Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Snow93]

I'm happy and sad you haven't contacted me. A tiny part of me wishes you had wished me luck for my exams but...not really. The rational part of my brain was in full gear today. I know if you messaged me you would set me back in all my healing with the snap of a finger. I don't know if you're over me and I don't want to know. Every day I grapple with my emotions over you still, the idea of never seeing you again haunts me so much but then I consider the alternative...I can't ever see you as anything else. You aren't, you weren't, a friend. You were my lover. I can never view you as "just" a friend.

 

I know my healing is setting me up for the strength to finally say goodbye to you in my mind and heart despite the fact we may well have already said our final goodbyes physically. I'm grateful for the times we spent together. So, so, so grateful because I know the times we were happy will resonate with me for a long time. I know you're not that person anymore though, you changed and I need to accept it. I think a part of me always will love you, but that doesn't mean I can't move on. I'll move on and prove to myself I can be a better person from this. I hope you stay true to your final promise at the very least, I sincerely hope you meant that you hold those happy days as close to your heart as I do and that I'll always have a place in your heart.

 

If two people are meant to be together it will happen. Maybe it's just not our time or maybe we've been pulled apart to find the people we're really meant to be with.

To be honest, I don't know if you were entirely truthful with me concerning the circumstances of our breakup but I know that knowing the truth will not help me. Whatever the circumstances, I'll never forget the times with the old you, the you I knew for six long years.

 

Running home from school on Fridays to talk to you for as long as possible before you would fall asleep, staying up late webcamming with you, sometimes pulling all nighters just to talk to you a little more, all of our little in-jokes which I still have a little chuckle to myself about. I'm so happy we actually got to meet, I'm glad we got the chance and I'm grateful for that day I happened to join that seemingly pointless forum all those years ago that you happened to be a member of. Life really is all about timing. We helped each other grow and we used to always be there for each other, but I guess now it's time to see if I can stand on my own after all this time.

 

Thanks for the great story for when people ask about my first girlfriend. Don't forget about me, your first love, okay?

[quirky]

I miss our world, I always will a bit I think. Wonder if you're ok..you probably are because you're funny and people like you.

 

I am doing things for myself, S and I wish I could take you with me on those new explorations. Things make a bit more sense now eventhough I always miss your company. It is hard to believe you don't. Very hard. I feel awkward and I know you'd understand. People don't get what I'm saying sometimes and I feel misunderstood for being foreign. I know it's that same disconnect you feel about the ADHD. I wish so much you had loved me more. I wish we made a home together. Part of my letting go is now focused on accepting that I wanted so much with you, so much that will now not happen. But I do see the bad things now too..I wasn't completely relaxed and sometimes I was dumbing myself down so you won't feel incompetent..as if that would keep you close to me. Do you want someone to look after you? You said no but I think it's what you need deep down. I wish I could see you draw again, play a computer game or watch a movie together. There is a void in my heart, that was always there, before you came along and since you left. I don't know what to say to new people..where to begin, I miss your familiarity.

[meoww]

If I never really loved you then I have no integrity, but if I loved you then I had...bad taste? And I was also pathetic. I think it's better to be pathetic than lack character though so I guess I can go with the ignorance angle.

 

I haven't been able to say it for sooooo long. If it is what it takes for me to feel like an honest person then I'll say it now, I loved you once. It's not as embarrassing to write this as I thought it would be. I'm sorry I didn't love you enough and I feel really guilty about it but I think that if you really had loved me you wouldn't have been such a terrible person. So I think everything really did turn out for the best.

[Snow93]

Again I see your city, Sydney, on the news. I wonder if you're okay. I just wish I could get over this mentioning of your place. I wish I could hear about it without flinching. Maybe soon. I wish I could have seen it for myself. Apart from that, I'm feeling okay.

[lovepugs86]

I really hope you contact me in the next few days... I don't want to start thinking that you have stopped thinking about us....

[Chalk]

Sometimes, on Facebook, I see mutual friends speaking to themselves on facebook a.k.a they are talking to you. I wonder how you are. I wonder if, when they ask how you are, you are okay. Do they ask because you are going through a hard time or they haven't seen you. I over think it. I'd rather you were okay I think. I miss you x

[jwhite]

Oh wow, a birthday text. You say you "finally" after all these years remember my birthday? Dont flatter yourself! I know the only reason you "remember" is because you were on FB and saw pics from it. Thank you for reminding me how sh*tty you treated me, i guess I can be thankful for that! I wasted a HUGE chunk of my life on you! Oh, and there you go again gloating about how you treated me...nothing changes. Seek some proffesional help! AND F*******CCCCCCKKKKKKK OFF!

