doyathink Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what anyone here thinks! Getting into a heated discussion over this proves nothing. Everyone has their own opinion, and others wont change it. If someone cant understand your point, regardless if they agree....is unfortunate. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 You're the one that's not making any sense. Listen, why don't you argue with facts like I have? ? hilarious! Link to comment
cl76 Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Some of these posts have gone way off topic. I've been talking to a guy online for a while, and recently found out he's still living at home, according to him, to save money... I don't earn that much money myself but i do hope my spouse be able to make as much as I do, geez, 30+ and still living at home. should I just stop our online communication? He could be saving up for his own place. Or he could be waiting to be married first and buy a place with his partner. Have you asked him what his intentions are? Just because he's living at home doesn't necessarily mean he earns LESS than you. It also doesn't mean he is not self sufficient or has no life experience. Talk to the guy and find out, communication is the key for a healthy relationship. These issues are obviously important to you. Link to comment
shikashika Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I agree that wit would be a turnoff for a 30 plus guy to live at home. however, a friend of mine is in a similar sitution.. She is 30 is an accountant, her older sister is 33 and a laywer. Both educated with good jobs. Recently her dad left her mum, (they are in their 60s) and for whatever reason, my friend and her sister have moved back in with their mum and they pay rent, because otherwise her mum would lose the house. she says it sucks and hates that it is like that... but there is a reason. I wouldn't totally dismiss a guy because of that... if he is just living there, not working and not caring, then that is another story. Besides, it is cultural... my friend is from an Indian background and says it is less of an issue in her culture.. although both her and her sister had lived on their own for some time before moving back with thier mum. Link to comment
Lowconfidence Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I'm 42, not 83. You have a lot to learn With the way you think you sound like 85. My dad came to Canada with nothing to his name. He bought a house and raised two children. He did this back in the 60s. If my dad came to Canada now in 2009 with nothing, he wouldn't be able to own a house or afford two kids. Link to comment
shikashika Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 With the way you think you sound like 85. My dad came to Canada with nothing to his name. He bought a house and raised two children. He did this back in the 60s. If my dad came to Canada now in 2009 with nothing, he wouldn't be able to own a house or afford two kids. This has nothing to do with immigration.. did the OP say the guy was a new immigrant and that's why he's living at home? Link to comment
Brightest Dark Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I say each to their own and you should find out more about that person first and find out what sort of person they are. I would date a guy who lived at home if I got on well with him and we clicked. But I'm over 30, female, have been single (mostly through choice, but because I'm picky, and shy) for a long time and am an 'only child' therefore I guess I just ended up staying with my parents too. When I was younger I nearly moved out - but then I ended up changing my mind and staying at home. My dad actually converted the flat next to their house for me and so I live in my own house, but it's right next door to my parents. Maybe that makes me a 'princess' but I am comfortable here and would rather be here than alone and lonely and having to worry about making enough money to pay all the bills. I don't have a high paying job - but I have 2 jobs and a non-profit-making hobby (I say 'hobby' just because it's non-profit-making, but it's more like another job) that takes up a lot of time. I like being near my parents and not totally living alone. Maybe it's because I'm an only child that I'm closer to my parents. I think it's up to the individual. If you want to spend a lot of money to have your own independence then do it, but if you'd rather save money, or be with the people/family that you love then do that too. I think everyone should respect everyone else's choices and should not look down on someone else when they don't know them. You may say that I'm not independent but I go off on my own travelling around the world. Some people say I must be independent to do that, as many people wouldn't travel to another country on their own and stay on their own. My parents also go away on holiday quite a lot. I know female friends who live together and I'd personally rather stay living in the house next to my parents than in the same house as two friends. I get my own space because it's my own house, with just me in. I can lock the doors and be in here on my own - but at the same time, I'm saving money by not having to give all my money to such high bills like I would have to if I rented a completely different place elsewhere. Yes, one day I will, but I'm happy where I am right now. And it makes me a better person being happy. The unfortunate thing is the stigma that some put on it - like the people saying that you are losers for not living completely on your own paying all your own bills. I AM embarassed having to say that my parents live in the big house next door, if a guy drives me home, and I do try and avoid