grymoire Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 Me: how about meeting for lunch? let me know... She: Lunch sounds good.... Can we play it by ear as I have been trying to get a hold of a cousin who lives in XYZ and is moving back to India next week. I might end up in XYZ if I get a hold of him. Then I am not sure when I would be free. Me: ok. if you are free and interested text me at ------------ so that's where it is at. i can't figure out if she is really interested in meeting me or she just wants to repeatedly tell 'not sure of my plans' and hope i get the hint... i wish people were more direct. Link to comment
hers Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I think that sounds good. She sounds interested. It's hard to lock down definite times and stuff when you're out of town and have a lot to do. So be as open as you are able to be. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 I think that sounds good. She sounds interested. It's hard to lock down definite times and stuff when you're out of town and have a lot to do. So be as open as you are able to be. yea.. that's why i said "if you are free and interested text me at " btw, she just responded -> "Will do. I am interested." Link to comment
hers Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 When I went to NYC laast month, I wanted to meet up with a guy friend up there who I'd met only once before. My plans for each day were so indefinite that I was sure he'd give up on hanging out with me. But we finally were able to get up with each other b/c we kept each other up to date with our plans each day. We ended up having breakfast and having a good time. When you have some sort of itinerary when you travel, it's hard to break it even when you really want to. You try to cram so much stuff into your trip that it's hard to lock down actual times to set in stone. So cut her some slack and try to be available when she calls. At the same time, if you end up not being able to get up with her, don't hold it against her or tell her you'll never speak to her again. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 Obviously I want to meet her. I have made that clear.. why else would I start this thread? The reason I was getting worried is because some posts here went like "she is repeatedly telling you she doesn't know her plans. can't you get the hint?". So I was confused to whether she is hoping that I get the hint... Link to comment
hers Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 You don't need to get snippy with me about why you started this thread. People aren't all that open-minded sometimes, gry. They fail to see the other side of things a lot of the time and don't give people the benefit of the doubt. Just b/c some people say it doesn't mean you have to follow it. You have to remember to trust your gut more than you would what anonymous people say on a message board. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 You don't need to get snippy with me about why you started this thread. People aren't all that open-minded sometimes, gry. They fail to see the other side of things a lot of the time and don't give people the benefit of the doubt. Just b/c some people say it doesn't mean you have to follow it. You have to remember to trust your gut more than you would what anonymous people say on a message board. i am not getting snippy with you Hers... i just said that in response to your statement "be available when she calls". its easy to misinterpret what the other person is telling in this online medium... i am giving her the benefit of the doubt. i went on only one date with her but i realized that she was upfront about things... that's why i gave her my number and asked her to text me... but still we all can get confused right? especially when it comes to getting the hint... Link to comment
hers Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I think b/c she's a whole country away, you don't really have to play the "get the hint" game. If she were local to you and kept putting things off, then yea I'd tell you also to get the hint. But when she's in town for a weekend and wants to see you but is unsure of when she can, I think that's just her being unsure if she can squeeze everything in that she wants to. That's where the difference is to me. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 I think b/c she's a whole country away, you don't really have to play the "get the hint" game. If she were local to you and kept putting things off, then yea I'd tell you also to get the hint. But when she's in town for a weekend and wants to see you but is unsure of when she can, I think that's just her being unsure if she can squeeze everything in that she wants to. That's where the difference is to me. yea.. that's correct. i agree with that. let's see how it goes. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 lame compliments? wow... that's harsh Hers. ok whatever.... i had NO idea that it is SO bloody wrong to compliment women. i was always told that women like to be complimented.... just like i was told that women like to be treated well..... apparently not. women HATING romantic cuddly stuff is news to me as well...... i can probably now understand why men that just want sex from a girl are more successful... lesson learnt => Its far better to sleep with the girl than to treat her well. I will never do the mistake of treating a girl well ever again. Will just focus on getting her pants off. Forget about Dating, caring, relationship blah blah blah I think you have some basic ideas wrong here - 1) You can't generalize how every woman will take these romantic gestures on a 1st date. Some may take well and may even reciprocate. Others will take offense. I can tell you for sure, any girl who has her act together will not like what you did. 2) Go ahead, compliment a woman. Don't expect her to be all over you just b'coz of that. "You can never disarm a woman with compliments. You can most of the time disarm a man with a timely compliment." I really think, Gry, you might have come accross as someone who doesn't know how to take things slow, who is insincere even when giving compliments. Thats a turn off for sure. I'm surprised that this girl is still talking with you. I did not talk again with the man who tried to hold my hand after I said no to him even after he returned my mail within 2 days. A man who can't act like a gentleman, is not well-mannered turns me off. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 You can make as many statements as you like Tinu but I knew what I was doing in the date. You can imply that I am not a gentleman but I don't really care. I gave her exactly 2 compliments. And I kissed her a lot. She responded to each kiss. When I hugged her from behind she said "its so nice". She repeatedly kept telling that she was having a good time. When I asked her "is it getting late? shall i drop you off?" (the time was night 10:45), she said "no. we can be here as long as you want". So what do you think I should assume? That she was lying? And note that I am not an idiot like the men you met - the ones that touch a girl after she says 'no'. This girl never said anything like that and was totally enjoying her time. And you are wondering why she is even talking to me? Guess what? She has continuously kept in touch with me and has said that she is interested in meeting. Go figure! Just because you have a problem being touched during a date don't go around assuming that every woman is like you. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 You can behave as you wish, Gry. The girl may have acted like she was enjoying her time with you, but didn't respond favorably after the date, right? That should tell you that her response while on the date had nothing to do with how she felt about you. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 well the girl may have acted like she was enjoying her time with you, but didn't respond favorably after the date, right? That should tell you that her response while on the date with you had nothing to do with how she felt about you. Acted?????? Which girl will act when a guy is kissing them? Sorry, but are you out of your mind? Are you going to say next that a girl will sleep with a guy but she was only acting? And how do YOU know that she ended things because of the date and not because of the long distance? I live in CA and she lives in Florida. Link to comment
