To those who have been dumped for someone else

[sharky988]

Hi and welcome.

 

I really recommend you start a new thread with your story -- more people will see your post and you'll get a lot more feedback that way!

 

I don't have any real answers for you but I do understand the kind of pain you're going through. Nothing hurts more than being dumped for someone else -- nothing. All I can tell you is that time DOES help -- time and No Contact so you can heal.

 

I wouldn't pressure myself to try and forgive him right away. That takes time -- and only you can say when you're really ready to forgive, if ever.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

[puccapo]

thank you so, so much for taking time to write that, thank you.

[Balloonh8r1302]

This happened to me early this year. She was completely in love with me until she met someone else. She tried to blame me for the breakup and claimed it had nothing to do with the guy, but I know she was leaving me in order to be with him.

 

It was especially sick that she was still doing the "I love you forever" routine while she was preparing to leave me for new guy. Even after she broke up with me she continued to say she loved me and give me false hope that we could get back together. She had me tell my father that the decision was mutual because she didn't want him to hate her for it (I told him the truth, and he never "hated" her for it. He's not that kind of person).

 

I've accepted that we were never meant to be, I just wish she could have been honest about it up front. Now I have lost my trust in her, and it is difficult to just be her friend because of that.

 

I'm not mad at her. I don't hate her for it. I let her live her life and she lets me live mine, for the most part. Hopefully the next woman will be a little more honest with me.

[ChilliRed2013]

Even after she broke up with me she continued to say she loved me and give me false hope that we could get back together. She had me tell my father that the decision was mutual because she didn't want him to hate her for it (I told him the truth, and he never "hated" her for it. He's not that kind of person).

 

I've accepted that we were never meant to be, I just wish she could have been honest about it up front. Now I have lost my trust in her, and it is difficult to just be her friend because of that.

 

I'm not mad at her. I don't hate her for it. I let her live her life and she lets me live mine, for the most part. Hopefully the next woman will be a little more honest with me.

The ex that tries thier best to protect self image whilst at the same time continuing to do something so... wrong. That action is spurred by guilt right? They want to hide from it as best they can. The blame game too. We all did it as kids... but most of us grow out of it and learn how to face the consequences of our actions. And also how to say sorry sincerely!

 

I don't hate my ex either, sure have felt every other emotion through this though!

[heartxbroken]

This happened to me early this year. She was completely in love with me until she met someone else. She tried to blame me for the breakup and claimed it had nothing to do with the guy, but I know she was leaving me in order to be with him.

 

It was especially sick that she was still doing the "I love you forever" routine while she was preparing to leave me for new guy. Even after she broke up with me she continued to say she loved me and give me false hope that we could get back together.

 

I am currently going through this. He also blamed me for the breakup. At the time he broke up with me I asked if there was someone else and he said no. I already suspected it was his coworker which it turned out to be. They started dating a week later. I panicked and begged for him back and he rejected me. After a month NC, I tested the waters and he said he made a mistake, but he is scared to break up with her due to the work environment. He continued to call me, tell me to be patient and that he loved me. 2 months later after I initiated contact (almost 4 month post BU).. he is still with her and I realize he has no intention in breaking up with her. Rejected again.. stuck around for 2 months waiting like a fool. Started NC again and the grieving process.

 

Balloonh8r1302.. has she tried to reach out to you since then? Is she still with the person she left you for?

