URGENT - Florida girl has come here again

[cat_lady]

Also, its has very little to do with low self esteem. Social proof is a basic psychological concept which has been proven to work and over and over again by many psychologists and researchers in social relationships and sales.

[LAYAAN]

Thanks cat_lady. I have always wondered about it. I mean, why would you reject a guy and then get jealous if some other woman wants him? And is it just jealousy or do you really like/want him?

Yes, thats not appropriate. My mom always says this to me "Do what you want to do NOW, while the guy n you are going out on dates. Once you get off the horse, who rides him next is none of your business. Make a clean break and move on."

[ellandroader]

Yes I would agree that she might see you in a good light for sure, but is non-committal perhaps with the distance being a factor?

 

Go meet her if you think she is a decent girl and good company. But have little expectation of anything happening.

[LAYAAN]

I for a very long time have trouble understanding this sentence -> "She likes you. But she is not interested" or something along the lines

This is what it means -

I like a man's company, but I'm not attracted to him enough to consider dating him and I don't have romantic interest in him. I don't mind being casual friends with him, I might even tell him that I like him that I think he looks cute and that he is a good person blah, blah, but he is not date-worthy in my books. Thats what this means.

[LAYAAN]

From this chat conversation, this is what I see. I'm gonna say it without any unnecessary sugar coating. I'll be happy if things work out between you and her, but from what you've written and from your 1st date experience with her, I don't think they will. I'll be happy if I'm proved wrong and you end up winning her heart.

 

She is making it clear that she has no romantic inclinations. She is telling you over n over that she is not sure about her plans (so that she is not held accountable for changing them). She said she would keep you posted. She did not stay in touch and said "sorry, didn't follow up."

YOU took an initiative to ask her out, you probably still have feelings for her. She does not have feelings for you. She is really trying to play it safe so that you don't misinterpret her agreeing to meet.

Honestly, after your 1st date, she didn't react positively. I would have taken a hint and would have left her alone. You didn't. You kept chatting with her. I don't understand why, but I hope you do. (I don't befriend people that I go out on dates with. I don't chat with them.)

If you want to go meet her, upto you, kiss her or not, upto you. Like others have said don't be surprised if things don't work out.

[grymoire]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I do appreciate your feedback.

 

I just want to make certain things clear. I KNOW that this woman is not interested in me romantically. After we both ended it I saw her online many times and I spoke with her exactly once. It was nothing more than a friendly chat. The next time I saw I said 'hello' and her response was 'Hi. I might be in CA this week'. I have posted the entire conversation here. I do not have feelings for this woman nor am I expecting her to change her mind. She is coming here and all I am looking for is one evening of casual fun. The date we had was good and we both enjoyed it. This meeting may not be a date but I just hope we can have some fun. I am free this weekend anyways. I also feel like kissing her IF the meeting goes well. If she turns me down that is fine with me as well.

 

I understand she has been honest but I am not going to make a fool of myself by saying upfront "hey I would like to meet you so that I can kiss you". IMO no woman would agree to meet a man after hearing that.

 

I hope we both can meet. And if the vibes are good I will go in for the kiss. If it doesn't happen I don't care. I am not sitting here and pining for her.

[hers]

I was referring to after you hang out, like before you part ways or something. Not telling her beforehand! I wouldn't agree to that either...

[Batya33]

I find this surprising TOV. Women follow the "rules" more so than men. They play the "hard to get" game so much and are never direct.

 

When I followed the rules it wasn't playing hard to get - it was simply reminding myself, at a vulnerable point (meaning vulnerable because that's how I got when I was initially interested in someone or smitten), that I "was" hard to get and not to act desperate or overeager. Since I did not act desperate or overeager typically, the rules helped remind me to act like I usually did, not like a smitten puppy. Oh and i am not referring to the book, the Rules, because I followed similar rules way way before that book was written. I did not agree with all of the Rules but had some similar ones. Worked quite well for me because it was not a game.

[Ariel85]

I guess I don't see the point in any of this.

 

She lives 3k miles away, so there is no chance of dating based on that alone.

 

Beyond that, she has already said numerous times she has no romantic interest in you, yet you are now on a mission to kiss her?

 

Just seems sorta silly, honestly.

[grymoire]

I guess I don't see the point in any of this.

 

She lives 3k miles away, so there is no chance of dating based on that alone.

 

Beyond that, she has already said numerous times she has no romantic interest in you, yet you are now on a mission to kiss her?

 

Just seems sorta silly, honestly.

 

Correct.

 

I am a mad person

[Capricorn3]

No harm in meeting her - just don't go there with high expectations.

[JeckyllNHyde]

No harm really. Just 2 people enjoying the moment. No strings attatched the way I see it.

Don't invest too much into this and kiss her. And go with the flow as they say.

[BrunetteBarbie]

Look. Your problem is your first date. You dont do all that cuddly,kissy stuff on a first date.. acting like a couple, telling her shes beautiful etc etc. You said you "both enjoyed your first date" but I can assure you that she really wasnt very thrilled with the way you acted. But wasnt telling you out of politeness, to not make things awkward.