telling them incase they do look down on me or go off me because of that. If we all earned the same and all had high paying jobs, then yes, we could all afford to live alone, but some of us do have lower paid jobs than others - and that sucks. I have a friend who's been declared bankrupt, been on medication because he got so in debt from living alone. I'd rather be me and live in a house that my dad owns (paying him rent) being 'happy' than being depressed and suicidal thinking about how to scrape money for all the bills. I also have another friend who went away to University, lived with housemates, then moved to another town, sharing a place with two people. Yet just because she is not living with her parents she's deemed as more 'independent' even though she's living with two others. What I find interesting is how some people here are saying they think this guy is a mommy's boy and they wouldn't be interested in someone like that - yet they are here, single, on a dating site looking for advice. If you are that wonderful with your independent lives and living arrangements, how come you are still single and no-one has fallen for YOU yet? Or are you as picky as me? lol. Oh and, while I'm here... what really bugs me is all the people without jobs who get their housing benefit paid for so they get their own house when they don't even do any work. What do people think about the unemployed people who live in their own houses? I actually understand how hard it is in these times to be unemployed (I obviously sympathise with anyone unemployed), but I think it kinda sucks that some people get all their housing paid for and get benefits, while others of us actually stay with parents so we don't have to take the government's money. Are the unemployed who get their housing paid and live alone, or are single with kids and get child support and a house paid for by the government better than a 'mommy's boy' who lives at home? At least the mommy's boy is not using tax payers money to live in a cushy house alone, right? Link to comment
iwishiknew Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I'm 31 and still living at home. I don't make a lot of money and can't afford my own place. I know being 31 and still living at home is a turn off for a lot of girls. I think still living at home will be very hard for me to get a date or have a gf. Link to comment
shikashika Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I'm 31 and still living at home. I don't make a lot of money and can't afford my own place. I know being 31 and still living at home is a turn off for a lot of girls. I think still living at home will be very hard for me to get a date or have a gf. well instead of getting your own place.. why not get roomates? Makes it much cheaper than getting a place all to yourself. Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 well instead of getting your own place.. why not get roomates? Makes it much cheaper than getting a place all to yourself. Exactly right - this is a great first stage, and I think would be perfect for a lot of people worried about making a move out. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Living with roommates is not an easy thing. I've done it before and hated it and now I live alone and give up a few things in life (like getting a new car, etc), so I don't have to live with someone else. I've read a lot of the horror stories about roommates that people post on here. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I love and am close to my parents and I don't need to live with them to prove that or to be closer to them/show how I care so I don't see that as a real justification for depending on parents for living arrangements. I too was concerned about all the $ I would spend to move out on my own -- and I moved into a high rent area so I would be right where all the single people were -- but, to use a cliche, the effect on my personal growth and maturity was priceless and worth every single penny and then some. I had no idea how strong an effect it would have. I don't think anyone is judging anyone else -- deciding not to date someone because they choose to live with their parents as an adult is simply a question of finding someone with similar values. I have and have had friends who choose to live with their parents and I am still their friends. Finding a life partner was a different story. Living with roommates is very different than living with parents as far as independence - it's not about living completely alone (I live with my husband and child) but about being responsible financially and day to day for your living arrangements and space, bills, etc. Obviously if you have a situation where you would be suicidal if you lived alone, then it sounds like you have a disability that precludes you from living on your own (unless you are exxagerating when you mention suicide). I was single for a verrrryy loooong time (I dated people on and off for almost 25 years!) and I wouldn't have appreciated someone telling me it was because I declined to date someone who was over 30 and choosing to live with his parents (or who was chronically unemployed and wouldn't be able to live on his own for a very long time, as opposed to a very temporary situation) -- if I had dated such a person it would likely not have worked out because I was looking for someone who was financially stable like me and who saw the value of living independently from his parents such that that was a priority over saving money for something else (yes, even for a house). But, I would have been friends with such a person if we had things in common. Link to comment
