THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[piruru]

Day 6

 

NC is hard to do when you live together, but I've done the best I can. I've taken up the spare bedroom and avoided him at all costs. He, too, has been avoiding me, but he still leaves the light on when I come home late. Weird. And he still uses the things I gave him, eats things that I've bought and uses my computer. He hasn't made any moves to move out.

 

Today I feel really weak. Foolishly, I feel myself wanting to reach out again. But then I think of all the nasty things he said to me and it gives me the strength to carry on. I can't give in to a man who says such hurtful things to me. I want to work things out, but this time I'm only going to give in if comes back on his hands and knees and shows remorse for what he has done. Even if we get back together, i will never forget his words. I have been way too forgiving thus far, to the point where i am ashamed at how much i let him walk all over me. I deserve much better than the treatment he gave me and if he doesn't shape up then he really has no right to have anything to do with me and my baby anymore. I don't want to but can manage fine without him. And with the psychological issues he has, maybe it is better without. I prove to myself how much stronger I've become everyday.

[JLKLEE]

day 15

 

A friend died last night and it just makes it seem like a stupid break-up is not even worth thinking about. You should always appreciate the things God gives you because you never know when they can be taken away...in an instant. I don't want to waste my time on someone who doesn't appreciate me.

[Guitarguy_82]

Not sure what day it is...its somewhere close to 2 months. For some reason today I feel like reaching out more than ever. I heard a Sublime song on the radio and thought of her...back before we even met...just getting high all the time. Seems so stupid but that's what I was thinking of. I miss her....but I won't give her the satisfaction of knowing that.

 

Some of my friends say to follow my heart, some say I need to leave it alone. I'm confused...but I know I need to heal and move on regardless. Maybe I can open the door one day and be open to the idea of contact...but that is not going to happen today.

[lovebre]

Day 10

Pretty content considering Fridays and Saturdays are usually the hardest since these are the days we would always be together. Guess it's true what they say, every day gets a little easier. I wonder what next weekend will be like. After reading a few posts since joining ENA, I've realized that my ex carries some traits of a narcissist & a serial monogamist. Which makes me feel a little better because I'm realizing that I'm not the one with the problem, it's him. Good luck with finding true happiness....

[chrisbuilder]

22 days and not a single sign of life from my ex. In a way, that's good, but on the other hand it would be nice if she showed that she actually gives a damn. Who knows.

[WNP2]

Day 5, thinking of you less and less, and remembering more and more of the shi**y things you've done to me...

[Fraggle]

It been a month since I saw you when I dropped your stuff of and bar 3 emails re the property no nc. I'm really proud of myself for being able to do this. I must continue to hope it gets better and you become a distant memory for although I miss you now and wish you were here being a distant memory is all you deserve after e way you treated me

[HoliPoli]

It's been a long time since I've been here. I admit, I didn't want to come back because I had some pretty extreme differences of opinion of some of the other posters. I've had a change of heart and now I see things differently. I want to share my story.

 

I was one of the ones using NC as a way to get back with my ex. It worked somewhat, but DO NOT let that encourage you. I wish I never would have gotten back in contact with him because it only allowed him to hurt me more. More abuse, more cruelty, more nasty behavior.

 

I'm in a place right now that is worse than when we first broke up back in late October. Nothing could have prepared me for this, but I can say that HAD I LISTENED and grieved then moved on then I'd be over the worst of it now instead of reliving it.

 

A lesson for those of you trying to legitimately heal and move on. DO NOT check up on them. Delete or block any social media page that will lead you to seek them out. The pain of seeing them with someone else is not worth putting yourself through. Trust me that it tears you apart from the inside out. Be better than that.

 

I put 6 months of every ounce of energy I had to improve myself so we could be together. I tried to be his version of perfect and it made me crack. I am to blame for my own hurt right now as he's with someone else not thinking of me at all. I can't wait for the day that passes when I do not once think of him or the hurt he caused.

 

Officially 14 days no contact. Forever to go.

[lovebre]

Day 11

I feel content. Not really having any difficulty this weekend, considering it's usually the hardest to get through after the break up. I've been missing him less and less. There have been no tears for a few days, let's see if I can make it through next week

[flatplane]

Managed to get through work without speaking with them. Only saw them twice, and just gave a polite smile. Now I'm away for two weeks maybe a little more, so can rack up those days!

 

NC day 8

NIC day 8

[chrisbuilder]

Day 23 Wish the dreams would stop.

[markie6]

4 weeks NC , no social media , no staring to see if she comes online, no contacting mutual friends. I have vanished.

 

It gets easier to not contact, just wish I could have done it sooner

[Rose Melody]

Day 11... I had a crazy weekend, but still thinking (and thought) of you... I can live without you but do I want to? That is the question.

 

A little bit more than two weeks of no contact for us to go... Then we'll see eachother and have a talk as we agreed. I'm so terrified of that moment and prepared to hear the worst.

[lonelyheart2]

Ok so..I did something stupid on friday....I saw you at uni but we were at a distance and you were walking with your friend and I STUPIDLY!!! Complete impulsive I didn't even think before I did it, I shouted out your name and waved to you WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY did I do that? Why couldn't I have just seen you but not said anything?! It was one of those moments were I just wanted the ground to eat me up and to disappear but I had to then act all normal and walk happily on! You waved back but you probably thought I was a complete lunatic!

 

SO irritating, then when I was walking back to the station as i was crossing the road I checked left right and as I checked I suddenly saw out of the corner of my eye that you were about 25 metres away walking with a friend behind me? You didn't say hi though....I feel kind of hurt, I mean am I the crazy ex? I don't understand how you could have completely ignored the fact I was there? It shouldn't bother me but it does....anyway I can't bear to go back to day one of nc so....

