MyheartorHis Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Soooo I have been casually dating this guy (whom I have known for 6 years) for about 3 or 4 weeks- give or take. We have tons of history as just friends, I used to stay at his parents lake house with him, friends, and his family all the time. I mean, his mom even threw me my 18th birthday party years ago. But we started flirting a lot, and now it's turned into kissing, cuddling, and dates. I have spent the night with him three times so far and have spent a lot of time with him- alone and with friends. He hasn't tried ANYTHING. Not that I am complaining, I want to take this really slow. But most guys would have already tried. His kisses are soft and sweet. He always opens the door for me, never let's me pay for anything. He's a real gentleman- always has been. He OBVIOUSLY likes me, there's no doubt about that. But when guys don't "try" anything- I always assume that there is hesitation that he is feeling. I never mess around too soon, but I'm never shocked when they try... it's just always what has happened. So is he just being genuinely sweet and respectful or could it be something else? I am not too worried about it, but I just can't help but wonder. I guess I am looking for some guys input here. If you had known a girl for 6 years, used to be real good friends with her, and then now is starting something more than friends- think of it that way. I am sure I am just comparing him to jerks, but a guys opinion in this couldn't hurt anything. Link to comment
roctown Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 If he knows you for 6 years, he might know that you like to take things slow. You might have mentioned it at some point? Link to comment
MyheartorHis Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 If he knows you for 6 years, he might know that you like to take things slow. You might have mentioned it at some point? Nope, not really. We never really talked about us and I never talked to him about dating anyone before. The only thing I can think of is that it's different than when you first meet someone. Like he already cares about me a lot because we have known each other and it's not like some random girl that he doesn't care about and doesn't really respect yet. But then again... what if he just isn't sure about this whole thing BECAUSE we do have such a long history of being friends and doesn't want to ruin it. Link to comment
laisla Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 yes, it seems like he is a gentleman. enjoy it. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Sounds like he is treating you respectfully, which is a plus! Also, the way I would look at is, a real gentleman wouldn't try anything after only 3 or 4 weeks, anyway. Just my opinion... Link to comment
Alezia Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 The way I see it is, he knows he can't exactly purposely screw up to "get some" without ruining your friendship. He's probably into you so he doesn't care much about beating a clock.... Link to comment
InBruges Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Six years is an enormous investment in a person. He probably just likes you so much that he doesn't dare want to chance ruining anything. I think it would be like finding a priceless treasure and wanting to cradle it with both arms and walk slowly all the way home just for fear of causing it any harm. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 i agree, sounds like he really likes you and just wants to take things slowly. that is good! Link to comment
ellandroader Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 I like to think of myself as a gentleman in this sense and I would do what he is doing. In truth, he doesn't want to mess it up or give you the wrong idea that he is in it for the wrong reasons! Enjoy it, when the time is right, things will happen. Link to comment
servedcold Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 It's really tough sometimes to initiate a sexual relationship with someone you have known and cared about for years in the same way you might start up with a stranger, especially when there are family or community ties, as it's impossible to put that cat back in the bag once it happens, and there is real risk of damaging the relationship. He may be carefully thinking of the next step, good for both of you if that's the case. He could also be looking for some hints from you. Link to comment
Dragunov-21 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 I got close to a friend I'd known for about 5-6 years a few months back, and because I didn't want her to think that my agenda was messing around/sex (it wasn't), I waited for signals from her before I did anything. It was just because I respected her, and didn't want her to think I just "had my eyes on the prize", and didn't want to hurt her. It was te right aproach (in this instance at least), we split cuz she moved for uni - yet another reason, I didn't want to be racing against the clock. Link to comment
KG Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 He's giving you respect...congratulate him for that. Instead of all the jerks who just want quick sex. Link to comment
MyheartorHis Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 It's really tough sometimes to initiate a sexual relationship with someone you have known and cared about for years in the same way you might start up with a stranger, especially when there are family or community ties, as it's impossible to put that cat back in the bag once it happens, and there is real risk of damaging the relationship. He may be carefully thinking of the next step, good for both of you if that's the case. He could also be looking for some hints from you. Yes, it is. But just like last night- I spent the night with him. We are always touching somehow, we kiss often, and I slept in my undies and his shirt. So I am just kind of shocked that he hasn't tried anything. I LOVE it that he hasn't... but I'm glad that I did post up asking what you guys thought. And everyone- Thank you so much for all your input! It makes me feel a lot better like he IS just being a gentleman and has a lot of respect for me. Which REALLY makes me happy!!!! Link to comment
servedcold Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Well, there could be other issues, thing is, we are not privy to the actual situations. Because things are so new romantically between you two, maybe give it significant more time before thinking about it further. You -could- try making the first move ya know OR when turning in the next time, ask kind of teasingly "Do you find me sexually attractive?" Should get a swift response if he is the average red-blooded man. Link to comment
Dragunov-21 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 "Do you find me sexually attractive?" Doesn't that sound a bit sterile? Mebbe it's just me though... TBH, I'd just enjoy it til you want something more, then I'm sure you can think of a way to erm, to semi-steal off servedcold, get his blood pumping lol... Link to comment
MyheartorHis Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 Well, there could be other issues, thing is, we are not privy to the actual situations. Because things are so new romantically between you two, maybe give it significant more time before thinking about it further. You -could- try making the first move ya know OR when turning in the next time, ask kind of teasingly "Do you find me sexually attractive?" Should get a swift response if he is the average red-blooded man. Hahahaha I could never say that. Plus, I am NOT trying to move it any faster. I am just wondering what might be REALLY going on. Haha Doesn't that sound a bit sterile? Mebbe it's just me though... TBH, I'd just enjoy it til you want something more, then I'm sure you can think of a way to erm, to semi-steal off servedcold, get his blood pumping lol... I am definitely going to just enjoy it for now. When it's time to take it to the next level, I am sure it'll happen so I am not worried about that. I guess I was worried he had his doubts about it all. Link to comment
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