fatcat1999 Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 my last roommate accuse me stealing her credit card before she bothers to call them to find out, she asks landlord to return deposit directly to her which is ok with me but she refuses to pay last month's utility to me, I've to talk to landlord to take it out from her deposit... she's always compete herself with me. I'm glad now I don't need to deal with her anymore. she got married three months after meeting a guy, I hope her BAD LUCK!! haha Living with roommates is not an easy thing. I've done it before and hated it and now I live alone and give up a few things in life (like getting a new car, etc), so I don't have to live with someone else. I've read a lot of the horror stories about roommates that people post on here. Link to comment
shikashika Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Living with roommates is not an easy thing. I've done it before and hated it and now I live alone and give up a few things in life (like getting a new car, etc), so I don't have to live with someone else. I've read a lot of the horror stories about roommates that people post on here. Sure it can be bad.... but it can be alright also! Things aren't always peachy... but I'd say not many people would have an *issue* with someone having a roomate as opposed to staying with mum and dad in their 30s. is living with roomates any worse than living with your parents in your thirties?? Link to comment
cat_lady Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I'm still confused about people living at home - what happens when you meet someone and want to bring them home. Unless you have a separate entrance into the house or sneak them in and out, wouldn't your parents notice that you are bringing in men or women home? Wouldn't that be awkward? Every time your boyfriend or girlfriend came to visit you they'd have to make small talk with your parents. Or if you wanted to have a romantic dinner or cuddle and watch a movie together on the couch or generally be lovey-dovey outside of your bedroom, who would feel comfortable doing that with parents around? I'd feel like I was back in highschool sneaking around. Link to comment
Tarkan Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Depends. Some do not let that bother them. Saving money would be somewhat of a legit reason. However why is he learning to save so late? I know Persians who have let their "kids" stay home while they attend Law School. So think, is he doing to be a complete loser, or is it a legit one time thing? Hell, a few months ago I may have had to move back home with this economy, and being out of work for so long. Good thing it did not get to that point though. Explain why living home = loser ? I'm curious ... I know people who live on their own and still fail at everything too you know ^^ As for me, I wouldn't think the person as a loser but it can cause some minor problems. For example, if you wanna go to his place, you'll have to face the parents etc ... Oh well, for every problem there's a solution. Let's say you two are in a relationship ... then I think that if you really like eachother it won't be a problem and you will eventually find a way to go around it. Link to comment
Tarkan Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I'm still confused about people living at home - what happens when you meet someone and want to bring them home. Unless you have a separate entrance into the house or sneak them in and out, wouldn't your parents notice that you are bringing in men or women home? Wouldn't that be awkward? Every time your boyfriend or girlfriend came to visit you they'd have to make small talk with your parents. Or if you wanted to have a romantic dinner or cuddle and watch a movie together on the couch or generally be lovey-dovey outside of your bedroom, who would feel comfortable doing that with parents around? I'd feel like I was back in highschool sneaking around. Hmmm at what age is that ? I guess that most people around the age of 20 still live at home. Almost all the people I know invite their gf/bf at home. Usually they go at the most quiet house. I've heard some ackward stories but it's not like people are sneaking around Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Explain why living home = loser ? I'm curious ... I know people who live on their own and still fail at everything too you know ^^ As for me, I wouldn't think the person as a loser but it can cause some minor problems. For example, if you wanna go to his place, you'll have to face the parents etc ... Oh well, for every problem there's a solution. Let's say you two are in a relationship ... then I think that if you really like eachother it won't be a problem and you will eventually find a way to go around it. Well, I wouldn't say loser. But I would say that if someone is still living at home in their thirties, and has never lived independently, for me it shows a lot of red flags. My dating experiences of men who were still at home in their thirties has not been good, and I do think they are not ready for a relationship. I think it's an age thing. In your twenties, no big deal. In your thirties and upwards, it shows a lack of independance, and unless you're paying proper rent and sharing in utilities, a willingness to sponge off elderly parents which I dislike. It shows a lack of independence, a lack of get up and go, an unwillingness to take risks, to live life and to get out there. I find it very unattractive and almost an insurmountable issue NOW - but again, I keep sayign this, I do mean men in their thirties and upwards. I know this seems to have caused some angst; it's not my thread, but I do think a lot of women will not date men who are in their thirties and have always lived with mom and dad. It's hard work dating someone who has all his washing, cooking and cleaning done for him, who has unrealistic expectations about housework and living with others, who hasn't ever tried making it on his own. Like I said, I left home when I was 18, and lived with room mates etc, was very poor and had a blast. I didn't have a car, I didn't have holidays, I didn't have a lot of things. So I'm not sympathetic to someone still at home now in their thirties in order to 'save money' - at whose expense? That makes me uneasy. But like I keep saying, it's an age thing. