To those who have been dumped for someone else

[Foreverxo]

Brokelyn I am very happy for you!

[Mustachio]

Thats exactly where I am right now. I "met" someone knew and things are going really great so far. Its a bit of an odd situation, so I wont get too into it right now, but needless to say, it feels great and I am extremely excited. And as you said, I did have the time inbetween to get my life in order, and I have made some really really good changes.

 

The icing on the cake. What I feel now is something I hadnt felt for my ex since the very very beginning of my relationship. And because of it all, I have moved to almost complete indifference about my ex right now.

[topsy8]

can someone tell me why these guys feel the need to be with someone else so quickly after a break up? What is it that makes them want to gamble a 2/3 yr relationship full of love to some girl? is it because its new and exciting? im just so curious to know what makes them go plunge into another relationship so quickly? when we are the ones having to pick up the pieces? But at the same time we are becoming stronger people because of what we have had to deal with

[Foreverxo]

can someone tell me why these guys feel the need to be with someone else so quickly after a break up? What is it that makes them want to gamble a 2/3 yr relationship full of love to some girl? is it because its new and exciting? im just so curious to know what makes them go plunge into another relationship so quickly? when we are the ones having to pick up the pieces? But at the same time we are becoming stronger people because of what we have had to deal with

 

 

I have often wondered this myself. I think its because they believe if this new and exciting romance doesn't work out, then we will still be here waiting for them.

[Foreverxo]

Thats exactly where I am right now. I "met" someone knew and things are going really great so far. Its a bit of an odd situation, so I wont get too into it right now, but needless to say, it feels great and I am extremely excited. And as you said, I did have the time inbetween to get my life in order, and I have made some really really good changes.

 

The icing on the cake. What I feel now is something I hadnt felt for my ex since the very very beginning of my relationship. And because of it all, I have moved to almost complete indifference about my ex right now.

 

Love the success stories. There's light at the end of the tunnel

[wingman]

All of that first post is spot on and how I am feeling about my situation. My ex left me for another guy a month ago.

 

I have actually been suprised how mentally strong I have been in the month since she broke it off, I have been constantly thinking these things through my mind:

 

* Her loss, not mine. because...

* I don't want to be with someone who doesnt have good integrity and honesty

* I don't want to be with someone who is afraid to hide their feelings and weasel out of a relationship saying that they 'lost the feeling', when there was another guy in her sights.

* I don't ever want to be with someone who would consider just jumping to another relationship like she has done when the one she was in was working so well.

* I don't want to be with someone who does not open up and tell me if they feel some problems with the relationship.

* I dont want her back because of the above. I deserve better. She is really unattractive to me now.

* Fortunately this happened now (1.5 years in), not 10 years down the track after we may had been married, kids perhaps.

* I have learnt a lot from the relationship, and this experience has taught me even more about the kind of girl I would like to have in any future relationship. The next will be bigger and better. I am so much wiser.

 

For anyone struggling, keep those thoughts in mind.

[edgy]

I think both of us had it happen to us at around the same time. It totally sucked (and still sucking) the life/passion of out me. And what you said was I would say 90% accurate with me and what I have gone through in the past 5 months. I still wake up in a cold sweat some mornings but the worst part is, memories of her (and us together) that wakes me up every morning since. Picking up the pieces alone is no fun. Thinking that she is happy with someone else is even harder to take. And I think the worst thing that I'm doing to myself is hoping for something to happen knowing it doesn't help with my healing process. It pains me to recall what this person meant to me for almost three years and what I meant to her then out of nowhere she decides to leave. Said she wanted to experience something different and she was getting over me. Well, something different was a guy who he says would do everything for her.

 

Looking back, I wasn't super awesome like I should have been, I guess that was my part of the blame. I honestly, have wished that we would have sat down and talked about everything that was wrong and when it was wrong. Instead of acting like everything was okay and her starting to see another guy while we were still together. I asked her about not saying anything and her reply was she didn't need to. Like, * * * ??

 

I've tried every attitude I can think of to adopt. The "I don't care, it's her loss" to "I love so I need to let her be happy" to "I hate her for what she did" to "We've hurt each other too much, it just wasn't meant to be". Nothing worked for me. So days I even feel used by her. How she could just drop "us" because she didn't needed "us" anymore.