[lea2503]

Reading this thread has been so helpful the past couple of months, never used any site like this before

 

My ex boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago after 2 and a half years together, we had the perfect relationship, our parents met and loved one another, we were best of friends spending a lot of time together and being there for each other during family issues the past year. We were planning on moving into our own place in the new year. We had our fair share of arguments always over silly things but always made up, until about 3 months ago, we had an argument over something silly and he used this to say we needed a couple of days apart to cool off. I gave him this but once a few days had passed he decided that the relationship was no longer what he wanted, that I was the 'best girlfriend' but he just wanted to spend some time on himself, his new job and his family. I was absolutely devastated, did the usual begging and pleading and then realised it was not helping. I then proceeded to do NC, this lasted 2 weeks until he broke it and messaged me saying he wasn't happy and he made the wrong choice, but still wasn't saying he wanted to get back together, so for the next 2 weeks we talked a little here and there until suddenly out of the blue on Facebook I see he's in a relationship with a girl I had never even heard of in the 2 years we were together, she's in university and lives 4/5 hours away from us so a LDR relationship (he doesn't drive either) this crushed me, and now months later I still can't get my head around it, I have a good job, a car which I drove him round everywhere in, and he's left me for a student who lives hundreds of miles away. We spoke recently after he found out I was talking to a boy and he completely flipped out, we are now back in NC. I am trying so hard to focus on myself and just hoping with a bit more time I will start to feel better

[jonyyy]

See this is what I just don't understand!

 

How can someone you've been with several years, who you know from top to bottom that is a good person, honest, kind, truthful, that loves you, that is a great lover and friend, ends up cheating you, falling out of love with you and dumping you for another person.

 

How is this possible when everything was great in the relationship? Is the power of infatuation for another person that big that can in a mather of minutes destroy 9 years of a happy relationship???? And turn this good person into someone who is imature, liar, cheater, hypocrite, selfish, coward, a cliché of a person??

[Diggums70]

Reading this post just a week ago vs. today feels like an eternity. The amazing bombardment of horrible feelings has already made a different person of me. Reading others' stories is even further enlightening.

 

In only the three week span that I've been going through this I've already begun to feel some healing. There's a while lot of hope - make sure that your support network is deep and wide, break all communication with your ex completely, HIT THE GYM, and stay off the booze (I found my days to be much, much more tolerable once cutting out the beer).

 

Oh, and hammer the good people of this site when in need!

 

Def not out of the woods, but knowing now there is an end to this.

[ChilliRed2013]

See this is what I just don't understand!

 

How can someone you've been with several years, who you know from top to bottom that is a good person, honest, kind, truthful, that loves you, that is a great lover and friend, ends up cheating you, falling out of love with you and dumping you for another person.

 

How is this possible when everything was great in the relationship? Is the power of infatuation for another person that big that can in a mather of minutes destroy 9 years of a happy relationship???? And turn this good person into someone who is imature, liar, cheater, hypocrite, selfish, coward, a cliché of a person??

Jonyyy you have summed it all up in a single post... these "How" questions play on the mind of every person who has been cheated on. Left for another. We are so confused in the beginning.

It hurts. Especially when the break up happened quite unexpectedly, their involvement with another was instant or very soon after, and after a long term relationship

I highlighted power of infatuation because I believe this is one of the keys to understanding the actions, behaviours and mentality of the Ex, and how they differ from us on many levels.

 

Infatuation, and the following implusive actions my cheating Ex took, really shows the shift backwards she has taken in life.

There is now a lack of maturity, responsibility, communication, self control, and some serious reshuffling of other important values... and do you think jumping from one partner to another is the way to making yourself a better person?? Nope. They are using another as a short cut to a fresh sense of fullfillment and happiness. Wrong way to awareness!

 

Typing this 10 months after the initial incident, followed by a lot of confusion and hurt caused by her words vs. actions. But i have reached a stage where

I feel kind of sad for her.

 

I love this thread. Have read post #1 quite a few times. Thankyou Foreverxo wherever you are

[jonyyy]

Thanks for your reply. First of all I want to say that your signature resonates with me a lot latelly. That's why I'm going to start fresh in a new country, I'm trying to find myself again and hopefully to grow as a person. Rise up.

 

I've found a very interesting link that goes very well with your post, it's really a short but enlightening reading

 

link removed

 

Maybe you trully never know someone until you see how she acts when facing certain challenges??

