Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Nope09]

Going on your Facebook just made everything clear to me...I'm done with you for good now

[healingishard]

Its been awhile since i felt the need to write here. Its helped tremendously.

Well he thought we could be friends. We met up and got the awkwards outta the way and it was lovely being near him again. He said things that made me feel we could work things out and eventually be together again. But after he left, I was just still too hurt to give an effort, afraid to be ripped apart again. I tried faintly, as did he, but he immediately reminded me we were just friends. I wasn't ready for friendship and only wanted him back but he didn't want me back and honestly he didn't want a friendship either. I guess maybe it was just to cure his guilt for the hurt he caused me...idk.

 

I thought something was better than nothing and kept trying while he continued to be distant, cold, and uninterested. I felt at times he was treating us like a game, like he had to maintain control. And when he wasn't in control he would grow cold afterwards. This is when I said enough is enough. I cant deal with games, I wasn't playing games, I was simply trying to go with the flow and build something new with him.

 

I learned that "i can't" meant he couldn't and "i dunno" meant probably not. After so many failed attempts i learned to accept his words and not push him for a different answer, again, bcuz my goal was to avoid the same mistakes and to have a new relationship with him. I got the impression he wanted me to beg or convince him to change his mind as i did so many times before. When i accepted his "i dunno" and i said "ok then don't come over, its not a good night anyway" (i had friends over, they had been drinking, i told them to crash in my living room instead of me driving them home) and when i said okay just don't come over it was like he was trying to figure out why i wasn't pleading and then decided he was canceling on me even tho i already canceled on him! I called him out on it and explained why I didn't plead for him to come by (the friends being over)...and the next day he was cold. I didn't talk to him for days. I didn't bother trying. This is when I realized it wasn't awful anymore, i didn't even need to write a NC journal, I didn't have the urge to talk to him.

 

So yesterday i told him I'm done trying and i blocked his number. I love him and I do miss him, but the relationship we had is dead and I refuse to have anything other than a new relationship without resentment, judgement, and assumption. I want to learn from the mistakes of our past and not play games. Even if all we did end up having was a friendship, it would have to be a new one. Im not over him, but i'm so much closer now and i don't regret us attempting to be friends because i saw things in the way he treated me that were identical to his old ways and those characteristics aren't what i want or am willing to put up with. I guess he's finally knocked off his pedestal. I believe i am strong enough now to walk away from this toxic relationship and never look back.

 

Don't bother coming back to me John. Your stringing me along keeping a safe distance until your "ready" yet you cant even communicate that truth with me. If it happens all the time, why then, in the passed year has it not happened!? And why cant the previous times be enough to warrant you being ready!? The only way we would ever work out like this is if you communicated more about your feelings and your rationalization. I want something real, i want attention. I want someone to hold onto and that comes around often and wants to be around. I want someone who will try, someone who wont make excuses. I want someone who you haven't been being and if you "aren't ready" to be what i need, stay away bcuz i'm fed up with hearing it. And if you cant be what i need from you right now then stay away forever bcuz once i am completely over you (its right around the corner), you will never ever be given a piece of me again. I promise you that.

[chamachama]

Your stringing me along keeping a safe distance until your "ready"

 

Usually people string people along because they are trying to get ready for dating "someone else". Not the person they are stringing along. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. Period. Stop having contact with him completely, and start healing. You're wasting your time, energy, heart, and pride on a guy who doesn't want you. Sorry, had to be said.

[Snow93]

You blew it again. It feels weird being the dumper this time. What choice did I have? That was the last straw. You had the opportunity to fix things with me but you left it too late. You made irreversible mistakes. I can't ever trust you again. Yes, we have history. A ton. But maybe we've just outgrown each other. I deserve someone better who I can trust, who won't hurt me over and over and who won't just tell me it'l be different next time. It's pointless to go over it again and again. It's not healthy. I have to let you go. I can't even look at you the same way anymore.

[chris2014]

i miss you so much. when is this going to get easier? do you think of me at all?

