Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[lovelyworld]

I am resisting the urge to message right now to tell you this hurts and I miss you. There are so many reasons for me to not be with you, but love for you is the only reason I seem to listen to. I have a feeling you're not even feeling sad, and it is only me. I know you were talking to other girls, so I don't know why I even still want you. I am a fool, honestly. But I have done all I could do, I have done my part, and you chose to not fight for us. And that's what hurts.

[cleo123]

Hey M,

I wish we never met. There, I said it. The other night a memory crossed my mind I thought I had successfully blocked; it was of us at Stater Brothers buying grocery, and we decided it’d be funny to carry a dozen mayonnaise jars in our arms and ask the store clerk where we can get more. I don’t know why I even remember this ridiculous, stupid moment but I do and I know you don’t. And it’s memories like these that somehow creep into my head and remind me- I wish we never met. M, I don’t really believe in reincarnation, but your love was so deep that I wish, if I had a life after this, i’d meet your soul again and I would make that time work. because I’m afraid the sort of love and connection we had is the kind that comes once in a lifetime. I know I said I wish we never met, but only because I am still struggling to find a romantic bond as substantial as the one you and I shared. you know, today I was watching this show and there was this happily taken dude who got stuck in a situation with his ex girlfriend. she’s drunk and clinging on to him out of familiar comfort. she tells him, slurring her words and half asleep, “The best part is you’re happy. So, at least one of us is happy. I think that’s the good part- that one of us is happy.” The dude looks pretty sad for her, and i hate that i could see you in him. Because i know you’d want me to be happy too, but you can’t play any part of it. But i can relate to the ex, god I’m so happy for you. I tell all my friends that because it’s true. still it doesn’t change the fact that this life thing was a lot less stressful with you around. you were it, M. and I hate that you were right. you said no one is ever going to love me as much as you did, and I have dated so many dudes and it never worked out. and when I do fall hard for someone, he doesn’t take my feelings into consideration the way you did. no one loves me like you did. There’s times when i’m over you, and then i realize it’s just because i’m distracted. it’s been over a year. I wish we never met. loving you always.

[Mike5]

Today is the 2 month anniversary of you dumping me.

 

I was sitting down at the table and you came over, told me, and fled the apartment. After 8 years together - that was all I merited.

 

I feel like I was killed that day. I am amazed I am still alive.

 

I wonder if you think much of me - I doubt it somehow.

[Carus]

You've moved on with your life. You've bought a house. You've got a busy social life and a huge community around you. You've got everything you wanted.

 

I'm very isolated with noone to see and nowhere to go. Friday night used to be our date night. Now it's the worst night of the week knowing you're out there somewhere having fun whilst I drive the highway just so I don't have to go home. I still have a steel blade wedged in my chest.

 

I'm worried I'm not going to recover this time. Every day I walk with one foot out the door coz the pain is overwhelming and draining. And if I went, perhaps then you would realize that you actually did love me.

 

But how do you kill someone who's already dead....

 

I miss you*

[Mike5]

Carus, I'm sorry for your pain, my friend.

 

If it's any consolation I'm in more or less the same boat. Totally isolated - nowhere to go and no one to see. Feel like this could kill me.

 

Hang in there, buddy.

[Long Gone]

Hi Guys!

Yes Hang in there both of you! I live quite isolated, and mostly keep in touch with friends with Facebook. Being on my own (with just the dog for company) has meant I've a lot of time on my own for my mind to torcher me. Hang in there though..... I try and look at it like this, it can't be any worse than the day she finished with me....and each day away from that is a step closer to healing.

[11moreweeks]

As I keep talking to my friends about my feelings, analyzing them, analyzing everything that went wrong, and continuously work on improving myself, I'm starting to see changes some really bittersweet changes this week.

 

The first change I'm seeing is that the finality of the breakup is really hitting me. Even if you came crawling back and realized your mistake, that you jumped the gun too early and will leave us questioning and missing for the rest of our lives what was and what was about-to-be, I will probably be unable to ever trust you or feel about you the same way again. When we would go on our walks and we would joke about how given structures or trees were "bigger" or smaller than you, since you were so tiny and endearing.. I loved that, but I will probably not be able to do that with you anymore, because who you are to me has fundamentally changed. I imagine you wanting to touch me or hold me, and I imagine being uncomfortable and wanting more space. I used to be the most open book person to everyone around, but now I feel like I could be the most open book to everyone except you. I think you were blinded by other factors in not recognizing your own love for me, hence why you wanted so much to do with me and seem to want to reach out to me and not let go; however, I think my own love for you has faded so drastically that now it's nothing close to what it once was, as if you are just somebody who I used to care about, and care about more than others because I'm somehow supposed to.. As if you were part of some members of my actual family.

