Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[iamstrong]

...I have had negotiations for a new job last week. I don't know if i should accept new job. I felt need to talk to you on this subject, to have your opinion and advice....but you are not here with me anymore...

 

Love: I know the EXACT same feeling: I too am contemplating a major move: but my friend is out shagging others now.

[iamstrong]

SM: I am off to skip to work: I wish I had you to talk to.

[Hazyillusions]

I miss you. I can still picture your face and smile so vividly.

I wish you were here with me.

[iam42]

I still miss you - everyday. it hurts that I don't get to know you anymore. you hadmy favorite mind - it makes me sad that I never get to hear it at work. so many things happen with me and I never get to share them with you.

 

it hurts a lot. for a long time I'd believed and secretly hoped that you were waiting to be strong enough to come and find me, to befriend me. now I think that i'm a part of your inconsequential past. the very thought of that kills me because I can't imagine ever feeling that way about you.

 

I would've done anything for you. and you wouldn't do amything for me - not even give me my money. that makes me feel so cheap - that you would barter away my being ok and things being respectful between us and the possobility of a future friendship to not pay me money you offered and then claimed repeatedly to send.

 

you're a tender man. I know that. I remember waiting and watching you work through 20 minutes of rambling to get out your request for a bike ride. but I also know that you are strategic anf subtle. and if you wanted me at all - thought I was someone who should be in your life - you would pick up the phone. and you haven't in nearly a year. you have not once called (ok - maybe once) to say "hi you. how are you?" and let me tell you.

 

but I think of you everyday - some level of shock at how love and harm work together - even with the lovely you.

[iam42]

I love you enough (and me enough) to let you design your life as you see fit. I trust you enough to know what's best for you. I love you enough to wish you abundant joy and success even if unconnected to me.

[lioness726]

W-

 

These messages to you now seem to be more of a diary for me. I guess that's good because you are becoming less apart of me. But I still feel the need to write here because you're still in my damn thoughts. Always. I never have any feelings of guilt when it comes to other men or even when I do anything with other men. But I still think of you. I still remember you so well. When I think of all the good about you, it kills me. When I think of you banging other women, it KILLS me. And I'm sure you already have gone there- numerous times. But... you're a man. You don't get those mushy feelings when it comes to sex and I'm sure you want your needs filled. I should get it. We're not together anymore and you made that choice. So with that, comes your freedom to do what you want with other women. So why not? I understand that on the non-emotional- outside-of-the-situation end... But, I'm not outside of it. I still love you. So, yeah.

 

I made the mistake of looking at photos of you- photos of us, you and my friends, even photos of your friends and me. I really shouldn't have. It hurt. I didn't cry or anything, but it gave me that deep, empty feeling inside. That void of darkness and sadness. It's always with me. Now that it's late and I'm thinking about it- I feel like I may cry now. F***! It's been nearly 9 weeks since we parted. Why aren't I over all this? I mean, you're not THAT hot. Sure, you're good looking but you're certainly no Ryan Reynolds. Yes, you're very funny and witty... *Sigh* I think that's what I miss the most about you. Your wit and sense of humor. I loved that about you and I really hadn't met anyone else who matched you. You and I were always on the same page. And I loved that I made you laugh as well. I remember when I would say something that was funny, you would laugh and tell me how cute or clever I was. You really were good at making me feel good about my writing and sense of humor. You were the first to ever have done that.

 

Maybe that's why I thought you were so special. Maybe that's why I felt there was more of a significant connection than you did- or rather, than there really was. Sometimes I wonder if I had acted more interested in your goals in life, or even challenged you- maybe it would have been different. But I look back and realize that I did and every time I tried, you would knock me down with a wall you would put up. You closed yourself off to all that, then you would flip it around on me and ask me what my goals and plans were and in a way- pick on me with how I spent my money. I remember that was the biggest thing for you. And while that IS a concern in any relationship- I felt it wasn't your business since you hadn't even said "I love you" and we hadn't even discussed moving in together or anything. Our relationship was still so much on the surface yet you would find deeper things to pick at and use those as excuses for your lack of reciprocation. Which is bullsh** if you think about it.

