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Why did you text me? Were you really drunk? At 6am? Seems unlikely....

 

You ask me if I want to talk. Do you? And what do you want to talk about? I'm done talking about the break-up. It's in the past, I have nothing left to say about it. Honestly, if you have something to say, you should just say it... I'm not gonna coax it out of you and open myself up to more hope, heartache and pain.

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My ex from last year-the one I spent a year trying to get over informed me last night that he still loved me. I spent countless nights distraught over him. This feels strange.

 

Oh and J's ex texted me. I know what he wants, not going there! What sort of bf hits on another girl at his gf's bday party?!

 

On a happier note, boy from work whom I gave my number to before leaving that place texted me yesterday! I'm kinda excited but sad at the same time. Maybe that's why I had that mini breakdown at midnight. I'm not over you at all, so it's hard.

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Sitting here thinking why the he\\ you came into my life. You claimed you were so tough to crack and I saw right through you. I figured you out and you got scared.

 

You were in love. Why did you pull back? why did you introduce me to your entire family? why did you say the things you said to me? Why?

 

You gave up. I'm so mad at you for giving up. I'm so mad at you for having such a cold heart towards me. I treated like gold. You waited so long to have someone like me come in your life and you let me walk away. Are you crazy? You told me you meant every word you said to me...How?

 

I miss you so much and it's killing me. I know it's you that has to work on somethings regarding relationships......I just dont get it. Dont you miss me? Don't you miss us? Dont you miss us being together? Dont you miss the fireworks I gave you? I miss looking into your eyes and seeing your soul. I miss sitting next to you. I miss you pinching my arm. I miss how you feel laying next to me. I miss your texts. I miss your voice. I miss your sparkly eyes. I miss your smile. I miss how you looked at me. How are you moving on? I dont understand. I deserve so much more from you.

 

f*** I miss you so much. I still love you and I dont know what to do

 

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I'm happily (for the most part) remarried... and you've been (thank godforsmallmercies) out of my life for... 8 years.

 

And yet, occasionally things come up that I still resent you for, so, so much.

 

I gave up everything to leave the air you breathed. I couldn't get any assistance since our state had no protection for emotional abuse or for spouses if they weren't already divorced. And you pushed me so hard and far I finally broke and ran, with little regard to everything I was signing away.

 

So I left you the house, property, working vehicle, retirement I had half interest in... pretty much everything except the kids and the shirt on my back.

 

I don't regret leaving you. I only regret I didn't do it sooner and smarter.

 

But I hate you with what little passion I have for you for leaving me destitute while you blow endless wads on druggie girlfriends, new vehicles, second houses, and whatever else you desire. At over 40 - I'm rebuilding from scratch while you waltzed off with everything. Whoever said that the man gets screwed over hadn't seen you. Then again, I don't consider you a man, or even human mostly.

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This was a terrible thanksgiving for me- mainly because my family is insane and spending holidays with them always makes me extremely depressed. For some reason I thought today would be different, but it wasn't. Very bad thanksgiving. I won't say the worst, because the worst was probably the year you and I broke up, but this was pretty bad. Lots of fighting, yelling and I just felt totally alone. So I'm alone at home now, sitting by myself reflecting and my mind goes to you. Not to say I wish I spend Thanksgiving with you because your family has issues too and its always something there...but you did cross my mind tonight. I did wonder how your holiday is going. How you and your family are spending it. I wonder if you're dating someone, maybe spent the day with her, brought her around your family. Who knows. But thinking about you has me more depressed. Terrible day.

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i'm sorry,i'm sorry, i'm sorry. i didn't put in as much effort as you did in the relationship. i'm sorry for being so cold in the end, i just don't get how you could move on so fast? how could you after everything? a month and a half ago you were telling me how you were crazy about me, now you tell me you're over me? it's been a month since the official breakup but only a few days since you said you're over me. i can barely sleep at night, you're in my head 24/7. please get out of my head, please.You're really hurting me, seeing you happy and me pretending to be happy kills me. i miss you, i really miss you.

