Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[patterned]

I am moving on with my life but I find I love you and miss you beyond the words I have to express it with.

[mixhot]

so its been just under 5 month since i last spoke to you lass. and nearly 7 month since i last saw you.. remember 2 weeks before you staerted to sleep with my now ex mate you asked me to go travelling with you in sept!!!?? well i have nearly saved up to go.. was your dream wasnt it??? AM GOING YOUR NOT!!

 

YOU have to stay and make sure the new RS // rebound thing is going to work!! you have lost a lot of respect from close friends you will be the one that will regret your disicion, why??? bcouse you have no idea what the jeff you are doing in your life.. you use people, infact, you use yourself.. you havent a clue how to treat a man..

 

anyway hunni.. 3 month and i will be sat on a beach with no worrys what soooooo ever and you, you horrible excuse for a woman will be stuck in RS that you cant get of because if you FCK this RS up you will have nobody...NOBODY

 

merry xmas

[One day]

Right here and right now I feel empty. Empty so tired and very sad. Did I ever mean anything to you? was it all one sided?

[tness]

I'm still thinking about you, I can't help it.

. I will not sob and cry anymore, because tears aren't working on you. I've noticed that very quick, but still I continued to cry, but enough is enough. You haven't seen me since May, you haven't talked to me since early June, you told me that you where tired and needed to rest. You can rest now, because I will not humiliate my selves again. We had many good years, you even wanted to get married, then this total transformation in your head, you got scared, then I had to leave.

If you have an idea what you did against me, but you will never understand or feel my pain. I have something inside of me who died that day.

I know it's no point sending this sms to you, so instead I'm posting it on ENA

[Ezzie]

Day 8 of no contact... sometimes it feel easy and sometimes it gets hard. I woke up this morning with a heavy heart, but after I spoke to some friends, they encouraged me in my goal and I feel a bit better. I still miss you so much and I hope you think of me and miss me a bit too. I'm trying to be more confident by changing my thoughts... thinking more positively towards myself and hoping that I can project that attitude towards my life. Not sure when to contact you but I'm really hoping you'll be ready and willing to see me and talk to me again after I've given you this space.

[lilypadgirl]

Goodbye. I knew this would be your response. At the end, you don't love me enough. You don't understand me enough. You think we are so different, but you never realized how similar we are. You think I don't value the things you value. You think I don't want to travel the world or want to do good in the world. That is just not true, but if that is what you believe, no one will be able to convince you otherwise. You don't see our similarities and you overemphasize our differences. That is not love. That is fear. In the end you just don't love me enough and you just don't want us enough to even try. Of course you find you can't change because you've taken no action to change. One cannot just will himself to believe or love without taking action. Love is built on action and commitment. No one is 100% sure and everyone has fear, but the important thing is they let their love overcome those fears by choosing commitment and dedication and the effort to building similarities. Two people that are different can grow together because of love. Just as two people that are same, can grow apart out of lack of nourishment to the relationship. You might grow to be a better man, but sadly you will never be or want to be that man for me. I will find someone who loves me, desires me, and cherishes me. I will find someone who will travel the world with me and build a loving home with me. I am sure of that. I'm just so sad that person is not you. I wanted him to be you and I wanted me to be her to you. But that can never be now. So I resign and I accept completely. I wanted us to build a future of happiness together. But I can do that just as well on my own. Goodbye.

[origami]

One cannot just will himself to believe or love without taking action. Love is built on action and commitment. No one is 100% sure and everyone has fear, but the important thing is they let their love overcome those fears by choosing commitment and dedication and the effort to building similarities. Two people that are different can grow together because of love. Just as two people that are same, can grow apart out of lack of nourishment to the relationship.

 

Lovely. True love will find you Ms. Lilypad — I'm confident in it.

[lilypadgirl]

Lovely. True love will find you Ms. Lilypad — I'm confident in it.

 

Thank you origami and you too.

