THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[lovebre]

Lovebre, do yourself a favour and just stop viewing their profiles. I wouldn't say block them as this makes you appear childish (I know many will disagree with this), just be very disciplined about it.

 

I know, I have been doing that since my last post and I've been feeling good about it so far. Although I had a few urges to check them today, lol I didn't though.

[Loungelurker]

I posted this morning.. listing this as day 0. I want to stand corrected. After sending that email this morning I feel that I will have no further need to count. I feel liberated. I don't want anything further to do with him. I was in love with someone that does not exsist. He showed me his true colors through this break up. I finally felt anger last night and today.. and I am now accepting it. Its done. I think that covers all the stages of grief right? lol

[lovebre]

Day 2

Yesterday afternoon was pretty good, surprisingly! Spent time with some friends after days of sulking in my dorm room and I felt 10x better. Ran into my ex as well, he waved and kept on about his business, I admit I was a little upset when he passed by didn't speak, but shortly after he texted me Saying what's up, how I'd been and that he missed my family and wanted to come and visit! he also gave me an update on how his life was going, never mentioned his new girlfriend though, I don't think he knows I found out about her. All of that in about 3 texts back to back. I hate him right now for getting my hopes up, and as bad as I wanted to, I didn't text back. I engulfed myself in my work and my conversations with my friends and acted as if I didn't even hear my phone ring.

 

Today is pretty good so far. I ran into his new girlfriend today My first time ever seeing her in person. I felt SICK TO MY STOMACH when I looked at her. I don't know the girl personally so I won't say anything mean and evil, as bad as I want to lol. But that's about it for today!

[potty46]

I posted this morning.. listing this as day 0. I want to stand corrected. After sending that email this morning I feel that I will have no further need to count. I feel liberated. I don't want anything further to do with him. I was in love with someone that does not exsist. He showed me his true colors through this break up. I finally felt anger last night and today.. and I am now accepting it. Its done. I think that covers all the stages of grief right? lol

 

I hope that is a turning point for you! Anger is an amazing thing, it did set it in stone for me three, almost four, weeks ago. I made so much progress in terms of GETTING ON with life... But i was set back by doing something I don't necessarily regret, because I truly felt I had to have a face to face convo... But it has set me so far back it's like my break up was today not two months ago!

 

Day six. Meh. Just a meh day. I refrained from contacting you, from scratching my itch and I'm okay. I've started reading "The Happiness Trap," my brothers ex wife recommended it. So far it makes a lot of sense. The solutions are the problems. Every solution I've thought of has only made me feel worse. I'm not going to stop thinking them, eventually I'll get to the chapter to UNDERSTAND how to process them effectively. For now, I'm time travelling back to my counselling sessions. What are MY problems? Am I taking on OTHER PEOPLES issues? Only *I* can control my feelings, and it's not a matter of control of feelings or thoughts, it is a matter of how I act or.. React.

 

Tomorrow is a new day.

[frkalex]

I accept the challenge! It's been 2,5 months since the initial breakup and 1,5 months since he said that he really no longer wanted to be together. I want to heal now and not keep contacting him!

 

Day 1

I have constant urges to contact him and yell at him for leading me on and not fighting for us. It's really hard and I feel like crying all the time. But tomorrow is a new day and tonight I'm going to a concert with friends.

Please, please let me get better, universe!

[JLKLEE]

Day 8

 

It gets easier to not want to call him. I still miss him a lot though. I guess, just like everyone else, I feel like our story "isn't over". I try not to have hope, but I can't help but feel like me completely cutting myself off from him will give him the opportunity to see what life is without me. Even in our relationship, I was ALWAYS there for him.

 

I've also read some where people say that some people don't "fall out of them", they just run away from the problem rather than deal with it. I can't help but feel like he did this. The attraction and feelings were definitely still there. He wasn't pulling away from me. We had just spent a great holiday with his parents. But we were arguing about things going on in his life and I think he just ran away so he wouldn't have to deal with it.

 

It does kind of make me feel crappy though, thinking I'm not good enough and all these other girls are.

[markie6]

Day 19 , cannot say it isn't a struggle on a day to day basis because it is. I know some people say you shouldn't count the days, but I will until 30 and it might help some others struggling along on single digits if they see others doing better

[HALE85]

DAY 9 NC, nearly into double figures

[and123]

Day 5. Its been 1,5 months now since breakup.. And I feel like I want this relatsionship to work again. I want to tell her that I know how and I see what i have done. I just couldnt find time for her just to be me and her. I know I had to look not only from my point of view but from hers too. Stupid as I was now I have to pay a high price.