 

The second change I'm seeing is that as I spend more time talking to or hanging out with other girls who have shown interest in me, especially those who I found to be attractive but intentionally avoided and shunned because I was devoted to you, it's been clear to me just how many other people are out there. Better than you in some ways, worse than you in others, with much more to be discovered -- fundamentally, everyone is just a person with their own positives and weaknesses. I legitimately saw myself marrying you and was doing everything I could to do that, and I saw myself working through anything in life with you. Now, I don't see that with anyone because I don't have any connections like that, but I do feel connections with others.. and those connections feel good. I haven't felt the emotions of discovery and initial bonding in almost 9 years, since I experienced it with you. It's bittersweet, because while it feels nice, it's a remembrance of the loss and the deep relationship/love that I won't experience again in at least a few more years.

 

I have just about come through my semester as a champion -- I have worked through my emotions; I have walked through blood, bruises, and broken glass; I have kept my goals in sight and never looked more than a few steps back at a time.. and I am at a point where it is all not just manageable, but easy, and things look good for me. I will have the money for trips, the money for gifts, the money for new clothes, the money for eventual safe housing, and the confidence of financial security that I lacked while we were together and that hurt me so much. I will eventually have the safety to know I won't be stabbed in my sleep and the comfort to sleep every night, on time, to enjoy the mornings I have always loved. I will have the health that I have always deserved with how much I have cared about diet, health, fitness, and overall wellness but could never fully achieve with everything else obstructing my view. Never again will I have to give mediocre, or no, gifts to someone and feel like I've disappointed them. Never again will someone I loved treat me somewhat worse because I had holes in my clothes or because I'm out-of-shape, or comment about that without acknowledging my efforts and limitations. Never again will I worry about the waste of money that exploration entails. Never again will I have to worry that I won't be able to make it. But still, never again will I experience the good things in life with you, and that makes me so sad.

 

I truly loved you.. and I gave you all the chances in the world, but.. I have made it through the semester and you have solidly rejected me for what seems to be an unhappy relationship in itself.. You are no longer my crutch, and you are also no longer my family. I gave you all the chances in the world to build something together, to refurbish what was breaking and correct what went wrong for a future that would have likely made us both better off, but you have decided against it. I truly loved you, and we both could have lived happier and better lives from 2019/2020 through death than we likely will now, but now we're at a point where while you might still benefit from what I could offer you, I probably could not as you are no longer who you were to me and you don't seem to want to care for me or offer me anything regardless. I think this is my final goodbye to you, and I hope you don't reach out to me again.. I want to see what my life holds for me this Summer without you in there to muddy my emotions and get in the way of my personal goals or my relationships with other people.

[Mike5]

Having a bad morning of it thinking of you.

 

It's Saturday, the sun is out and the sky is clear. But the only problem is that you're not here.

 

I'm alone in this vast emptiness and life seems so meaninglessness. I'm fighting hard the urge to message you.

 

Why, oh why, did you do what you did?

[Carus]

Thankyou Dear SweetGirl*

 

Great post x

 

Carus*

[Mike5]

Thanks, SweetGirl. That's a really beautiful and touching message of support.

 

I think the reason I'm finding it so hard today is because it feels like the first real day of summer here: cloudless, hot, plenty of people out and about enjoying life.

 

I'm alone, facing the first summer by myself in nine years. Plus at 42 these things get harder and harder. I find it difficult to distract myself, plus even if I do when the distraction ends the pain comes back just as strong.

 

But only time is the answer - I just have to try and plod on, one agonising step after other.

[Mike5]

Thanks, SweetGirl. That's really beautiful of you.

 

I shed tears today.

 

At the moment, my ambition is pretty modest: survive one day to the next and maybe things will pick up someday.

 

Hugs to you also xx

[Long Gone]

Great post Sweet Girl, thank you. I've felt really under the weather with a chest infection this week, but mentally I'm in a far better place. Really pushing my weight loss to make myself into the person I've always wanted to be. Lost around 5 pounds this week!

[RougeQueen]

I was hurting so bad today that I almost texted you how much I missed you but something stopped me. Then I sign in to FaceBook and see a picture of you with a new woman. Wow, ex, didn’t even take you a month to replace me and now it all makes sense as to why I just up and stopped hearing from you a couple weeks ago. So much for everything you said.

 

It hurts so much right now I can’t even describe it. I knew I should’ve blocked you on social media as soon as I dropped you off at the airport last month. What was I thinking, thinking we could stay friends?? Especially after you told me you loved me for the first time ever before getting on that plane and leaving. You’re a true blue jerk. And I’m a grade A idiot for thinking you actually loved me.