[elye]

I hate you for how cowardly you treated this relationship that I worked so hard to keep. I felt like once you made up your mind you didn't need to inform me at all. There was no compromise for you and I hate you for that. I hate all the heartache I had over your illnesses and your stupid inability to not hurt yourself. I hate you understand me more than anyone else but still was so two-faced to me. I want to hate you so much

[lilypadgirl]

I wrote you an email and wanted to send it to you. But then I reconsidered. Why bring more confusion and pain - just let things go. I am so tired and I desire peace too. So I'm posting it here instead and release all my feelings and love out to the world:

---

 

I had trouble sleeping last night. I thought about us and in my usual fashion felt like I owed you one last email. I both hope you slept well and wished you didn't thinking of me. That seems to be true of a lot of feelings I have for you right now, oscillating between pain and relief.

 

I am relieved that I finally got a decision and answer out of you. But your decision and answer brings me pain. I struggle to understand how it is that you say love me yet you don't even want to even try for me. But I believe deep down I know the answer. I think I knew for a long time. I just didn't want to believe.

 

I knew you were going to make this decision. You sounded so sweet over the phone. Why is it that guys are always so sweet when they're about to break your heart. I understand though. It's hard to be nice to me when you're feeling tormented. It's easier to be nice when you know it's going to end. I went through the same thing. I suspect right now, you feel a mix of guilt and relief.

 

The sad thing is, I desire to travel the world too and live a fulfilling life. I wanted us to be peaceful and happy too. I thought you didn't understand that. But honestly, I believe you do. That's why I think you kept reaching out but also sabotaging us. You knew what we could be if we only worked through it. You knew what I needed and what you had to do. You just didn't want to work through it. You just didn't want to do what you knew would give me reassurance. Because you didn't truly want us.

 

What I can't figure out is whether you didn't want us because it would have been too much commitment, too much work, and too much intimacy than what you are ready for or that you're simply not into me. I guess I'll never know. It doesn't matter. It all leads to the same place. Feelings of being abandoned, disillusionment, and eventually and ultimately relief and peace. It's ironic because you say you fear that my emotions will make me leave you one day, yet it's always you that's doing the leaving. In the end you've projected all your fears onto me. Who can fight against that? I've done all that I can and know how to do without knowing what you wanted. That's all I can ever do. I am at peace with that.

 

But I respect your decision. I know it brought you a lot of pain too. I know in your own way you did try and in your own way you did love. Just sadly not enough. I don't know if what you wrote in your email is true or just a gentle way of letting me down. Either way, I know it's the real end. If you're not willing to put in the effort into making us work now, how will you put in the effort to understanding us when we have even more distance and whatever love and intimacy you have for me disappears?

 

I am glad for the experience though. I have learned so much about myself. My capacity to forgive and to love. I had been so willing to forgive you for everything you did if only you showed me some remorse and affection and gave me reassurances and commitment. It's ironic because I always thought of myself as being too emotional. But this experience has actually taught me that I'm actually quite emotionally balanced. I am comfortable expressing my emotions, but I'm not unreasonable or irrational. I have the capacity to communicate, the strength to deal with conflicts, and the conviction of knowing what I want, if not 100% what I want, then at least what I want to try for. I feel that I have grown as a person and I have our experience to thank for that. Overall, I feel proud of myself and I know I'm ready and capable of deep and lasting love. I wish I could have convinced you of all that, but I realized that despite what you say, you didn't really want to be convinced. You just wanted to be left in peace. The more I tried, the more it pushed you away. You only want the peaceful and supporting aspects of a relationship, but you either don't know how or don't want to deal with conflicts. Either way, it's time to let go and move on.

 

I really do hope you find happiness. I'm sad that you'll be a better bf to someone else than you were to me. I'm sad you didn't give us a chance and couldn't accept me for who I am, but I am relieved to finally know and accept that. C'est la vie. I do love you and a part of me will always care about you and wish you happiness.

[rattenkrieg]

once you told me that I am the driving force of your life. that I am your energy to wake up and do things in the world.

I felt it too back then, I just didn't know it, and didn't appreciate it. only now after you left my life, in a flash, I understand it.

this flash is what cuts me so deep. how can you cut me this way? we spoke everyday, all day. we went through everything together. no poet, no great novelist, no musician, I don't think anyone managed to engineer the words that will describe the void that you have created in my life.