 

What was it really, W? What REALLY were your reasons for not being able to feel love for me? Because it truly seemed like to me, and everyone else, that you did- at least at one point. You never had a reason not to, honestly. I know you loved your ex N, but everyone else thought I was a MUCH better match for you. I mean, they very well could have been lying to me. But why the F*** would someone lie about that? That's just hurtful. And it's not because they don't like N. They all love her.

 

So of course, with your friends thinking we were so amazing together, a lot of people were very surprised to hear that we broke up. We didn't have any problems... I guess this all becomes so hard for me to fathom. Especially because in my past, when there was a breakup with an ex, I more or less saw it coming. We had problems. We fought. I guess you could say this is a "clean break". (If there IS such a thing.) But at the same time, since Day 1, you were A) Not over your ex, and B) Told me you didn't want anything, then became C) Confused about your whole life and where it was going.

 

Sometimes I hate you. Sometimes I'm just sad. But mostly, just know that I'm not thinking any good thoughts about you. Sometimes I get weak and remember what it was like to feel your arms around me and cuddle with you. But then I quickly take it off my mind because that does nothing but hurt. Remember my sister's dog? Well, he's mine (again). I remember bringing him over to your place and the nickname you gave him. I also remember you seemed to become distant right when that happened. It could be a coincidence, but I thought it was because he's the same exact breed and coloring of the dog you got when you were living with your ex. That dog you had together is now only her's (and her new bf's). And I wondered that when I brought my sister's dog around, if having him there reminded you of those days with your ex. There were just so many red flags with you in regards to your ex, N. It made me want to hate her; which sucked because she's actually quite sweet and reminds me of myself in a lot of ways. I rather like the girl and she seems like a lot of fun to be around. I also wonder why you made her out to sound like a crazy person when you were together. I'm sure you had quite your share of flaws. There's always two sides.

 

I still wonder why you deleted her from your FB? I know it's really not any of my concern or business anymore but- I guess I still feel like it is. And honestly, I'm damn curious. If I found out that it's because you realized that you really aren't over your ex, N, I'm not sure if that would hurt more or give me some kind of relief. Relief to know that my gut feeling was right, and possibly relief to know that your inability to love me was stemmed from the fact that you were blind to it. You weren't free of the ties that bound you before. And while the hopeless romantic within me would like to think that my love (and being the right person) would set you free from those chains, the truth is: it can't. You have to do that on your own. No one else can clear your heavy heart for you and it's quite hard to open up and love someone new when you're still tangled within the old web. Truth is, you're damn screwed up. And you had it right almost a year ago. You're messed up and because of that you would start to be an a**hole to me. Which... you ended up doing in the end.

 

I wonder if you actually think of me? I'd like to think you do, but you may not. And if I knew that for a fact, it would kill me. So, I'm just not going to talk about you with anyone who hangs out with you. You now know you have my stuff and I need to get it back at some point- it's most likely that S, your roomie is busy and hasn't had a chance to find a way to get it back to me. These things take longer with a middle man- plus they're not things I need at the moment, and MY stuff isn't exactly a priority for anyone but me. I really hope you hate the fact that I have stopped talking to you. You may think that because I haven't deleted you from my FB, we're ok. I don't really know- you're not really on there anyway. And if you DO start posting sh** and if there are girls running amok on your page and what-not, I will definitely delete your a**. For now, I wonder if you really look at my page and see my posts. I wonder if you see the conversations I have with people via comments. I feel like you and possibly your friends and family talk about it. I DO know I'm, at least, entertaining. Or maybe you're laughing at me. Either way, I'm still prettier than you. HAHA! Your Dad comments on things which is nice- glad to know I'm still in your lives somehow.