[Amf71128]

These posts are very spot on with my experience and the way I felt from it. Long story short, my ex boyfriend and I dated for two years and he ended up leaving me for another girl. Actually I left him since I felt distant from the relationship and I knew it was because of someone else. He ended up dating her for a year and we eventually moved on and cut contact for awhile. It's been four years later and my ex and I maintained as friends. For months now he is making effort to get back with me. A month ago I finally told him how I really felt about how he betrayed me before just because I'm scared this would happen again. He claims that he was a coward in the past and he shouldn't have hurt me in the way that he did. He's trying to gain my trust back but for some reason I can't put my all in the relationship like I did before. I want to but I can't just because I know how it feels to be dumped by someone else (which is the worst pain). I really do want to get back together with my ex but I fear that the same thing might happen. The trust between us is definitely getting better but the way we ended our relationship scared me before since I was the heartbroken and picking up all the pieces while he was happily in love with another woman.

 

What to do?

[Charlotte12]

Make him really work for your love!!! And feel he if he really learned his lesson. I am dealing with this right now, he left me and I am still picking up the pieces while he is "falling in love". I hope he really regrets it one day.

[foxsummer7]

my situation was almost the same. When I was still with my ex, for few weeks he started to act distant. And then he broke up with me with the cliche words "you should be with someone better". And just few weeks after we broke up he went on vacation and I saw him posted a pic with a girl in the pic so I asked him and he said "it's complicated".

So I accepted the fact that he broke up with me and I kept my distance. And few months after that he started to contact me again saying he can't forget me, he can't stop thinking about me bla bla bla. (he's still staying in touch with me even after 2 years now).

 

I was really sad when he broke up with me. And I moved to other countries and I travel a lot and that makes me happy! I didn't block him in my Social media page so I can show him that I am happy now. and... he's still staying in touch with me and sometimes still saying his bull words.

 

I learned that if you stay in the same place you will be more sad because it will just remind you of your ex. Travel, and meet lots of new friends and do something totally different from your usual routine really helps a lot. it works for me!

[hpchick03]

Some days are ok - then some days I feel an awful anxiety, can't figure out what's wrong with me, but these days I feel so lost, in a haze and confused. Did you ever feel like you just wanted to be alone? Like you didn't even want to talk about it - to anyone?... I find myself not wanting to talk about it completely... And end up running away to places on my own...I'm a little better now and my job helps me out a lot by keeping my mind busy. But then there's those days again...and I don't know what to do. Some days it's worst because I don't feel anything...almost as if I subconsciously try to avoid feeling in fear of having rushes of uncontrollable pain hit me...I don't know what it is but during these times I can't feel...then suddenly, some days, I'll hear a sad love song and I'll just cry and cry. That feels good. It's barely been a month since it happened but somehow feels like time has stopped. I suppose he is happy with his new person and I've had all the questions and confusions others have posted here... I knew we had our issues and the last year in particular was very hard - but never in my mind did I think he would do this cuz I couldn't... I've sunk so low, to the point I've spent money on ridiculous tarot readings (yes, I know...) Trying to find an answer, an explanation...needed to know why. I've since tried to lay off these things and have done a good job at it (with some self discipline) but it still hurts...some nights I feel a cold hole in my chest and I can't sleep - wondering if he's okay, but of course he is...some clarity is starting to creep in. And like someone mentioned, I don't think jumping from one relationship to another will make him a better person, if he even cares for that - how he seems to feel so ready to do that truly baffles me...how anyone could do that is really beyond my reasoning...but - somehow, something tells me he has a shifty idea of love. And if feeling in an infatuative state is what makes him happy then I really dont match with that... At first, I was afraid that perhaps this new "lovely" relationship would make him better and that perhaps this new relationship of his really is love, and okay if it is , good for him I guess...but I'm starting to think that a liar like him that uses ppl could never really know about self sacrifice and true love for another as he will always do what benefits him. I know this might sound a bit on the bitter side but keep in mind I still haven't moved onto the forgiveness stage...some times I feel I can, but the pain is still there and I mostly feel like I need something to give me a leg up right now, even if it's trying to enumerate the reasons why I'm better than he is...

