grymoire Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I had written about this girl a while ago... she lives in Florida and I live in CA. we had exactly one date. And here is how it went -> A week after that date she said she did not want to continue it any more and we both ended things. She was very respectful and told me on the phone and I sent her an email appreciating that. We finished things cordially... After that I saw her online couple of times and we had broef chats... Last week I saw her online and said "hello". I got a response from her the next day "I might be in CA this week". That got me intrigued and I want to meet her again. I also have a vague feeling that she is also interested in meeting up.. At one point she said "do you think its a good idea? i don't want you to think that i have changed my mind if i agree to meet you" and I said "i am not making any assumptions". She said "ok. i will keep you posted about my schedule" and has been keeping me updated. She just now sent an email saying that she is free on Sunday. What do you guys think of this? I am not expecting anything to come out of this and know where I stand... Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I dont think she wants to date you. But since she has been corresponding with you, she is interested in getting coffee to see you in person. AND I get a sense that if this face-to-face goes well, she might even change her mind. I'd meet her for coffee but with NO expectations about it progressing. If you gain a friend, good. If she is willing to be more open to getting to know you a bit more (in the romantic sense), great. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 I dont think she wants to date you. But since she has been corresponding with you, she is interested in getting coffee to see you in person. AND I get a sense that if this face-to-face goes well, she might even change her mind. I'd meet her for coffee but with NO expectations about it progressing. If you gain a friend, good. If she is willing to be more open to getting to know you a bit more (in the romantic sense), great. Yea, I am not hoping for anything... but I just have a feeling that she IS interested in meeting me. Why would she mention that she is coming here? The last time also she did the same thing. If the meeting goes well and if I try to kiss her would it be wrong? Link to comment
hers Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I don't think it'd hurt to meet up with her. Just don't expect a relationship out of her. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 At one point she said "do you think its a good idea? i don't want you to think that i have changed my mind if i agree to meet you" This girl sounds flaky. from your 1st date and now writing this? Who talks this much? If you want to meet, just meet, why provide explanation? Thats unnecessary and thats not even a positive talk. I wouldn't go. Tell her you are busy or something else. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 At one point she said "do you think its a good idea? i don't want you to think that i have changed my mind if i agree to meet you" thats not a positive talk. I wouldn't go. Tell her you are busy or something else. we both are past that point now Tinu. my reply to that was "yea. i am not assuming anything" and she said "ok. i will let you know my plans and keep you posted". then she told about her flight info and now she told that she is free on sunday. it does look like she is interested in meeting. Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I know some folks might say it's cool to hang out as friends, but on the other side of the coin if by chance you may be a bit more interested in her than you realize I would not suggest it. You been on one date and apparently things didn't go as expected so why waste your day/night with someone that doesn't want to take it to the next level. Spend your time wisely doing something constructive rather than wasting it with someone or on something that is not going to be productive. Guess I see it as if I went on a date and I didn't like the guy or things didn't click he wouldn't get a second date. She mentioned not to expect anything so that already don't sound good. Link to comment
COtuner Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I think she thinks of you as a possible friend to hang out with when she is in town. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 If the meeting goes well and if I try to kiss her would it be wrong? Sorry, I haven't read the rest of the thread yet -- but YES, imho, it would be a real mis-step to try to kiss her so early on in this. Unless she is leaning in to get one with twinkles in her eyes, please don't shoot your foot being this premature. She's barely even open to this as a romantic possibility, by letting you know up front how she feels, and given that, it's too drastic of a step to a kiss. I agree with the others, go in without expectations. If it goes well, let her initiate a bit more. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 I think she thinks of you as a possible friend to hang out with when she is in town. i am going to kiss her Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I agree, don't kiss so early on. Especially after that 1st date and now what she wrote. Don't kiss, just play it low. Don't give her any idea of what you are thinking about her. Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Well keep us posted...I am dying to know how this one goes. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 i said i am going to kiss her because to me it sounds like she does want to spend a 'fun' evening with me... the same thing happened last time... i almost cut contact with her and out of the blue she called and said that she is coming here... we met and it was a spectacular date... lots of kissing Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 If you're determined to kiss her, why are you asking here if it'd be okay, lol? Seems your mind is made up. You're headed for this date, you're going to kiss her, you're going to have a "fun" time...um...what's the problem, then? Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 If you're determined to kiss her, why are you asking here if it'd be okay, lol? Seems your mind is made up. You're headed for this date, you're going to kiss her, you're going to have a "fun" time...um...what's the problem, then? i myself don't know what i will actually do lol.... i am not determined to kiss her... i want to kiss her... that's what i am planning... but i will first have to see how the meeting goes... if she is not opening up at all then i won't attempt to kiss her... the reason i posted here is i wanted to know how a woman would feel if a guy she had 1 date with wants to meet her again because she is in town. plz remember that it was she that told me that she is coming here. Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 If you're determined to kiss her, why are you asking here if it'd be okay, lol? Seems your mind is made up. You're headed for this date, you're going to kiss her, you're going to have a "fun" time...um...what's the problem, then? I agree w/TOV as usual: if you've met her in the past, had "fun" time without it leading to anywhere, why is it so "URGENT" to ask about what her intentions are in telling you that she in your area and whether you should see her or not?? Based on what she said to you (which I dont think is "flaky" behavior at all. I think it's actually better that she's being VERY CLEAR about her intentions), why do you expect things to go differently when you see her this second time around? Go and have fun! No need to analyze, I dont think. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 the reason i posted here is i wanted to know how a woman would feel if a guy she had 1 date with wants to meet her again because she is in town. How would I feel if I were a woman who asked a man to meet me in town, and he said yes? Good, I imagine. I wouldn't have asked just to hear him say "no." Link to comment
cat_lady Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Well, she showed some interest so there is possibility here, you just need to work the "people wants things they can't have principle". If I were you what I would do is meet her and then either have a female friend walk into wherever you are and start a flirty conversation as if you're dating and she likes you, or even ask someone to call you and answer the phone with "hey sweetie.. yea, can't wait to see you tonight." Nothing to obvious but a hint that you have other options (even if you don't!). And be completely nice like you were before. Us girls - we often get confused when we see another girl want a guy that we rejected... its like, what does she see that I don't? Slightly manipulative, yes, but it'll work better than being really anxious. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 Us girls - we often get confused when we see another girl want a guy that we rejected... its like, what does she see that I don't? Slightly manipulative, yes, but it'll work better than being really anxious. Thanks cat_lady. I have always wondered about it. I mean, why would you reject a guy and then get jealous if some other woman wants him? And is it just jealousy or do you really like/want him? Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 How would I feel if I were a woman who asked a man to meet me in town, and he said yes? Good, I imagine. I wouldn't have asked just to hear him say "no." she just said she will be in town. it was me that asked her if we can meet. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I am hands-down against the manipulative approach. I would not do that to someone I wanted to date, and I would not want it done to me. In fact, I'd be pretty turned off from someone FOR GOOD if that went down. First of all, it's not a wise policy because well, it's just dishonest. And dishonesty is a red flag. Second, I want someone to like me because they see something in me, not because others see something in me (or worse yet, have made a phony show of it). Why would I want a go-between to show someone I'm worth a shot? Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 she just said she will be in town. it was me that asked her if we can meet. Well, I think you're safe in assuming as you did. Her being in town is useless info to you just for the sake of sheer info. Frankly, this lady seems a bit coy to me. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 Well, I think you're safe in assuming as you did. Her being in town is useless info to you just for the sake of sheer info. Frankly, this lady seems a bit coy to me. that's exactly what i was wondering too... thanks TOV. why would she tell me that she is coming here if she did not want nothing to do with me?? Link to comment
cat_lady Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Thanks cat_lady. I have always wondered about it. I mean, why would you reject a guy and then get jealous if some other woman wants him? And is it just jealousy or do you really like/want him? It doesn't really matter. Attraction is a continuous process and as long as a person is confused, you have a window to build attraction. Even if she's just jealous, at least she's somewhat receptive and you have a better shot of showing that you're a great guy than if she's dead set against the idea. Link to comment
KG Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 that's exactly what i was wondering too... thanks TOV. why would she tell me that she is coming here if she did not want nothing to do with me?? Ego-stroker perhaps? Link to comment
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