 

I know I should go on. I know I should let you go.

 

I kind of did. I wanted to write you this big sensitive mail to tell you that I'm letting you go.

but what difference will it make? you're not the same person I used to know.

this sudden change, this cut of a knife. suddenly not needing me, not caring about me (you say you do, it doesn't seem like it).

it's really twisted how the closest person in your life can suddeny turn into the most distant person in your life.

I've heard your voice after the "real" letter I sent you. how far and cold you sounded. it wasn't you.

my friend told me what I'm doing is necrophilia. reminiscing and hurting over something that died. that I am missing a person that you have ceased to be. it's incomprehensible. but I know he's right. I know I shouldn't stay in this dark place. I don't have a choice, I've nothing to cling to.

I must let you go. you let me go a month and two weeks ago. I've been dying since. I shouldn't be. I just need to find something that is "more than this".

 

I don't hate you. can't really. still love you, even though you're different, no matter how many times I'll tell myself that you are "emotionally disabled". I think you're stupid for letting me go. you won't find another me. I'd write you 1,000 love letters if I could. I'd go back in time to August 2010. change this all. but I can't. you're with that new guy, I assume, I am history to you, I mean nothing to you.

still I don't hate you. hate is tiring. just disappointed.

 

I know that there's more to life than you. I know that I should care less because, in your mind, you've basically killed me off, like a character in a TV show. I know all that. and I know that it is important that I know. I just cant find that switch, can't fend off all the surreal thoughts about you sleeping with someone else, kissing, texting "Morning" and "Night" everyday, sending cute mails to help through the day.

 

but I won't let you break me, completely. you did, to some degree. you took a month and a half from my life. you made me cry, made me lay in my bed all day, shades bolted, staring at the ceiling. I slept like a baby before you left. now my sleep is weird. but it's gradually improving, slowly, like a stock goes up. you won't break me. slowly the sweetness that's inside will die.

[Pleasedonot5]

You're at risk of losing me and you know it. Say what you need to say and please, for the love of God, actually be open and honest about what you're feeling. I'm going on dates with this other girl. I kind of like her. I do like you more though. Quit sugarcoating everything and giving hints -- I even told you it doesn't work like that -- you have to tell men directly what you're feeling otherwise they won't know. I know you want to reconcile but you want to wait for a few weeks until after you're home from your vacations, but if you really loved me enough you would find a way to keep me even though you'll be gone. Prove to me that you want me, despite the distance, and I'll be convinced.

 

Promising me that we might be able to work things out when you get back, or promising me a maybe just won't cut it.

 

I am afraid of falling for this other girl I'm casually dating as things progress (slowly of course), but right now I love you. I'm not going to make it easy for you to come back to me though. I'm not a doormat.

[Ezzie]

Today is day 9 of NC.... i'm having such an incredibly hard time today... don't know why i am missing you so so so so so much today. it's only day 9 and i don't know how much longer i can go without contacting you... 21 days left...give or take a few days....... i'm going to get you back, i will i will

[blnm]

I wish it would have all been different.

 

I love you so much. You are my first love. I melt whenever you look at me. I always long to hold your hand. I look forward to coming down to Syd to see you.

 

I miss our times together, I miss your laugh and your smile.

 

You have the sweetest way of saying 'baby' and 'hunny'.

 

But you are rare with your affectionate terms. I feel like im starving in a desert. I'm missing the tenderness in your voice.

 

You are not good for me. You made me feel insecure and unloved. I felt like a convenient friend to you. You told me I said 'I love you' too often. You made me go dutch on all our dates. You hide your phone when i'm around. You wont lock in time so that we can hang out. You hate making plans until the last minute. You seldom tell me i'm beautiful to you. When we fight, all i want to do is look for a solution while all you say it's not your fault.

 

I love you so much but you are still stuck in your teens. You jump fences to crash raves and you drink to excess. You think that the whole world is against you. That the traffic lights turn red just cos they know you are driving up. You drive like a maniac when other people cut you off.