[Capricorn3]

Please note thread is six years old and the OP has not returned to ENA for four years.

[TheAbandoned]

Yet it is one of the most relevant posts on this site. Glad I read it.

[Sseji018]

First of all. I would like to say thank you all for sharing your experiences. It helped me out a lot. Since I feel like I am all alone in this situation.

I still haven't confirmed if he was with someone else. But I do have a gut feeling that there is someone.

He became really close to his colleague recently maybe because he can help him with his work.

Yes, we're gay.

I've helped him a lot during our time and it's just that when he became really busy, things we're starting to fall apart.

I know I have been demanding for time. Just once a week will do. Since we live quite far from each other. But he refuses to because of his work.

And then there was this time that he made some time with me. But he refused to have sex.

He can stay too late or even stay overnight at his workmate's place. But not willing to spend a bit more with me.

And then one day, New Years Eve, he broke up with me saying things have changed and he doesn't love me anymore.

I can't accept it.

Up until now I am still trying to win him back as if we're back on courting stage.

It seems that the person I'm trying to win back is now a complete stranger.

 

How can he throw away 2 years of being with each other that easy?

Is it even possible? Why does he ignore and avoid me as if I was the one who hurt him.

Now, I tried asking him out. He agreed. I am just preparing myself for the worst. Hopefully, it will turn out the way I wanted it to be.

That he would want us back together.

And about the other guy. I don't know what they are really. 😞

[D00727331]

First of all. I would like to say thank you all for sharing your experiences. It helped me out a lot. Since I feel like I am all alone in this situation.

I still haven't confirmed if he was with someone else. But I do have a gut feeling that there is someone.

He became really close to his colleague recently maybe because he can help him with his work.

Yes, we're gay.

I've helped him a lot during our time and it's just that when he became really busy, things we're starting to fall apart.

I know I have been demanding for time. Just once a week will do. Since we live quite far from each other. But he refuses to because of his work.

And then there was this time that he made some time with me. But he refused to have sex.

He can stay too late or even stay overnight at his workmate's place. But not willing to spend a bit more with me.

And then one day, New Years Eve, he broke up with me saying things have changed and he doesn't love me anymore.

I can't accept it.

Up until now I am still trying to win him back as if we're back on courting stage.

It seems that the person I'm trying to win back is now a complete stranger.

 

How can he throw away 2 years of being with each other that easy?

Is it even possible? Why does he ignore and avoid me as if I was the one who hurt him.

Now, I tried asking him out. He agreed. I am just preparing myself for the worst. Hopefully, it will turn out the way I wanted it to be.

That he would want us back together.

And about the other guy. I don't know what they are really. 😞

 

Sorry to hear about what you're going through man. I'm right there with you, but I've accepted that chasing my ex was only hurting me and did nothing but push him away further. You have to go no contact as soon as possible. Meeting him will only make you feel worse because he doesn't feel the same and nothing you do or say will change that. You will shower him with love, gifts, affection, time... with hopes that all of that will make him love you again... but trying harder will only push him away further because of your availability. Take the backbone that he stole from you, the self respect, the dignity and cut him out of your life. What he doesn't see in you, someone else will.

[Yrc]

Unfortunately there's nothing you can do but go to no contact and let him go. My bf broke up with me after five years. And like other relationships we were pretty happy together. I tried to win him back. We even met a couple of times and he said that he.missed me. It' s been three months after our BU. Last time i talked to him he said that we should stop talking because he was dating someone else and respected that girl. Now i understand his behaviour. He was with her even when he met me after our break up. I am still very sad and i cry a lot because i really trusted him but he wasnt the person i thought he was. And now i understand that i shouldnt have tried to go after him because it made my healing process harder and he never had the intention of working things out.

