and123

Well.. I remember a dream when we got back together with my ex. It was on my moms birthday. Well.. the day has passed allready. I wonder what that means.. Not that I ever believed in these things but maybe its true.

from day 10 back to 0, she contacted me yesterday asked me if i have a good life... i was like * * * .. what a question.. she tried to talk about a tv series that i like.. well.. i was on my way to go out and that was it.. today i had time to chat so i tried to continue the conversation.. so.. we talked a little about it(tv series) and thats all.. i want to tell her how much i miss her but.. no.. and called psyhologizt and they have time only on 30 of april.. so its a long waiting.. and ofc 30 april will be 3 months since breakup..

day 7 after sending her textmessage "I miss you so much" dont know was it a good idea or not. Im going on tretment. Want to know why I acted as I did. Hope I will find answers and then maybe when I get some answers and suggestions then I will contact her again. Still thinking about it.

Well.. I think I will do this NC anyway tho. Sometimes im laughing at my moods. Sometimes I look happy and then very miserable again. So lets say its day nr 1 again. I wont be counting. I know when its the day and if something happens I will post. And Im trying to insert the idea to let her go. I dont want to loose her tho but this is probably best thing to do. Lets see what happens.

Back to 0 and I dont know will i do it again..

NC day 6 I still see her in my dreams. Woke up today with a bad mood. I was actually so close yesterday to send her a textmessage to tell her how much I miss her. I read this thread yesterday and it says that i shouldn't doing NC at all.. So now Im confused.. Was it all for nothing then?

Day 5. Its been 1,5 months now since breakup.. And I feel like I want this relatsionship to work again. I want to tell her that I know how and I see what i have done. I just couldnt find time for her just to be me and her. I know I had to look not only from my point of view but from hers too. Stupid as I was now I have to pay a high price. But I want to know what she feels. Is she still loving me. I want to make her think logically again.

I did NC for about 5 days earlier.. She contacted me twice withing these days but nothing. Acted friendly and she took up a old think she didnt like that i was doing. Then I called her and invited for a coffee.. I got a NO.. Afterthats I asked her on messenger, that why she didnt want to join me, doesnt she want to see/talk to me anymore? She said if she wouldnt want that, she had told me that allready. And we just broke up and she doesnt want no contacts atm. When she left me she told me she still loves me and she has nobody else... That the decision was for her very tough and its hard for her too.. Now its my 4th day. Reading a lot why people act like this. Why did I somehow ignored her needs. Why I didnt saw that I have so many distractions. And there were some complications with work and stress that I tought I better keep it to myself. I never ment to ignore her or make her feel unwanted. I really loved her even before the breakup.. I was proud of her.. And after that I realized ive been an * * * * * * * .. Well.. Now still trying to figure out how to fix things. Broke up on Jan 30. Im open for new dates tho.. but not trying anything serious.. Avoiding sexual contact with others..