 

I can't go through that no more. It's a constant roller coaster with you. You have no respect for women you have no respect for me.

 

Now that i have left you, I know you would replace me in a jiffy. You always have girls around you. I hope they know you treat your galfriends better than your girlfriend.

 

Why do I still pin for you?

[babyglowworm]

I was going to write something disgustingly soppy and loving and heart wrenchingly adorable, then i stopped. It's not going to bring you back is it. Why bother.

Hit a new low tonight. Happy 1 week NC, not.

 

As always, i love you. This will hopefully be my last goodnight post on here, i can't sit up all night crying any more, i just can't. Crying isn't going to do anything. I get it.

 

I called the christmas teddy you got me huggy, bit pathetic really, but it's all i have at night. This whole post means nothing, what's the point in anything. I give up. I don't want to feel anything ever again. Goodnight, and goodbye.

[soybeans]

Wrote out a long, angry letter for you last night. Obviously I am not going to send it and never would. It was for me. And I don't know why I didn't do it sooner because it was very therapeutic for me. I just let it all out, no holding back, and I feel like I purged a lot of anger thats been built up since we broke up. It felt good to just write it all out privately and reflect upon it.

 

Anyway. I feel myself starting to truly let go and its a bittersweet feeling. But it's about damn time. Six months of this. Half a year. I really want to move past this and I feel like I have been holding myself back...I am the only one standing in the way of fully healing...and its time that I pull myself out of this.

[origami]

I feel that I have grown as a person and I have our experience to thank for that. Overall, I feel proud of myself and I know I'm ready and capable of deep and lasting love.

 

It is the same conclusion I had of you from your previous writing. I have this belief, that some people, like you and I, have somehow developed a richer and mature sense of loving and yet failed. It's going to be a pleasing healing for you. Definitely, this experience will lead you to higher grounds of deep and lasting love.

 

It just feels great reading your writing style, showing compassion and no fear whatsoever to love again. In my case, the gratitude I had for my girlfriend and the self nourishment — and unconditionally as you did In yours — left me with a sense of joy and satisfaction. It's just unbelivable to be left out after years of sharing a life and yet feel joyful. True love will find us.

[lilypadgirl]

It is the same conclusion I had of you from your previous writing. I have this belief, that some people, like you and I, have somehow developed a richer and mature sense of loving and yet failed. It's going to be a pleasing healing for you. Definitely, this experience will lead you to higher grounds of deep and lasting love.

 

It just feels great reading your writing style, showing compassion and no fear whatsoever to love again. In my case, the gratitude I had for my girlfriend and the self nourishment — and unconditionally as you did In yours — left me with a sense of joy and satisfaction. It's just unbelivable to be left out after years of sharing a life and yet feel joyful. True love will find us.

 

Thank you again origami. It's good to know that my feelings resonate with you.

 

I agree with what you wrote. Though I'm not completely there yet since I still do struggle with some of the negative emotions and still fresh in the healing process. But I believe in true love. Having that belief I know that when I heal, I will ultimately choose to love again. After my previous heartbreak from a few years ago, I honestly didn't know if I could love again but here I am loving even more sincerely than before. Knowing that reassures me and brings me some sense of peace and eventually, like you, joy.

 

At the end, each relationship is a bond between two people. We hope it never ends and devastated when it does, but there's also so much we can learn about ourselves and our dynamics from it. Knowing that I didn't let my fears prevent me from loving and that I tried all I could, however imperfect it was - I made many mistakes and there are many lessons to take away, that's something to be proud of.

[Melencholy]

I'm sorry things didn't work out. Eight years is a long time to be with someone and of the last three years I was unhappy and I know you were too. I changed so much and you were content on staying the same. I wanted you to fight for us, fight for yourself, show me you had passion and drive. I needed someone to support me, to build me up, to make me feel safe but your negativity just kept me in a place I've been trying to claw out of for years. I know how much you must be hurting because I believe you when you say you still love me. I still love you but it's the loss of a best friend that I'm grieving for. If you think there is someone else, you're wrong. If you think this was easy for me, you're wrong. As I type this I am going on day three of feeling so nauseated you'd think I had the flu. I am doing this because it is not fair to either of us to stay together just because we have no one else. I wish I could turn back the clock to the days when we were first friends and make different choices so that you could still be in my life but it doesn't work that way. I know I've made the right decision, those feelings I had for you are gone; so why do I feel so sick, so tired, so melancholy?