 

I’m so angry and upset and hurt right now. And a lot of that anger is at myself which makes it worse. I knew I should’ve just made a clean break of things and cut all contact as soon as you moved away. But I, we, kept hanging on and I’m so much further behind in my healing than if I would’ve went strict NC. You live thousands of miles away now so why did I even think there could be any chance. Now I just have to have the strength of will to actually block you.

[oscarisking]

I want to talk to you everyday still - just to say good morning. I miss joking around with you and I'm still sort of shell shocked at how quickly you pulled away. Like it really was just a fever dream. Despite everything - despite every ridiculously stupid quality you have. Things that should make me turn the other way. Despite how easy it is for you to push anybody and everyone that even gets close to you away. There is this wonderful person there that I wanted more of; honest, kind, vulnerable, warm, excited, and alive. I was so excited you reciprocated my feelings. I thought - maybe this was it. Stupidly. I thought you were my person. I wanted you to be. I liked you - wanted to love you - warts and all. I hold no resentment towards you. You were kind even in leaving. I hope beyond hope that we can connect again - even just as friends. I hope you find happiness. You are worth more than you give yourself credit for. You are worth more than a lot of people give you credit for. Thanks for the beautiful vacation - our bubble. It's a good memory. You are so worth loving wholeheartedly. And I regret nothing that I said to you.

[RougeQueen]

Well, I blocked you. I don’t know how I gathered the strength to do it but I did. I guess when I thought about it I realized I’d rather know nothing about what was going on in your life then having a tenuous connection and knowing you’ve moved on so quickly and are happy. Why keep allowing myself to be hurt? Besides, I just couldn’t move on or let go while you still had even such a minor presence in my life via social media. It was the right choice and I don’t regret it. The only thing I do regret is not doing it sooner and allowing it to drag out as long as it did. I’ve been miserable and depressed for over a month hoping there was a chance for us when instead I could’ve been working towards healing and moving forward with my life.

 

It’s not in my nature to be as depressive, negative, angry, and bitter as I have been lately. I’m trying to get back to the person I was before you came along. I liked me. Always had a joke to tell, was always laughing about something, and I just felt joy, hope, and excitement for every new day and for my life in general. Right now I just feel...grey, empty, and pointless. Like there’s nothing to look forward to. I’m sick of crying and I’m sick of questioning my self worth because of how easily you walked away. It wasn’t that long of a relationship, and if I’m honest, not that great of one either. You had substance abuse problems, skewed priorities, and seemed incapable of talking openly about anything regarding feelings. Maybe with this new woman you will be different, and it hurts to think she might be good enough for you to do so with, but I can’t focus on that. It is irrelevant to my life now. I have to hope and believe that someday I will meet someone who finds me worthy of fighting and putting in effort for.

 

I have a lot of healing to do, but I’m glad I’ve finally taken the first step onto that road.

[Hopeful7]

You said u would never hurt me . You kept pushing me to get closer and closer to you when I was perfectly happy being single and You made me fall in love with. We may had our problems but all couples do.

 

I may had a trust issue , but I fought for u and you should of done the same . You fight to be with someone u love . You don't just let them go .

 

How do u move on to a new girl a month after me ? Did u even care about me or love me?

[Kimbles1215]

I've reached the stage where I'm not expecting a text or call from you. I barley even think about you during the days I'm at work... As soon as I'm home.. you pop into my mind but I block you out again. You are no good for me and I was no good for you. You think I'm weak, I'm not. I'm stronger than you think, I cut you out once and I can do it again.

[Kimbles1215]

I haven't even checked your social media for days and days... so proud

[RougeQueen]

Day 2 of NC since I blocked you. I went on Facebook and scrolled through my newsfeed. I still have a couple of our mutual friends on there and every time I’d see one of them post something I was afraid I would see something about you. The FB blocking feature isn’t all encompassing and misses things sometimes. I got really anxious about seeing anything about you so I’ve decided that I’m going to take some time off of it for awhile. While on it I had to fight a morbid urge to not try to look for anything about you, so I think this is the best course. When I broke up with my ex before you I had to do the same thing and it did take quite some time for me to get back on it, but it helped. I’m just so scared of seeing anything about you and your new chick right now while I feel so fragile. I feel like any little thing would shatter me.

