wish_on_a_star Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Hi this thread has really helped me and I now feel less alone. My ex broke up with me and his sole reason for dumping me was that he did not want to be in a relationship. Now he is with someone new, and he is actually showing off about his new found love. When I found out, I felt as though my world had come to an end, that I must have meant so little to him. I do believe in karma though and also, once their "honeymoon" period wears off, that is when they will start to show their true colours. If they can leave you for someone else, they will do it over and over again, it is fortunate that people like us are no longer involved in their cycle of lies and betrayal. I believe people like that NEVER change! Link to comment
thedude27 Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 And to let you know that karma does indeed take care of them. Yep it sure does. Great thread, I missed it the first time around. Link to comment
Thornbirds18 Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Hi, My situation is exaclty the same. After 5 years replaces me for someone else. And suddenly acts cold and businesslike. And after everything is arranged, contact stops completely. He was thinking about marrying me, and then he shows he doesn't want me in his live anymore, because he doesn't give any sign at all. It is the opposite: he lives a similar live but with a new and exciting girl... HOW can they do it? I am sure he loved me. How can it just go? Can feelings really totally disappear? I believe that we all have similar experience about many of these unanswered questions. But we really have to let it go. Admit that your feelings for him will always be there. For me I just told myself that life is too short to be wasted in bitterness, self-pity, and agony. I still love him so I'll accept whatever decision that he made if he's happy about it. Buckets of tears, hurt, pain, disappointment, madness, and shockness. You name it all...But life has to go on without them. Only three weeks but I've already felt some peace after I realize that it's OK to love him while at the same time to let him go. My resentfulness toward her wasn't that strong after I allow myself to let go...It's hard because at times I feel down with hatred and self-pity. But seriously why I should make myself miserable if they're enjoying their life happilly together. I should live a happier and better life than them!!! Link to comment
Thornbirds18 Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 If they can leave you for someone else, they will do it over and over again, it is fortunate that people like us are no longer involved in their cycle of lies and betrayal. I believe people like that NEVER change! I also believe that when we look at the bright side of the issue we should feel happy because it taught us about the dark side of that person we loved with heart and soul. I almost gave up everything in order to be with him...but now I'm happy that I didn't do it. I would've been crushed if he drops me for another woman if I've given up everything that I had. Link to comment
Foreverxo Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 Hi this thread has really helped me and I now feel less alone. My ex broke up with me and his sole reason for dumping me was that he did not want to be in a relationship. Now he is with someone new, and he is actually showing off about his new found love. When I found out, I felt as though my world had come to an end, that I must have meant so little to him. I do believe in karma though and also, once their "honeymoon" period wears off, that is when they will start to show their true colours. If they can leave you for someone else, they will do it over and over again, it is fortunate that people like us are no longer involved in their cycle of lies and betrayal. I believe people like that NEVER change! Thats exactly what I thought. If they do it once they are bound to do it again. We finally are able to recognize the flaws that our love blinded us from seeing. Link to comment
SighSob Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 This could have been written by me. Being dumped (after 2.5 years together) for someone else out of the blue is indeed the worst experience I've ever gone through. But it's not the end of the world, and in the end it was also funny sometimes...I think it's something we all have to go through in order to "grow up" ^_^ Link to comment
Rochelle1982 Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I am so overwhelmed to find this beautiful piece of inspiration. I have been so down lately and I have been hurting. I have not had anyone to really talk to and I feel like my options are gone. I have been drinking and trying not to cry because as I have said, no one really wants to hear this crap from me consistently. I came accross this forum looking for answers, looking for someone feeling the same way I do now, everyday, time is going by so slowly and I am a wreck. I really appreciated reading your words of inspiration, the last lines brought so many tears to my eyes and I realized so much. Even though all hope seems gone and it may seem like they are so over you, I wanted to know that he was at least thinking about me and remembering me even though he said he was gonna remarry his ex-wife, even though he said it because he wants to be in his child's life despite her threats to go back to the islands, I have to accept that because that is what he wants. She was his ex for a reason, he lacks the common sense and he will see, you can't just throw away 2 1/2 years like that but it hurts....it is painful, I miss my friend, we talked every hour on the hour everyday! Now his ex is making him feel that I am trying to come between him and his child when I just don't want her back in his life intimately, she saw me as a threat, she gave him an ultimatum and he took it, I have no choice but to respect his decision and I will pray for ALL of us, but I still don't understand, I want someone to hold me and not just tell me its gonna be ok, but bring him back too, make him believe in me as he tried so hard to keep himself from falling in love with me and never really talk about love until the last moments and say I love you but I'm not in love with you, he lies, impossible after we have done so many off the wall fun things that he has never done with anybody else, he is barely making ends meet and you want to marry a woman who already had 2 other kids, so 6 mouths to feed are you serious, it does not matter but there are so many complications and I am beating myself up even though he is the one who is losing out on me, I have one child (does not really matter of kids), and all my qualities he so affectionately pointed out before he said he already had a wife for that and he is gonna remarry her, remarry is such an ugly word and so is wife.... I can't stop crying and thinking and worrying, I need to talk, please somebody help me, but I commend you poster for taking your time through your experience and putting all of this so eloquently, God bless you and ALL who are hurting and those trying to move on to happiness, talk to me if you need someone to listen cause Lord knows I do... Link to comment