[lilypadgirl]

I know it's not that simple, but why does it feel like it's always so easy for you to leave me? I keep thinking of all the mistakes I did. I only ever wanted to be honest about my feelings with you and myself. I only ever wanted to forgive and understand each other. I only ever wanted to heal from all that and rebuild our trust. Yet, you seemed so resistant to talking about our issues, you blame me for being too emotional, you think I don't want things to be happy and peaceful. But think of all the events that have happened and all the pain I've had to deal with. I couldn't just pretend everything was okay and be happy and carefree. I only wanted us to talk, understand, apologize, and rebuild trust so we can resolve our issues and move forward to a stronger relationship.

 

What hurts out of all of this is that you didn't even want to try and give us a real chance at finding happiness together. I'm actually really easy to calm down and reassure, but you wouldn't even try. I just needed some reassurance from you, some form of commitment. You kept saying you wished you were there for me. I kept searching for some evidence that you would back your words up with action. I gave you so many chances to show me you will be there for me.

 

I did think maybe you could be the one. But it's not that I don't have fears or doubts about us. I just wanted us to resolve our issues so we can at least see if we can get back to a place of peace and happiness. But I couldn't do that alone. It seems like you wanted me to fight for you and help you through your fears and doubt. I wanted to help you overcome them, but not alone. That would have been an impossible task to do alone. I told you that I won't fight alone for you, but I would fight for the relationship together with you. I asked you to just tell me what you wanted, I just needed to see that you would be willing to try to save the relationship with me, to try to face your fears with me supporting you, or to even just to talk and figure out what we want together.

 

I dare you to find one girl who will not be emotional or get insecure or asked to be reassured during all of what we experienced. No, maybe they won't be emotional - they would just leave. Perhaps that was my biggest mistake of all.

 

You may realize all of this one day if you reflect back on us. You will be a better bf and be better at dealing with emotions, be more committed, and reassure the girl. But what is saddest out of all this is that you will do it for some other girl when you didn't for me. And she will be reassured and you won't fall into the vicious push-pull cycle of emotion-withdrawal. And you will think she's not as emotional, not realizing we could have been the same way if you only shown me some form of reassurance and commitment. But, saddest of all, you will always keep believing that we failed because I was the one that was too emotional.

 

I'm not going to excuse my mistakes in the relationship, I know I made many and I have hurt you too. I have a lot of self-reflection to do. But I'm coming to realize that I'm not as emotional as you believed or even I believed myself to be. I know we had other issues too and it's not as one-dimensional as this. But I truly believed that, if you were honest with me about that one issue, our differences were not as great as you believed. Perhaps in the end, our beliefs about us is our biggest difference and incompatibility. You just didn't love me strongly enough.

 

Yet, I can't hate you because I choose not to hate you. Just as I chose to love you. Once I heal, I will release all of the negative emotions I have for you and maybe one day I can get back to thinking about us as we were in the beginning. I wish you happiness and peace. I will also find happiness and peace. I mourn that it is not together with each other. But that's just life.

 

"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."

 

Today, I will take my love for you and fold it in half. Every day I will fold it in half. At some point, when I can't fold it anymore, I will tuck it away in a little corner of my heart. By then I will have healed.

[blnm]

Why didn't we go on, why didn't we last?

 

I loved you so much, I would move heaven and earth to be with you.

 

Why am I not as important to you as you were to me?

 

I miss you so much but I can't go back. We tried to end it before but it didn't take. Everytime we break up my heart breaks worse than it did before.

 

Never again. I can't let it happen no more. I'm hurting like mad and i miss you so much right now.

 

Everyone tells me i should move on. How do I move on when you are constantly on my mind?

