **** you! How could you toy with my emotions and lead me on for as long as you did? I poured my heart out to you and was willing to fight for you, for us, and yet you couldn't give me another chance. You chose your problems instead of fighting to work it out with me. I deserve way better than you. Maybe one day I'll understand why you weren't the one for me and I'll be so thankful it didn't work out. Goodbye J.

It's been exactly one month and I still don't understand any of this. I know I should just stop trying to figure out when and where things went wrong but I just can't. The day before you broke up with me you were telling me how much you loved me. That you could never bear the thought of ever losing me. Well now you've lost me and I don't understand how you can act like I don't even matter anymore. All our dreams and plans for the future that YOU always brought up are now gone. How can it be over just like that? Was everything you said to me a lie?

I can't believe you threw us away and broke every single promise you made to me. If it was all a game why would you stay with me for a year? Why take me ring shopping? Why look at houses together and talk about marriage all the time? In the end you were just an immature boy, not a man, and I'm realizing more and more how much better off I am without you in my life. It still hurts sometimes but I'm getting a little stronger everyday.

Wish I could erase all my memories of us and pretend like it never happened.