 

I don't know- it's all weird. You found out I broke both my feet but you never tried to contact me to see if I was ok. Is it because other than the broken part, you knew I was? I mean, I certainly wouldn't contact you if I found out you broke anything- but I was the one who got dumped, not you. Ugh, I just hate all this. I hate the wondering part because some things, I'm sure if I learned the answer, it would completely crush me. And honestly, you're not mine anymore. I DID notice from FB that your friends are back on a new dart league and playing on the same night and same bar that you played when I would go with you. Your ex, N, is also playing too. I noticed that you weren't tagged in the post so I wondered if you were still playing. Sadly, (and I'm kind of ashamed I did this because you're not supposed to matter anymore and it's kind of like stalking- but the internet makes it so easy), I looked online at the league info to see if you were. You're not on any of the new league teams. So I guess it's comforting to know you're not playing again and that you're not spending every Sunday night at a bar with your ex before me. (Even if she DOES have a bf she lives with now.) I guess it's not surprising though, because toward the end- you started to lose your love for it. It also gives me a thought that I can come visit with people and not have to see you. But truth is, they really are YOUR friends and I would only come if they asked- which I don't think they will since it seems that they are distancing themselves from me. (Understandable, I guess.) And at the same time, it may really hurt to go since I used to always be going that same night for the same event... but with you. That's kind of a f***ed situation. It's one thing to go to that bar on a different night- but during a dart match? Yikes, too many memories. It's like that one song or scent that reminds you of something, making you a little sad and miss someone. But to be surrounded by all of those memory's sensory counterparts? AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! I'm not sure how I could take that.

 

Well- I've written a f***en novel once again. But... it's therapeutic. Thanks fake W. I'm actually glad you're not the real one. Otherwise, I'd be crying in a ball on the floor at your feet. Pathetic, I know.

[Shainet]

I really am missing you. I miss talking to you. Our video chats. I miss how you say you love me. I miss your face.

Are you thinking of me sometimes? Womdering how i am? So you wonder why i havent contacted you for a week? Im sure you hve noticed. I want to know how you feel. Do you even miss me?

 

It's bren so hard for me. Why didnt you fight for us. We could have totally fixed this. I promised you i wont break up with you anymore. If you just give ke one last chance. I would even marry you just to prove to you i wont leave you again.

 

I just want us again. We were happy right? You loved me so much. I hope that was just anger that made you say you dont love me anymore. I have changed. Please lets work this out. Dont you want to be happy again?

 

Inlove you still and it hirts everyday that i cant talk to you. I miss you much.

[Robin2904]

"Sometimes its the memories you miss, not the person" ... try to remind myself that often. I do think I miss the memory more then I actually miss YOU. Or the memory of how I felt. I've been chasing that feeling for nearly four years and even time spent with you, I have yet to recapture 'that' feeling. I think I'll probably just always associate you with feeling that way which I why I hang on to you so tightly. Really I don't miss you I miss a feeling, a memory, a moment in time. Which is why being friends never worked and made me feel terrible- because it wasn't that feeling. I do rationally get it but I still confuse these emotions with missing you way too often.

 

The holiday season has made me reminisce and miss you. Four years ago was when we were first falling in love with each other. Though I have to say its not as bad as past years have been. I'm grateful for that. Its like every year it gets easier and easier. Less and less painful. Doesn't sting as much. I still think of you with these holidays- you cross my mind, I get a little bit nostalgic but I can shrug and get over it after a little bit. You will probably always be there- in some corner of my mind. You will probably in one way or another always run accross my thoughts, but its not as intense as it once was, and sometimes I can even think back on the memories for a moment and laugh at things that were funny, or smile thinking of something nice. I'm not totally there yet to be to a point where I'm at peace with my memories but hopefully I get there.

 

I wish you well, you and you're whole family. I really truly do. Trying to let the bitterness go. I guess part of me will always have a little bit of resentment for the way you have played with my emotions over the years, though sometimes I feel it wasn't fullly intentionally. Trying to not harbor on that. You will always have a mark on my heart- all of you. And a part of me will probably always love you. Best to just be at peace with that then live with bitterness in my heart.

[Teri008]

Hey f*cker! I got over you less than 2 months! HA!

[kz91]

"Why are you always angry with me?"

 

Errr, jeez, let me think about it? I think it's because you cheated on me, left me for someone else and then cut me out of your life. Just for the record I'm not always angry with you, I haven't been in the mood since last night and I've took it out on you and for that I'm sorry. If it was anyone else in my place, they would sh1t in your mouth, not be your friend after what you did.

