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I'm so glad you text me yesterday, because I realise what a ***** you are!! You are selfish and nasty and even though I was there for you when you went through that really bad time recently, it still feels like you kick me in the balls every time you text. I text you a lovely text yesterday (in return of a nice one from you!!) and you text me Wotever!! Just that, well **** you from now on I'm moving on and going to be with someone who wants me!! Why I have been hanging around waiting for someone as nasty and *****y as you I will never know!!! Weekend away next weekend with my new lady friend, I kept putting her off, but do you know what, she would never be as nasty as you EVER !! She has time for me and loves me!! You keep doing what you're doing and meeting weirdo's, I promise you whatever happens when you meet your next weird person and he hurts you, go **** yourself I won't be there this time. Horrible horrible ***** !!

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Now that we've broken up you don't have to answer to me. You can stop ignoring her... make excuses not to see her. You have probably already re-connected. You won't have the urge to break it off with her. No sense of urgency now... You can go back to your usual routine. Of weekends out and concerts. You can justify everything by what I said... from what I done. You can take my taking to **drin against me. Turned off at my pathetic gestures. He may say the same things and not take me seriously. I was laughed at. Told you will can never let her go unless she does. Told that my 4 months have nothing against your 4 years.

 

I dread the day but won't be surprised if you end up engaged from your earnings that as u said was supposedly mine. Married, making your family happy. Have kids and learning to love whole again bec of them...

 

Why don't you have the balls to fight for me. To let go of your comfort zone and fight for me?

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how can you sit there with a smile on your face knowing full well what you have done to me!!??? eh!!!!

 

after 3 1/2 years and being friends since school. oh and us both moving to a new city to start a new life. you split up with me after saying you want children and marrage , start seing someone else 3 week after still saying you love me, leading me sleeping with me he finishes you then you say you want to go away together, then you start ****ing my best mate.. i really hope you are happy with your self you CAN NOT be single, you are just a selfish, attention seeking ego maniac!! no morels... no integrity ... you have just no shame... one day you will be alone ALLLLLL alone with no one else there for you because you leave a trail of disruction where ever you go!!!!

 

 

oh and the guy you are seeing " my ex mate" is a player. he has ****ed 3 of his girl mates.( and still mates with them) stallked your sister through face book. called you a user when you was still sleeping with me while you was with youre ex!!! he is a complete player.

 

i hope you choke on your tea tonight ..and spew up on him...

 

HORRIBLE PEOPLE

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B*****d I hate you, I wasted 2 years on you, put myself through hell to support you, be the best I could be for you, so many times when things got tough I was there even when at times when I didn't want to be but I did it because I loved and cared for you. When things got tough, you however walked away, the amount of lies you told. I would have rather been told the truth than comforted by lies of a chance one day. I hate you and your **** new gf, you both deserve each other. I now realize you never deserved me and maybe you knew that deep down, well now you can spend your life with what you deserve. I hope you're miserable and I know one day it will hit you, damn I f****d up. I'm moving on whilst you choose not to deal with how you're feeling. I got a head start and once I'm healed and you're starting to feel the pain, I can laugh and keep walking and leave you in the dust. It's what you deserve. If you ever even cared about me (you probably didn't, anything from your mouth are lies) you would keep away and never think for a second I would take you back after the way you treated me. A*****e.

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I didn't appreciate the loving words you say when we we're together. It was all bittersweet. I should have enjoyed you. I should have just loved you. And waited. You said it would not take that long and you needed me by your side. But I couldn't, I let it eat me up and burst.

 

We needed the mutual support. I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry. I just couldn't.

 

I miss you. Be well.

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I also remember the last time I was sure you loved me, that night I was upset, I saw your reaction, you pulled me and kissed me. I knew it in your eyes. And when I went down the car still mad, I saw your sad, concerned eyes... saying "uhm...uhm..." trying to prolong the conversion. Wanting me to stay.

 

But then I threw the money I borrowed at you and called you a f*cking idiot. Then I texted you and said I f*cking hated you.

 

You we're so upset, so equally mad. I was so sorry. You didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve that... You we're concerned about my kids, my welfare.

 

I never saw that intensity in your eyes anymore... Glimpses yes. Half not whole... Story of our lives...

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From the movie the Crow;

 

~A building gets torched. All that is left is ashes.

I used to think that it is true about everything; families, friends, feelings.

But now I know that sometimes, if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together,

nothing can keep them apart.

 

If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on

is to never stop loving them.

Buildings burn. People die.

But real love is forever.~

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I watched the last movie I ever saw with you.