 

Other than a couple of e-mails and MSN messages I have had no contact with her. I have not even seen her since 3 days before she broke it off. Yeah, she didn't even break it off in person. She did it on MSN and 3 days later she was out on the town with the new guy and her friends. Had the picture pop up on FB. One thing that really pissed me off were her friends. They knew about this and encouraged it. * * * !!!!!!????

 

So today, I lie here on my bed because I am just absolutely depressed about this. I feel aimless and don't really want to do anything at all. I can't seem to get my mind distracted enough. Even at work and when I'm concentrating. I realized being busy isn't enough distraction because even when we were fine, I was thinking about her a lot at work. I may sound like I was obsessed with her before but that couldn't be further from the truth.

I gave each other a lot of space, a little too much, I think that someone guy can just swoop in like that. Now without her, I do feel a little aimless. Who do I talk to after I get home from work? Honestly, no one took more interest in my life than she did. Not even my good friends. Most of whom don't live in the same town I do. Don't get me wrong, I still have friends here just not as close or good friends. There are days that I wish I had never known her, and today seems like one of them.

 

I really want to get over this but something or rather keeps holding me back. It could be me.

[texaslove]

When my bf broke up with me a month ago (tomorw) WOW. One month, uh. Anyways... He could barely look at me and said it was due to us "going in diff. directions". I just don't understand because he seemed amazingly happy with me and we had made plans for the immediate and long term future. He de-friended me and all of my friends and family for his facebook account. I feel as if he was hiding something, possibly some other girl?!! I have been cheated on in the past and I just don't think I even want to know if he did leave me for someone else.

 

I have accepted the break up but still have many unanswered questions. I will not ask those questions because I am too afraid of the answers. I am trying to move on and hope in 6 months when I start Grad school that he will just be a tiny memory hidden in my brain.

[Carus]

The original post is an old one, but was a pleasure to read...Thankyou*

 

And yes it is slowly gettin better

 

K2*

[uncomfynumb]

Some may say that the partner may have mentally prepared themselves for a while before getting the courage to dump you, which makes it easier for them to move on and experience new love. But then you wonder why they didn’t respect you enough to share their honest feelings. Why would they lie to you and tell you that they loved you when they had someone else in mind?[/quote]

 

Lavenderdove mentioned a book called "Uncoupling" that explains a lot of this. Usually the partner has mentally prepared for this and have emotionally left the relationship before the breakup.

 

As for the bolded part, this has been my biggest struggle since the breakup, my ex not sharing those feelings, giving me or us a chance to work on them. Ironically, his ex wife did the same thing to him and he talked often about how that made him feel, how if she would have only communicated...

 

I also think certain people have more consideration for other people in general and those might be apt to handle situations more compassionately than others, with empathy and understanding. I know I'm that type, have never just checked out of a relationship without discussing the problems and opportunities for change.

 

I'm going to get and read the book on of the good ole days...

[gradstudent88]

Foreverxo: I know this post is from quite some time ago, but I am actually going through the exact same thing right now and would love to talk with you about it. Let me know if you are interested and have the time.

[beautifulangel]

Ver well said.... I second your views on breaking up and the feelings post break up. It's five months strict NC for me. My ex Gf left me for another man,

and guess still seeeing him. I am getting better with every passing day. Though I still think of her and remember her but i know, it's best for me to move on

without looking back or hoping for some miracle to happen. Whether I want her back or not, i am not too sure. I may or I may not. Today i think I can live without her... I do wish her well, may she find her peace and happiness with her new man. May he give everything that she was missing with being in relationship with me. May they both have a good life, AMEN!!!

[Destiny2112]

Very, very well said! Unfortunately, I'm experiencing everything you said, right now and you really describe my feelings so well...being left for someone else is the worst kind of break up in my eyes...it HURTS extremely much and as you say, it makes you doubt everything, yourself, your relationship, your ex's love...

[beautifulangel]

How true... my ex was a divorcee, was having a fling with a guy who she told me wasn't serious at all, she has a son and I ws helping her with his custody case. Had agreed with my ex that we won't get married as she didn't want to, I was ready to live like that and was also ready to not demand a child from her just to be with her for loves sake, yet she left me for another man... such is life bro...

