If cheating is wrong, why are there no laws against it?

[BusyNAbroad]

I just personally would rather retain some portion of free will, and be able to choose to behave as I want to.

Break ups cause incredible psychological pain and depression - thank god we are allowed to break up!

Hearing from a friend that he/she is no longer interested in our friendship is heartwrenching - thank god we can choose whom we want to be friends with.

 

So you're saying that even if you don't want to hurt anyone, you'd feel better about having the potential/power to be able to hurt?

[SapphireNoir10]

If I'd been cheated on the last thing on my mind would be getting money out of them for it :S

[SapphireNoir10]

So you're saying that even if you don't want to hurt anyone, you'd feel better about having the potential/power to be able to hurt?

 

I personally think humans have the ability and right to do what they like but should take in to consideration the consequences and if its against the law and use their morals to decide whether its right or wrong.

 

I dont think making something against the law stops people from doing it anyway.

[BusyNAbroad]

If I'd been cheated on the last thing on my mind would be getting money out of them for it :S

 

Perhaps not in the short term. But after you got over with the person (especially if she/he dumped you after being discovered), don't you feel that you've spent a great deal of emotional and time investment (time = money) that could have been allocated more productively?

[sophie274]

So you're saying that even if you don't want to hurt anyone, you'd feel better about having the potential/power to be able to hurt?

 

I don't think it is the government's business to restrict those rights. I believe in allowing people the maximum amount of free will possible while maintaining a safe society.

 

For me, this is essentially a political discussion (sorry mods!), and not really about relationships at all. It's about what I think the state's role is and should be in my life and my country. And I very much value the large amount of freedom that I have. It's really not about a power trip of wanting to hurt someone. I just think, first comes cheating, then come break-ups, then come friendships, then goes my right to eat as much as I want even if it means I have high cholesterol and diabetes!

 

Have you been hurt by cheating?

[BusyNAbroad]

I personally think humans have the ability and right to do what they like but should take in to consideration the consequences [...]

I dont think making something against the law stops people from doing it anyway.

 

I believe that not every human is able to take into consideration the consequences of certain harmful behavior, and that's why there are laws to discourage such behavior.

[Samedy]

Also there are quite a few couples who choose to reconcile after one of the partners cheats. If the legal system were to choose the penalty for cheating, then the couple would have no say in the consequences.

 

Again, it is illegal if you are married.

[dragon lady]

I really don't think you've thought about the logistics of all this. Yes, cheating sucks. Be more careful when selecting your next mate.

[BusyNAbroad]

I just think, first comes cheating, then come break-ups, then come friendships, then goes my right to eat as much as I want even if it means I have high cholesterol and diabetes!

This is the problem. As I replied to BlueAfterglow08, I believe that not every human is able to take into consideration the consequences of certain harmful behavior, and that's why there are laws to discourage such behavior.

 

Have you been hurt by cheating?

Yes, and I wanted to talk about it publicly, telling everyone that she cheated and whom she cheated with, but then realized that laws against libel and slander would put me into jail for upto a year...

Freedom of expression limited at the expense of freedom of romantic hurting.

[SapphireNoir10]

The law may discourage but it doesnt prevent.

[sophie274]

 

Yes, and I wanted to talk about it publicly, telling everyone that she cheated and whom she cheated with, but then realized that laws against libel and slander would put me into jail for upto a year...

Freedom of expression limited at the expense of freedom of romantic hurting.

 

I thought it wasn't libel or slander if it was true ...

 

I'm sorry that happened to you. Have you gotten closure?

[BusyNAbroad]

I thought it wasn't libel or slander if it was true ...

 

I'm sorry that happened to you. Have you gotten closure?

 

Italy is my legal country of residence. If you ruin someones' "reputation", even if what you say is true, even if you don't get into jail, you will surely get into court and still have to pay the expenses.

 

I got closure but spent a lot of time, emotional investments, and also a lot of money until I got it. And even if I got over with her I am still angry about how the things happened, how they did it, and how she keeps it secret even from her new boyfriends and friends in general.

[BusyNAbroad]

Also, what is the difference between emotional pain and, for example, non-physical domestic abuse?

[SapphireNoir10]

Im sorry that happened to you. There are truly horrible people out there, but sooner or later it'll catch up with her. But you're getting bettter and you can find someone who WONT do that to you, and they are out there.

[CallingAllAngels]

Also, what is the difference between emotional pain and, for example, non-physical domestic abuse?

 

Non physical domestic abuse is known as verbal abuse and it just as damaging as physical abuse. It causes emotional pain.

[lavenderdove]

You can't live in a bubble in this world, with everything always going the way you want and people always behaving the way you want.

 

You can get yourself really riled up about being 'done wrong', or recognize that a relationship involves two different people, whose needs sometimes conflict. And people are human and make mistakes and change their minds.

 

You can't legislate every little detail in the universe, nor make another person behave the way you want them to, nor demand they be punished just because your feelings got hurt.

 

If someone has cheated and done you wrong, then you should remind yourself it is good you are no longer with them, and let them be someone else's problem rather than seeking justice for something that can't be legislated.

 

I also thought from earlier threads that this woman you're angry at wasn't even your official girlfriend, just a long distance person. She didn't owe you fidelity if she'd didn't marry you and agree to it.

[DN]

Cheating is just one way people hurt each other. Would we make it illegal to be rude to someone, to sneer at them, be sarcastic? All these things inflict some sort of emotional pain but we can't legislate against them with penalties - although we do forbid such behaviour on this website that is a rule of a private club not the laws of the land and that is an entirely different thing. ENA can simply do what any club can do - withdraw membership. But we can't exact financial penalties.

 

Not every wrong is a crime or a tort.

[BusyNAbroad]

You can't live in a bubble in this world, with everything always going the way you want and people always behaving the way you want.

