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About Mike5

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  1. Hey Carus, Thanks, man. How are you doing, brother? I hope Bali is bringing some relief. Thanks also, Teddy. No, I didn't take it as a criticism, don't worry. Yeah, it does take forever! I'm feeling marginally better because I've been on a few dates with a nice girl lately, but if that evaporates, I'll doubtless take a plunge! Such is life. Endure, endure, endure.....
  2. Hey, Teddy. Good to hear from you, buddy:-) Yes, I mean there's no doubt how horribly difficult it all is. I might not have got that across in my original post but I was just trying for a more constructive and hopeful tone. I still have my awful phases and total despondency periods. That may never go away, but as I said survival is the name of the game and I was just trying to pass on a few pointers from my own experience. And yeah, the normal advice can strike you as really weird when you think about it. You've just had your heart crushed and soul destroyed and a lot of people urge you
  3. It's a year since I was ditched by my ex-fiancee after seven years so I thought I'd put down a few thoughts that may be of use to those who are just now struggling to crawl out of the wreckage. First of all, although it may seem unthinkable right now you can survive. It seems unlikely, maybe not even desirable, but if you hang in there you will make it. 12 months ago, being here today feeling somewhat better seemed like a ridiculous fantasy, but it can happen. I think it's very important to go easy on yourself. You need to show yourself tenderness and care. At first you will - hopefully
  4. Hey Carus, Great as always to hear from you, brother. You are the Saint of this site! For the record, it was a Xmas gathering and the father was always extremely kind to me, plus he had a few beers in him, so I felt it would have been rude/uncharitable to try to get him to cork it, but anyway. As it happens, the info I received didn't trigger any "maybe we'll get back" thoughts. On the day she pulled the trigger, I knew that was it. I guess that's a good sign. Nor did I take any pleasure in hearing of her life dream collapsing. I think it's always sad when such things happen. M
  5. I met my ex's father at Xmas in social circumstances. He told me what she has been up to since we split last March, after 7 years together and having planned a new life in New Zealand. I didn't really want to know, but he's a really nice guy, so I didn't feel as if I could tell him to shut up. She went back on the online dating scene in June, met a German guy, whom after only a few dates she started telling her folks she was planning on marrying and having a child with. They were suspicious as they thought there was the air of a con-man about this guy. The ex and this fellow split soon afte
  6. Not an original topic, but hey. This is my first Christmas alone in 9 years. I am struggling, I admit. It is hard not to feel hopelessly alone at this time of year, when one is trying to recover from the break-up of a long relationship. I think for those who have been ejected from a long-term relationship, apart from the loss of the actual person one of the worst things is the loss of narrative: our partnership was our life, our past, present and, maybe most important of all, our future. To be suddenly and unexpectedly alone again is like to be thrown off a ship and left to die in the co
  7. LH Girl, not at all. That's a dreadful story - I'm very sorry for your pain. I had something similar: we went out for a meal on a Saturday night, watched a movie on Netflix, all seemed fine. Next morning, sat me down, said "I can't do this anymore" and literally ran out the door and buried herself in the cinema all day so I couldn't contact her. I left two days later. This after 7 and a half years living together. And yeah, I was always there for her, listening to her endless complaining about other people. Oh well, we slog on....Strength to us all.
  8. This is more just a report than a specific question, but I feel the need to express myself. Was dumped abruptly by partner of 7 years last March. We had been planning to move to NZ, her homeland from early on. In the summer she went to NZ herself. Rightly or wrongly, I felt robbed and betrayed after all the emotional investment I had put into those years. Anyway, last week she got in touch saying she had been fired from her dream job after only a month. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to feeling a little schadenfreude. During the summer she had also moaned to me about trouble she was havi
  9. I'm 8 months in after a 7 year relationship that was a marriage in all but name. I thought I was coping plausibly well, but the onset of winter has really been a set-back. Sundays in particular are the worse. I found myself tearing up last Sunday afternoon at the thought of all I've lost. I fully expect it to take years to get over my trauma, or in fact I may never do so. But I'm actually nearly ok with that, as it is at least proof that my emotions were real. Bottom line: no one should beat themselves up for taking however long it takes to recover - some people never recover. We are no
  10. Carus, beautiful words as always. I've been thinking about your last point recently. On the days when I am numb I tell myself I should feel grateful, but I can't, because the pain is at least a sign that we are alive, that we loved, that we have more love to give. if I go permanently numb, then what is there? And then you think if you do go numb, it somehow devalues the value of the lost relationship. It is all so damn complicated! And yes, anyone who tells someone that they 'should be over it by now' just doesn't get it. I'm 8 months out, been having a relapse lately, found myself teari
  11. Hi Folks, I told my story here a few times back in March. After a while I needed to get off the site because talking about my break-up became counter-productive. Now I feel I owe it to the people who very kind to me here to check back in. Well after six months the best thing I can say is that I am still alive. I spent the past half-year distracting myself with some travel and moving around. I know many people found the extreme heat this summer a source of displeasure but it helped me get through. I'm a European, took a month trip to the States in May at the invite of a friend. I ended
  12. ZHP, thanks for the vid, man. Yeah, I'm holding to the NC as best I can.
  13. Mine is heading off to what was supposed to be our new life together in NZ in 5 months. I'm trying to figure if I should make one last play. My financial scenario has improved a little since but I can't really see a way of letting her know that without it looking obvious and pathetic. Oh well....
  14. Man, it sounds like the same woman! Her mother was desperate for us to marry, as she feared her daughter would never meet anyone. I'd learned that my ex was the 'problem' in her past relationships also. Dating a career-obsessed woman is very difficult. Mine was 35 when I first met her. She was very pretty and I was surprised she wasn't married with kids already. I found out that her work was everything to her. In a way, it suited me because I didn't want a family, so it was good that work was her main thing. But then when she set up her own firm within 8 months of us going out, she became o
  15. Urgh, sorry, man. Weird, so she's now going for a Ph.D candidate in his late 30s with no job. You never know she may come back if she tires of that guy. My ex set up her business in our first year going out. What annoys me is that she always said she could have never done it without my support and being there 24/7 to help her all the way. Then to get turfed when I did cheeses me off no end.
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