[ChocoRockGrrl]

That post summed up everything I'm feeling right now. The "Why?" questions are swirling in my head, but the bottom line is that he was only willing to keep seeing me if I recognized that the other woman would be #1. No holidays, no birthdays (unless she was not around), no Valentine's Day. Only the day before or after. This hurts so much that sometimes I don't know if I can survive it. I know I will. One day it won't so much. I know that. But right now, I feel like I got my heart carved up and thrown in my face. He had the nerve to say that he loves me, but she is more important to him. I don't even know exactly when they met during our five years. All I know is that over the past several months, I became "recreation" and she became "the one". I often wonder if people who do this realize the profound effect on the psyche of the receiver. Do they know that after they do it even sunny days seem gray? Do they know that all of your daily experiences are colored with a shade of gray? Even occasional laughter is tinged with a hint of sadness. I know I won't feel this horrible forever, but right now if feels like I've been sentenced to dumpee hell.

[sunnyv]

This thread is amazing. Thank you for bumping it.

[DaveTrump]

What a great post. Thanks. It pretty much sums up my 2 year healing journey. I'm happy to say I'm ready to meet someone at last too.

 

It is a kick in the nuts, when they cheat on you and just hop into another relationship after 5 yrs. You kinda cant get your head round it but I know now what type of person she really is for doing it. That's what is truly incredible, being with someone for 5 yrs and not really knowing what's going on inside them.

 

I deserve a cracker next time, honest, down to earth, no hidden agendas. that's why i refused to rebound coz i'd rather save for the right time and it's now!

[prada]

Great post. Most of us i am sure has been tru this. My ex left me after 4 years for someone else as well. Its been more than 2 years i believe, and it took just about that to get over him. Life goes on and in the end you feel like yourself again. So now, where are the single guys! I cant find any! lol

[DaveTrump]

Great post. Most of us i am sure has been tru this. My ex left me after 4 years for someone else as well. Its been more than 2 years i believe, and it took just about that to get over him. Life goes on and in the end you feel like yourself again. So now, where are the single guys! I cant find any! lol

 

Hi, I'm healed and single

[eagleone]

This piece puts everything in perspective. I love reading this because its so true.

I am going on my 4 month nc from my ex fiance. She left me October 2010 in a mess of bills and a new home.

Thats why I am here.

[eagleone]

This piece puts everything in perspective. I love reading this because its so true.

I am going on my 4 month nc from my ex fiance. She left me October 2010 in a mess of bills and a new home.

Thats why I am here.

[PatriotCPM]

Definitely feels good to see that I'm not the only one going through this (not that it feels good to hear of others in pain...but you get the idea!)

 

I too believe this is probably the worst possible way to be on the recieving end of a relationship. And it's EVEN worse when it blindsides you and worse still when they lie to your face about it.

 

My ex (1 year relationship, 3+ years of friendship before that) dumped me 6 weeks ago. Dropped it on me as soon as we got back from seperately visiting family over the holidays, and I was completely shocked. Claimed she "didn't feel the same about me anymore" and that "something intangible was missing" and that she "doesn't have the butterflies" and "it's not me, it's her", and "you deserve better" and and all the other cliche crap you can think of, she said it. I asked her point blank if someone else was in ANY way involved, and she denied it multiple times. Two days later I asked her roommate and she immediately told me that there was and had been something going on with this other dude for at least a month before. I had suspected there was something more sinister in her intentions with this guy than she was letting on, but both times I confronted her about him she flatly denied it and told me they were just friends. I took her word for it. Everything else in our relationship was going well, or so I thought.

 

Being only 6 weeks in, it's still pretty fresh and i'm still pretty damn hurt over it. I've gone through all the emotions and feelings and thoughts the OP talked about. The denial, the guilt, the anger, and it's been in cycles. I'll be fine for a few hours, then I'll see something that reminds me of her and get all upset again, then convince myself that it isn't worth it and be fine again. The amount of time between these "sad" moments is slowly getting larger.

 

 

I've been totally NC for the entire time now. No texts, e-mails, calls. She hasn't made any attempt to contact me, and in fact the several times I've run into her at the gym and by work, she has literally turned tail and "fled" (or at least hurried in the other direction). Not exactly sure why she would do this...

 

The problem now for me is that we both (and this new guy) live on a small military base in a small border town, and I have to see them/stuff that directly reminds me of her all the time, like her car. Add to that a ton of mutual friends, and it's making the whole healing process much, much harder, and frankly I don't really know what to do about it.

 

 

I know deep down that she probably wasn't right for me, especially after knowing she lied right to my face and strung me along for a month thinking nothing was wrong. I still can't understand how someone could do this to someone they at one point loved and still look at themselves in the mirror. Even knowing that she didn't even respect me enough to tell me the truth, that our relationship meant that little to her that she would throw it in the garbage for some other guy, it still hurts real bad. I'm just now getting out of the stage where I'm constantly wondering if she's thinking about me, or if she even cares in the slightest, if the relationship ever meant anything to her, or wondering what she's up to. Maybe that will never fully go away, I don't know. I hope.