Foreverxo Posted November 12, 2009 Author Share Posted November 12, 2009 Hang in there. Do something fun for yourself. Do something you would have never done if you were still with the person. We are all here for you. God Bless Link to comment
mybunnyslipperz Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 4. I learned that a date is just a date. I got sad on what would have been our actual three year anniversary, but quickly learned that it is just another day and I must go on. While everything you wrote in your very thoughtful post hit home with me, I think the most important point was #4. Yesterday would have been our 10 year anniversary and here I was, 2 years after he broke my heart dreading the emotional turmoil that this date would bring. Then I woke up and realized this very thing: It's JUST ANOTHER DAY, like yesterday was and tomorrow will be! For me, this was a huge stride in my healing. I've come a long way since he first broke my heart (including buying my first house and losing 80 LBS.), but I dreaded the dates. I dreaded the memories associated with the dates - but they're just DATES. I've realized I can hold on to my memories while I continue to let go of him and the relationship that is no more and will never be again! Link to comment
cuddlebug Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 thank you for this post. it feels good to read that someone else has been experiencing many of the same things as me. it makes me feel less alone. i think we'll all get through this if we are strong. Link to comment
Foreverxo Posted November 13, 2009 Author Share Posted November 13, 2009 While everything you wrote in your very thoughtful post hit home with me, I think the most important point was #4. Yesterday would have been our 10 year anniversary and here I was, 2 years after he broke my heart dreading the emotional turmoil that this date would bring. Then I woke up and realized this very thing: It's JUST ANOTHER DAY, like yesterday was and tomorrow will be! For me, this was a huge stride in my healing. I've come a long way since he first broke my heart (including buying my first house and losing 80 LBS.), but I dreaded the dates. I dreaded the memories associated with the dates - but they're just DATES. I've realized I can hold on to my memories while I continue to let go of him and the relationship that is no more and will never be again! Congrads on loosing the weight and buying the house! I'm glad you did something for yourself. Happiness can come from within. I find with everyone experiencing hard break ups it is the date that gets them. They dread its arrival, get upset when it comes, and breathe a sigh of relief when its over. We can't live like that. If we treat it like every other day then we will move on quicker. And if we cant let it go we should reflect on the happy times and have it be a reminder of how far we have come Link to comment
G train Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Summed up every emotion and ounce of pain I a, going through. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It's nice to know that there are people out there who can understand and support each other. Thank you again. Link to comment
Lesleyb05 Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Thank you so much for posting this. This explains just what I am going through and I was in tears reading it. I honestly can't say thank you enough. Link to comment
j_cali_man Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Posted some time ago but it is still so relevant. Love and pain are always relevant. Great post. Definitely can relate to all of it. Thank you J Link to comment
Foreverxo Posted December 25, 2009 Author Share Posted December 25, 2009 Posted some time ago but it is still so relevant. Love and pain are always relevant. J I have to agree. Link to comment
Foreverxo Posted December 25, 2009 Author Share Posted December 25, 2009 Summed up every emotion and ounce of pain I a, going through. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It's nice to know that there are people out there who can understand and support each other. Thank you again. I owe this website a lot! I have had countless talks to family and friends about the situation, but its when I am on here do I feel like I am I really understood. Let's stick together! Link to comment
Foreverxo Posted December 25, 2009 Author Share Posted December 25, 2009 Thank you so much for posting this. This explains just what I am going through and I was in tears reading it. I honestly can't say thank you enough. I am glad you found some comfort Link to comment
topsy8 Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 can't say thank you enough for posting this, everything you said portrayed how I have been feeling. I have been through so many different emotions since my first love broke up with me and went off with someone else. You have inspired me with your words, it's amazing how when all the anger leaves you you are just left with a really good feeling, and it makes you remember why you were together in the first place. I will never blame the girl who he is with, the fact that he could do that in the first place shows that he wasn't the right person for me. I don't think I have heard this much good advice for 8 months and your words have so much meaning to them. You are right when you said it isn't the end of the world, there is a new life out there to be grasped it's just whether you have the strength to move forward and not dwell on your hurtful past. I do believe that things happen for a reason, I like to think the best is yet to come, and i'm glad you have such a positive outlook on the future. Link to comment
Foreverxo Posted December 26, 2009 Author Share Posted December 26, 2009 Change is a hard thing to deal with, but the best is yet to come and you have to keep telling yourself that. Forgiving was the best decision I made for myself and still to this day I am glad I did. Goodluck and give yourself the best! Link to comment