 

I’m so hurt that it took you so short a time to find someone new, but I can’t even say I’m suprised. You always have jumped from woman to woman, never taking any time off in between. I honestly don’t think you’ve ever really dealt with any of the emotional baggage you’ve brought from any relationship because of it. Maybe that’s why you would always still bring up your exes. Every day. To me. That alone should have been a huge sign telling me to RUN. That and the fact that you would always say you attracted the “crazy” ones. Well, you were obviously attracted to “crazy” too what with how many of them you’ve been with. You told me once that I was one of the only “normal” women you’d ever been with. Maybe that was boring for you? And then there was how we could literally never go anywhere without running into a woman you had either dated or had slept with. So many glaring red flags that I ignored and still allowed myself to fall in love with you.

 

Well, you didn’t deserve me. I did so much for you to show you I cared while you just took, took, took. When you first moved you were struggling with money so I leant you some. Yep, won’t be seeing that again I’m sure. You just used me for what you could get be it sex, money, or rides places and then through me out immediately after you didn’t need me anymore. I was so stupid.

 

I’m just so angry that you’ve moved forward and not looked back while I’m still suffering and wondering why I wasn’t good enough. I don’t really expect you to try to reach out to me now, and honestly I don’t want you to, but it still hurts that it was just that easy for you. I guess moving somewhere brand new where there are no memories of us makes that easy. And seeing you with that new chick, where you actually dressed up to go out with her, hurt even more. You’d barely change shirts to hang out with me, let alone get all spiffed up.

 

But all of this really doesn’t matter anymore. I need to remember that. You’re out of my life and what you do in your own is none of my business. I just need to keep to strict NC and stay off of FB for the next while until I’m stronger. I won’t lie and say I wish good things for you yet, but I can say I don’t wish any bad for you either. I just want to get to the point where I don’t care either way anymore. This is just so hard right now and I wish it was all over and you were nothing more than just a memory of guy I dated for a short time. It just sucks that as soon as you left you’re life seemed to get so much better while mine is still the same but sad.

[Lovelavie]

I'm not mad at you, out of all the people you were the best thing that ever happened to me, yet, not the best one that I'll have. You made me cry a lot, you made me sad a lot of times, you weren't there for me so many times when I needed you. Still, I miss talking to you, I miss your smile, your laugh, our hugs and kisses. I wonder if you miss me too... I wonder if you think about me or if you´ve already accepted this and moved on.

 

Life seems so unfair when it comes to feelings sometimes. I know I truly loved you but now I have to love myself more.

[maybejune]

There is no reason for tears, but I cried .

There is no time to mesmerise but I missed you.

There was no commitment from you, but I still love you.

It feels worse than , because I can't just flush it away.

[Kimbles1215]

I wish you would STOP contacting me. Do you not realise how f****** it is to have to ignore you? I either block you or ignore you. You are not giving me an easy choice right now. Me and you are TOXIC together. You infuriate me at how much you do not understand how hard it is to just let go. I know I did wrong to you but you did wrong to me too. Lets both let each other go and move on with our lives, because I do not want this to continue any longer. It is draining, physically and emotionally.

 

The only time I'd like to speak to you is if you turned into a nicer person and decided to give things another go but that's impossible. You will never be nice like a normal boyfriend should be. I want to rant to you so bad. I told you last night I cant tell you my emotions because it makes me vulnerable and you won't stop asking how I feel and that I should tell you because you 'still' care. Bull**** . You just want the CONTROL knowing I'm weak at the moment. Don't you worry though, I'll get over this way quicker than you will.

 

You are a good person but you have awfully nasty traits and you need help. Maybe having a skanky sh** family probably didn't help in the long run for you emotionally but I always had your side and yes I made mistakes but so did you.

[deadtulips]

This thread really does bring tears to my eyes!!!!!

 

I am so sorry for the heartbreak everyone feels. I feel your pain!!

 

And to my ex: I know you miss me. My gut tells me everyday that you do. But you have a nice distraction and I get it, you were once mine. So, I will move on. But you better pray to God that the day you return, I will still have enough love for you to fall right back in your arms. Because you will need a miracle. Life crumbles on us all, and we realize who is there when it is too late.

[ninjabib]

I've now been diagnosed with PTSD and post trauma concussion, i wish i had the guts to seek medical help a few months back and we may not have split up. Sorry for treating you bad at the end. I should have told you i was struggling.

[11moreweeks]

Once again, I will post here instead of contacting my ex.

 

I received another text yesterday (or today, phone was off), and once again, it says "sorry" in the text preview. Reading it is a form of contact, so I won't open the text.

 

I have work to do and too many other stressors in life to figure out. She's dating someone else and she ended our relationship; she shouldn't be trying to be in contact with me. I miss her terribly, but breakups are terminal decisions with huge consequences.