hers Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I don't think gry was ill-mannered in his approach with this girl on their first date, but I do agree with the sincereity. I don't think he was being insincere with his compliments as in not meaning them. His actions either. But I do think that possibly (based on how easily confused he is when it comes to what women like) he does them b/c he thinks he HAS to. Like he thinks it's mandatory to compliment a woman in the manner he did, thinking the romance of it is what's important, rather than being natural and chill about it by simply saying something like "you look nice". I think that's where the confusion is--that he doesn't have to be this romantic poet. Girls do like compliments. Actually, humans like compliments. Guys and girls alike. So compliment away. But say it in a natural way that just comes to you, rather than planning the line or the opportuinity to say something. So gry, you're not wrong in complimenting a woman or being flirty by touching her, but be careful not to overdo it or look like you're trying too hard or planning out what compliment you'll give her next. So again I don't think his intentions are wrong, just ill-delivered. Link to comment
hers Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Tinu while I agree somewhat with you, I think you may be a little harsh about this all. Given the circumstances of their relationship and distance and all, it's only natural for one of them (in this case her) to come to realize that it won't work. However, she's shown that she's not opposed to friendship with him, given that she's kept in touch with him and wants to meet with him. But she's also been honest that she has no romantic intentions, probably b/c of the distance (I say the distance b/c if she didn't like his advances on their date a while back, she probably wouldn't want to meet up with him again at all, in fear that he'd try again). So I don't think it's anything he did wrong per se that she's not responding well too. I just think it's the circumstances. Now regarding his compliments and all that, in my last post I said it seems he may have delivered them in a way that most girls would find cheesy and dislike. But given this girl kissed him back and wants to see him again despite the distance, I'd say he could probably continue the same way he did last time, but be prepared for no expectations. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 alright, Gry, Sorry if I misunderstood anything. My intention was only to help you. I wish you good luck. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 alright, Gry, Sorry if I misunderstood anything. My intention was only to help you. I wish you good luck. No worries Tinu... Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 She just now called me. She said instead of emailing back and forth it was better to give a call. She said she is open the whole day tomorrow and we can meet any time. So I said I will meet her for lunch at 1pm. So yea that's where it stands as of now Link to comment
waveseer Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Excellent! Now go, have fun, and let go of all expectations! Link to comment
Puma Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 In on thread (I've read the two other ones as well), checking in to see what the haps is now. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 same here. good luck G. i mean have fun. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 We met for lunch yesterday afternoon and things went EXACLTY how I felt it would go So I drove to her place (she was staying with her cousins) and picked her up.. She was very happy that I came all the way there to see her... We then went to the city and had lunch.. I kinda gently touched her and she was ok with it... She offered to pay for lunch (i was surprised) but I said I will pay since I was the one that asked her. She said I came all the way to pick her up and so she will pay. But I convinced her to at least go dutch and so we split the bill. After lunch we came out and hung out on the roof-top next to the restaurant... I gently pulled her close and kissed her hair.. She was okay with it... yayyyyy... Then I did all the things I did during the first date - cuddling, kissing, etc... She didn't have any problems with it and kissed me back. So in all it went very very well... the only down side was we had limited time... I was going to the movie in the evening and because of that we didn't have time.. I told her that I wish we had more time and she said "you can may be stay in my place... spend some time there.. my cousins have all gone out and they won't be coming back for a while"... I didn't know what to say and decided to play it by the ear.. I dropped her back to her place and she once again invited me in.. I said i will probably be there for like couple of minutes and leave... But her cousins were actually in the house so I decided to say goodbye from outside itself... I hugged her and kissed her twice and left... It was really a very good time... I had this gut feeling that this is how it would go.. why else would she say she was coming here... Yet at the same time I am unable to understand her... We are officially not dating but we still made out and kissed... I don't know what it means... She also repeatedly kept telling "I really really like California.. I am going to talk to my boss and see if I can work from here for 1 month.. I really love it here". At one point she said "where do you usually take your girlfriends and other girls?". I was shocked to hear that and didn't know what to say... may be she thinks I am a player.. Well... whatever..... I am so happy... and thanks a lot everyone for your input Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 That's a nice date. Look G. You guys kissed, made out, etc. People do that without it meaning they're officially dating. At this point I'm not sure either. I think it's just her and you having fun with each other and kissing you/being romantic/intimate/hugging or could be that she's SLOWLY beginning to rethink her innitial plan (to NOT date you). I don't want to get hopes up. And glad to see you're happy as I said. Some things: -she asked about your gf's and other girls: I think she was fishing to see if you're a player. -hinting at moving to Cali: could be hinting that she isn't entirely against the idea of officially dating (but maybe later or after a few dates). -in a way it's good you guys had limited time. things won't progress to quickly and the slower things go (sexually and how much time you're spending), the more you guys get to know each other. things ended on a high note. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 Thanks JNH. The reason I am puzzled is we had exactly 1 date and then she went back to Florida and later told that she can no longer proceed with this. We ended things in February. Now she was visiting here and even told "i don't want you to think i have changed my mind if i agree to meet you". And then we met and kissed ... She looked very happy and more relaxed this time.. we had lot of fun... This time I did not say "you look pretty" or "you are beautiful".. instead I said "you are very nice"... and i really meant it because she was being very nice... Yea.. I have no idea if she is fishing or considering to change her mind.. She asked me to call her after I see the movie... But I just texted her today... Link to comment
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