SULLY323 Posted December 26, 2009 Share Posted December 26, 2009 worst of all…. You wonder how the love of your life did this to you, especially after you gave the relationship everything you had. One day you begin to realize that you did not make any mistakes. This was not your fault and you do deserve better. You begin to notice more around you and see that there are better people out there who won’t hurt you, no matter how perfect you thought your ex was I am going through my second divorce. I married too young the first time for the wrong reasons( of course I didn't see this at the time ) We never really got along well.. we always argued. We had kids right away and I decided to stick with her for that reason. I even took her back for a second try after she cheated on me the first time. The second time ended it. It was tough going through that and I felt much of the pain outlined here, but new it was for the best and that I'd find some one better. Sure enough, 2 years later I found a woman who had also been cheated on and abused, and just wanted to have a real, loving relationship with a stable man she could trust. We both wanted the same things out of life, and enjoyed doing things together. We seemed perfect together, and got married. Life was great for the next 5 years or so, but evidently she started to feel different after that. This summer she wanted out of the marriage. She didn't leave for some one else per se, but just a few weeks after we split she replaced me. This one hurts so much worse than the first time. I absolutely love your original post, and it rings so true. My problem is... I've already done the " find the one you deserve " thing and it failed. I find it hard to believe that this time will be it.... Link to comment
Dr. Horrible Posted December 27, 2009 Share Posted December 27, 2009 Amazing thread and so many wonderful posts. Like what was said before, it's so nice knowing that there are other people going through the same thing. Sully, I'm so sorry that you now have to go through that pain again. I'm still at a point where I can't imagine being with someone and loving them more than I did my ex. I can't fathom what it would be like to find someone I connected with even more and then losing them too. Stay strong and I truly hope things get better for you, you deserve a great life. Link to comment
Foreverxo Posted December 27, 2009 Author Share Posted December 27, 2009 I absolutely love your original post, and it rings so true. My problem is... I've already done the " find the one you deserve " thing and it failed. I find it hard to believe that this time will be it.... I've followed some of your posts and understand how down and defeated your feeling. But think about it, you said you had a great five years with this woman. Would you want to trade those five years you had with her, if it meant you would not be hurting now? If she brought a smile to your face for that amount of time, then be happy you had her while you did. I think its miserable that she left but try and look at it positively and remember she was a great part of your life. If you dwell on the past and tell yourself she was tthe only thing you deserve, you will never heal. And right now you need to focus on healing. There is someone else who can make you happy too and it starts with yourself Link to comment
markie b Posted December 27, 2009 Share Posted December 27, 2009 I've followed some of your posts and understand how down and defeated your feeling. But think about it, you said you had a great five years with this woman. Would you want to trade those five years you had with her, if it meant you would not be hurting now? If she brought a smile to your face for that amount of time, then be happy you had her while you did. I think its miserable that she left but try and look at it positively and remember she was a great part of your life. If you dwell on the past and tell yourself she was tthe only thing you deserve, you will never heal. And right now you need to focus on healing. There is someone else who can make you happy too and it starts with yourself thumbs up i like this very well said!noone else can change you or make you feel better only you can do this. you just need to get that spark of life back again!if you dwell on stuff it only festers and makes you become cold and untrusting and hateful!STOP DWELLING start living its your life your only life why dwell on the bad stuff?does it make you feel better?no does it bring happiness to you?no does it comfort you?no does it make you attractive?no get back out there and force yourself to get back out there and have fun!!!(or be with people and mingle baby mingle lol) whats the worst that can happen they say no?oh well try it 50 times and someone usually one in 20 will say yes! Link to comment
Brokelyn Posted December 27, 2009 Share Posted December 27, 2009 Great post! I went through a lot of the same things after my ex left me for someone else and have come to the same realizations. Kudos to you for coming to them so quickly! I, too, thought being left for someone else was the worst of all crimes. I thought it was so unfair that while I was in the depths of despair, my ex was in the honeymoon stage, falling in love, having sex all the time with his new girl. But life is funny and a delicious thought dawned on me about a week ago as I started to fall for someone else and was giddy as a school girl. While my ex is now in the humdrum, sexless, irritating stages of his relationship, I will be enjoying the exciting beginning of mine (whether it works out or not), except I also would have had the time between relationships to heal, change, and grow. Just a thought that makes me maybe it will make some of you too. Link to comment
Foreverxo Posted December 27, 2009 Author Share Posted December 27, 2009 thumbs up i like this very well said!noone else can change you or make you feel better only you can do this. you just need to get that spark of life back again!if you dwell on stuff it only festers and makes you become cold and untrusting and hateful!STOP DWELLING start living its your life your only life why dwell on the bad stuff?does it make you feel better?no does it bring happiness to you?no does it comfort you?no does it make you attractive?no get back out there and force yourself to get back out there and have fun!!!(or be with people and mingle baby mingle lol) whats the worst that can happen they say no?oh well try it 50 times and someone usually one in 20 will say yes! Does it bring them back? NO.... thats what I had to keep remembering too Link to comment
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