[Broken16]

I'm going through the same thing. And I am coping very well, prob because I still cannot believe it.

I have been with my partner for over 5 years, and last month i was certain that we are going to spend our lifes together. We never fight, always had lots of fun together, and created our wn world no one else understood. He was my best friend, I told him all my problems before even speaking to my girlfriends. Everything which was bothering me, exciting me, making me sad. He was always there for me, making me happy, making me laugh and taking care of me. I was the most important person for him, and he was for me. Always got along, had the same interests, if there was a problem between us, we talked about it.

 

Last year tho I didn't know what happened to me, I broke up with him as I realised that I didnt knew what I wanted. He didn't move out. I did see how much it kept bothering him. And he had to move to another country for a year, but we kept talking so often... I went to visit him and I had the best time of my life. He was waiting for me as he knew I loved him even when I didn't know what I felt.

 

Since that visit we spoke every day, texted each other, sending emails from works - nothing changed. Our realiotship was becoming stronger than ever. I am suppose to visit him in 5 week but this is not happening. Last week we broke up as there is someone new in his life. And I knew about that. All started 3 weeks ago, she pressured him to make decision and he did... For two weeks I saw I'm loosing my love, more and more from one day to another. Someone was stealing him from me and there was nothing I could do as she was there with him, and I'm here. And then I knew THEY planned breaking out with me so I just decided to keep my dignity, confronted him, he admitted there is someone else and it was over. Just like that. 5 years of relationship finished in 9 min conversation. I am not even sure if remember how it is to live without him.

 

He didn't fight for me, he didn't think twice, he forgot all the good times, he forgot about the life we could have together, about coming back home to your best friend.

 

It's not him, he would never to anything like that. He who fought for his ex girlfriends where there were problems, willing to talk to solve problems rather than hide from them, who always told me he would never hurt me in any way as he would never forgive himself, who lost respect for his friends as they were cheated on their girlfriends.

 

Who is he? What happened to him? He is not the person I, or anyone else, know.

 

But is doesn't matter now, I stayed by myself, and I think it's time to stop counting days until I see him next time.

[Kubekrom]

Well written post. It's exactly what I am going through right now. It is utterly devasting and painful. I feel so much anguish right now that I don't know what to do.

This may would have been 3 years since we met. I was not attracted to him at all but I did not rule him out because of physical attraction only so I gave myself time to get to know him. It was also difficult because we lived on two separate continents. He fell in love quickly but I did not and I was honest with him. I had a realistic conversation with him about that and I asked that we keep the friendship going. In late 2014 he told me he had a girlfriend. I accepted it and we remained friend and spoke very often. I saw him and spent time with him when I went to visit my family last April. He pressured me to be in a relationship with him but I was reluctant because he was with someone but he assured me that they had broken up and were not together. I believe him and although I did not say yes to him when i was with him, he noticed the change when I returned and we were onboard with each other's plans. We talked about him relocating to the states to complete his masters program and I was looking forward to that.

 

In September last year I went through a life changing event when my father suddenly passed away. We were together the entire time when I was home. He assured me of his support and I leaned on him.

 

Life was not the same when I returned after the funeral. I slipped into depression two months after I returned and I was not able to touch base with him for two months. Thankfully I was able to pull myself out of it. I called him, emailed, texted, skyped but nothing. I found out he had relocated to the states and he brought along the girl he told me he had broken up with. This all happened a month into my depression.

 

I am utterly devastated and in unimaginable pain. Why, where did I go wrong. What could I have done better and how do I start all over again? I am so so defeated right now.

[luisannalui]

Wow. This post has helped me a lot! Who ever wrote this and all of the people that shared their stories, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! This is a very difficult moment and the healing process is so slow in motion. But I hope and pray that one day I'll be myself again. Someone shared a quote that I will use as part of my healing "There is someone who can make you happy and it starts with yourself" Thank you very much!