 

I remember that day, and what a big deal it was to be to go out to the movies with you. I had so much hope we would reconcile. It was strange to watch that movie again, seeing as I used to be so afraid of seeing it and thinking of all of the memories and emotions I had with you.

 

Those days are long gone. It is bizarre. I watched the movie,and felt almost emotionally dead. I shut off a great deal of myself emotionally. And you know what? it gives me peace, it gives me some sense of control. I'm not ignoring that there is pain there, i'm not seeing a point to thinking about it because you destroyed a few years of my life, and I don't want to continue thinking about it anymore. I've thought about it every day of my life for the past 2 years. I can't help it.

 

I can help distancing myself. At first I felt isolated, and I lost everything in my life. I lost all my friends, I lost my job, I lost my sense of identity, and I lost you. But this time... the strong girl I used to be is making a reappearance. She still exists. You texted me yesterday. I never wrote back because I know anything I say you will use against me to manipulate me and make me question and blame myself.

 

The game is over because I took myself out of it. You don't want me, you want someone else? you have them, enjoy. You lost any privilege to know anything about me or my life or my future. And I just want to say...that really is a privilege. I was hurt and angry for so long, and today...I just know there is nothing to be angry about anymore. My life existed before you, and you are so certain that your life is so much greater without me, so let's forget any of this happened.

 

Yes, it is true, I am ready to forget my years knowing you. It was not better to have loved and lost, I do regret trusting and letting you into my life. But I am a strong willed person, and I know I needed to learn that lesson for myself. All of my difficult experiences in my life made me a more forgiving person towards others. This is something that you abused. Naturally my brain is starting to reject any good memories I have of you, because my logic keeps fighting it and telling it that is was all a lie. It was not genuine.

 

Being loyal and genuine are extremely important characteristics I live by. If you are fake, you have no place in my life. You managed to convince me that you were something you were not. I can now forget that person I thought you were. You replaced me with someone else, and repeated the same nonsense with her that you made a point to withhold from me. So yes, i'm ready to forget knowing you.

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It's so unfair that you are probably happily spending your time now with this *******, while i'm still broken and miserable. I keep replaying in my head all the fights we had, all the things that led to you breaking up with me, and think if i could make anything different to make you stay. I keep blaming myself even tho you had your share making things worse between us too. Maybe your share was even bigger than mine was. But still, i'm the only one suffering.

You should have never told me that you want to be my wife and have kid with me, if you weren't sure about us. Why did you do it? Why the **** did you do it?? I will never understand this. How can someone's feeling disappear just like that... One day you told me i'm your everything, and 2 weeks later you just turned stone cold...

And the worst thing is that i still can't get you out of my head, and i still love you. Wish i could remove you from my mind completely, erase every memory of you that i have. That would be a huge relief.

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I wish you would stop texting me and giving me false hope. Do you have any idea how much it hurts? We split up a month ago today. I was doing ok 'til you started with your texts. Text me, ignore me. Text me, ignore me. Telling me how much you care, blah blah blah....asking me if I'd like to go out sometime? Oh and let's not forget the all important .x.x.'s!!! I'm tired of not sleeping properly, tired of crying, tired of thinking about you, tired of checking my phone every 5 minutes hoping for another text/call from you. You're a ******* piece of ****. You've had your fun hurting me, now **** off and leave me alone.

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My everything, i would have done anything to make it work between us when we were together and then to keep a happy friendship between us now, but knowing you are still keeping in touch with her after what you did is like another stab in the back, it can't have been only a drunken one night stand if you're keeping in touch, she must mean to you now than your feelings toward me or of any guilt for betraying me and our memories. I'm truly sorry about tonight, i know it achieved nothing except make me feel and look like a bad person. But it's your life so obviously moving forward you will keep those around you who make you feel good and happy about yourself, and if she happens to be one of them then so be it. I know this makes me look like a spoilt ***** but in my heads messed up way you've now chosen her over me. i know this will probably just make you angry at me and therefore you won't care, and of course you'll chose her and i hate that but i'm angry too, i still loved you at the end but accepted the inevitable and it didn't have to end this way... i know i've pushed you away with my incessant need for closure but i guess we both made our choices, and i can't forgive what you did. i'm glad you're happier since we broke up, getting back to the way you should be - the reason i feel in love with you in the first place, you are such an amazing guy Matt and when you meet the right girl she will be one very lucky girl. i hope i can find somebody else who will give me butterflies at least half as much as you did

 

 

Maybe sometime in the distant future if you're in oz we'll be able to catch up over a beer and smile again,

 

Until then....

 

 

Ka kite anō Matt, take care

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It's been nearly a year since the breakup... and I haven't been here since the last communication took place. Somehow, the place that saw me through also started to break my heart a little bit, and I had to get away.