[Snow93]

Why did you become so... For want of a better word, promiscuous. Does it make you happy to let yourself be used like that? To just make out with randoms at clubs? That never used to be you at all.

 

Maybe because I was your first it just triggered you wanting more of that excitement from anyone, no matter who or why. Well that isn't what you used to be. Remember when a kiss was special to you? Now you're receptive to any guy who comes to you. You let go of someone who really loved you, you let go of a guy who would do anything for you just to satisfy your lust because I couldn't be there right away. Clearly lust has more value to you than love. Enjoy living your life that way then you naive little girl.

[NH Dan]

I miss your heartbeat. I miss hearing you breathe next to me. I miss running my fingers through your hair while looking into your eyes. I miss kissing that spot on your neck and the way we fit together. I miss your cute smile and that mole on your back. I miss your laugh and your voice. I miss your house, your green sheets and your ridiculously overstuffed refrigerator. I miss the feeling I got when going over those speed bumps on your street... knowing in just a minute or so, I'd be at your door. I miss, the puppies, Pip and Ella. I miss YOU.

[Chalk]

I wish I could stop missing you. I wish I could stop believing there is something wrong with me as a person. I feel bored by life (I wish I didn't). I sometimes think that living is just finding something to do until you die. I seem to find little meaning in things that others get excited about. You wouldn't understand what I meant by this.

[einsteins_girl]

That was so weird. I arrived at the bus station a little bit ago, after work, and as I was walking to the stairwell to my car, and I noticed a car exactly like yours. Same make, same color. It was driving through the lower level of the station, and I noticed it because I tend to notice cars that look like yours. But then I noticed it stopped in a location that cars don't really stop, kind of an alleyway but far enough away from me that it was mostly blocked by cars. I headed up the stairwell, got in my car, and drove to leave. And I had a passing thought, wondering if it was you and if the car would still be there when I drove down to the lower level. It was there. But now it was facing forward instead of backward, and as soon as I turned around a corner towards the exit, it drove a different (illogical direction). Then, before I knew it, the car was behind me at the stoplight, although it made no sense for the driver to circle around that way to get to the light.

 

My heart started to beat fast, and I glanced in my rearview mirror, but it was dark, so I couldn't see the driver. The car followed me through the intersection but did not take my next turn.

 

What was that? A coincidence? A hallucination? So, so weird.

 

Gosh, what if it was you...?

[IAmFCA]

I came here already not wanting to talk to you. But I am here as an indulgence. I began to feel safe today. I began to feel I could talk to you, sometime soon, and treat you as if you are human (which you are not). I began to feel my strength, and to know that this time, if I had you in my sights, I would also have let you go. You would not have succeeded this time around.

 

I don't know whether you have committed to her, I suspect not; I don't know whether you think of me, I suspect you do. But not deeply, perhaps with lust not love. I really have no idea.

 

Who cares?

 

When you see me again I will not be the same. I have not, by any means, gotten over you. I don't know if I ever will. But I have gotten my sea legs back.

 

Shock to you: I have no desire for a bf.

 

You completely, wholly, fully missed the boat on this one.

 

You know what? I hope at work, your colleague Lisa asks about me. Hahahahahahaha. I like her. And she thinks your nice. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

Eventually, I will see you as low as you see yourself. Pity.

 

Well, I am off on my merry way. Looking for you lurking about, because I feel you in my space somewhere. I am not sure where you are, but in the past, when I had this feeling it meant you were struggling and about to contact me. You will not give in this time, but I feel you here.

 

You silly, silly boy.

[Tom1990]

I'm really not comfortable with this level of contact. I don't know what you were expecting, and I'm glad your life is amazing, but I'm not ready for it. You've never been considerate of my feelings, so I don't feel obliged to be considerate of yours. You hit me with six months of silent treatment because you refused to clear up some misunderstandings between us after the breakup. You interpreted things I said as hurtful, rather than things I said because I felt hurt.

 

What did I expect from you? This might have been nice: "I didn't realize I contacted you at a bad time in your life. It wasn't intentional, and I'm sorry. I understand the breakup hurt you more than expected. It was bad timing with your birthday and all, guys take more time to heal, and honestly maybe I could have conducted myself differently. I had a lot of power, a lot of control, and you felt lost and alone with everything else going on with you at the time." Give me the benefit of the doubt. Take the chance that maybe I'm actually being sincere. But don't approach me out of the blue and expect everything to be fine.