[healingishard]

Thank you for the advice, however i am aware of his feelings and will process mine as I choose (blocking him and posting here instead). What I choose to type here are my opinions of my relationship. I believe the point of this particular thread is to write what you would like to say to your ex instead of contacting them. This is not a thread that warrants personal opinion's being stated or posted on others relations or words to their ex. Had I been looking for an opinion (which I obviously wasn't), I'd happily use a different thread. Please respect the point behind this thread and leave your personal opinions to yourself. Your advice definitely did not need to be said. Thank you, I mean no disrespect.

[einsteins_girl]

Today would have been our 9-year anniversary. In four days, it will be the 3-year anniversary of our breakup - and the 3-year anniversary of the last time you spoke to me.

 

I still don't understand how someone can love you one day and be gone the next. I suppose I never will.

 

It's why I don't bother with love anymore, I guess. I don't like how fleeting it is. I don't like that it can't be trusted.

 

You taught me that.

[Shadowbite]

It's hard to know I was once your everything, Now I'm just a grain of dirt to you in your journey of life.

[IAmFCA]

I just dont know how to respond after you send me strings of text attesting to my singular qualibis and your continued distraction by them.

 

You are, does it need to be said? Married. Why do you think yourself in love with me yet marry someone else?

 

You know I am choosing to be a one-man woman.

 

It's delicate, me and my man. He loves me yet he is cautious. I am falling in love certainly, but sometimes I feel vulnerable.

 

I realized tonight you texted me as I was arriving. Midnight. I shut it out of mind and forgot until now.

 

How many times must I draw a line, shut you out, reject you? Once- if I never respond.

 

So, I bartered time with you away, in exchange for a promise from a friend.

 

I'm sorry pal, I love my man, at least at some level, and I am protecting him from you. It's my job and my honor.

 

I thought it was just sex with you. You always said it wasn't and it never felt it was, but then you married and what was there to think. You can not pine for me. It is not appropriate.

[miss_sunshine]

This song is reminding me of you tonight.

 

Well, maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much,

But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up.

Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well.

 

Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise.

So casually cruel in the name of being honest.

I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here

'Cause I remember it all, all, all... too well.

 

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it

I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it

After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own

Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

 

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week

'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me

You can't get rid of it 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah

 

'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so

Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known

It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

 

Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all

Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all

It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

[Hazyillusions]

It's strange how it took me meeting up with you again, spending half a day n all night with you to realise things have changed. I don't feel the same anymore.

 

I know you care about me, I know you want me back but I don't want you.

I just don't trust you and bc you had to do all you did...I can't see you with the same respect or adoration. Now that everything's blocked again, I'm free to head forwards without looking back.

 

Bye B.

[Snow93]

You think it makes it all okay to cheat on me and treat me like crap for months if you apologise and smother me with empty promises and praises afterwards? It's funny how you only "realise" how great ur relationship is after that long. We've known each other 8 years, I'm pretty sure you knew we were great together anyway. It's obvious to me that you tried with this guy and hey, yet again, you got screwed overYou know the difference this time? This time I'm not stupid enough to take you back.

 

I've heard your whole thing before. How many times do you think you can get away with it? You cheated twice and called me out about having trust issues. Excuse me, you were lucky to even have me remain in your life that long. And you thought the logical thing to do was to cheat on me again, go even further than you did before? You're unbelievable. I can't believe you'd do this to us again. We were amazing together. This is on you though, you're the one who didn't treat me right.

 

You actually have the nerve to say I'm throwing away our 8 years together? I've done nothing but try to overlook your betrayals. I know I'm not perfect, but I'm loyal and I care and I believe in working everything out. But I'm not stupid either. I know when I'm not appreciated. Why should I stay around? I didn't throw anything away; you did when you made the choice to cheat. Again. Take responsibility.

[elessana]

What is NC??

 

Haha I might need to post in here. I think a huge, painful breakup is coming my way. Not sure when, but things seem bleak.

[treadstone]

I can't do this without you, but I'm going to have to try. I'm just so sure I'm going to fail. What is life, even, now that you're gone?