 

I gave up. (And yes, that totally deserves a smile!) I haven't contacted you. I can't say I've never been tempted, because that wouldn't be honest. But I haven't actually done it.

 

It has gotten easier. I haven't forgotten, but it's easier than it was.

 

The main piece of hurt that lingers is this: You refused to listen, to hear me out, and to see the thought and effort that went behind my multitude of attempts at leaving things peaceably - something I didn't have to do - nee, shouldn't have. Each attempt was met with cruelty. Not just coldness. Cruelty.

 

That is the source of the hurt I still feel, the sadness, and what I remember. The boy I remember - is cruel. It's not how I want to remember you, but it's what you left me with, and it is that more than anything else that I cannot shake. You were a lot of things, but I didn't really think cruel was one of them. Maybe I just didn't want to believe it - there were so many other things I wanted to (and did) overlook, maybe this is just another of those.

 

But, it's getting better. Life is pretty good. I'M pretty good.

 

The only thing I really have left to say after all this time is that, should you ever have something to say, I will extend you the courtesy that I wasn't given: I'll listen with compassion. I will be kind. Regardless of how else I feel, I will not be cruel to you and I will not treat you the way you treated me. I will not ignore you, belittle you, or try to hurt you. I will not be snide, or off-hand, nor will I throw down the gauntlet or give you ultimatums as to what constitutes "loving" behavior, or what you "should" do if you really cared. People express their feelings in different ways - just because it isn't your way or the way you'd prefer doesn't make those feelings less valid or the communication less sincere. I wouldn't try to hurt you because you weren't doing things "my" way. I would let you have your say, your peace, your closure. You have my word.

 

--A

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I miss you so much today. I wish that this was like the other times you go out of town. I'll pick you up at the airport on Sunday and cook you dinner that night. I miss the texts and the photo messages. I still don't understand why you left me. I love you. I miss you.

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I knew it, I knew you'd text me again before I leave on my trip. I knew you would say something to be manipulative. I don't understand why you need to be mean. I really don't get it. You have everything you wanted, why do you still find it necessary to be mean and manipulative to me? what do you gain from that? a momentary ego boost? Go get that from your girlfriend and legions of admirers.

 

This is going to be the real test if I have changed or not. And I refuse to give in this time. I've already given in constantly in the past, and the same problems happen, as you have said in your manipulative way "things will never change with you". But you're wrong this time, things will change because I won't allow you in anymore. I have shut the door, and I know you are going to say whatever manipulative things you need to say. You know how to work me and make me feel guilty.

 

My only defense, my one last sliver of protection, is to not respond. Any response, even a small ok or no or whatever, it counts as a response, and you win. You're not going to win anymore. You made it your goal to ruin my life for the past 2 years, and have found such joy and satisfaction in your own personal life, and don't give a crap to see mine ruined, so i'm tired of this. I'm taking it all away. I HAVE the power to do that. I have the power to ignore you, and with hard work, forget you.

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Sigh. Sigh sigh sigh. I don't even know what to say to you, but I miss talking to you. So sigh. La la la.

Seems like you're having lots of fun traveling. I wonder if you know how much I like waterlilies. I wonder what the difference is between waterlilies and lotuses.

I wonder how long it'll be before you will have completely moved on.

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You said you're doing everything to avoid her. If you can run away with me you would. Now that I'm not with you anymore, would you avoid her now. You said you're doing all you can. I can believe what you said. Lets put it at that. The issue is you're taking that long. I cannot take it. You cannot give me a timeline. Although you said it won't take 9 years. I just can't wait. You couldn't say goodbye to her. Your friends said it must come from her. When I wanted to break up from you and broke you, it came from you. You can break up with me. You couldn't break up with her... You broke it off from me. When you couldn't break it off with her.

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It's not getting any easier for me, but I thought that was the point. For things to get easier.

 

If anything, it's only gotten harder for me as the days go by. You're still not mine. You're still not hurting. You're still not thinking of me. You're fine... and that's great, because all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. But it breaks my heart. Over and over and over again it breaks my heart because it feels like things will never get better.

 

I miss you so much. I wish I could tell you that, but I can't.

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I wish that I could tell you how I feel and you would understand!! I wish you would bloody miss me like I am you!! I wish you could love me again!! Those are my three wishes used up I suppose!! And they all involve YOU. 3rd day NC and it is not a good one today!! I still love you.xxx

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you have completely destroyed me inside and out, i have no idea who i am anymore, what i did to deserve feeling like this, like im worth less than nothing, you have no idea, of course why would you want to, why am i even telling you this, i wish you could feel even a quater of the pain im in, i wish i had never met you now, nothing is worth this

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