 

I'm glad your life is so wonderful, with your great boyfriend and career growth and who knows what else. I'm not ready to hear from you though, and until you're willing to listen to me and take my feelings into account, please stay away.

[Chalk]

I'm having a hard day and I miss you. I was listening to the radio earlier on and an agony aunt was speaking to someone who's husband wanted a separation. She said that often people only leave when they've found someone else. Was that what happened to us? The only person I can think of is Mona. I don't really know her at all and maybe you are loves young dream. I just think of all the things we had in common and don't understand it.

 

I don't hate my life back home but I do feel very lonely and seem to just exist. It's hard going out to meet people when you've had your confidence shat on. I don't feel interesting or worthwhile. I do feel like there is something wrong with me.

 

I understand what we had is over and that it's never coming back. I don't know if you feel any pain at all or if this is easy for you. You are probably just glad that it is over and you don't have to put up with me anymore. I feel like I want to get revenge on you by living well but what if that's not my destiny? What if I am just meant to be a bit of a loser? What if you're meant to go on and be happy but I am not?

 

Frustrated & very down on myself

[Mike H]

So im in work today and realize that next to nobody knows we arent together any more. Im kind of glad you havnt went and told everybody, but at the same time it makes things worse for me as people still come up and talk about 'us' as if we are still seeing each other. Hearing your name makes my heart skip a beat, then i get an odd feeling in my stomach, a bit like butterflies but more of a sickly version. Im looking for another job anyway, but since the BU i find it damn near impossible to work there without thinking of you all the time. We shared our first decent conversation there, our first kiss, you asked me out whilst working etc..

 

A bad start to 2013 all round. Wish things had happened differently.. Im over the worst now i hope, but please dont contact me in the future asking for us to try again. You hurt me in a way i didnt think was possible. As much as i miss you, i couldnt take being with you again and for you then to decide its not going to work down the line.

[Robin2904]

I have a lot I want to say and vent and get off my chest but don't even have the strength to do it. I regret my decisions when it comes to you every time, and I know I'm going to wind up regretting them as I'm making them but yet I still do them. Twisted isn't it? The good news is I'm way desensitized by now over everything. It's like this can only happen so many times before you really don't care as much. Obviously I care on some level because I wouldn't be here venting. But no where like it's been before. Three years of this never ending circle to desensitize me. But all I know is I can't be sitting here in three years singing the same song. That's why I had to end it this time. For the 10th+ time. I just...ughhhh. This wasn't anything like I thought it was going to be- but really when is it ever? Lets break it down. When I went to come see you after Thanksgiving I really expected something that didn't happen. Though I guess it kind of did. You said all this stuff to me that lead me to believe we were really going to actually give things a shot. A real shot. "All or nothing" I don't know what all or nothing meant to you but I actually took it as all or nothing. And things started out on that path...but you screwed up. Basically telling me you werent sure you wanted to give up being single. No idea how much that hurt me. I should have walked away then. I wish I had. But I gave you time to 'decide' I let you have your stupid part in December. And guess what? There was never any resolution after that. You told me after that you would decide. Didn't. You played me like a jerk but I LET you. Hate myself for it.

 

And we did this 'taking it slow' thing for the next month. Indefinitely. Really though what were you trying to accomplish by telling me you loved me? By us saying that to each other? It just became WEIRD. It just turned into a very weird thing between us. I was never the one who said 'lets see what happens' as you kept insisting, that was all you. And when I was there over New Years it was just not good. I felt like you really didn't care about me as a person. You just wanted someone there, anyone. And I don't even get why because I was alone a lot while you were at the gym every day. You hardly even showed any affection towards me. Hell I may as well been your sister! I was proud of myself for walking away. I wouldn't have changed that at all except maybe I would have been more assertive in my decision. You were taken off guard, shocked at what I was saying. Though I don't really know why. But before we said goodbye you asked if we could talk one more time after I got home. I said alright. I probably shouldn't have because that won't really help at all. But still I felt maybe we needed some sort of closure- God hate that word- when all the dust settles.

 

You texted me on my birthday which was nice. I guess a part of me wanted to be okay with you. Not friends, I think we both know friends isn't gonna happen. But okay....but the more I think about it the more for myself I think I need to go NC again. So I texted you today. Yea probably dumb of me....but I wanted to get this last 'talk' you asked for done. I don't want it hanging over my head indefinitly. And you basically blew me off. YOU were the one who asked for it WTH! So you know what, this 'talk' that doesn't even need to happen because I have nothing left to say...well now it's not gonna happen. If you text me wanting to talk I'm leaning towards ignoring. Though I doubt you will....this is so stupid. Time to go NC again and focus on me!