[Hazyillusions]

I missed you alittle today. Guess I have been suppressing my feelings alittle...I still care. Of course I do.

But I don't want you back and that's why you remain blocked.

[spiderbones]

why did you end things with me by saying your not ready for it through text? then blocked me off instagram, uploaded a picture of me because he thought it was a 'nice picture' then unblock me, then when I hung out with a meer acquaintance of yours just by chance (when we met after we broke up and your best friend introduced us) re-block me, delete that photo you uploaded and block the acquaintance as well, but send me a 'happy new year x' message? but not approach me in person but your friends still come up and say hello and give me a hug? while I don't contact you AT ALL through out this??? (except to ask about the picture you uploaded..) AND YOU STILL CALL ME BY MY NICKNAME?! explain!!!!!!!

[Brokenhart84]

I'm hurting so much. I just have this hope that we will talk again some day. Because somehow I'm thinking it will give closure. Although we spoke about things right after the breakup. I was so emotional. Im hoping I would see a text from you on my birthday next month. I can't stop pondering on it. I keep thinking it will make me feel better. It would make know that you care and haven't forgot about me. I'm so sorry that I didn't verbally express my feelings to you while we were together. Actually saying that I love you instead of just the words that I care about you so much. I was drowning with so much stress and heartache from the past as well as fear. I love you so much.

[Felicity]

Why wasn't I worth any effort on your part? If I was "a ton of fun" and you appreciated things about me and what I had to offer you that your previous girlfriends didn't, why was I valued worth so little of your time? Your feelings just weren't progressing? What about that admission that you sabotage that? You didn't even try after we got back together! What were the negatives that outweighed the positives? You never complained about anything. Never expressed any disappointment. Everything you asked for, I gave you. So what about me or our time together led you to prefer to be lonely than be with me? Putting everything on yourself and saying it's nothing I "said or did or didn't do" doesn't help me find closure. It doesn't make sense. Doesn't compute. I'm good enough for you to hook up with just not good enough to date? You don't have ex-girlfriends, you have victims. I wish I wasn't your latest victim.

[jishingaaru]

I sent you a lot of text messages and they were all left unanswered. But now that I have changed my number, I wonder if you've finally replied to my messages. Probably not.

Why am I so obsessed with somebody who never seemed to have cared about me? I must be crazy for loving you. Completely insane.

[Nope09]

I'm joining the Navy you said if I would do it just go all the way and not reserves....I hope I ship out before you get back from deployment because I know if you are here I will want to see you...but if I dont have access to any of that stuff it makes it easier...I hope we are never stationed in the same place seeing that you want to go to California and so do I I pray that you go to VA instead....this is hard for me but I haven't cried in a while and I know this will get better I just have to be strong and keep pushing

[Hazyillusions]

Sucks you had to destroy my hope in you. Sucks that I don't respect you at all. Sucks that I don't trust you. I'll never trust you again.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

[burningred]

I feel like a very bad person to deserve this kind of pain. If i am being punished, isnt 7 months enough? Sometimes i feel like fading away. Its so unfair. I have loved and with what im dealing with right now, i feel like i never should have.

[Brokenhart84]

I miss you do much. But I know god has so many things in store for me. This breakup was is to help me.

[Hazyillusions]

Why did I just msg you.

Eff.

I still care. Why am I going backwards? I still love you.

[sunshine34]