 

I miss you.

[dreadyblack]

I really hate you right now, and u know me i NEVER use that word unless its about the Celtics!! you dragged me along for 8 years of your silly little games and made me look stupid in the end. i do want to thank you though. i know what NOT to look for in a woman. i want a woman that is not insecure about herself, a woman that doesnt run when things get tough, i want a woman that looks me in the eye and says LETS GO INTO THE STORM AND FIGHT FOR THIS LOVE!! i want a woman i can share my happiness with, not a woman that drags me down. Thank you for making me learn about myself and not to make the mistakes in the future. i want a woman that WANTS to see the world with me, not say " noo i dont want to go." i dont have to feel guilty anymore when i go on my trips thinking " i wish my girl was with me." i can now go on that cruise i payed for and u said no and i had to get my money back for it. i can go on that ghost hunting tour u were not thrilled about. I can see the sunrise accross the grand canyon that u werent so thrilled about seeing. I can be a father and a great husband to a lady that will appreciate ME for what i have to offer. i hope your rebound relationship with the guy that treated you like crap in the past works out. im sure hes changed. i know my sarcasm is nasty and can get the best of me. good luck in life and i am happy i dont have a facebook or any other media outlet. If we ever cross paths i will remember the time when u hurt me the most, wave and keep walking by. I am off to Europe in 2 days! oh remember when i said "i have the money for us babe lets GO." and u said noo i dont want to go. How is your ex ex more exciting than what i had to offer you. Remember a long time ago. we were at home watching americas next top model and i said. babe lets hit up mexico. and u said OK. n we stopped in san diego at the wild animal park before we partied our butts off in a foreign country lol. I guess my newness, freshness wore off with you. i guess u never really let go of your ex and i was just an EIGHT YEAR rebound. so again i hate you so much.

[dreadyblack]

origami and lilypadgirl!! u 2 r inspirations!! i am on here forever and a day feeding my soul. heartbreak is the worse but if we jump on that surf board and ride the waves out to the shore we will come up on TOP!! we will be better LOVERS!! whoever "catches" us next will truly see what love is. Right now i am at the step of forgivness!! i need to forgive myself FIRST. then the Ex and then i would be able to find that bond with a woman that all men seek. i know what mistakes i have done and know what i DONT want in a woman. Therefore i will NOT make the same mistakes and not be DEVASTATED like this again. we should all have a bon fire one night!! haha thnks again everyone

[lilypadgirl]

origami and lilypadgirl!! u 2 r inspirations!! i am on here forever and a day feeding my soul. heartbreak is the worse but if we jump on that surf board and ride the waves out to the shore we will come up on TOP!! we will be better LOVERS!! whoever "catches" us next will truly see what love is. Right now i am at the step of forgivness!! i need to forgive myself FIRST. then the Ex and then i would be able to find that bond with a woman that all men seek. i know what mistakes i have done and know what i DONT want in a woman. Therefore i will NOT make the same mistakes and not be DEVASTATED like this again. we should all have a bon fire one night!! haha thnks again everyone

 

Good for you dreadyblack! You sound like you're doing a great job and forgiveness is so important. That's the stage I'm on too, or at least trying to be on - I have my stronger and weaker moments. I'm sure you'll come out on top and find true love.

[tness]

Hello J.....e. Now im sitting at the airport, im going on vacation one week alone. Same Friday in 2011, you and me was at the same airport, we where going to Seattle, San Fransisco and Las Vegas. Now I'm sitting here alone. My soul is dying slowly everyday. I feel so lost without you. But it was your choice, and I really tried to still have you in my life, I probably tried to hard, but my brain was just overloaded with every single emotion a human can have at the same time. You are now probably dating again, and I feel no anger or jealousy against you because of that, I just want you to be a happy girl, but I could not give you that, but I know I have it in me, and I would have made you a very happy girl if I just could have got a second chance. But you made your decision like you have done so many times before.

 

I just hope you will find peace and be a happy girl.

 

I love you so deeply, you where my girl, and I was your boy.

 

Miss you..