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 There was at least one person saying that they HAD TO move out at 17 or 18. My comment about resentment was directed at them. Yeah, that was me. Nice. lol. I know how I feel about it. Whether I have resentment or not. And you know whether you have resentment about your situation or not as well. It's somewhat disappointing to me that you'd make it personal and decide you'll assume one way or another why a person would hold the opinion they do on this topic. Assuming it's due to resentment. To me, whether a man (or woman) is living at home as an adult and whether I'd want to date them or not, how that weighs in - - it's not personal. My opinions aren't personal, in that I'd judge a person a "loser" or a name like that. But a good thorough reading of this thread illustrates exactly why I hold the opinion I do. People here seem quick to judge the ones who hold a strong choice on not wanting to get seriously involved with an adult living at home in their 30's , etc. etc. as being people who are quick to judge others without considering circumstances nor the individual person. But are they stopping to think that just maybe these same people do in fact have compassion, do understand, are capable of knowing the reasons the may come into play for a person to make that choice.....and yet still feel the way they do.? It's just different values. Why did this thread get so complicated. Values can get people heated, I guess. Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 ^I agree with this but think the entire discussion escalated as the result of one person offending a great number of people. Mostly just a drama-filled thread. When it comes down to it, we all have different standards and expectations/preferences for potential mates. We really place a lot of our worth as a human being on our ability to be a wanted mate. So when you have a person or many people completely bashing and degrading someone for the situation they are in, people are going to get equally testy. They see it as a threat against their very self worth. Everyone's situation is completely different. Date who you want to date, but people have no business trashing someone else for their situation. Whether you moved out at 16 and became a millionaire or stayed at home your whole life working at McDonalds. It's none of anyone's business. The OP was just experiencing that guilt feeling. I assume (however foolishly) that she was turned off by his residence immediately but felt a bit guilty and wanted to give him a shot. Overall, it just didn't seem like he was good fit for her. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Some people like to/want to equivalent living at home with being a loser with no independence. Facts are, every situation (like some have said) are different. To lump everyone into one group is ridiculous. Link to comment
cat_lady Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Hmmm at what age is that ? I guess that most people around the age of 20 still live at home. Almost all the people I know invite their gf/bf at home. Usually they go at the most quiet house. I've heard some ackward stories but it's not like people are sneaking around Its one thing when you're 20 and he's 20, and you guys both live at home and expect him to live at home with his parents and are completely prepared for it. Its a completely different matter if you're in your late 20's, haven't lived at home for 10 years, have your own job and have been supporting yourself for the past 10 years and you meet a guy and you go over his place and ... surprise, mom and dad! I would just be too embarrassed to even have sex with him if his parents are in the house. What if they hear? What if someone walks in? What do you do - turn on the music to drown out noises? Its his parents. Talk about a mood killer. Link to comment
fatcat1999 Posted June 25, 2009 Author Share Posted June 25, 2009 of course the post has given me a lot of insight and feedbacks, it helped. and I think yes, again I've learned to trust my natural instinct, I should not feel guilty about "being shallow". I've persuaded myself to be open-minded enough to date poor ppl, fat ppl, and they're no different than handsome and rich ppl, in both ways. lol, same with those who live at home for a noble reason. they're not a good fit for me. ^ The OP was just experiencing that guilt feeling. I assume (however foolishly) that she was turned off by his residence immediately but felt a bit guilty and wanted to give him a shot. Overall, it just didn't seem like he was good fit for her. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 ^I agree with this but think the entire discussion escalated as the result of one person offending a great number of people. Mostly just a drama-filled thread. . No, this discussion was just that, a discussion with different opinions and feefback. It's called debate It was not one person who gave their opinions, but many! And I dont think you should speak for "the great number of people", because the way I see it, it was the same 2-3 people who were offended. Link to comment
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