 

Last night you reblogged something that said "have you ever looked at your bf/gf and realised how lucky you are? And you added, "all the time." Don't get me wrong, I'm happy you're happy and I'm glad something is going right for you but do me a favour and don't rub it in my face.

[periwinkle00]

I wonder how much I connect us by the invisible chord, sometimes. I think of you, in a sexual way. You must think of me that way too. It seems our attachment is still very strong in that sense. I won't say our connection goes much further than that though. With you, it goes deeper than that, but it is still a pretty instinctual thing. Whenever I saw you, I just wanted to jump you.

[Robin2904]

Wow I just realized yesterday made 3 years on ENO for me! Crazy to think that! I remember when I first came here for advice on our relationship and shortly after is when I decided we should totally end things. Never did I think 3 years later you would still not totally be out of my life or my heart. I don't even know how to feel about that....I'm grateful to have found ENO, but that revelation just makes me feel kinda crappy...

[Lambert]

My initial reaction was one of hurt and shock. Now that has time has passed and I have had some time to think, I feel like well, this is your issue. I don't know what is going on with you and what you are trying to accomplish. But I do know what we had was a good thing. And you miss me. You might think your tied to her and that your deep feelings are for her... But things have changed. I wouldn't say it won't work, but I know the old problems will come back. And when that happens you will think of me. And you will remember all our good times. Nothing but good times. You will be back. I know you are thinking about it right now.

[bwhite00]

it's been two months, and we haven't spoken, I'll have my life back in 3 months. I know I couldn't ask you to wait around on me, but I have to tell, I'm still in love with you. I love you.

[kz91]

What are you even doing? It's funny because when I'm in a mood, you ask me why I'm angry with you? I don't wanna know about you and your boyfriend and you damn well know I don't wanna know. You reblog things on purpose just to annoy me.

[kz91]

If your purpose is to annoy me, then well done. I don't understand you, you broke my heart and left me, came back, apologised countless times and now you're rubbing it in my face. If your purpose is to make me jealous, then you've failed. Maybe all of this is in my head and you don't know what you're doing but if you do, grow up.

[kz91]

"You wouldn't be here if there was something missing."

[hsienko]

I don't understand why after not even giving this serious thought for almost 6 months, you randomly decided to pop into my head last weekend and have done nothing but haunt me since. I'd like to think that the reason my memory of you has been trying to become relevant is because you're secretly longing for me as well. All that is is just fantasy movie talk. After 13 months the universe has been very clear: you're not coming back and regardless of what I say or do it will all be in vain. After a year of personal growth and now looking back, even if I heard you say otherwise you can't honestly tell me that you don't regret ending our relationship over some dumb text messages that threw shade at you. You know you were wrong for letting your "friends" manipulate you, blow the situation completely out of proportion, and poison your opinion of me, They were mad because I blocked them after they sent me some very odd and alarming messages on facebook and through text I can't believe after knowing that you still listened to them. I think what is probably the icing on the cake is that to end it, instead of being mature about it and just having the balls to tell me to just get lost, you tricked me saying you were going to take me home and instead drive to a parking lot of a McDonald where the entire department at our job was apparently waiting for us at and you then proceeded to blast me in front of everyone, public humiliating me while at the same time shattering my heart. Even a year later I can't believe you would be so childish and immature to listen to engage in such draconian antics especially since it looks like you fell out with your friends shortly afterwards.

 

For a long time I felt guilty because I felt like I was the one who push you to that place but that isn't the case at all. Clearly, there was some sort of deeper issue there and I could speculate all day under the sun but at this point it doesn't matter. All I know are the fact and what they show is that you clearly didn't care about me at all since afterwards you refused to acknowledge my existence. When I tried contact you refused to answer texts, phone calls, facebook messages, messages relayed through third parities, you even tried to hide from me when I saw you in public, you just ignored me didn't even have the dencncy to tell me to f*** off what kind of sociopathic trifling is that?