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I know how this goes. You have a great set of winter holidays. You have women hanging off you, as you will, for some time. The weather gets warm. You think, huh, I wonder if she still goes to see O? Do I call her? Then you struggle. Finally, you choose some weird thing like you show up in class or text me the night before "Starbucks, 8:35?" And I, of course, will say "See you then." And I will ask you nothing. This is your show.

 

But by then, I will have grown to like this man, whom I already am growing to like, this man who has been respectful and modest and steady the whole time.

 

Dlkjn it M, what the heck will I do with you then. I absolutely love being with you. We light up a room. What of it though? Can you be the slightest bit steady or reliable? I know you will be the choice presented to me, at just the time when I am to be tested. Tbh, I am keeping you as a test in my imagination. As long as I think I might waiver, then I will take J only so far. J has earned this level of protection from me. You -- I will be the one that got away, and if you are sorry, then we both will be sorry. If I go slow enough, then I won't be sorry regardless.

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I just don't get how you could turn your back on me. We both struggled with our issues but the difference is I stood by your side without judgement. Loved you unconditionally. And when the going got tough for you, you just walked out. The anger you feel for me is just a defense mechanism for the hurt you caused me and your insecurities. And one day you'll have to face that and see what I see. What could have been was so much bigger than these last couple months. I'm sorry you can't see that right now.

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I was feeling vulnerable last night on Thanksgiving and kind of sad- and I texted your mom Happy Thanksgiving. I know it was dumb, and I shouldn't have, but I honestly miss her. And she never texted me back. I admit it hurt my feelings a little, but maybe it was good. Maybe now I can not miss your family. Don't think I would ever text you. I have a different number now, so I know I wouldn't get your texts. But still it hurt me a little if she saw my text and didn't say anything, not even a 'you too' there is the off chance she didn't have that number anymore, but I'm sure she does. IDK its silly to feel sad about not getting a reply, but I am. Not smart on my part, but hey at least I didn't text YOU....

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I am so tempted to message you again; and I last spoke with you barely 12 hours ago. You reaching out has made me weak... But I must carry through. Me reaching out to you right now would only be destructive for my well-being; hell, our conversation today was relatively tame, and it still sent me into a downward spiral. Luckily I'm much better at defusing my own negative emotions than I was before...

 

Today is my birthday. I wonder if you're going to acknowledge it in any way. Or maybe you forgot? I need to learn how to crush my foolish hopes about you. It'll only get me nowhere.

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I saw that you're with someone else! That is so awesome. I'm glad that it took you 0 time to get over me! You're so cold and I wish I was like you. It will only take me weeks or perhaps months or years to get over you!!! I had the disadvantage of loving you more than anything else. I'm a ####ing moron, right?!

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I was feeling vulnerable last night on Thanksgiving and kind of sad- and I texted your mom Happy Thanksgiving. I know it was dumb, and I shouldn't have, but I honestly miss her. And she never texted me back. I admit it hurt my feelings a little, but maybe it was good. Maybe now I can not miss your family. Don't think I would ever text you. I have a different number now, so I know I wouldn't get your texts. But still it hurt me a little if she saw my text and didn't say anything, not even a 'you too' there is the off chance she didn't have that number anymore, but I'm sure she does. IDK its silly to feel sad about not getting a reply, but I am. Not smart on my part, but hey at least I didn't text YOU....

 

She might've thought it was a mass text. Don't be disappointed, hang tough *hugs*

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I am so tempted to message you again; and I last spoke with you barely 12 hours ago. You reaching out has made me weak... But I must carry through. Me reaching out to you right now would only be destructive for my well-being; hell, our conversation today was relatively tame, and it still sent me into a downward spiral. Luckily I'm much better at defusing my own negative emotions than I was before...

 

Today is my birthday. I wonder if you're going to acknowledge it in any way. Or maybe you forgot? I need to learn how to crush my foolish hopes about you. It'll only get me nowhere.

 

Happy bday hun! Hope the day goes great for ya. My ex ignored my birthday too. =/ Felt like sh.

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