this is my safe place, my corner of the world where the real me exists and my words reverberate without consequence or judgement. A place where I can feel heard without actually being heard and I am beyond thankful for this thread, this forum, this space in the web outside of the tangled web that is my life. I'm going back to miami this weekend, for a job interview but I just found out that the other 2 probably interviews are not happening and it's just one. There's this strange feeling of decision and clarity mixed with disappointment filling my lungs and chest longing to seep into my heart and replace you. maybe im not supposed to get back there, maybe im supposed to stay here and move on with my life. I'm sure I will not be in a long distance relationship anymore. It's only 2 weeks to take away all of the love, sensitivity and support I felt when you were last here.. The sad part is, had you not cheated on me, I think I was ready to go through all the hoops for you. Once that hppened , i knew i needed to be around you, i need some normalcy to even have a chance to forgive you or trust you. The deepest pain is how indifferent and insensitive to this you are, you think it's my responsibility to deal with the bleeding you caused. YOU put this here. Then you keep trying to compare my pain to yours, me to you. There's so much narcissism , not only do you think you are the greatest gift ever created, you cant even see that cheating pain is something you are responsible for. anyways, i know all of this stuff won't matter anymore. If I find out I don't get the job, it's time to walk. So that means this weekend is our last 4 days together, the last chance to be around you.. I want to try to embrace that and take the time to appreciate what was still left. Even the possibility of me not getting the job has opened my eyes to things that I don't know I could deal with if I did get the job.. Actions are the onyl true indicator of feeling and intention. The plan when you left me, when you left my bleeding heart, is that if I couldn't get there, you'd come here. After finding out today I only have 1 shot of getting there instead of 3, your inital response was that when you get promoted, I should just quit and come apply for jobs. That wasn't the plan. I can understand we are unstable and ou have to put your career first.. it doesn't make my heart break any less hearing it.. knowing you wouldn't really do everything for me like you said you owuld. its going to be so difficult not to get upset when I see you and focus on the interview. I know thats what I'm there to do, but it also feels like I have a new mission. To say goodbye to you I think the truth is, both of us are ready for this its just not what we wanted. I wanted it to be you, I wanted to be happy with you, I wanted to grow up and become everything we wanted to be. Now all I see is two people moving in different directions trying to make each other stand still. part of me is holding on because you are all I know. Despite all the pain I've experienced, I've never had this love with someoen. I've never spent every day with a person, never moved in with them and attempted to move accross the country to be with them. Love isn't enough, and it gets harder as I get older. Years back I thought I'd be planning a wedding at my age, but where am I? Clueless. I'm not even sure love can last, not sure what it takes to make it or how to make someone happy anymore. How to make myself happy. I have the dream career, i made it happen right out of school just like I said I would, but thats not enough. I wonder if it's possible for a person to fulfill you. Maybe that's not supposed to happen. I've learned a lot of htings from you, and for that I am grateful. You taught me how to value and respect my body, how meaningful sex can be and how to make it a secondary part of a relationship. You've taught me about sticking together, and what it means to be committed even though now it seems like a sham. Friendship, hanging out and not saying a word, being content around one another. I learned that I am hot tempered and I don't think enough before I speak, I can cross lines and I still haven't found a way to figure out my emotions. But I now know they can hurt people, there are many more ways to hurt someone than actions. I either became someone I don't recognize, or I make you feel something out of the truth. But I'm afraid the truth is I've become someone I don't recognize. The otehr day you told me that you think I thrive or am happier in a relationship with drama, because thats the only way I feel anything... at first I was really angry, because I know the only reason I'm miserable is because I had to find out you were cheating days before you left and deal with it in a long distance relationship without skype wher you only call me once at night for an hour. But the part about feeling something.. I don't feel emotion or connected to you at all lately. The only time I do see it, is when it comes out in your voice when you see how bad things are for me.. because on a normal basis, you dont express any emotion for me. The worst part is, I've lost all drive for the things I'm missing. We don't have any special dates, everyhting is predictable and every sepcial occaison is ruined. I've gotten so used to it, I dont even feel the absence anymore In the beginning of our relaitonship you used to get me cards and say sweet things on random days and anniversaries. Dates were exciting and I could see how much you liked me. Now, on christmas, I went all out and yes, you did give me the money I needed for my car, but then you got me a photo album... SOmething YOU wanted. because you are visual, that's not how I feel love. Our one year passed and all you did was get me flowers.. now my favorite holiday is coming and you are already saying well... we are just gonna have to do what we can.. I'm sick of all of this. I deserve better. I want more, I just feel so stuck. I know I need to move on.