 

You seemed to just move on the day after so regardless, no matter how painful it was I tried to do the same. I mourned the end of this relationship everyday for six months while trying putting up a strong front, while you just walked on like nothing ever happened. I wonder what you think/feel on this now, I can't imagine your too happy with your decision. However, whether you are or not it does matter since you never bothered to contact me or try to reconcile. I'm not saying I necessarily wanted to make up but an effort on your part would have been nice, some closure would have been nice, would have showed you cared. I guess its good we're not together now because you were too much of a coward to honest with everyone or fully honest with yourself because of that you were too scared our relationship to the next level. I'd rather be alone than wasting my time with a coward who runs away so please tell my memory of you to leave me alone so I can focus on the present.

[lioness726]

W-

 

Someone else on these forums had made a statement about not missing their ex, but rather missing the memories and that feeling they had when they were together. While, with every other ex I've had, I could definitely say that was the truth with them. But honestly, I never felt that way about you. I truly felt like you were the best person I had met. I had fallen for YOU, the man you are. I thought you were smart, funny, sexy, charming, and had a really good heart. All of your friends said you had issues but you were a really good guy with a good heart. And I saw that. So then, why, WHY did you screw me over so bad? I know you honestly feel you didn't do anything wrong. You feel that our relationship ran its course and you did the right thing by ending it. You felt you were doing me a favor. I mean, maybe you truly did? And obviously I can't see that right now because of my feelings for you. If I look at it logically, yes. You did me a favor if you didn't love me and truly felt like you never would.

 

So messed up. You almost didn't end it that night. I can't believe you continued to call me "Baby", asked me to refill your tea for you, smacked my butt, cuddled next to me on the couch while we played a game on my phone together... You let me rub your back while you played a video game! I mean, why the fu** would you let all those things happen when you already KNEW you were going to end things?? Were you just a big p*ssy? Was that it? I find it so hard to believe that you couldn't love me. I guess that hurts the most. I believed in us. Deep in my gut, damn it! I have never felt so sure about anything before. My gut has always been so right. I also knew in my gut that you weren't over your ex N. But I felt that with time, that would start to fade. I'm probably right. I don't think you ever were truly over her. I don't think she got over you until recently. Well, not until she fell in love with her new guy.

 

Ugh- it's the same sad song I write here in these messages to you. There really isn't anything new to say. Except- there's my friend. I've always had a crush on him- probably for the last few years, but I never allowed anything to happen. I suspected that he liked me as well. And of course it finally did. I don't know if it's because I already know him, he's familiar to me, and the crush has always been there and that's the reason why I keep wanting to see him or hang with him? Or is it because I really like that feeling he gives me. He makes me feel good about myself and I really like the way he looks at me. There's an intimacy in that look- an intimacy that I used to share with you. I once had those same looks from you. So maybe that's why I've been craving his company? Well, to be honest- I do really like making out with him. There's that! Haha! I don't know. I am so confused about all of it. I kinda push him away because I'm afraid of hurting him and I don't want anything with anyone since I'm still so screwed up because of you... But then as soon as I feel like he's pushing me away or whatever, I get all weird and it upsets me. W-T-F is wrong with me? Why have you ruined me so much? I was so content before you came along! I don't know. I do like this guy but... Yeah, I'm still not over you. I think he knows that. I've known him for so long and he knows everything about our breakup. I was hanging out with him as friends like we have done in the past- told him all about what happened between you and I. But I DO have to say that even before anything happened between us, he and I went out one night as friends like normal. I saw him checking out a girl. It actually really bothered me and I was really surprised by that!

 

And now- well... I don't even know if HE knows what's going on either. Unfortunately, you screwed me up so much that I don't even know what the hell I'm doing or how the hell I'm feeling- about anyone! So thanks for doing that for me. I'm still trying to figure out my lessons in all of this. My lesson with you!

 

One day at a time, right?