 

DAY 13

[MichaelD]

Day 6!

 

This is my first post, but have been in strict NC since monday when i broke down and texted. BU was a week ago friday. The hardest has been to not check facebook - she isn't even on it, but i am dying for just a crumb of information from her friends or co-workers. Information i don't even want to know about - i need time before i could handle any bad news. Sad.

 

After a long weekend - it was so beautiful out, all i could think of was all of the fun things we had planned for these first days of summer weather - i am in a better place. I am starting to see some faults in her - for the past week she has remained utterly perfect. I hold my share of the responsiblity for the BU, but it was her doing - I love you but am not in love...

 

I am actually starting to see some of my own actions in previous breakups where i was the dumper and see how they must have felt.... a cold honest look at my own faults and tendencies might make me thank her for this. ...someday...

[lovebre]

Day 12

Still pretty content with everything right now. Not too much to say since I stayed in most of the day. No tears, no urges, & no sign of my ex any where. Today was good.

[einsteins_girl]

Today is Day 67 of NC, and I'm having the strongest urge so far to contact him. It is taking all of my willpower to resist. So frustrating. But I can't give up after 67 days, right?

[secondchance67]

78 days today of complete and total NC, from either side, hers or mine.

 

It is over, there is no doubt in my mind she will NEVER break NC, for any reason, and I am trying to move on with my life.....

 

I stopped counting long ago, but I keep seeing this thread, and wondered what was going on....I actually had to find a calendar to count the days off...that, in itself, is a small victory that I am proud of.

 

And I will NEVER break NC, for any reason, no matter what...she made her choice, and it was a life without me in it, so I will not be in it, in any way, shape or form.

 

I am glad I took the time to scan the responses; so many of us are struggling, yet so many of us are "NC Warriors" too....

 

NC is not a hard and fast rule; it wont apply to every breakup.

It is not a religion, or a pledge, a contract or mandatory action.

 

It's a choice.

 

It's that simple.

 

It's a choice.

[chrisbuilder]

Day 24 Pretty sure she blocked me on Skype, or otherwise she must have dropped off the face of the earth six days ago. Wonder why she did it. I wanted to keep things normal, so no games like blocking on FB and Skype, but at the same time I knew better than to contact her. So, I guess she decided it was better to block me off completely. Very nice. What on earth have I done to deserve such behaviour?

So, day 24, let's get going.

[Rose Melody]

Day 12... I was at a job interview today and I couldn't call you to tell you everything, like I used to... I miss your support and advices. I miss you...

 

Yeah... And I'm listening sad songs and crying, of course.

[MichaelD]

Day 7. I've gone from being glad she's gone last night to desperately wanted her to call today. She's all I can think about, everything else has had the volume turned down. I am falling into all the usual symptoms - assuming she's just confused, she'll realize she's made a mistake, that it'll eventually be me that will get to have the power to turn her down if I want. Whereas the likely reality is that she's thinking clearly, won't change her mind (at least for months or years), and that it will remain her that will have the control over our reconciliation, and all I can do is do nothing, and move on. I'm worried I'll start to trick myself into calling her- thinking since I initiated the NC, she could at home dying to call, but thinking I'm mad or that I don't want to hear from her...

[flatplane]

NC day 9

NIC day 9

 

Nearly 10 days!

 

She popped up on my FB news feed today, but I did my best to ignore it.

[chrisbuilder]

Today is Day 67 of NC, and I'm having the strongest urge so far to contact him. It is taking all of my willpower to resist. So frustrating. But I can't give up after 67 days, right?

 

Wow, 67 days, good for you! Seems like an eternity...It doesn't really get any easier the first two three months, does it? I remember from my last break up I only really started feeling better after five, six months or so. Which means I've got another four or five months to go, hey ho! Anyway, keep it up.

 

I for me are dreading today next month, when I'll have to break NC to wish her for her birthday; she did so for me last month, and I'm not going to give her the pleasure of thinking I'm a jerk, so...but not going to count that as breaking NC though. There should be a rule about normal courteousy! Already decided I'm going for a nondescript run of the mill message on her FB wall, for everyone to see, so no personal message or phonecall for her.

[chrisbuilder]

This is exactly how I also feel!!! The f*cked up part is that it's only empowering up to a certain point, isn't it? I mean, it's much their choice as it is ours, and if we are the dumped party, it's not even a choice, it was forced upon us. Yes, it can be our conscious decision to tell them to shove it and never to be in contact with them again. Yes, that is a victory, kind of, but it's the only one that's left to us...to me feels like a very hollow victory. But it clearly is the only choice we have got, and it's the only right one for us to be able to continue living. So, let's celebrate it as our personal victory! So 78 days, keep on going!

[MichaelD]

Ex just texted me after 7 days NC. (only 9 days since BU) not sure what to say...

 

She texted just to say she hasn't dropped off the face of the planet, she's just taking time to figure out her brain alone right now. She knows I want to talk and she does too at some point.

 

She knows I want to talk since the last communication I had with her a week ago was asking to talk. She said she needed space and time away and I haven't contacted her since.

 

It was an amicable BU, I love you but not in love sort. I wrote extensively on it in an earlier post. I'm thinking of just saying: "take all the time you need, . * Some space and time is a good thing here."

 

Thoughts? She needed space, and that's a lot of why she ended it. I've resisted breaks in the recent past. She likes it when im strong and not needy. I think it's really important for me to stay firm here but kind. She's been very good to me during this.