 

Women dont want a guy all over them right off the start, like showering them with compliments, hugging them, kissing, blabla. Its just annoying trust me. Ive had guys do this with me and I was immidietaly turned off and didnt contact them anymore after the date.

 

cause a guy who does that stuff so early on makes a girl think that he hasnt had any woman for a long time and now is craving for intimacy.

 

Play a little hard to get. In the sense of, dont kiss her, dont cuddle with her, dont put your arm around her, dont shower her with sweet things like how pretty she looks, etc. Trust me, its just annoying. Its all about the "challenge" thing. Us girls work like that.

[KG]

Verry well said BB.

[grymoire]

But I have read many posts where women have slept with men on the first or second date

[grymoire]

No harm really. Just 2 people enjoying the moment. No strings attatched the way I see it.

Don't invest too much into this and kiss her. And go with the flow as they say.

 

Thanks a lot... a little fun with no strings attached.... that's all this is...

 

if she meets fine, if not i don't care.

[hers]

But I have read many posts where women have slept with men on the first or second date

 

Women sleep with men early on WITHOUT all of that cuddly romantic BS. BB has a point...All that stuff really is annoying (I think in your thread about meeting her a couple months back, I told you how you did some stuff was cheesy). All you have to do is play it cool, be natural and nice and funny and some girls pants will come right off...they don't just come off with lame compliments...

[grymoire]

Women sleep with men early on WITHOUT all of that cuddly romantic BS. BB has a point...All that stuff really is annoying (I think in your thread about meeting her a couple months back, I told you how you did some stuff was cheesy). All you have to do is play it cool, be natural and nice and funny and some girls pants will come right off...they don't just come off with lame compliments...

 

lame compliments? wow... that's harsh Hers.

 

ok whatever.... i had NO idea that it is SO bloody wrong to compliment women. i was always told that women like to be complimented.... just like i was told that women like to be treated well..... apparently not.

 

women HATING romantic cuddly stuff is news to me as well...... i can probably now understand why men that just want sex from a girl are more successful...

 

lesson learnt => Its far better to sleep with the girl than to treat her well. I will never do the mistake of treating a girl well ever again. Will just focus on getting her pants off. Forget about Dating, caring, relationship blah blah blah

[hers]

There you go again taking it all out of proportion and making it look like someone is attacking you.

 

I was agreeing with BB. It's true that FREQUENT compliments are annoying (and they're cheesy...that's not harsh, it's un-sugar-coated honesty). When you agree constantly with a girl, if she says something is pretty and you turn it around to "you're pretty" instead of agreeing with her that something is pretty, then yeah, that's cheesy as hell.

 

Our point is that you should play it cool. Compliments like "you look nice tonight" are great. But saying "those eyes, that hair, your clothes, your eyelashes, everything about you is so beautiful", that is cheesy and thatll probably turn a girl off. You don't have to turn on the charm 100 % of the time. Girls much more appreciate a guy who can be himself and play it cool instead of narrating in his head what his next line will be.

 

Oh and by the way, if you are that defensive with her as you are with the people who are just honest and up front with you on here, then she'll get turned off.

 

Just trying to say there's a huge HUGE difference between saying "you look nice tonight" and "the way the sunset reflects on your skin makes me excited that I was born a man and you were born a woman". Don't feed her crap. Feed her honesty.

[grymoire]

Hers, come on now. Why would I blow things out of proportion deliberately.

 

Plz don't get angry but your post sounded insulting. I am talking about Dating a girl and you are using words like "her pants will come off". Like I am running after only one thing. May be I was not aware that women considered that dating = sex and nothing more.

 

In the first date I said "you look pretty" and when we were standing near the pier I said "you look beautiful". So yea... 2 compliments. But is that such a grave crime or such a cheap thing to do that will make a woman run? If that were true that girl would have said "yea plz drop me back its getting late" when i asked her "is it getting late? do you want to go home?". instead she said "no we can be here as long you want.. i am really having a good time". Or may be she was lying and I did not get the hint. whatever...

 

I just feel that some responses are very harsh and critical when I feel I haven't done that big of a mistake. Don't mistake me, i LOVE honest feedback but not ones that sound extremely critical or insulting.

[hers]

Ok stop taking me literally. The "her pants will come off" was an expression and not serious. Geez.

[grymoire]

Ok stop taking me literally. The "her pants will come off" was an expression and not serious. Geez.

 

ok. its difficult to interpret things said on an online forum....

[grymoire]

ok... here is an update to the exchanges between us:

 

Yesterday

 

She - Hey. I might be free on Sunday. Not sure yet. What are your plans?

 

Me - i am going to the movie Angels & Demons on Sunday

evening... but i am free from today evening up to Sunday afternoon

 

Today

She - Hi. I saw angels and demons last night. Won't say anything about it. What are your thoughts about what you would want to do tomorrow?

 

I haven't replied yet... any advice about what i shud do? i am terribly confused based on the many responses here...

[kodak]

Go to the city, walk around the pier, eat lunch outside.

[hers]

Go have lunch with her. You have nothing to lose. It'd be a nice way to spend a sunday afternoon.