[...]

You can't legislate every little detail in the universe, nor make another person behave the way you want them to, nor demand they be punished just because your feelings got hurt.

This may be a useful attitude, but that's not how the world has evolved to become the way it is today. If people don't lament and complain, society will remain indifferent towards it. Society (and law) change as people act together.

 

I also thought from earlier threads that this woman you're angry at wasn't even your official girlfriend, just a long distance person. She didn't owe you fidelity if she'd didn't marry you and agree to it.

If she says "you're the only one" and many other discussions in which she tries to make it clear that she loves only me, it is still a relationship.

If we needed a written certificate for every kind of boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, then, as I asked earlier, what's the point of mutual trust? What's the point of "love", whatever definition you have for it?

[BusyNAbroad]

Cheating is just one way people hurt each other. Would we make it illegal to be rude to someone, to sneer at them, be sarcastic?

 

In some places you can go to jail or at least pay huge fines for making fun of "important" personalities. Having sex publicly offends people who simply don't like seeing it, and it can be punished.

 

In my opinion, none of these can be as emotionally painful as being cheated on, or in general, anything that involves the "heart".

 

Why is there no formal law to help ease the problems of the heart?

[DN]

Why is there no formal law to help ease the problems of the heart?

Because lawmakers know better than to try and frame such a law and then enforce it. And because even if they they did try and succeed they know that they themselves would be among the first prosecuted.

[OrangeMoon]

Even if cheating is wrong, you can't ever prevent it from happening. You are supposed to be free to love anyone you like. You have free will. I think biologically we still have to figure out if human beings are in essence monogamous creatures. I believe we are not really..but it is the strength of will power and believe in the love you share that will keep you from cheating. Seduction is everywhere and anyone can fall prey to it...anyone.

 

People are brought together in a variety of complex ways, personal growth, changed desires, circumstances may lead to a weaker power of the will.

 

Its too complex to just have a law to prevent it....its an unwritten one. But because most of us enter into relationships when we are grown and matured enough to suffer consequence from our actions, cheating in itself..especially in marriage.. does not go without penalty.

 

People make mistakes, go into relationships for all the wrong reasons. We have not all learned how to be honest with our desires, how to communicate, how to consider someone elses wellbeing before ours, how to make something of the choices you have made or how to end.

 

If people on this site or elsewhere oppose to cheating, its usually not the cheating itself..but the backhanded behaviour, the dishonesty to partners, the blatant disrespecting that comes when cheaters do not want to own up to what they did to their partners.

 

We are so afraid to be alone or end up alone, that people do the craziest stuff just to hold on to the one they have in the way they see most fitting to THEIR needs.

 

Its the selfishness that bothers me more..than the act of cheating itself.

[COtuner]

In most places it is illegal and grounds for divorce. If you get caught cheating and end up getting divorced, then the divorce will more likely go in the other persons favour.

 

You aren't likely to see cops chasing adulterers down in their cars because it isn't a priority crime.

 

I don't think it's specifically "illegal". It's a more acceptable reason for breaking the marriage contract and is a specifically defined case to help with divorce settlements and alimony awards. If this was not the case, I believe more troubled marriages would end instead of having extended secretive affairs.

[ResonanceTheory]

In some places you can go to jail or at least pay huge fines for making fun of "important" personalities. Having sex publicly offends people who simply don't like seeing it, and it can be punished.

 

In my opinion, none of these can be as emotionally painful as being cheated on, or in general, anything that involves the "heart".

 

Why is there no formal law to help ease the problems of the heart?

 

You are exceedingly stubborn when it comes to these matters, Busy. Everyone here has given you perfectly legitimate reasons as to why cheating on a boyfriend or a girlfriend is not legislated against. Perhaps you should convert to Islam and move to Nigeria, or another country where Shari'a (Islamic law) is enforced. Under this law, adultery is punishable by death. However, you should note that, even under that law, only adultery in MARRIAGES is punishable.

 

If they started legislating against cheating in non-marriage relationships, we would soon be able to sue people for not sending christmas presents or birthday cards. I'd be able to sue my father for not loving me enough, and that spoiled little brat who pushed me off the swings when I was 6 and told me I was ugly. Both of those things hurt my feelings. Unfortunately, "feelings" are ephemeral and exceedingly hard to regulate! How can you prove feelings?

 

The only things you could sue for are things that cause you damages. For example, you can sometimes sue for emotional distress, but you have to be able to prove that the person who put you under this emotional distress did so in a way that caused you to lose out financially (caused you to miss work, etc). I could see this as being quite hard to prove. I think if you brought something like this to court, you'd be laughed right out. Being cheated on sucks, but you just have to move on.

[thejigsup]

I'm a big girl now, I don't have to go running to my government every time someone does something that hurts me, and yes, cheating hurts. I'm adult enough and strong enough to handle that on my own. Are you? The last thing anyone needs is the gov't sticking their noses into our private lives. If we did that, certain foods would be illegal to eat, certain books illegal to read, the gov't would have the right to tell you who you could date, and so on. Don't say this couldn't happen. It has happened before in history and it is still happening in many places. If you can't handle hurt from cheating, take yourself out of the game and let the rest of us adults love in peace.

[lavenderdove]

Busy, i think you are really angry/upset because your relationship didn't go the way you wanted.

 

Rather than trying to legislate every nuisance of human relationships, doesn't it make more sense to learn how to be resilient yourself, and if you can't accept/handle the fact that this girl changed her mind and went with someone else, perhaps get some counseling to learn to deal with rejection, and to also learn that it's a GOOD thing you didn't end up together?

 

If this rejection feels so intense that you think it should be a crime and that she needs punishment in a court of law for it, then that really means that you are losing perspective about this and need counseling to help you deal with this rejection.