[Robin2904]

I had a dream about you last night. Was random and weird. Dreamed I went to your house to visit you...with out you knowing I was coming. Only it wasn't your house. You and your mom lived together...and it wasn't even the old house you guys lived in. It was a new house. Anyway I was there and you didn't really say anything to me and you went out in the morning to run some errands and basically spent the whole day gone. Your mom was happy to see me but obviously you were avoiding me. I think you said something to me that night before bed maybe it was 'good night' and that was it. I woke up the next morning and left with out saying good bye. Weird right? I've had some variation of this dream for a few years- usually whenever we didn't speak. Maybe its my subconscious thinking that you don't actually want anything to do with me. I should probably listen to that voice. I think its because I've been tempted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving next week. Or at least wish your mom because I really do miss her and wonder if she's okay...I think this is my minds way of saying not to. Hate dreaming about you...

[iamstrong]

SM: I miss having the happy little chats that we grew accustom to: I know you will return once you are finished shagging the latest and realizing that she is but a round about in bed. I will never view as I did once: you have a history of doing this before. I don't think I have any intimate thoughts about you but I have invested a great deal of emotional support for you: yes?

 

When M broke your heart: I was there to help you over the pain: when my friend passed away from cancer, I handled it on my own. She was the love of my life and yet I was alone in my sorrow: coupled with the idea that I was not a very good person towards her at the end. I had to pull up britches and deal the only way I could: I was there for myself like I was there for you twice already.

 

Ian: you quite honestly think you can disappear for a few days or weeks: reappear and suspect that I will welcome you with open arms and a forgotten memory: yes? A real man would have fessed up about his shagging all types of birds: a real man would have been honorable and simply explained things: a real man would not have gotten caught in a lie and not been able to also tell the truths: you are not a real man Ian.

[kz91]

Haha, that's all.

[Hazyillusions]

Sometimes love can only get you so far.

I'm really trying to let you go, you know that?

Hopefully one day soon, I'll get to my destination.

[00Samwise00]

To my first love,

 

I put so much into our relationship emotionally, yet in the end you couldn't sort your feelings out and tried to hang on to me as a friend.

You once thought I was the best. That I was perfect for you. That we would love each other forever. That I was the best boyfriend ever. That we were surely going to get married someday.

 

Then your feelings magically changed.

 

You never put yourself on the line for me.

You never took the time to prioritize MY thoughts and feelings.

You eventually brought me down instead of raising me up.

 

I loved you and was willing to give my all. You were content to simply go with the flow, all the while completely controlling the relationship with your feelings. Then you got sick of me.

We had so much potential. I still think we do. If you simply commit to work together with me and are willing to sacrifice some of yourself.

 

But I know that by now it is probably too late. You've had no trouble moving on since we broke up. I see you every now and then. Smiling, laughing, having fun with your roommates, making friends with other guys. You have moved on; you seem so happy without me. Was I holding you back? Would you have been happier without those last couple months of our relationship? Do you take back all the tender and loving things you said to me? You remember those things, don't you? Those things that made me fall in love with you and want to work towards a long-lasting relationship?

 

Almost two months have passed now since our separation, and I know that no matter how much I may want it, I will never have you back, although it is probably the best for the both of us. But I will never forget the intimate moments we shared and the feelings we expressed. There was so much hope between us. So much potential. You were my first kiss. Do you remember how magical it was? First kisses are supposed to be awkward; ours was pure magic. Now it is but a fleeting memory from many months ago.

 

I still love you. In time I will be able to move on completely. I will find the right woman who will be my eternal companion, and I will look back on you with fond memories and hope that you find eternal love as well. But that time for me is not now. I am healing still. It will be months before I am fully healed. But no matter how you feel towards me, I will always think highly of you and cherish some of the happiest moments of my life; moments that were all about you.

 

Goodbye, Nicole.

[Shainet]

I realized it's my fault. Im dysfunctional. I have a problem. If only i could have been more patient with you.

You loved me so, so much. And i didnt treasure it. I didnt take care of it. I thought you will always be around.

 

Did the breakup push you to act this way? Did i push you to be a jerk? Cant we be normal again? Dont you miss me?

I wont be waiting for you forever. If after 2 mos you still wont take me back, i'll leave you forever. There will be no more 2nd chances.