But I want to know what she feels. Is she still loving me. I want to make her think logically again.

[lovebre]

Day 3

I haven't cried since Wednesday. I'm getting back into my old eating habits, and the pain in my chest is no longer. I prayed for God to give me strength to get through this and I'm finally beginning to see the results. For the first time this week I didn't dread exiting my dorm in fear of running into my ex or his girlfriend.

 

We spoke yesterday in person; he came up to me in the library. He initiated it, so I don't think that it counts against me. I was sitting with a group of our mutual friends and he'd joined in on our conversation. I was cordial when he spoke to me, and so was he, and when he left he hugged me Still no mention of his new girlfriend while we were all talking, unless he told them and they all think that I don't know. Earlier that day I'd seen him and almost tripped over myself from staring so hard; he looks GREAT with his new haircut. I even forgot where I going for a second Lol yes it was that bad.

 

Yesterday was a good day overall.

[lovebre]

The change in my mood just in the past two days has been DRASTIC. I realize how going on their pages and being nosy was setting me back from healing properly. The urge is still there, but it's not as frequent as it was when I first started NC. Honestly, I think that if I'd done this when he first broke up with me in February, I'd be over it by now.

[flatplane]

Right, just had that closure conversation with the ex, we talked openly for the first time in 7 weeks since we split. Was just like old times, yes she cried and bit and we hugged. I'm drawing a line under it and starting to move on with my life. The closure chat has really helped me, and I'm on such a high right now!

 

NC day 0

NIC day 0

[and123]

NC day 6

I still see her in my dreams. Woke up today with a bad mood. I was actually so close yesterday to send her a textmessage to tell her how much I miss her. I read this thread yesterday and it says that i shouldn't doing NC at all..

So now Im confused.. Was it all for nothing then?

[frkalex]

Day 2

I went to a concert yesterday, where several guys hit on me and one was coming on VERY strong. I felt so bad, because it was like I was cheating on my ex. I can't help but compare any new guys to my ex and they always fall short (at least right now).

I miss him so much right now. His arms around me, when we woke up, his eyes, his smile, his concern, his sense of humor, his intelligence, his body, our dreams together. I can't shake the feeling that he is the One for me, even though everyone around me is saying the opposite!

[chrisbuilder]

Day 15 of NC

 

Ok, this is my first post on the forum as a member. I came accross it through google, and it has helped reading other people's posts, but I feel I'd like to put in my two cents.

 

I'm 31 years old, and have had five relationships in my life. Last summer I met this girl at my orchestra. She had a contract for a couple of months, and we really hit it off big time. She had gone through a break up not long before, so after her contract ended, I told her that I'd only come to Germany to see her if she was hundred percent sure that she was ready to be seeing somebody else. A couple of days later she called me and asked me to come over. I was over the moon, and we saw each other most of the summer up until October. It was the best time of my life. It just felt amazing, we spent whole days together, just doing nothing, talking, listening to music, making love for hours on end, going on picknicks, watching movies, cooking for each other, going out, and it felt right. We were both completely relaxed and one with the moment. Then work started again. My colleague was on paternity leave so I had to do double shifts, and she had to work a lot as well, plus she had a three week tour. So we didn't have time to visit each other as I'm in Spain.

 

That's when trouble started. I couldn't stop thinking about her, and I couldn't give her space. I needed to call her at least once a day, and when I didn't hear from her for a day or two I totally freaked out. Her feelings started to go down-hill. I didn't realize that my clingyness was making her feel uneasy, not till it was too late. The underlying problem was that I had found out that she still had a lot of contact with her ex, and her personal space was still filled with his stuff: photos, letters, pictures of him and her on facebook. I confronted her with that, and she countered that although they had broken up, they had been together for five years and she felt it would be unkind to untag those pictures on FB, and that I shouldn't be so insecure. But it stayed on my mind, and on two occasions when she was growing distant and seemed somewhere else when we were on skype I asked her very gently if there was someone else, and if I should be worried. Big mistake. I realize now that I should have backed off and give her space, and let her come to me instead of being so intrusive.

 

Boy, I didn't have a clue. Making things even worse, as I was so sure that she was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my days with, when making love last December, in a moment of passion I whispered to her that I knew more than anything else in the world that I wanted to marry her...