 

 

For anyone else in this same situation, try reading some of SuperDave71's threads. His posts have been really helping to put things into perspective for me. They're definitely helping. Nothing can really make this whole process go any quicker, but I think it's certainly possible to prevent it from dragging on.

 

But right now I'm focusing on ME. Bettering myself...and not for her or anyone else. It's definitely been good to reconnect with friends that I didn't spend as much time with when I was in the relationship as well.

 

I'm by no means in a state yet to be able to start opening up or even think about a relationship with someone else, but i've been heading to the bigger cities to have some fun with buds and casually hook up and that's been ok. We'll see how this whole thing pans out. Hopefully in a couple months I'll be on here professing my complete freedom and that I've fully moved on.

 

 

BUT ANYWAYS. If anyone wants to talk about their situation, or share ideas, or anything else for that matter, feel free to PM me. I think working together is a better way to get through this, as well as any tough time, rather than going it alone.

[eagleone]

Hey patriot, I do understand what the heck your going threw. Let me explain briefly what happened to me. i met my ex 3 yrs ago and thought she was the one . I spent lots of money on her because she had nothing, fell and got sucked into her pathetic world. I thought she was the one. Engaged her in central park , sold my previous house , bought a larger one, paid for her cosmetic surgery and guess what she decides to leave me in oct 2010 high and dry for another guy she met at work. If I told you the whole story you would be sick. this is a very small part. She had three grown kids two which lived with her and the other was taken from her in court from her divorce. She had nothing, rented all her life and loved to drink and have fun. No responsibility no respect.

acted like a complete fake to me and my family. She hated my daughter because we had such a close relationship and she ruined that. These people that do this stuff are sick individuals . well anyway that is my rant and 3 yrs of lies.

Like i said it would take me three pages to tell my story. Very sad.

[CCarmicheal]

Mine was pretty sudden. We were very close and only seemed to be getting closer, until one afternoon, she started being off with me and it all went down hill from there. Although during the morning every thing seemed normal.

Anyways, after talking the following couple of days, she ended it but gave me no proper reason, just that she was unhappy (she didnt seem it and i wish she spoke to me about it) and the fact we were getting into a routine that needed something new. ie.doing more things together, going places. Although i had planned to go on holiday with her and my family, even though our relationship was only around 4 months, but it felt right and she wanted to.

 

After 2/3 weeks she was in a new relationship with a guy i think she must have been talking to during our breakup. It was one of the most heartbreaking things ive experienced. I still love her and would take her back, as long as she fought for it. Like most people her i thought she was perfect and the one for me, but sometimes i still believe that, not because I'm being needy or lonely, but because we actually were perfect together, we both thought that, as did her friends, etc.

 

Ive been in no contact with her for just over a month now. Theres been no texts, emails or IM's. However i did see her in town on her own one afternoon, and by the looks of it she tried to avoid me but turning around and walking in the opposite direction only to do so again after i had gone.

I do think of her a lot to be honest, asking myself why she did it, why she isnt speaking, what were her true reasons, does she still care or think of me. But now any thought of her i try to push out of my mind.

 

Sorry this is gone on lol,typing stuff can help sometimes..

 

PS. Kalgan, i saw your name on here and was wondering if i can ask you something.

[nsomnia912]

My energy and love go out to all who are going through the heartache.... I too am going through it all..confused about all that's happened...one minuite we are good...then she just disappears no talk no nothing....I broke up with her after 2 weeks of trying t save the relationship....2 weeks after that she's with someone new...3 years we were together.... Now ahe just hates me...because I called her out on it all...i got a little vicious with the verbal against her..

 

its hard because I gave all i could to her, got nothing in return... There are days I'm just so heartbroken still thinking about her with this new guy...laughing having a good time...the sex.. she never opened up to me and never allowed herself to be emotionally comitted to us....buy now just like that she can do it for someone else? And so fast like there is nothing to get over and it didnt mean anything special.

 

I feel like its my fault...that i was that bad, I pushed her away... I'm blaming myself but I know..knew it was over and regardless she was going to be with him...and if I didn't leave then she would have ended it when she longer felt anything for me...and i would just be more devastated.