[Snow93]

I miss you. Why does the memory of you still haunt me? I still can't believe you threw us away. Maybe I'll never quite believe it. Maybe all I can do is have a grim acceptance. Don't those days have as much value to you? They were the happiest of my life...

[Heartbreakcity]

I find it rather amusing that you say that you have hit rock bottom since I left you. I left YOU?? Seriously?

 

Umm.. I tried to tell you before we broke up that we could make this work and you told me you didn't know if you wanted to work it out. Yet I left YOU? Pathetic.

[Valerie Saba]

you realized **** when it wa stoo late good luck trying to find some one who will put you on a pedestal , give u the attention and treat u like i did .....we had soo much in commen yet you faild me as a friends ...lover as everything !

[mbb1]

Missing you, missing you, missing you. Is it over for good? This is really how you want things?

[Robin2904]

I feel like this was the shortest commitment to NC ever. Ugh but I was looking for my brand new scarf that I got for Christmas tonight. I'm seeing family tomorrow who got it for me and wanted to wear it. And I looked and looked and then realized OMG I left it at his house! I had to have. In the closet. I dented whether or not to text you but finally bit the bullet. I felt dumb because you basically blew me off to talk tonight so here I am texting again. But I made it 100 percent about my scarf- which I was. And sure enough yup it's there. I guess you haven't looked in your closet in a week and you looked when I told you and there it was. Ughh. You said you'll send it to me. Kept the whole thing very short and I was very Kurt. And that was it. You said you'll send it I said thanks. Offered to pay shipping you said no and I just sai thanks appreciate it. And thank was it. Hopefully that IS it. It felt weird to be so cold with you. Vaguely familiar of times int he part where there was bad feelings between us but know its best. I don't actually want to talk to you so hopefully we can just handle this like a transaction with little interaction and be done with this all for good.

[sportsguy9981]

Why leave me all alone in a place like this? Why replace me? I feel isolated, alone and lonely all in one.. thanks. Oh and when you have sex, think about how bad I felt when you cheated on me twice last year. I'll find the girl I thought you were.

[MakesNoSense]

Sorry about the late reply. I needed to take a step back & gather my thoughts. I wish you could of at least called me instead of texting me to say you have moved on. I had the decency to call you when I called it off with you.

 

I must admit making me wait a week then sending me that text on New Years Eve made me think you were being somewhat nasty & paying me back? This i'll never know because you didn't want to call me so I can only assume? it came accross cowardly & maybe this is aside of you I never got to see, so hopefully it is something I feel can help me get over you quicker.

 

I need to forgive myself a I did to you what felt best at the time. I acted that way because I thought that was best for that moment as I still had feelings for someone else & it's not possible for a new love to happen. After a few weeks I felt anxious around you & was getting annoyed at you. I should of enjoyed being with you but cried when you left & I had my ex on my mind.

 

I know I made a mistake regarding us. I timed the whole thing wrong. Wish I could say i'm in a good place but i'm still coming to terms with stuffing up something that had the potential of being so good with you. You are a beautiful person & my thoughts have not changed about you. I wish you all the best. xo

[Aii]

I've been thinking about you a lot lately especially nites before I fall asleep. I don't hurt as much anymore but I still miss you a lot especially when I think back of what we had and how we had it. I still wonder what you are doing all the time and I know i should really stop checking whatsapp. Nites when I'm not alone, I really wish i was or that someone is you instead but when I am alone, all i can really think about is you. I have someone else in my life now but I still wouldn't label her as gf, though she is really good to me and very caring, reminds me of you. I feel bad because I can't give her my all because part of me is still very much with you.

 

I wonder how you feel.

[stalumfi]

I'm feeling a lot better these days because I've left crazy mode. Not over things yet, but that will be a matter of time. Now that I understand I was warring with myself the whole time (recognised your issues very soon, but not soon enough because I was emotionally invested straight away) I don't resent or regret anything, except when I think of said craziness - my own issues were a part of that, of course. I really, really hope you find peace, and I mean that. Life's problems for me are a matter of searching and experimenting until you find the right solution, but as life itself is about progression and change, the past is only relevant as it provides the impetus for change. I have the flu, I don't know what I'm talking about. Anyway, good luck. xx