 

A couple of weeks later she broke up with me. I was suffocating her, didn't give her space, and she felt I needed something that she couldn't give me at this moment. She couldn't commit to me for 100 percent.

 

Now I realize that I went way to fast, and didn't give her time and space to fall in love slowly!

 

We had to work together in my orchestra for two weeks after the break up, and we went out on dates, had a really nice time, hugged, it was hard for her too, but she just refused to let me come close again.

 

We've been in NC now for 15 days, and it's just very hard, because it's just so wrong. I understand perfectly well what went wrong, and that anyone would have felt overwhelmed. I wish I could go back half a year and do everything differently, but I can't.

 

But I just can't shake the feeling that I was ment to be with this girl! None of my former girlfriends even comes close to what she means to me and what she has to offer. I can rationalise it by saying "she wasn't the right girl", "it wasn't meant to be" and "there plenty more girls out there", but my gut feeling just tells me it really is different this time, and this might have been that one girl that I should have kept, but screwed up. I really just want to be with her, and if I can't then I don't think I'll want to be with someone else, just for the sake of being with someone else. Sure, everytime is different, but I honestly don't believe that anyone else will be better. I think I'd rather stay alone...

 

Still hoping she'll contact me, and that magically I'll have a second chance... I haven't really done anything wrong, accept for loving her too much. The break up was as good as it can be, no fights, just regrets.

 

Boy this is hard!

[HALE85]

DAY 10 NC, Double Figures Il stop counting soon,

[and123]

Back to 0 and I dont know will i do it again..

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 4 - watching the rugby which is always nice I may have also made about 3 batches of cookies in my procrastination....Most of the time i'm not sure what days I'm counting...days of nc...days till i finish having to study...healthy eating (which clearly didn't work for long!) I do think it's his loss but I don't know why I can't shake the feeling that I wish he'd come back.

[JLKLEE]

Day 9

 

Not thinking about it too much today. Came to the beach with my friend so my mind is occupied. I still miss him. I wonder if time away is really what we need or if we are completely over. Regardless, I won't break NC. If we work things out it is because he puts in the effort.

[einsteins_girl]

Tomorrow will be 60 days NC. I miss him.

[frkalex]

Day 3

Texted him yesterday to tell him that two mutual and close friends got engaged. I can't bear to count it as contact, because then I have to start all over again. It felt good doing it, though, but afterwards I regretted it. He could easily have seen it on Facebook today, and I wish I hadn't done it.

Today seems like a good day, despite the slip-up.

[flatplane]

NC day 2

NIC day 2

[chrisbuilder]

Day 16

Feeling a bit better today. A waitress yesterday came with a little nugget of wisdom:

 

If she had truly loved me, wouldn't she have had the patience to tell me to slow down, because she was feeling uncomfortable? Instead of just dumping me? Words of wisdom. It makes everything clear. She clearly did not love me, otherwise she would have had the patience to communicate her problems, and given me the chance to modify my behaviour. She didn't, instead she just bailed out. Is someone like that worth holding on to? In a word: no.

 

Looking forward to day 17 of no contact!

 

Good luck to everyone.

[potty46]

Day eight. The hate is subsiding. The resentment is subsiding. Knowing there is more out there is growing. My depth of feelings for you remain. This sucks. Time feels like forever. But I have learned, time for you... Drags on longer. Feels like an eternity since you ripped my heart out, but to you it was only yesterday. Time needs a fast forward button. To get over you. To know whether time is the thing needed for us... A true break. Must. Stop. The. Hope.

[potty46]

Day 16

Feeling a bit better today. A waitress yesterday came with a little nugget of wisdom:

 

If she had truly loved me, wouldn't she have had the patience to tell me to slow down, because she was feeling uncomfortable? Instead of just dumping me? Words of wisdom. It makes everything clear. She clearly did not love me, otherwise she would have had the patience to communicate her problems, and given me the chance to modify my behaviour. She didn't, instead she just bailed out. Is someone like that worth holding on to? In a word: no.

 

Looking forward to day 17 of no contact!

 

Good luck to everyone.

 

Oh, how I wish to view things like this. But from the opposin perspective, the male fleeing... It's not a matter of whether he loves me and how much, and if he does why doesn't he show it... I trust our love and I trust his confusion. There are external factors that individuals need to work through. Maybe she didn't love you, but maybe she does and she's scared... I find it a cop out, but to my ex, fleeing was the most suitable option at the time, doesn't mean it was right or that it has become right...