[JustinGuitar87]

That's how I feel. Total lack of respect towards me. 7 years together, a child together, and then break up with me over the telephone?! Saying it's over...goodbye click? Goes all business like. I never abused you, always supported you in every situation, your not happy with yourself..So you find someone else to make you happy? Made an attempt to get me back 4 months later to dissapear again? Makes me feel like nothing more than a stepping stone, did our family not mean anything? New boyfriend already and completely happy? How someone can be so fake and destroy the person that you said over and over, "I love you and want to spend my whole life with you", blows my mind. After the infidelity pain you put me through before and after our daughters birth, and I forgave you. To just walk away? Karma is going to be a serious biatch to you one day. But for some reason I still care for you, your well being, happiness, and safety..And don't want Karma to kick you in the face. That's my rant for today.

[Lumacon]

Almost a yr since repeatedly lied to , cheated on and dumped for someone else. It hurt and still stings but I look at it as a blessing as I don't want a cheater and I deserve better. Our rela was two yrs and we lived together the second yr. You're my everything then onto the next one. He owed me money and was due money in the next four months after discarding me. So I contacted him four months after he dumped me with texts, no response so left messages wanting money back which took 3 wks for him to contact me where he could have just put money order in mail. I didn't want him back but still had feelings. He never gave his apt notice(yet was already living with her right after he dumped me) and office never added my name on nor do they transfer one to another apt building. I did get the money surprisingly 7 wks after I saw him last. He called saying he wanted to see me, didn't forget me, missed me, etc. 3 wks after I contacted for the money and was talking for 6 hrs hanging out at the apt while I listened to all his stuff. I was sick at home that day. How she came back to town they know mutual people and that he was interested in her. So he was seeing her for months until he made his decision to drop me like yesterdays garbage and continue with her. But every night he was home. The wk of end of our rela he meanly said were done don't talk to me he came in one am saying were done don't talk to me or leave me messages. He still had his stuff there at apt. I told him come and take your stuff so he did at a time he knew I wouldn't be around. He called day after saying no need to call and leave him messages anymore it is over this time I'm seeing someone else I don't want you at the hospital(I was supposed to go to his surgery)I just want you to forget me bye. Instead he wanted her there. Most of the hrs he was at apt talking to me he kept saying she is nice but he doesn't feel happy inside and doesn't like what he did (who would?) over and over. He wanted to come back and of course he is nuts cuz answer was for him to go on with his life despite she's alcoholic(he found out after cuz said she lied about it) he wanted her now he's got her. He looked the worst I seen him like ten yrs older. An acquaintance we know told me she saw them in a store with him walking behind his girlfriend and looking very unhappy she didn't understand why he was with her and she knows no details of our breakup but wanted me to know he was miserable. Makes me sad he just tanked our 2 yr rela......but I refused to go back however he did breakup with his girlfriend night before he came that day insisting on seeing me. Before he left he said give me another chance I said you are involved with her. I told him let me know what he was gonna do as I wanted to see the outcome next day but knew he was full of it. Next am early very early he text saying sorry about everything everyone deserves another chance I had a lot of chances you told me to go on with my life and maybe she's a good person she is and I will still give you the money when it clears I felt I shouldn't have come by if I hurt you in anyway truly sorry and I hope you get well. He changed his cell # right after and remains with her. Haven't heard a word since. I was good to him honest and faithful. But life goes on but we never forget.

[sarahhh456]

Thank you for this. Today I reached the 2 week mark in an unexpected break up and it's been a really rough 2 weeks. To make matters worse, I think my ex left me for his female best friend. He also has reached out to his ex from before me, after not speaking to her for a year. All of this has taken its toll on me physically and mentally and I have felt so drained. I will never understand how someone who says they love you so much can just turn on you and have no regard for your feelings. Having the reassurance that it gets better makes me look forward to the future because I can't stand feeling this way. Hugs to everyone going through a tough time!